The Sunrise of My Heart

Over the next week or so, I tried not to concentrate so much on Adrian's revenge. I would know soon enough if I was going to die, and until then, I decided not to let it get in the way of my living. If you only have a few weeks left, you shouldn't let your death end your life early. Take what little time you've still got and live it up.
With this thought in mind, I made sure that I was more pleasant than usual to people. I was even civil to Pansy, though the same can't be said about her. Draco was acting a bit nicer to me, probably because he knew I was in danger. But other than him, no one knew anything about my roses. Not even Brendan had been fully aware of their meaning until I'd confronted him.
Speaking of confrontations with Brendan, about a week before the Christmas holiday, he marched up behind me. He clearly meant business, judging by the look in his eyes.
"Carson! I want a word with you."
"Brendan, your father is trying to kill me, or possibly someone close to me. I think we're on a first-name basis at this point."
"You're either crazy or out for attention. Most likely, it's both. I wrote my father and asked him about Roxanne. He told me she had eloped with a Muggle, so he had been disowned. What part of that convinced you that he was trying to kill you?"
"The part where you father lied to you. Look, wait here. I'll be right back. Okay, just wait."
He crossed his arms and glared at me, his dark brown hair falling into his eyes the same way Adrian's used to when we were teenagers. "Fine."
I ran as quickly as I could down to the Slytherin common room, stopping to pant for a few minutes once I got there. Then, I ran up to my bedroom and got the picture of Roxanne, Regulus, and Sirius. By the time I made it back to Brendan, I was panting heavily. "I hate running. It's a cruel sport invented by the devil to watch people suffer."
"What is that?" he asked, pointing at my photo.
"Roxanne and Sirius and Regulus Black."
"And what is this supposed to prove?"
"Well, I don't have a photo from the wedding. But look at her and Sirius. Do you see how obviously in love they were? Do you really think she'd elope if she was that much in love with him?"
"She probably eloped after he got arrested."
I shook my head. "No, she never eloped. Since your father won't tell you the truth, I will. She married Sirius Black. But on her wedding day, just after the ceremony, she was killed. Exactly fourteen days after she received fourteen white and yellow roses with no card or sign of who they were from."
"You really expect me to believe that my father killed his own sister?"
"Let me put it this way. So far, I've told you only the truth. What reason has he given you to trust him?"
He was silent for a long time. "How do you know so much about this?" he finally asked.
"I've got connections." I walked away, lightly holding onto the rings I always wore on a chain.
In a way, I felt bad for Brendan. Sure, he was helping his father do his dirty work. But all he wanted was for his father to appreciate him. It made me think of another Slytherin who would be willing to do practically anything for his father.
With a sigh, I stopped thinking about all of it. I was looking forward to the Christmas break, and I wouldn't let them ruin my fun. My holiday spirit would be uncrushable. I was determined to have a wonderful Christmas, with or without living long after it. Besides, I didn't want to ruin anyone else's Christmas by being mopy. For the sake of Christmas cheer, I would be cheerful.
The rest of term passed rather uneventfully. Every time I would see Brendan, he would shoot me dark looks and walk away. Other than that, he ignored me. I was totally fine with that. Draco, too, seemed to be fond of avoiding me. Whatever. Not my problem. I spent most of my time with Hermione, since she and Ron were still not talking. Harry was there for her too, but she needed a girl around to listen to her. I felt a little bad about going to the Weasley's for Christmas, but she told me it was fine. After careful examining, I decided she was being honest.
So, blessedly quickly, Christmas break came along. The first thing I did when I got to the Burrow was to write a letter to my mom. I didn't tell her what was going on because I didn't want to worry her in case nothing happened. I did, however, want the last words I said to her to be words of love. So I sent off a letter and then joined Ginny in her bedroom.
I considered telling her what was going on, but for some reason I didn't. I suppose I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Honestly, I think it's just because I hate pity looks. If someone knows you could be dying, they look at you like you're not human anymore. Like you're just some pitiful creature not worth more than a few awkward glances. It annoys the hell out of me. So I said nothing.
