The Sunrise of My Heart

It took some convincing, but that first day at Grimmauld Place, I managed to get everyone to let me be in the Order. Unfortunately, I had to explain to those who didn't know every freaking thing about me the one thing I didn't want a ton of people knowing. That was the only way I could convince them to let me join. Luckily, they didn't deem it necessary for me to tell everyone in the Order. Just most of the members.

So I got to learn about everything: Trelwaney's prophecy, Voldemort's secret weapon, plans from the Order, Harry being attacked by dementors, all of it. I was thankfully very included, and even though I could tell some of them didn't want to tell me everything, they still did.

So when Harry arrived with news of being attacked by dementors, I was not surprised. Nor was I surprised to find him so angry and unhappy. I was a little annoyed when his angry voice made Mrs. Black start her screaming again, but she was quickly silenced, so my annoyance didn't last too long. After all, I couldn't blame him for being angry.

"...Gone all summer without a scrap of news!" I heard him complain to Ron and Hermione. I was in a meeting with some of the other Order members, or else I would have gone out to meet him too, despite probably getting yelled at. Once the meeting was done, I went to find Harry and greet him. I ran into Ron and Hermione first, who both looked a bit upset.

"I take it he's not too pleased?" I asked Ron and Hermione softly.

"Blimey, Riley," Ron said. "He's bloody angry. Have you not heard his yelling?"

"No, I heard it. He's got quite a pair of lungs."

"I wonder how long he'll be mad at us," Hermione said rather timidly.

I sighed softly. "I'll go talk to him. Surprisingly, a Gryffindor and Slytherin have quite a lot in common. Maybe I can calm him down a bit."

Quietly, I walked up the stairs and down the hall, knowing where their room was because I'd spent my days searching the entire house many times over. I hesitated before going into Harry's room, thinking about a room further away, one that I hadn't yet been into. Regulus' room was sort of like a dark presence within the already dark house, although part of that was probably from him cursing it and the other part was probably from his not-so-bright fate. Pushing those thoughts aside, I knocked softly on the door to Harry's bedroom and then entered. I found him sitting on his bed, gazing at the wall and looking very glum.

"Hey. I heard you rode here on a broom. Flying all that way must have been really fun." I smiled faintly, trying to lighten the mood in the room.

He turned to glance at me, his eyes dark and full of anger, and then turned away again. "Yeah, it was brilliant," he said sarcastically. "Getting on my broom to go who-knows-where, not knowing how far we'd be going, or when we'd get there, or who would be there. And all because my friends neglected me all summer. And why did they do that? Because Dumbledore told them to! So yeah, really, it was all very spectacular!" He got up from his perch on the bed and began pacing angrily, reminding me of a restless tiger inside a cage at a zoo.

"Listen, Harry, I'm sure Dumbledore has his reasons. You may not be able to see them now, and it might not make any sense to you, but Dumbledore's smart, and he cares about you, so he has to have his reasons for this."

"Oh great, that makes me feel so much better," he snapped sarcastically, glaring at me. "The man who should be talking to me right now, the friends who should have been writing to me all summer, who I should have been with, all neglected me because he has reasons that he won't tell anyone and that make no sense to anyone else! That's just splendid!" His hands were clenched into fists and he was breathing hard out of his nose, reminding me very much of an angry bull about to charge.

I sighed softly and walked over to him, gently resting my hand on his shoulder. He glared at it, but did not shake it off. "Look, I know this won't help you much, but I know how you must be feeling right now. Alone, betrayed, confused, angry, hurt, maybe even lost. Especially with the events that happened at the end of the school year. It's little consolation, but at least you can know you're not alone. And yeah, it sucks hardcore that you were neglected all summer, but you're here now, with Ron and Hermione, the other Weasley's, and Remus and Sirius, not to mention the other Order members who come and go. All of them have gone through trials and hardships in one way or another. So you're really not alone, no matter how much you might feel like you are."

