I Love the Way That She Breathes
This Is Breaking Me
Things only got worse from there. Ronnie and I moved into our own apartment. I got a job at Diverse Record Studios as a secretary. I scheduled all the bands, the meetings, answered phones. It paid pretty well so I didn't have to rely on Ronnie.
That's where the good ends. I eventually found out about Ronnie doing drugs. We broke up for a week in '06 but got back together because he told me he stopped. He didn't. He rarely stays with me anymore.
I tried to help him get over this habit. He didn't want to. He comes home a few times a month and says he loves me and he wants to change. I know he loves me, but it hurts to hear. I usually let him in though because he's already in trouble with the law, he doesn't need any more problems.
I had taken up painting as a release, and had a canvas on the balcony of our apartment.
It was about six at night when I heard the doorbell ring as I painted a picture of an abstract stereo. I put my paintbrush down and wiped my hands on the baggy, plain, white t-shirt I was wearing. I went to the door and opened it.
Ronnie was standing there. Wrinkly clothes, bloodshot eyes, and tired expression.
"Hey Norah," he mumbled.
I took in the sight of the boy who I loved so dearly.
"Hi, Ronnie," I said quietly.
He rubbed the back of his neck, "Can I come in?"
I sighed. It didn't really sit well with me that this is what our relationship came down to. I was his shelter when he needed it.
"Sure, baby," I said, "Come in."
I stepped aside to let him in. He took off his torn Vans and put them by the door.
"I'm gonna take a shower," he said, "Okay?"
I nodded, "I'll be on the balcony."
He smiled his crooked smile, making my stomach flutter. He went into our room and I went onto the balcony. I continued to paint the stereo. About 15 minutes later, I heard footsteps, and heard Ronnie's voice.
"Looks good," he said, softly.
I stood up from my stool, wiping my hands on the shirt again, and smiled.
"Thanks, Ronnie," I said.
He smiled back, "Let's go inside."
He reached for my hand and laced our fingers together. We walked inside and into the bedroom.
"Can I have a hug, Norah?" he asked.
I nodded and took off the paint spotted shirt, turning it inside out so it didn't get on anything. I had been wearing a bathing suit top underneath my shirt. I heard his breath hitch in his throat. He walked toward me and brought me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him and he leaned down and kissed me. I kissed back, craving him after not being with him for about a month.
He sat on the bed, pulling me on top of him as I straddled his waist. I tangled my fingers in his hair as he pulled me even closer to him. I pulled away, needing to breathe, and he immediately moved to my neck. I gripped his hair as he sucked on my neck.
"Ronnie," I breathed.
I felt his teeth graze my neck, making me press down on him. He groaned and lied on his back, bringing me with him. I felt his calloused hands untie the back of my bathing suit and his teeth pulling on the halter ties. Once it was loose, I tore it off my body and he grinned wolfishly. I kissed him harder this time, and felt his hands go down my sides, unbuttoning the jean shorts I was wearing. My hands travelled down his body to his own skinny jeans, taking them off. He gently rolled us over and we both took our bottoms off.
"Come here," he whispered huskily.
I crawled over to him, he had his head on a pillow. I straddled him once more and kissed him harder. His hands were running all over my body, setting my skin on fire. I lowered myself down onto his hardened member, making both of us gasp into each other's mouth. I started moving up and down on him, and I looked down at his face. His eyes were closed, mouth was open, a moan would come out occasionally. I started bouncing and rolling my hips and a louder moan escaped his mouth.
"God, Norah," he grunted, gritting his teeth.
He reached for my hands, lacing our fingers together. He brought them over his head, and attached our lips together. I felt his tongue slip passed my lips as his hips started crashing into mine. I moaned into his mouth.
"Fuck," he grunted again.
He rolled us over and started thrusting into me. Minutes passed, and I reached my orgasm, he followed quickly. We rolled over and he wrapped his arms around my waist, both of us near sleep.
"I love you," he whispered.
I whispered it back, smiling as I fell asleep.
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I woke up the next morning, and felt around for the body that should have been next to me. I sat up and looked on the floor. His clothes weren't there. I got up and threw on one of Ronnie's old shirts and a pair of boy short underwear. I searched the apartment, but Ronnie was nowhere to be found. Tears came to my eyes. He used me again.
I crawled back into my bed, and took my iPhone from the nightstand and called Ronnie's phone. He didn't answer, obviously.
Hey, this is Ronnie. Leave a fuckin' message and I might call you back! Hahahaha!
I took a deep breath, "I love you," my voice was shaking, "But you're taking advantage of me, and it fucking cuts me so deep. Why do you do this to me?"
I hung up and called Sasha.
"Hey, girl, what's up?"
"He did it again," I whispered.
"Oh, Norah, I'll be over there soon," Sasha said.
"Thank you."
"Want me to bring you anything?"
"Marlboro 27s," I said.
She chuckled, "Sure, sweetie."
I hung up and pulled my covers over my head, wishing to have Ronnie back.
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After I snorted my line, someone handed me my phone. I looked up with a confused look on my face.
The guy shrugged, "You left it in the bathroom. Some chick called.
I opened my phone and saw Norah had called me. I bit my lip and listened to the voicemail.
She sounded like she was crying, "I love you. But you're taking advantage of me, and it fucking cuts me so deep. Why do you do this to me?"
I deleted the message and took a deep breath.
"Hey dude? Can I get a few more pills?" I asked, passing a few bills in his direction.
