I Love the Way That She Breathes

I sat down in front of an empty seat, glass in front of me. Brittany was next to me. I squeezed her hand.

"You'll be okay."

She smiled, "Thanks. You will be, too."

I heard clanking. I looked up and saw Brittany's boyfriend. He sat down, a smile on his face. A few seconds later, Brittany leaned back a little.

"Ronnie's coming in a minute."

I nodded. I heard the clanking again and a guard dumped Ronnie in the seat on the opposite side of the glass. He was scowling as the guard took the handcuffs and leg irons off him. As soon as his hands were free, he picked up the phone, I did the same.

"Keep scowling, Radke. You're lucky to be sitting here right now."

"Yes sir."

He sounded too calm. The guard walked away. He looked at me, his facial expression not changing.

"Ronnie," I whispered quietly.

His shoulders slumped and he put a hand on his forehead.

"Norah," he said, "Tell me you love me. Please."

"Ronnie, I love you. I love you more than anything. What's wrong?"

"Well, I'm a little upset that you didn't mention your panic attack the last time you came here. I'm really pissed about Craig trashing me onstage. I almost got in a fight just now, which is why that guard was treating me like that."

"Baby," I sighed, "I'm sorry."

"First things first, why didn't you tell me you had a panic attack?"

"I didn't want you to worry about me, Ronnie. Who told you?"

"Kevin told me, and so did Nason. Baby, I worry about you anyway."

"I know, that's why I didn't tell you."

He sighed, "Norah, I want you to tell me these things, okay?"

I nodded, "Okay."

"Now, tell me about Craig."

I told him what happened and the conversation we had after. When I was done talking, he had a small smile on his face.

"You know, I couldn't have dreamed up a better girl than you. I still think you should've hit him, but thank you."

I smiled, "You're welcome."

He smiled, "Thank you for making me smile."

"I didn't do anything," I murmured.

"You smiled at me. You're here. You exist."

I blushed, "Babe, stop it."

"So, we can start writing letters again?" he asked.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm back for good."

He smiled, "I love you."

I grinned, "I love you. Now, tell me about this fight."

He sighed, "Remember those guys I told you about? They just keep fucking with me and with this Craig shit, I've been raging since Nason told me."

I put my hand on the glass, and I saw tears come to his eyes as he put his hand up to mine.

"I need you, Norah."

I bit my lip, tears coming to my eyes as well.

"I'm right here, baby. I'm right here. I'm always with you, okay? I'm always gonna be by your side. I have since the day I met you and I will until the end. I love you so much."

He put his head down on his arm, the phone still on his ear. I could hear him taking deep but shaky breaths.

"Ronnie," I whispered, "Babe."

"I don't deserve you, Norah. I never did."

His voice was quiet and broken.

"Ronnie, don't say that."

"It's true."

"Ronnie, look at me."

"You're too good for me, Norah. You're a fucking angel, and you're perfect."

I took a deep breath, and it came out as a sob. He looked up, his eyes red.

"Don't cry, Norah. Please don't cry, baby girl."

I wiped my eyes, "Ronnie, I love you so much. You're so good, okay? You just made a few bad decisions. If someone holds that against you, fuck them. You're the perfect one."

He chuckled bitterly, "Norah, I'm not perfect. I'm in prison. I'm an addict, I'm an asshole. I was never home. I cheated on you, I lied to you. I did drugs."

"You're perfect to me, Ronnie. I wouldn't change a hair on your head. I wouldn't change one thing about you, because then you wouldn't be the man I fell in love with."

"I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to hurt you. You shouldn't be hurt like I hurt you. The fact that you stuck around and still have my back blows my mind every single day."

I took a deep breath, "You're the most beautiful soul, Ronnie. I want to see you succeed, and I know you will. You're gonna sky rocket."

"Will you be there with me?" he asked.

"Every step. I want this to be a partnership. I want you to trust me with everything, and I want to be able to put the same trust back in you. I want to be your best friend and your lover, okay? The only way you can do that is if you stay on the track you're on, because I know I can trust you if you're sober."

He nodded, "I told you, I'm never going back to that life. It was killing me, and I know it was killing you."

"Um, when I was at your sentencing, your dad told me something."

He straightened up, "What?"

"He told me that when you'd crash at his house, sometimes you would say bad things about me."

His eyed widened, "Did he tell you what I said?"

"No, he wouldn't tell me the things you'd say."

"Are you mad?" he asked.

I shook my head, "No, I'm not mad, babe. I just wanted you to know that I know."

He nodded, "I would sometimes remember what I said, and sometimes, my dad would tell me. I couldn't believe the things I said. I never meant a word of it. It was the drugs talking."

"Hey, babe."

"What?"

I smiled his favorite smile, "Happy anniversary."

He grinned, "Happy anniversary, baby. I've loved you for four years now."

I smiled, "And I'm gonna continue..."

"Until the day I die," he finished, "And even after."

I smiled, "I can't believe it's been four years."

He nodded, "I remember the first time I saw you. The picture Sasha showed me did you no justice. You had this pull that made me want to be around you."

I giggled, "You had the same. Remember that girl you dumped for me? The trashy looking one?"

He laughed, "She was so fucking annoying, I don't even know why I was with her."

"No, Kevin--"

"Fuck this!"

Brittany's boyfriend stood up and the guards handcuffed him. He kept his head forward and his jaw set. I looked at Brittany as she stood up.

"I'll be by the car," she whispered.

