The Sunrise of My Heart

What with dating George, having classes, doing homework with Hermione and Ginny, having D.A. meetings, and hanging out with my Gryffindor friends, I managed to spend as little time as possible in the Slytherin Common Room. But one day, I decided that I needed to go in there, preferably when no one else was there, and take care of a few things.

So, when everyone else was at Hogsmeade, I stayed behind so I could get some things sorted out.

"You sure you won't come?" George asked, his arms wrapped around my waist.

I smiled at him but shook my head. "No, I really need to do this, and I'd prefer to do it when the other Slytherins aren't around."

"I could stay with you," he offered.

"Thanks, but no. This is one thing I'd rather do alone. Go with Fred and Lee and enjoy yourself."

"Alright," he agreed, kissing me softly before walking away.

Slowly, not in any real hurry to get to business, I made my way down to the Slytherin Common Room, and then on to my room. When I got there, I stood in front of my dresser, staring silently at the top drawer. I just stared at it, not moving, not opening it, not doing what I knew I had to. Finally, with a great effort of willpower, I stepped forward and opened the top drawer.

Inside laid thirteen items, most of them jewelry, all of them expensive. I still had no idea what I was going to do with them, I just knew I had to get rid of them. Most of them were month-anniversary gifts from Draco, but the last was a birthday present from him. Slowly, I picked up a necklace, staring at it without a word. I wasn't sure if I should simply store them in a box, or if I should give them back to him, or throw them away, or something else.

Eventually, I figured out what to do. Using my wand, I carved one of the stones out of the wall and set it on the floor. Then, I made the hole a little deeper so that I could store the items in there without them getting crushed by the stone.

One by one, I began setting the items in there, starting with the one month anniversary gift, and doing it chronologically. I paused with each one, staring at them before putting them in the hole I'd made.

First came the crescent moon necklace he'd given me. Next was a beautiful emerald green cocktail dress, complete with a matching hair clip. Third was a bracelet I'd worn almost every day, followed by an opal ring from our fourth month, and a diamond necklace from our fifth month. The sixth gift was a pair of stunning chandelier earrings that matched the necklace from the fifth month. Then came the gifts from our seventh month anniversary. He'd gotten me a candle that smelled amazing, and then had had a rose bewitched so that it would bloom forever and wouldn't ever wilt. Sounds simple, but I had loved those gifts a lot. From our eighth month, I placed the bracelet he'd gotten for me into the hole. The bracelet looked like it could have belonged to an 18th century noble woman, and it very likely could have, knowing Draco and his family. In our eight month, he'd bought for me a dazzling garnet ring and gave me similar earrings for our ninth month. For my birthday, he'd gotten me a gorgeous music box that played a sweet melody. I wound up the music box and watched as the girl on top spun in a circle with her dance partner. The girl had bright blue eyes and light brown/blonde hair, which is why Draco had gotten that one. Because he said the girl reminded him of me.

With a sigh, I picked up the last gift and stared at it. It was, by far, my favorite gift. It was less flashy than the others, and probably less expensive, but it just had more heart, more meaning in it. I just really loved it. It was an oval shaped locket, about two inches tall and an inch wide. The metal was dark gray and looked like an antique, which I loved in metals. On the front of the locket was a carving of the sun, and an inscription that read 'She is the fiery heart of the sun.' I opened the locket, knowing what the inside wall would say, but reading it anyways. 'And I am the moon, basking the glow of her light.' The picture in the locket was of me and Draco, laughing and hugging, looking like the happiest people in the world. For me, he had gotten the picture taken with a Muggle camera, so it did not move. I was glad for this, because I knew if it would have been a normal picture, he and I would no longer be hugging or happy in the picture. I enjoyed looking at the picture and seeing how happy we were. Never regret anything that made you smile once.

Shutting the locket with a snap, I carefully set it inside the jewelry box, put that inside the hole, and then closed away the gifts, replacing the stone in its original spot and resealing it with my wand. As I did, I wished I could shut away my feelings for Draco just as easily. But ten months of strong feelings can't just be shut away or turned off. At least, not easily. And I didn't have the strength to force them to die. So I simply shoved them down into an internal hole, hoping they would stay docile there.

There was still plenty of time before people would start returning from Hogsmeade, but I didn't feel like going there. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I also, however, wanted something to do. So I made my way up to the Room of Requirements, deciding I would practice the spells we'd been learning in D.A. Not that I needed to, of course. But still, it gave me something to do.

After awhile, I got bored with practicing those spells, so I moved on to practicing things we were learning in Transfiguration and Charms, but that got old too. Feeling emotionally drained, I laid down on a bunch of the cushions, staring at the ceiling. After awhile, I drifted off, falling into an uneasy sleep with more awful dreams.

