I Love the Way That She Breathes

Another scream tore through my throat as my muscles throbbed.

"Mr. Radke, do you need anything?"

I screamed again, "I need fucking Oxys! Just one fucking pill!" I begged as tears streamed down my face.

"You know I can't do that," the doctor's quiet voice sounded from my left.

"I need one, doc, please!" I begged.

He sighed and reached in his pocket. I froze because I thought he was going to give me the pill. He pulled out a picture. It was a picture of Norah. I clutched the sheets on the bed I was lying on.

"Do it for her, and for you, Ronnie. She'd be so proud of you."

I gritted my teeth, "She's pissed at me. She wouldn't be proud of shit."

"You're going through a horrible withdrawal, Ronnie," he said, "For her. She'd be so proud of you."

I felt nauseous again, and tried to stand, but fell to the ground, screaming as my body hit the ground. I crawled over to the toilet and started throwing up again.

"I'm gonna get you something, Mr. Radke, okay?"

I tried to answer him, but I couldn't as I leaned over the toilet, throwing up still. I rested my forehead against the cool tile of the floor. I was in nothing but my boxers because I had a fever but chills at the same time. I heard the doctor return.

"Here you go, Ronnie," he said, handing me a styrofoam cup.

I sat up slowly and took small sips of the Sprite.

"Do you wanna go back to your bed, Ronnie?" he asked.

I nodded silently.

"Do you need help, or can you make it?"

"I need help," I said, defenselessly.

The doctor took my cup of soda and put it on the counter. He grabbed my hands and slowly pulled me off of the floor. We walked slowly toward my bed, where I lied back down.

"When am I going to an actual cell?" I asked, sipping the Sprite slowly once again.

"Well, this is only your second day of withdrawal. This pain will probably last another three to four days, and then after that, if I deem you ready, you'll be moved to a proper cell."

I nodded, gritting my teeth and putting the cup down. My muscles ached and throbbed, and I tried not to scream.

"What's wrong, Ronnie?" the doctor asked.

I clutched at my sheets again, "I'm in so much fucking pain," I said, groaning.

He nodded, "I know, Mr. Radke. But this won't last forever."

I felt my stomach churn again and I threw myself onto the floor and crawled over to the toilet, throwing up again. Tears were leaking out of the corners of my eyes as I dry heaved for a few minutes. Norah was in my head the entire time. I missed her smile, her eyes, her lips, her body, and her voice. I lied down next to the toilet.

"Norah, oh God, Norah, I need you.."

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I walked into work, the producer talking to the other secretary. I smiled half-heartedly at them and sat at my desk. I put my purse in one of the drawers, taking out my phone. My background was a picture of Ronnie. I frowned and put the phone on my desk.

The producer walked over to me and handed me some papers.

"How are you doing, Norah?" he asked.

I sighed, "I've been better, honestly."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I need those papers by noon, okay?" he said.

I nodded, "Yes, sir."

He smiled and walked away. Jessica, the other secretary, looked at me, confused.

"Norah? Are you okay? You were so happy on Friday, and now, you look so upset."

I looked down the hall and saw the boss' door open. I pointed silently at my computer, indicating I would IM her. She nodded and got to work on her own stuff.

norahmontgomery: so, ronnie came home the other day..
jessicacunningham: oh no! is that when you were happy the other day?
norahmontgomery: yeah. for the first time, he didn't wanna fuck, he seemed to have no ulterior motives than to be clean. so he spent the night just CUDDLING!! and then i woke up the next morning and he was still there. he made me breakfast and was there when i came home from work. i wake up on saturday, he's got an attitude about something. he goes outside, and some stupid bitch set him up and got him arrested. so now he's gone and i don't know for how long.
jessicacunningham: oh gosh, im sorry sweetie! maybe he'll write you a letter!
norahmontgomery: im so mad at him, jess. he was still using, and he was selling the whole time i was at work. he lied. AND he got arrested, not even for the drugs. he got arrested because of that stupid fight! he didn't kill the kid, and he told that there was no way that he was gonna go down for it.
jessicacunningham: is there gonna be a hearing or something?
norahmontgomery: i don't know. if there is, i don't even know if i'll go to it.
jessicacunningham: you've been with ronnie for a long time. don't give up just yet.
norahmontgomery: did i mention that he blamed me for him getting set up?
jessicacunningham: what!?
norahmontgomery: yeah! he was so fucked up he thought i did it.
jessicacunningham: oh lord. idk sweetie, the decision is up to you. i gotta do this paperwork tho, as do you!