Seeing Fred and George again considerably brightened my mood. I was thrilled that they had agreed to spend the Christmas holiday at the Burrow. When Mrs. Weasley realized just how many people were staying at the Burrow, she seemed to get quite flustered trying to figure out where everyone would sleep. I, in particular, seemed to create a problem.
"Perhaps in Ginny's room with her and Fleur...?" She gave me one wary look and shook her head. "No, best not to leave Fleur alone with the two of you."
"She could room with us," Fred said, wrapping an arm around my waist.
"Oh, yeah," George agreed, doing the same. "We promise not to bite."
"Oh, no, absolutely not," she answered, but a contemplative frown was on her lips.
"Mrs. Weasley, if you put me in the room with them, I swear nothing will happen."
She gave me a doubtful look.
"I promise on the grave of Godric Gryffindor that nothing will happen. Isn't that right boys?"
"Oh, sure. Nothing will happen," George answered.
"That we'll let you know about," Fred said under his breath, winking playfully at me. I rolled my eyes and smacked his arm lightly, fighting back a grin.
"Besides, with Bill there too, he'll make sure nothing gets out of hand."
"That's true," she said, looking a bit more convinced. "But since there's already three in there, why don't you room with Harry and Ron?" She smiled and walked away, her mind made up.
I laughed. "She's smart, seeing as I think of them both as brothers. Sorry boys, there goes my Christmas gift to you." I winked and walked away as well, going to find Harry and Ron to tell them. Fred and George were still standing behind me, trying to figure out if I had been joking or not.
I was super excited that Remus would be there that night. I didn't get to see him nearly enough. Not only was he my last tie to Roxanne, he was also one of the greatest friends I'd ever had. I hated that I couldn't see him very often. Almost as much as I hated the way everyone put him down for being a werewolf. I found it somewhat ironic that I felt the need to protect him, even though I was only sixteen and he was an adult.
After dinner that night, we all sat in the living room and listened to one of Mrs. Weasley's favorite singers warble out Christmas songs. Fleur hated the sound of her, but other than that everyone just ignored the music. Remus, in particular, seemed unaware of the music. He was staring deeply into the fire as if he could read the future in its flames. Silently, I moved over to his side, sitting down on the floor and resting my hand on his arm. He glanced at me for a moment before turning back to the flames.
With a soft sigh, I leaned my head against the arm rest. Despite being glad to see him, I still felt sad. We had both lost so much, and neither of us could ever get it back. His solemn mood also affected me. Anytime one of the Marauders was upset, we were all unhappy. It was just how we were. That hadn't changed.
"What's wrong?" I asked him softly.
"Nothing." He looked down at me and smiled, but his eyes were so tired, and the smile was so sad, they nearly broke my heart.
I sighed again and lapsed into silence, not having the energy to force the truth out of him. Soon after that, I began paying attention to what Harry was saying to Mr. Weasley. Harry said he'd heard Snape tell Draco that he wanted to help him with some task of his. And that he'd made the Unbreakable Vow, promising to help him. This got my attention, and judging by the intense look on Remus's face, it got his too.
"Has it occurred to you, Harry, that Snape was simply pretending--?" Mr. Weasley began
"Pretending to offer help, so that he could find out what Malfoy's up to? Yeah, I thought you'd say that. But how do we know?" Harry asked.
"It isn't our business to know," Remus said abruptly, startling both of them. "It's Dumbledore's business. Dumbledore trusts Severus, and that ought to be good enough for all of us."
"But just say Dumbledore's wrong about Snape--" Harry started.
"People have said it, many times," Remus said. "It comes down to whether or not you trust Dumbledore's judgement. I do; therefore, I trust Severus."
I frowned lightly, thinking about the conversation. I knew that Harry had reason not to trust Snape. But still, I wasn't convinced that Snape was evil. He was damaged, yes. Dark, absolutely. But evil? I highly doubted it.
"What have you been up to lately?" Harry finally asked Remus, knowing further argument was pointless.
"I've been underground. Almost literally. That's why I haven't been able to write, Harry; sending letters to you would have been something of a giveaway."
"What do you mean?"
