The Sunrise of My Heart

The rest of that morning, I wandered silently around the cold house, unable to sleep. Everyone else was in their rooms, either asleep or else resting, so I wandered alone. I started at the top of the house and worked my way down to the kitchen in the basement, moving as slowly as possible to pass the time.

"Not sleeping?" a voice behind me asked.

I turned around to see Remus leaning up against a wall and smiled at him. "Nah, not all that tired. What about you?"

He shrugged softly. "I suppose I'm too restless to sleep."

"It's not that time of month again is it?"

"No, I still have two weeks before the full moon. I'm simply restless. I quite often find myself this way."

"Except after a full moon. Then, you're always wiped out and you sleep for ages."

He smiled tiredly. "So I do."

"Remus?" I said softly. "Do you ever wish you could change your past?"

He was silent for a moment, his eyes closed. "I'm conflicted over that," he said at last. "In a way, I'd like to change things, try and make them better. But then again, what if by changing one thing, I were to change everything? There's so much that I could miss out on."

I nodded. "That's true."

"For instance, had I not been bitten by that werewolf, I never would have enjoyed some of my best memories with the other Marauders."

I smiled softly at that. "I've heard you all had amazing times on your nighttime adventures."

He smiled, his eyes still closed. "So we did." After a pause, he opened his eyes to look at me. "Speaking of my curse, do you remember what you did when you first found out about it?"

I nodded, laughing softly. "I think I tackled you, right?"

"You did. I was so worried you were about to tell me that you would never want to see me again, and call me monster or something of the sort."

"Because that's what you were used to," I said softly, gazing at him sadly.

"Instead you completely surprised me." He was smiling, his lined face looking more relaxed.

"I told you I would always protect you, and that I'd never let anyone hurt you for what you were."

"Such determined words coming from a little twelve year old girl. I was so relieved, I could hardly talk."

We lapsed into silence, both of us thinking of events from our past. My friendship with Remus was, perhaps, more intimate and much closer than most relationships between adults and kids were, but that was the way it had always been. There was nothing inappropriate about it, nothing even remotely romantic about it. It was simply the unbreakable bond created between two people who had gone through a lot of pain and sorrow in their lifetimes, and who were trying to find happiness despite the oppressive darkness.

"I wish things were simpler," I said softly after awhile.

He chuckled dryly. "Don't we all? But if life were simpler, we wouldn't appreciate the good things as much, or understand that the trials we've been through have made us stronger."

"I suppose you're right. Darn you and your philosophical intelligence."

He smiled at me again, his eyes closing tiredly. "Of course I'm right," he mumbled.

"Go and get some sleep. You look like you're about to fall asleep right here."

He nodded and walked away, finally feeling tired enough to sleep.

A few moments later, Ginny walked into the kitchen. The way she was looking at me, her eyes wide and full of understanding, made me smile softly. "You've figured it out," I said simply.

She nodded eagerly. "Yes," she said, breathless. "I think so."

"I knew you'd figure it out without being told."

She smiled under my praise. "But how long...?"

I sighed softly. "Far too long."

She paused for a moment, probably trying to decide which question to ask first. "How?" she finally asked.

"Curse."

"Why?"

"That's a long story. I'm not really ready to get into it just yet."

She nodded, not pushing the question any further.

"So was this a surprise to you, or did you wonder?" I asked.

"I had a feeling," she answered. "I first started to assume when you were allowed to join the Order. Then, when you defended Lupin so vehemently, I was more convinced. The conversation I just overheard was basically the final piece of the puzzle."

I smiled at her. "Very intuitive of you. No one else has been able to figure it out unless they had some way of already knowing."

"So, what--?" She never got to finish her question, because at that moment, people began stirring, and a few people were coming downstairs to the kitchen. She sighed softly, mad that she didn't get to learn more.

"Later," I said softly to her. "I'll fill you in on the whole story."

She nodded, smiling again.

I was by no means surprised that she had figured it out, I was simply wondering what all I should tell her. There was so much to my story, and not all of it was important, but which parts were important enough to be added? The beginning, of course, and the end so far, but what parts from the middle should I include?

I decided I would choose later, and instead focused on keeping George happy and entertained while we waited to leave. While everyone was in a fairly good mood, there was still a feeling of anticipation about that made the air thick.

Soon, Tonks and Moody arrived, and we were ready to go. And so, all of us eager and yet worried at the same time, we set off for St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.