The Sunrise of My Heart

The weeks passed without anything interesting happening in them, so they passed in a dull blur. Umbridge would occasionally post new decrees banning teachers and students from breathing and thinking, but it was nothing new so no one considered them to be very important. One week in February, however, I felt like an important day was coming up. Not Valentine's Day, it was after that. I couldn't place it, mostly because I wasn't even sure what day it was. Finally, I realized that the coming Saturday was February 23rd. The thought hit me with dreadful force.

"Hey, Riley," George said that Friday. "Tomorrow's Hogsmeade. Should we go and see if Zonko's has got anything new in?"

"Oh, um, actually, I'm busy tomorrow," I said, smiling apologetically.

"Busy? What are you doing?" We were sitting in the library together, speaking quietly so we wouldn't get thrown out. I was trying to write a paper for Potions, but I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing.

"Well, I'm..." I tried to quickly think up an excuse. "I'm spending the day with Hermione. We're going to catch up on our work before the pile gets too high. Sorry, but we've been planning this since all the teachers set huge essays for us at the beginning of the week."

He made a face at the prospect of writing so many essays, but he nodded. "All right. I guess I'll just have to go with Fred and Lee again." He sighed dramatically. "They just don't kiss as good as you."

I laughed softly and kissed him lightly. "Well, they'll have to do."

Later, I desperately searched for Hermione, hoping to get to her before George said anything. I didn't really expect him to confirm my plans with her, but just in case he did, I wanted to be prepared.

"Hermione," I said, relieved, when I finally found her. "Listen, if George asks, can you tell him you and I are having a study day tomorrow? I told him we were, and I don't expect him to check with you, but in the off chance that he does, I need you to tell him that we are."

"Oh, um, sure," she said, looking confused. "Actually, that's a good idea. Why don't we really have a study day tomorrow? That way, we won't fall behind on our work."

"I would, I really would, but I'm busy tomorrow. It's a long story."

She frowned, looking at me closely. "You're lying to George about why you won't be with him tomorrow, and you're avoiding telling me why, too. What's going on?"

"I just need to be alone tomorrow."

"Why?"

"Because tomorrow's February 23rd. And on February 23rd, I always spend the day alone."

"Why not just tell George that?"

"Because he's really nice, so he'll want to spend the day with me instead of doing what he wants. And I just need to be alone. He wouldn't understand why I don't want anyone there with me."

"Well, not if you don't tell him why. Honestly, Riley, why are you pulling a hermit act and lying to your boyfriend?" She crossed her arms, a sure sign that she wouldn't let it drop.

I sighed, crossing my arms as well. "Just because."

"I could always tell George that I don't know anything about our 'study day' tomorrow."

I glared at her, not actually feeling angry, just annoyed that she'd been able to pull that one on me. "Fine. Tomorrow is the anniversary of... of his death. I always spend it alone, wearing black, lighting a candle, doing the whole mourning process for him. He was murdered right in front of me, and I could do nothing. So, every year, I isolate myself and spend the day honoring his memory."

"Oh," she said softly. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. But Riley, why not just tell George that you want to be alone to mourn for your father?"

"Because he wouldn't want to leave me alone with my sorrow. He's too sweet for that."

She nodded. "All right. If he asks, I'll tell him we're studying tomorrow."

"Thanks."

The next day, I slept in late and took my time getting ready. I wasn't hungry, so I didn't go down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Instead, I dressed myself all in black, lit a candle for a silent vigil, and spent most of the morning in the Slytherin Common Room alone. I shed a few tears, but crying seemed silly in the middle of my solitude. For the most part, I just prayed that he was watching over me, and that he was at peace.

Around noon, I made my way down to the kitchens, getting some food from the House Elves. They respected my somber mood, and didn't bother me too much with their chipper attitudes. They gave me my food, bowed a couple of times, and sent me on my way. When I got back to the Common Room, I was surprised to find that it was no longer empty. Draco was now reclining in one of the chairs.

"I thought I'd find you here," he said when I walked in. "I didn't see you leave with your boyfriend, and Granger certainly wasn't hiding you in her robes. So, how's your day of drear going?"

"Draco, why are you here?" I asked tiredly, not really wanting to deal with him on that day. I paused, something that he'd said striking some chords in my head. "Wait, how'd you know I was supposed to be with Hermione, or that I'm taking this day to be 'dreary', as you put it?"

"I'm just that smart," he said with a smirk.

"Bull," I answered. "Tell me the truth."

He rolled his eyes at me. "You know, a lady shouldn't talk like that. It makes her seem so harsh and unmatchable."

"Draco, don't make me stab you. How did you know all that stuff?"

"I overheard you talking to Granger. You should really be more careful when you have private conversations in the middle of the hall."

"You could have just continued on your way. You didn't have to spy."
"I could have," he agreed. "But I figured this way would be more fun. And I was right."

"So why are you here? If you knew I wanted to be alone, why did you come here? Have you made it your life's ambition to bother me or something?"

"Well, yes, but that's not why I'm here."

"Then why?"

He hesitated before answering. "Because no one should be alone with their pain. And because I enjoy seeing you get annoyed. Your nose crinkles and your eyes get all squinty. It's rather amusing."

"You're a bastard," I said with a sigh, sitting down on the couch across from him. "Look, as much as I appreciate you not wanting me to be alone with my pain, I prefer to be alone. Otherwise, I'd have spent the day with Hermione or George. If I wouldn't spend it with them, why would I spend it with you?"

"Because I'm different than them," he answered. "I won't press you to tell me how you're feeling, or what you're thinking, or to describe your memories so they can try to understand your pain. I will pretty much ignore your pain and simply distract you, which you have to admit you need. You're like a phantom."

I paused, thinking that over. He had a point... "Fine, you can stay. But just for a bit. And please don't tell George. He wouldn't understand."

He scoffed. "As if I'd ever talk to that blood traitor."

So for the next couple of hours, Draco stayed with me, keeping my mind off more dreary thoughts when he thought I needed to cheer up, and letting me lapse into silence when he could tell I needed to ponder. It was actually a really good time, and I felt like I'd still managed to honor his memory.