She looked up at me sympathetically. I nodded and got to work.

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I got home from work a few days later, still thinking about this whole Ronnie thing. I got the mail and was looking through it as I walked into my apartment. I saw two envelopes. One from the prison, and one from Ronnie himself. I put all my stuff on the kitchen counter and opened the one from the prison.

To Norah Lee Montgomery:

The trial date of Ronald Radke will be held June 28th, 2008 in Court Room 4A, at 1:30 pm.

I couldn't read anymore. Now I have to decide if I'm gonna go to his trial. I picked up my cell phone and called Nason.

"Hello!"

"Hey Nason, it's Norah."

"Hey girl! What's good?"

"Not much. I got a letter from the prison today. Ronnie's trial is on the twenty eighth. I wanna go, but I don't know if he'd want me there."

"Did you get the letter he sent you?"

"Yes."

"Did you read it?"

"No."

"Read it. You'll know if he wants you there or not."

"Are you gonna go to the trial?"

"It's on the twenty eighth? At what time?"

"1:30."

"I can't go, sweetie. I'm sorry. But I know Ronnie's dad is gonna be there. Do you want me to have him call you?"

I thought about it for a minute, "Sure. Yeah, that'd be good. Just so I have someone to meet up with and stuff."

Nason chuckled, "Okay, sweetie. I have to get going. Read the letter, though."

"Okay."

We hung up and I picked up the letter from Ronnie.

Dear Norah,

Please don't dismiss this letter, because it took me the week I've been here to think of what to say to you, so at least hear me out.
You were right.
You've always been right when it comes to me.
I've been so horrible to you these past few years, I wonder why you still put up with me. I wonder how you could try and help me after how horrible I've treated you.
I want all these answers, but at the same time I think they will hurt me.
I'm sorry I yelled at you when I was getting arrested.
I know I was in no position to.
Norah, I'm a drug addict.
I know you know that, but I can finally admit it.
Since you're the most important person in my life, I wanted to say it to you.
Please don't write me off, I need you so bad, Norah.
I know I've treated you like shit, but you know that wasn't me.
I love you.

Love,
Ronnie

I set the letter down on the counter as I started to cry. My phone started ringing, it was a number I didn't recognize.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Norah?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"This is Ronnie's father, are you okay?"

I tried desperately to stop the tears, "Oh, when Nason told me he would get us in contact, I didn't think he meant five minutes later. I just read a letter that Ronnie sent me from jail, and it got me worked up."

"Oh, I'm sorry. So, you got the trial letter and his letter simultaneously?"

"Yeah."

"Damn! That must be hard. So, you're considering going to the trial?"

"I'm gonna go. He was there for me when we first were together and I needed him. I may not be sure where we stand relationship wise, but I'll still be there for him."

"Finally, you're the kind of girl Ronnie searched high and low for."

I laughed, "Well, he found me."

"And I'm glad. You seem perfect for Ronnie."

"If only Ronnie were still himself."

"Ronnie will come back, Norah. Don't worry. He'll get sober in prison and come back to you as himself."

"I hope so. I can't really handle having him on the street anymore."

"He should be fine after this sentence. If I got sober when I was older than him, he can get sober now."

"I need him to be sober. It was nice talking to you, Mr. Radke, but I have to go, I just got home from work and got hit with all of this."

"Oh shit! I'm sorry, sweetie. I'll let you go. I guess I'll see you at the trial?"

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"Show up at about 12:30. We can meet at the entrance if you want."

"That would be great."

"And if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call me."

"Thank you Mr. Radke."

"Call me John."

"Thanks, John."

I put my phone on the counter and read over Ronnie's letter again, sighing.