"I've been living among my fellows, my equals," Remus answered. "Werewolves. Nearly all of them are on Voldemort's side. Dumbledore wanted a spy and here I was, ready-made." His voice was bitter for a moment, but then he smiled. "I'm not complaining; it is necessary work and who can do it better than I? However, it has been difficult gaining their trust. I bear the unmistakable signs of having tried to live among wizards, you see, whereas they have shunned normal society and live on the margins, stealing-and sometimes killing- to eat."
"That's horrible," I said softly, but no one heard me. Remus living like an animal was an awful thought. Once again, the desire to grab Remus and protect him from the harms of the world overtook me. But I shoved the thought down. He certainly wasn't my son, after all, and his work was necessary. Even if it did suck.
When Remus mentioned Fenrir Greyback, my fists curled in my lap, trembling. Rage at the name of the monster coursed through my body. "Fenrir Greyback is, perhpas, the most savage werewolf alive today. He regards it as his mission in life to bite and contaminate as many people as possible."
Remus continued speaking, but I could barely hear him. I was wishing that I could run into Fenrir Greyback and torture him the same way he had made my family suffer. I included Remus in that equation, despising Greyback for making Remus go through the pain of being a werewolf.
"It was Greyback who bit me," I heard Remus say. Harry looked surprised. I simply bit my lip, trying not to demand that Remus move away from the wild werewolves. If anything was to happen to him, I wasn't sure I'd survive it. Not so soon after Sirius's death.
Thinking of Sirius and death brought Adrian and his roses to mind. I frowned lightly, looking at Remus. Should I tell him? Seeing how tired and care-worn he looked, I chose against it. I wouldn't burden him with my troubles. He had enough going on.
"...I cannot pretend that my particular brand of reasoned argument is making much headway against Greyback's insistence that we werewolves deserve blood, that we ought to revenge ourselves on normal people," Remus continued with what he had been saying.
I opened my mouth to argue against his statement at the same time that Harry did. "But you are normal!" Harry said fiercely. "You've just got a--a problem--"
Remus started laughing. "Sometimes, you remind me a lot of James. He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit."
I smiled along with him, gazing into the fire and losing myself in memories of Hogwarts with the Marauders. With a soft shake of my head, I pulled myself out of my past life and concentrated on everyone else in the room. From the looks of it, everyone would soon be retiring. Which was good, because I could feel sleep starting to pull at my body. After a little while longer, we all went to bed.
As I was getting comfortable in the camp bed they'd added for me, Harry turned in his bed to face me. "Fenrir Greyback," he said slowly. "You've mentioned him before, haven't you? I just never really payed attention to his name."
"Yeah," I said, staring at his form in the darkness. "I've mentioned him."
"He killed your father," Harry said softly. "But he didn't try to turn you into a werewolf?"
I started to answer, but a vague memory suddenly assaulted me. Yellow and white roses had been given to my mother soon before my father's death. I remembered throwing them out the next day, hating that something so beautiful could still be around when my father was dead. But that bouquet had come with a card. I frowned lightly, trying to remember what it had said. Finally, I remembered. I felt my body trembling.
Your silence and secrecy promise a new beginning.
Your new beginning promises silence and secrecy.
Forever alive. Never at peace.
I hadn't understood the card as a child, but I knew it wasn't a good thing, so I had thrown it out before anyone else saw it. Mentally, I cursed myself for not realizing before now what the message had meant. My father had been a warning from Adrian. New fear hit me as I wondered how many warnings I would get before my time was up. Oh, God. Was my mother in danger? Or my friends?
"Riley?" Harry asked, startling me. I had forgotten he was there.
"What?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly.
"You got silent very suddenly. Are you okay?"
"I don't know," I whispered softly. "Harry? Can I sleep with you tonight? Please?"
"Sure," he said. I could hear him moving, making room for me. I silently got out of my bed and moved over to his, curling up next to him and crying quietly. Awkwardly, he put his arms around me and rubbed my back comfortingly, not knowing why I was crying. I couldn't compose myself long enough to tell him that my father's death was my fault, so I just continued to let the tears flow.