"Voicemail hard to listen to?" he asked, passing me a bag.
I took out the pills, "You have no idea."
That's where the good ends. I eventually found out about Ronnie doing drugs. We broke up for a week in '06 but got back together because he told me he stopped. He didn't. He rarely stays with me anymore.
I tried to help him get over this habit. He didn't want to. He comes home a few times a month and says he loves me and he wants to change. I know he loves me, but it hurts to hear. I usually let him in though because he's already in trouble with the law, he doesn't need any more problems.
I had taken up painting as a release, and had a canvas on the balcony of our apartment.
It was about six at night when I heard the doorbell ring as I painted a picture of an abstract stereo. I put my paintbrush down and wiped my hands on the baggy, plain, white t-shirt I was wearing. I went to the door and opened it.
Ronnie was standing there. Wrinkly clothes, bloodshot eyes, and tired expression.
"Hey Norah," he mumbled.
I took in the sight of the boy who I loved so dearly.
"Hi, Ronnie," I said quietly.
He rubbed the back of his neck, "Can I come in?"
I sighed. It didn't really sit well with me that this is what our relationship came down to. I was his shelter when he needed it.
"Sure, baby," I said, "Come in."
I stepped aside to let him in. He took off his torn Vans and put them by the door.
"I'm gonna take a shower," he said, "Okay?"
I nodded, "I'll be on the balcony."
He smiled his crooked smile, making my stomach flutter. He went into our room and I went onto the balcony. I continued to paint the stereo. About 15 minutes later, I heard footsteps, and heard Ronnie's voice.
"Looks good," he said, softly.
I stood up from my stool, wiping my hands on the shirt again, and smiled.
"Thanks, Ronnie," I said.
He smiled back, "Let's go inside."
He reached for my hand and laced our fingers together. We walked inside and into the bedroom.
"Can I have a hug, Norah?" he asked.
I nodded and took off the paint spotted shirt, turning it inside out so it didn't get on anything. I had been wearing a bathing suit top underneath my shirt. I heard his breath hitch in his throat. He walked toward me and brought me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him and he leaned down and kissed me. I kissed back, craving him after not being with him for about a month.
He sat on the bed, pulling me on top of him as I straddled his waist. I tangled my fingers in his hair as he pulled me even closer to him. I pulled away, needing to breathe, and he immediately moved to my neck. I gripped his hair as he sucked on my neck.
"Ronnie," I breathed.
I felt his teeth graze my neck, making me press down on him. He groaned and lied on his back, bringing me with him. I felt his calloused hands untie the back of my bathing suit and his teeth pulling on the halter ties. Once it was loose, I tore it off my body and he grinned wolfishly. I kissed him harder this time, and felt his hands go down my sides, unbuttoning the jean shorts I was wearing. My hands travelled down his body to his own skinny jeans, taking them off. He gently rolled us over and we both took our bottoms off.
"Come here," he whispered huskily.
I crawled over to him, he had his head on a pillow. I straddled him once more and kissed him harder. His hands were running all over my body, setting my skin on fire. I lowered myself down onto his hardened member, making both of us gasp into each other's mouth. I started moving up and down on him, and I looked down at his face. His eyes were closed, mouth was open, a moan would come out occasionally. I started bouncing and rolling my hips and a louder moan escaped his mouth.
"God, Norah," he grunted, gritting his teeth.
He reached for my hands, lacing our fingers together. He brought them over his head, and attached our lips together. I felt his tongue slip passed my lips as his hips started crashing into mine. I moaned into his mouth.
"Fuck," he grunted again.
He rolled us over and started thrusting into me. Minutes passed, and I reached my orgasm, he followed quickly. We rolled over and he wrapped his arms around my waist, both of us near sleep.
"I love you," he whispered.
I whispered it back, smiling as I fell asleep.
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I woke up the next morning, and felt around for the body that should have been next to me. I sat up and looked on the floor. His clothes weren't there. I got up and threw on one of Ronnie's old shirts and a pair of boy short underwear. I searched the apartment, but Ronnie was nowhere to be found. Tears came to my eyes. He used me again.
I crawled back into my bed, and took my iPhone from the nightstand and called Ronnie's phone. He didn't answer, obviously.
Hey, this is Ronnie. Leave a fuckin' message and I might call you back! Hahahaha!
I took a deep breath, "I love you," my voice was shaking, "But you're taking advantage of me, and it fucking cuts me so deep. Why do you do this to me?"
I hung up and called Sasha.
"Hey, girl, what's up?"
"He did it again," I whispered.
"Oh, Norah, I'll be over there soon," Sasha said.
"Thank you."
"Want me to bring you anything?"
"Marlboro 27s," I said.
She chuckled, "Sure, sweetie."
I hung up and pulled my covers over my head, wishing to have Ronnie back.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After I snorted my line, someone handed me my phone. I looked up with a confused look on my face.
The guy shrugged, "You left it in the bathroom. Some chick called.
I opened my phone and saw Norah had called me. I bit my lip and listened to the voicemail.
She sounded like she was crying, "I love you. But you're taking advantage of me, and it fucking cuts me so deep. Why do you do this to me?"
I deleted the message and took a deep breath.
"Hey dude? Can I get a few more pills?" I asked, passing a few bills in his direction.
"Voicemail hard to listen to?" he asked, passing me a bag.
I took out the pills, "You have no idea."