I Love the Way That She Breathes
Introduction
Addiction is scary. Even the word leaves a bad taste in the mouth like cheap alcohol.
Since July of 2005, I've been addicted to Ronnie Radke.
No, it's not one sided because since July of 2005, Ronnie Radke has been addicted to me, as well.
I met Ronnie at a show in July of 2005. I was days away from turning 18 and he was 21. I heard about his voice around the scene and when he invited me to watch his band practice, I accepted so I could hear for myself.
That was July 1st. By the 10th, we were dating. When Escape the Fate won the radio contest in September, Ronnie and I had already claimed to be in love. I accompanied them on their tour with My Chemical Romance.
In years to come, Ronnie's addiction to drugs overshadowed his addiction to me. By November of 2007, I was completely a resource to Ronnie. A resource for money, food, a shower, shelter, sympathy, and sex. He would show up and swear up and down that he wanted to be sober and be with me. After a while, I stopped believing him and just took him in so he would be on the street one less night.
On June 14th, he knocked on my door at 2 a.m, claiming he was tired of this life he was leading. His band had kicked him out, his roommates kicked him out, despite him paying rent with money that he, no doubt, got from me. He had nowhere to go and he needed me. On that day, we felt natural, like we had before the drugs overruled everything.
On June 15th, he and I were lying together in my bed, when cops stormed in and took him. I was too frozen in shock and anger to say anything. He told me that he was free from all this. He swore he was. He couldn't get pinned for this. Mike's death was in no way his fault. Why was he getting put in handcuffs? As he was being dragged away, I was screaming at him. He screamed right back, but I think that was the drugs.
When he first got there, he wrote me a letter.
Dear Norah,
Please don't dismiss this letter, because it took me the week I've been here to think of what to say to you, so atleast hear me out.
You were right.
You've always been right when it comes to me.
I've been so horrible to you these past few years, I wonder why you still put up with me. I wonder how you could try and help me after how horrible I've treated you.
I want all these answers, but at the same time I think they will hurt me.
I'm sorry I yelled at you when I was getting arrested.
I know I was in no position to.
Norah, I'm a drug addict.
I know you know that, but I can finally admit it.
Since you're the most important person in my life, I wanted to say it to you.
Please don't write me off, I need you so bad, Norah.
I know I've treated you like shit, but you know that wasn't me.
I love you.
Love,
Ronnie
He wrote me a few more letters before I responded. That was the quickest he's ever responded. The next letter I got was full of how sorry he was and how much he lived me. It was so poetic and beautiful that I framed it and hung it on the wall in my apartment.
It is currently July 7th, 2009. I'm working at Warped Tour as Kevin's assistant and helping whoever needs another set of hands. I'm also tactfully avoiding the guys of Escape the Fate. Today I'm flying back to Vegas to go visit Ronnie on the 10th for our anniversary. I haven't seen Ronnie in months.
When Jessica, a fellow assistant ran up to me and told me that Craig was talking shit about Ronnie onstage, I knew I'd have to face them.
Since July of 2005, I've been addicted to Ronnie Radke.
No, it's not one sided because since July of 2005, Ronnie Radke has been addicted to me, as well.
I met Ronnie at a show in July of 2005. I was days away from turning 18 and he was 21. I heard about his voice around the scene and when he invited me to watch his band practice, I accepted so I could hear for myself.
That was July 1st. By the 10th, we were dating. When Escape the Fate won the radio contest in September, Ronnie and I had already claimed to be in love. I accompanied them on their tour with My Chemical Romance.
In years to come, Ronnie's addiction to drugs overshadowed his addiction to me. By November of 2007, I was completely a resource to Ronnie. A resource for money, food, a shower, shelter, sympathy, and sex. He would show up and swear up and down that he wanted to be sober and be with me. After a while, I stopped believing him and just took him in so he would be on the street one less night.
On June 14th, he knocked on my door at 2 a.m, claiming he was tired of this life he was leading. His band had kicked him out, his roommates kicked him out, despite him paying rent with money that he, no doubt, got from me. He had nowhere to go and he needed me. On that day, we felt natural, like we had before the drugs overruled everything.
On June 15th, he and I were lying together in my bed, when cops stormed in and took him. I was too frozen in shock and anger to say anything. He told me that he was free from all this. He swore he was. He couldn't get pinned for this. Mike's death was in no way his fault. Why was he getting put in handcuffs? As he was being dragged away, I was screaming at him. He screamed right back, but I think that was the drugs.
When he first got there, he wrote me a letter.
Dear Norah,
Please don't dismiss this letter, because it took me the week I've been here to think of what to say to you, so atleast hear me out.
You were right.
You've always been right when it comes to me.
I've been so horrible to you these past few years, I wonder why you still put up with me. I wonder how you could try and help me after how horrible I've treated you.
I want all these answers, but at the same time I think they will hurt me.
I'm sorry I yelled at you when I was getting arrested.
I know I was in no position to.
Norah, I'm a drug addict.
I know you know that, but I can finally admit it.
Since you're the most important person in my life, I wanted to say it to you.
Please don't write me off, I need you so bad, Norah.
I know I've treated you like shit, but you know that wasn't me.
I love you.
Love,
Ronnie
He wrote me a few more letters before I responded. That was the quickest he's ever responded. The next letter I got was full of how sorry he was and how much he lived me. It was so poetic and beautiful that I framed it and hung it on the wall in my apartment.
It is currently July 7th, 2009. I'm working at Warped Tour as Kevin's assistant and helping whoever needs another set of hands. I'm also tactfully avoiding the guys of Escape the Fate. Today I'm flying back to Vegas to go visit Ronnie on the 10th for our anniversary. I haven't seen Ronnie in months.
When Jessica, a fellow assistant ran up to me and told me that Craig was talking shit about Ronnie onstage, I knew I'd have to face them.
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm rewriting this story. I was reading it and realized that it was too choppy and some of the things didn't make sense. So I'm taking it in a more thorough direction.