The Sunrise of My Heart
Chapter Thirty: Talking to Ginny
You'll find in life that there are some people who are very open with their secrets, and will tell them to all of their friends. Similarly, there are people who are more secluded and only share secrets with their most trusted of friends. I myself am somewhere in between the two. I only tell my secrets to those that I know I can trust with my whole life, but there is a part of me that would really like to get some things off my chest. Especially when those things keep coming up in my dreams, driving me insane. But I'll get to all of that in just a bit.
About two days after I had received my first letter from Draco, I got one from Alexander. At first, I considered not reading it or replying because I knew how Draco would feel if I did, but then I decided I couldn't let Draco control my whole life, and that male friends were still allowed, so I read it.
Dear Riley,
I hope this letter finds you doing well. I am glad to be back in my own land, where the weather is colder, which is how I prefer it. I do, however, sometimes miss the bright sunshine from Hogwarts. There are many bright and sunny things from Hogwarts that I wish I could have gotten to enjoy longer.
I have a feeling Durmstrang will be very different since we will be getting a new headmaster, but I hope they will not be too different. Perhaps some things will be the same, since Durmstrang's headmasters all seem to be fairly similar.
I hope I am not stepping over any boundaries by writing you this summer. You were one of the few people I got close to at Hogwarts this year, and I would like to keep up that friendship if it is alright with you. Since you don't have that boyfriend anymore, he can no longer complain and keep us from being friends, yes?
For the break this year, I have decided to go to Romania to study dragons and other such creatures there. What are your holiday plans? I hope that whatever they are, they go well and you enjoy yourself. After all, what good is a school holiday if you don't have fun?
I must go now, but I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Alexander
I smiled, tucking the letter away for the time being, making a mental note to respond to him before the day was up. Instead of doing it then, though, I decided to go outside and enjoy the nice weather. Summer wouldn't last forever, after all. So I grabbed my broom, opened Ginny's bedroom window, and jumped, enjoying the feeling of free-fall until my broom caught me. Then, I began flying in low circles around their yard, loving the feeling of flying. While I was flying, my thoughts wandered, and I began to wonder what it would be like to tell someone some of my secrets. Someone who didn't already know them. As I was thinking this, I didn't see Ginny in front of me until I crashed into her, tumbling from my broom and rolling across the ground with a thump.
"Oof! Ouch. Sorry about that, Ginny. You alright?" I got up off the ground and brushed myself off, fighting back giggles.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just have a few bruises. Are you alright? You just flew from your broom, hit the hard earth, and rolled. You should be all banged up by now."
"Yeah, but I'm used to getting banged, so it doesn't bother me as much now." I stopped, as we both realized what I'd said, and then we both promptly burst into laughter.
"You get banged a lot, do you? I guess Draco's more of a man than any of us gave him credit for!" she said with a giggle.
"No, I just meant I fall and get bruised a lot! Not like that!" For the next few minutes, we laughed and joked around like that, completely enjoying the simple bliss that is friendship. But then, I remembered the reason I'd needed to fly in the first place, and my laughs died away. Sensing my change in mood, Ginny looked at me one eyebrow raised.
"What's up?" she asked me.
"Just thinking. Been doing that a lot lately. Kind of annoying, actually."
"What are you thinking about?"
"Well, it's difficult to explain. You see, I keep on having these dreams, and I know exactly what they mean, but I don't know what to do about them. I know what I should do, and what's logical and right and all, but it's just so hard to do the right thing when the wrong thing was just so perfect. Does that make any sense?" I asked, turning my head to look at her.
"Well, yes it does, but I'm really confused." Ginny was giving me a quizzical look, making me realize unless she knew everything -which she didn't- my words probably sounded like mumbo-jumbo crap.
"Sorry, I just have a hard time opening up and explaining this part of my life to people. There are very few people who know everything about me, because that's how I like it. Can't go telling everyone everything about yourself, you know? But still, sometimes I do like to express some of the hidden things on my mind." Godric, I wasn't making much sense. That's what happens when you're in my head though.
"Alright, then. Express away, if you want to," Ginny said, looking confused but willing to listen all the same.
"Well, it's all very complicated, so let me try to think of the simplest explanation. So I really like Draco, like a lot. I mean, I can see myself having a future with him, which is great. But... I can't get this other boy off my mind. Everything about him just fills me with joy and makes my heart melt! But the thing is, I don't see how it could work out with this other boy, plus I do really like Draco and I'm not ready to give up on our relationship," I explained.
"Well it sounds to me like you really want to be with this other boy, even if you still have feelings for Draco. Why not just go for it?" Ginny suggested.
"It's a bit more complicated than that. As much as I wish I could go for it, I know I can't, but that doesn't stop my heart and mind from reminding me how nice it would be if I could," I said with a sigh.
"Why can't you go for it?"