In my dream, I was in the same dark corridor as before, but this time no one else was with me. I looked around, wondering what to do and how to get out of the corridor, when I heard something behind me. Spinning around, I saw the form of a person standing in the shadows.

"Hello?" I called to the person, wishing they would do something other than just stand there.

"Riley," the person said in a low voice. When the person spoke, I realized it was a man. My name sounded strange and foreign in his voice. "Riley," he repeated softly, stepping towards me.

"Who are you?" I asked, holding my wand out.

He chuckled in response, a sound that sent chills down my spine. "You know who I am, you just won't admit it to yourself. After all, how could I be here, in the flesh, talking to you? But you do know who I am." He was circling me now, so close I could smell him as he paced. His smell was not particularly bad, but it still made me curl my lip.

"No," I said. "You're dead. I know you are."

"But what does that matter? After all, this isn't even real. It's just a dream. Doesn't that comfort you? I'm not really here. I'm just a figment of your guilty imagination. Oh, yes, I know how guilty you are. How much you wish you could change things. But you can't. You'll live for all your days knowing that you screwed up, that you could have changed things."

"Stop," I said, my voice a mere whisper. My eyes were filling up with tears, but I blinked them back. "Stop," I repeated, my voice stronger. "It wasn't my fault. It was all you."

"Was it?" he asked, stopping his pacing right in front of me. "Was there really nothing you could have done to change things? There was, don't you remember? But you wouldn't choose that option. You were selfish, and because of that, you suffered. You deserve to suffer what happened. For what you could have stopped, but you didn't. You deserve to feel so much pain you can't stand it, to know that your selfish choices affected everyone, and that they're all ruined because of you."

"Stop," I begged, crying now. "Please, just stop." Slowly, I sunk to my knees, sobbing into my hands. The man started his pacing again, circling me. "I couldn't choose that option," I said around my tears. "It would have killed me."

"Ah, there we have the problem. You were willing to ruin the lives of everyone else, but not your own. Your desire to be happy and please yourself ruined everyone else. Why should I stop? You deserve this pain!"

I gazed up at him, tears still streaming down my cheeks. He stared back down at me, his face twisted with hate. After a moment of staring into his cold eyes, I nodded. "You're right," I said softly. "I deserve this pain. I could have changed things, and I should have chosen differently. I was selfish. But please, stop. You're killing me with your words."

The man glared down at me, his eyes like two endless pools of dark emotions. Finally, he simply dropped something by my feet and then walked away. I picked up what he dropped and stared at it, feeling my heart slam painfully against my ribs. He'd had it all along. He'd been right there, so close. Silently, I slipped the iron key he'd dropped into my pocket and then stood up. I began walking, not sure where I was going, just knowing I had to move. The corridor never ended, though. No matter how far I walked, I was trapped in that dark prison.

Finally, I awoke, relieved to see the lights in the Room of Requirements. I sat up and felt my face, wondering if I'd been crying in real life too. Sure enough, I felt wet streams on my face from my tears. I wiped my eyes and cheeks, sniffling a bit as I did.

I need a mirror, I thought, and on a table a few feet away, one appeared. I grabbed it and checked my reflection, making sure I didn't look like I'd been crying. My eyes were a little puffy, but I hoped by the time George got back, they'd be back to normal.

I left the ROR, walking aimlessly down the stairs, not really caring where I was going. As I walked, I didn't notice that someone was standing in the hallway with their back to me until I bumped into them and we both fell down. Man, I seemed to do that a lot when I was thinking.

"Sorry," I muttered, standing up and brushing myself off. I looked over to see who I'd bumped into and stared into cold, gray/blue eyes. I gasped softly, my heartrate increasing. The man from my dream had had cold gray eyes just like those. Surely he couldn't really be here. Surely this was a hallucination...

"Riley, do you ever watch where you're going?" the person snapped. It was at this point that I realized the person was not a man, but a fifteen-year-old boy with light blond hair. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sorry, Draco. I was lost in thought," I mumbled, shaking my head.

"Just watch it next time," he said harshly, getting up and brushing past me. After a moment, I heard his footsteps falter and then stop. "Have you been crying?" he asked, almost hesitantly.

"Of course not," I answered lightly, glad that he couldn't see my face because right then I was pretty sure it looked horrified. Seeing those cold gray eyes so soon after waking up from my dream had made my heart hammer, and it was taking time to slow back down.

"Just making sure you're not still wrapped up over me," he said with a sneer that I could hear in his voice.

"In your dreams," I answered before walking away. I could have sworn, though, that as I walked, I heard him very softly mutter 'I know' under his breath. I stopped for a moment, but decided going back would just complicate things, so I kept on walking.