"Do you want me to go--"

"No, stay here. Talk to Ronnie. I'll be in the car."

I looked at Ronnie, he was watching where the guard walked with Kevin. He shook his head, focussing his eyes on me.

"Do you know what that's about?"

I nodded, "Apparently Brittany's been talking to the kid who snitched on Kevin."

Ronnie shook his head, "Why?"

"Not like that, she's not interested in him like that."

"Baby, that's like you and Max trying to be friends."

I nodded, "The kid who snitched is the one who introduced them. Brittany and the other kid have been friends for years."

Ronnie shrugged, "The minute the kid snitched was the minute that friendship should've ended. The same way your friendship with Max and everyone ended."

I nodded, "I see your point. I'll talk to her."

"I'll calm him down," Ronnie scratched the back of his neck, "He's gonna say something to the wrong person. And I'll get him to let her talk and explain herself."

I smiled, "I love how level headed you are now."

He grinned, "Thanks!"

"You still working out everyday?"

He nodded, "I am. I'm gonna be super muscular when I get out."

I wrinkled my nose, "Gross, babe."

He laughed, "Not like a body builder, baby. I'm still gonna be skinny."

I smiled, "Good."

A guard appeared behind Ronnie and tapped him on the shoulder. He looked up.

"I got an extension," he explained, "It's my anniversary."

The guard shook his head, "You lost that because of your behavior before."

"Really?"

"Yeah, now say goodbye."

He groaned, "I love you, Norah. I'll call you as soon as I can."

I nodded, "I love you, too, Ronnie."

He blew me a kiss, I blew him one back. We both hung up and I watched as he was handcuffed and led away. I stood up and was escorted out of the prison. I walked to my car and found Brittany sitting on the trunk, her head down.

"Come on," I rubbed her shoulder, "You wanna come back to the house?"

She nodded, "Yeah. Wait, why aren't you still inside?"

I rolled my eyes, "Ronnie's 'behavior' before got his extension taken away."

She shook her head, "Prison sucks."

We got in the car and I drove out of the prison parking lot.

"So what happened?"

She sighed, "I was telling him a story and I accidentally said something about Kyle and he was like 'you've been talking to that scumbag?' and I tried to explain myself but he got up and left."

I took a deep breath, "Listen, Kyle is the kid who ratted Kevin out, right?"

"Yeah."

I struggled with my words for a minute, "I don't know how to say this without like a bitch or I'm trying to tell you how to run your life."

"Go ahead. Say whatever you need to."

"I understand where you're coming from because you want to stay friends with Kyle because you've been friends with him longer, right?"

"I think I know where this is going."

I smiled, "I also understand where Kevin is coming from because Ronnie put it in perspective. The one person who is supposed to be the most loyal to those boys is us, you know? Especially being locked up. It would be like me still being friends with Max and Craig."

She sighed, "Kyle keeps guilt tripping me."

"What do you mean?"

"If I try to like..stop being friends with him, he brings up how we've been friends for so long and how it's Kevin's fault and I shouldn't let my boyfriend dictate my friends."

"So tell him that it's your choice. Kevin has nothing to do with it. You don't want to be friends with someone who betrays their friends."

"What do I do about Kevin?"

"Ronnie is gonna calm him down and talk to him. When I know something, I'll let you know."

She nodded, "Wait, Ronnie is gonna try and calm him down? That won't work!"

"Have a little faith in Ronnie, he's actually good at calming people down."

Brittany smiled weakly, "Okay."

I pulled into the driveway and shut the car off. Brittany grabbed her bag and I grabbed my phone and we walked inside.

"Who goes there!"

"Your fucking mother!" I called out.

"Jeff, Mom is here!"

"Fuck that shit! Bitch, if you're my mom, get the fuck outta here!"

Before I walked up the stairs, I yelled, "You're a bunch of idiots!"

Brittany was giggling as I opened the door to my room to see Jacky sleeping on my bed. My eyes widened as I looked at Brittany, her eyes also wide.

"I swear he wasn't there when I left," I put my stuff down and walked over to Jacky. I shook him gently, "Jacky, what are you doing in here?"

He stretched, yawning, "Sorry, the guys were chasing me and I hid in here and they couldn't find me but I was so tired that I fell asleep."

I laughed, "We have to change, dude. Out."

He groaned, "Fine!"

He got up and walked out after kissing us both on the cheek. I locked the door and Brittany started taking her clothes out of her bag. I took my blouse and work pants off, pulled a white and red dress out of my closet and slid it on. I turned around and saw Brittany was buttoning her shorts, her shirt not on yet.

"Want me to wait?"

She pulled her v neck on, "Come on."

We walked downstairs and onto the patio. Nason, Derek, Jacky, Jeff, and Brian were sitting around the table.

"Ohh yeah, Norah's in a dress!"

"I see Brittany's titties!"

Brittany smacked the back of Brian's head as Jacky and Derek stood up and let us sit.

"How was the jail visit, ladies?"

"Shitty," Brittany grumbled, taking a cigarette from my pack.

I handed her my lighter as I inhaled the smoke, "Mine got cut short."

"Why? I thought it was special because it was your anniversary or some shit."

"Ronnie was misbehaving, so our visit got cut short."

"And what's your story?" Brian asked Brittany.

"I'm a bad girlfriend."

I shook my head, "No, you aren't."

"I don't wanna talk about it now."

"Good job, Brian!" Jeff exclaimed, pushing him playfully.

Brittany smiled, "It's okay."