"That's even more complicated, and I won't get into that now. Maybe some other day. Come on, let's fly around for a bit and have some fun." I was relieved when Ginny didn't protest, but simply agreed with me. I knew she was doing it for my sake, and I was grateful that she was willing to put aside all of her questions and just let me be for awhile. There where times when I really just needed a chance to break away from the turmoil from within my own head, and I definitely preferred to do it with a close friend.
About two days after I had received my first letter from Draco, I got one from Alexander. At first, I considered not reading it or replying because I knew how Draco would feel if I did, but then I decided I couldn't let Draco control my whole life, and that male friends were still allowed, so I read it.
Dear Riley,
I hope this letter finds you doing well. I am glad to be back in my own land, where the weather is colder, which is how I prefer it. I do, however, sometimes miss the bright sunshine from Hogwarts. There are many bright and sunny things from Hogwarts that I wish I could have gotten to enjoy longer.
I have a feeling Durmstrang will be very different since we will be getting a new headmaster, but I hope they will not be too different. Perhaps some things will be the same, since Durmstrang's headmasters all seem to be fairly similar.
I hope I am not stepping over any boundaries by writing you this summer. You were one of the few people I got close to at Hogwarts this year, and I would like to keep up that friendship if it is alright with you. Since you don't have that boyfriend anymore, he can no longer complain and keep us from being friends, yes?
For the break this year, I have decided to go to Romania to study dragons and other such creatures there. What are your holiday plans? I hope that whatever they are, they go well and you enjoy yourself. After all, what good is a school holiday if you don't have fun?
I must go now, but I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Alexander
I smiled, tucking the letter away for the time being, making a mental note to respond to him before the day was up. Instead of doing it then, though, I decided to go outside and enjoy the nice weather. Summer wouldn't last forever, after all. So I grabbed my broom, opened Ginny's bedroom window, and jumped, enjoying the feeling of free-fall until my broom caught me. Then, I began flying in low circles around their yard, loving the feeling of flying. While I was flying, my thoughts wandered, and I began to wonder what it would be like to tell someone some of my secrets. Someone who didn't already know them. As I was thinking this, I didn't see Ginny in front of me until I crashed into her, tumbling from my broom and rolling across the ground with a thump.
"Oof! Ouch. Sorry about that, Ginny. You alright?" I got up off the ground and brushed myself off, fighting back giggles.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just have a few bruises. Are you alright? You just flew from your broom, hit the hard earth, and rolled. You should be all banged up by now."
"Yeah, but I'm used to getting banged, so it doesn't bother me as much now." I stopped, as we both realized what I'd said, and then we both promptly burst into laughter.
"You get banged a lot, do you? I guess Draco's more of a man than any of us gave him credit for!" she said with a giggle.
"No, I just meant I fall and get bruised a lot! Not like that!" For the next few minutes, we laughed and joked around like that, completely enjoying the simple bliss that is friendship. But then, I remembered the reason I'd needed to fly in the first place, and my laughs died away. Sensing my change in mood, Ginny looked at me one eyebrow raised.
"What's up?" she asked me.
"Just thinking. Been doing that a lot lately. Kind of annoying, actually."
"What are you thinking about?"
"Well, it's difficult to explain. You see, I keep on having these dreams, and I know exactly what they mean, but I don't know what to do about them. I know what I should do, and what's logical and right and all, but it's just so hard to do the right thing when the wrong thing was just so perfect. Does that make any sense?" I asked, turning my head to look at her.
"Well, yes it does, but I'm really confused." Ginny was giving me a quizzical look, making me realize unless she knew everything -which she didn't- my words probably sounded like mumbo-jumbo crap.
"Sorry, I just have a hard time opening up and explaining this part of my life to people. There are very few people who know everything about me, because that's how I like it. Can't go telling everyone everything about yourself, you know? But still, sometimes I do like to express some of the hidden things on my mind." Godric, I wasn't making much sense. That's what happens when you're in my head though.
"Alright, then. Express away, if you want to," Ginny said, looking confused but willing to listen all the same.
"Well, it's all very complicated, so let me try to think of the simplest explanation. So I really like Draco, like a lot. I mean, I can see myself having a future with him, which is great. But... I can't get this other boy off my mind. Everything about him just fills me with joy and makes my heart melt! But the thing is, I don't see how it could work out with this other boy, plus I do really like Draco and I'm not ready to give up on our relationship," I explained.
"Well it sounds to me like you really want to be with this other boy, even if you still have feelings for Draco. Why not just go for it?" Ginny suggested.
"It's a bit more complicated than that. As much as I wish I could go for it, I know I can't, but that doesn't stop my heart and mind from reminding me how nice it would be if I could," I said with a sigh.
"Why can't you go for it?"
"That's even more complicated, and I won't get into that now. Maybe some other day. Come on, let's fly around for a bit and have some fun." I was relieved when Ginny didn't protest, but simply agreed with me. I knew she was doing it for my sake, and I was grateful that she was willing to put aside all of her questions and just let me be for awhile. There where times when I really just needed a chance to break away from the turmoil from within my own head, and I definitely preferred to do it with a close friend.