"Oh really? Tell me, Riley, when have you ever felt lost, alone, betrayed, confused, angry, or hurt? When has your perfect little world ever been disrupted enough to make you feel like you were dying, to make you feel completely abandoned, like the entire world had turned away from you?? What, when you're parents made you pack up and leave your friends in America behind to come here to England? Oh, how awful for you that must have been!" He sneered at me, his eyes filled with scorn.

Slowly, I pulled my hand off of his shoulder and gripped onto the hem of my shirt with it, my whole body trembling with rage. "You could live a thousands years, Harry Potter, and not know the pain and brokenness that I do. Your parents died when you were one. Boo fucking hoo. You barely remember it. You remember evil laughter, screaming, and green light. And you barely even remember those! If you weren't so damn upset right now and speaking out of your anger, I would punch you in your whiny, bitchy face! I was eleven years old when my father died. Right before my eyes. And would you like to know how he died? Fenrir Greyback slaughtered him! I watched as he ripped my father's stomach open, as he reveled in the blood and guts that came from my father. And then, when he slashed open my father's throat, would you like to know what happened? My father's blood splashed onto me, forever staining my clothes and my mind with horrible images that haunt me still. How awful for you that you only barely remember seeing your parents get killed in one of the quickest ways there is." I was breathing hard by the end of my rant, trying to get my temper under control.

Harry was silent for a long time, simply staring at me. The angry look had left his eyes, replaced with pity and what looked like a silent apology. Finally, after more time passed in silence, he spoke. "I'm sorry. I knew your father was dead but I didn't realize.... I guess you do kind of know how I feel."

I gave a small, slightly bitter laugh. "Trust me, that might be horrible, but I've seen so many awful things, so much pain and misery, it would fill you up and swallow you whole if you had witnessed it too."

"How?" he asked. "How have you seen so much pain and misery? You've spent most of your life at Hogwarts since you were eleven, and there wasn't ever anything in the papers -magical or muggle- about big massacres or lots of death."

"It's all part of the mystery of my being," I answered evasively, pasting on a convincing smile. "Now, shall we go downstairs and eat, and maybe let Ron and Hermione know you don't hate them anymore?"

Harry nodded, much to my relief, and we headed downstairs together. "Hey Riley, am I ever going to know 'the mystery of your being', or are you just gonna make me wonder about if forever?"

"Who knows. I might tell you one day. But then again, I might not." I smiled at him, and then continued on my way downstairs, stopping to talk to Kreacher just to make him mutter some more under his breath. It amused me for some reason when he would say dark things about us.

"Filthy blood-traitor," he muttered before walking quickly away.

"Hey Harry?" I asked softly, stopping.

"Yeah?" he asked, looking back at me.

"Do you think I'm stupid for liking Draco so much? I mean I have every reason to despise him, or at least not date him, and yet here I am, dating him and liking him a lot -that reminds me, we uh made up. Dating again.- but what if Voldemort's return to power gets in the way of our relationship? I'm so confused, I mean there are so many reasons for me to break up with him, but still I don't want to. What would you do in my place?"

He was silent, thinking it over. "Well, I guess I'd wait and see if things did get too complicated to date him before actually ending the relationship. I'd give it a chance before stopping it. If it wasn't Malfoy, that is," he added.

I nodded. "Ok, then I think that's what I'll do. It sounds like a reasonable idea to me. Thanks." And with that, we headed down to dinner, both of us starving.

Later that night, Harry was inducted into an Order meeting after lots of arguing on Molly Weasley's part and reasoning on mine, Harry's, and Sirius' parts. And, due to a bit of cleverness on his part, Ron managed to get them to agree to him and Hermione staying for the meeting as well. That, added with the fact that Fred and George had also been allowed to stay and listen, made Mrs. Weasley livid, but there was nothing she could do.

So by the time we went to bed, there were more people as young as me knowing at least some of what was going on, which made me really happy. Unfortunately, even having the others there didn't stop some of the other members from shooting 'hidden' stares at me, apparently still thinking about the secrets I'd had to tell them in order to join. It was really getting very exasperating. Especially the looks Snape would give me. He didn't even bother to hide them. They were openly malicious, angry looks, and I knew exactly why he would glare at me like that. Honestly, some people are just so moody about things.