Forgotten
Found you
BOBS POV.
A kind of cold swept through my body when I saw Josh's arm.
"Josh? something you want to tell me?" I asked and he looked away and withdrew his arm.
"Whats wrong? Why did you do it, it doesn't achieve anything." He shook his head and looked up again, eyes filling with tears which surprised me.
"You did it too, look at your hands, some of those even look new, you can't lecture me about it!" he said quickly, aggressively.
"Is this Robbie or Josh?" I asked, confused now by his behaviour.
"Josh and answer the question."
"I didn't do that, I never did, even when I was younger. Those marks are from hitting my hands on the drum set all the time." I held out my hands so he could see the tiny white lines that covered my skin.
He nodded and went to leave the room. I put my hand on his shoulder and stopped him, turning him back around so he had to look at me.
"What's this about?"
A single tear rolled down his cheek and he shook his head and broke away, running upstairs where I heard a door slam a few moments after he had disappeared from my sight.
I sighed and walked back into the other room where I got Robbie's attention and took him from the room.
"Do you know whats going on with your brother?"
He shook his head.
"What's going on with him? What did he do? He hasn't told me anything." I could tell he wasn't lying by the look of concern on his face.
"He's been..... hurting himself. I was wondering if you knew anything about it."
"He did what? Let me talk to him, I'll get it out of him, I can read his mind." He grinned and ran off, leaving me very confused.
I just thought about it for the next hour or so but when Robbie didn't re-appear, I went upstairs to look for the two of them.
I heard music playing from my room and opened the door as quietly as I could.
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life, I hope you had the time of your life." They just came to the end of the song. I couldn't tell who was singing but they were good, they sounded quite a lot like Billie Joe even though their voices weren't as deep as an adults yet.
"Sounds good guys," they both turned around quickly to face me. I smiled but neither of them smiled back.
"Whats wrong?" I walked over and sat opposite where they were sat on the floor, guitars clutched tightly from where they had just been playing.
"It's just about Mom really," said Robbie quietly. Josh didn't look up at me, he kept his eyes on the floor the whole time.
"Her funeral is in four days, do you want to go?" I wasn't planning on telling them, I didn't want to upset them but they have a right to be there.
"I'll go," said Robbie, looking expectantly at Josh.
"I dunno if I'm strong enough," he said quietly.
"What do you mean?" I asked, moving closer to him.
"I just think I'll break down is all. I don't want anybody to see that." He shifted awkwardly and Robbie moved closer. They were both getting upset about this, I felt so so bad for them.
"Guys, I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do?" There wasn't much else I could say other then that.
Josh looked up at me, his eyes full of tears and tears streaming down his face.
"You could stop apologizing, we understand you're doing the best you can right now."
"I meant about... OK I'll stop saying I'm sorry all the time. Anything else I can do for you guys?"
"Could you get Cassie from downstairs and tell her we want to play our song?" asked Robbie and Josh nodded. I noticed Robbie now had tears in his eyes and on his face and I felt myself tear up thinking what they were going through.
"Sure." I got up and fetched Cassie from downstairs and took her back up to the room.
She spoke briefly with the twins while I hovered awkwardly in the doorway.
"Do you want to listen or something?" asked Robbie, noticing I was still there.
"I wouldn't mind, then we're even aren't we?"
"No, we still haven't hard you play yet," said Josh and Cassie nodded.
"One second." I ran to the spare room and opened the cupboard in there, we had at least two copies of each album in there. I grabbed one copy of each and a 'Life on the murder scene' and took them back the kids.
"Now we're even, come on, I really want to hear you guys, I bet you're really good."
Cassie flushed and shook he head, whispering something in one of the buys ears.
"She said she wont play in front of you just yet, sorry," I could tell it was Josh.
"It's cool, I understand but I do want to hear you sometime OK?"
They nodded but Cassie buried her face in her hands. I left the room and shut the door behind me.
"Can we play it Cass, Hallelujah? I really want to hear you do that high note again," said one twin excitedly.
"Alright, this song is for Mommy, I hope she can hear me, maybe if I sing really loud" said Cassie hopefully.
"I'm sure she will," comforted one of the boys. The sound was muffled through the door but I could still hear enough. I felt myself tear up as they talked about their Mom, I loved her I really did and she must have loved me, she gave our first born son my name. I heard they start to play so I shut out my thoughts and focused on the muffled sound coming through the door.
"Somehow, everything's gonna fall,
Right in, to place,
If we only had a way to make it all
Fall faster everyday,
If only time flew like
a dove
we gotta make it fly
faster then I'm falling in love...
This time we're not giving up,
Let's make it last forever
Screaming
Hallelujah.
We'll make it last forever.
Holding on to patience wearing thin,
I can't force these eyes to see the end,
If only time flew like,
a dove,
we could watch it fly,
And just keep looking on
This time we're not giving up,
Let's make it last forever
Screaming
Hallelujah
We'll make it last forever.
And we've got time, on our hands,
Got nothing but time on our hands,
Got nothing but, got nothing but,
Got nothing but time on our hands.
This time we're not giving up, oh,
Let's make it last forever,
screaming,
HALLELUJAH!
(hallelujah)
Hallelujah."
My mouth was hanging open in shock, I had to pinch my leg to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
"Holy shit," I breathed and sprinted to get Ray.
"What is it?!" he demanded as I practically dragged him into the basement where I could speak to him without anyone overhearing.
"Cassie can sing."
"Well goody for her, why are you telling me?"
"No, she has it, she really does, I just heard her, even through a door its just wow..."
He raised his eyebrows.
"Really? She's tiny, little kids can't sing."
"She can, go and listen at my door, and the boys, harmonies just wow."
He nodded and we went back upstairs quietly so they wouldn't hear us approaching the room. They weren't playing, all I could hear from within the room was silence. I shrugged and knocked the door.
"Yeah?" called a twin. I opened the door and Ray and I walked into the room.
"Josh you want a drum lesson or something if you're bored at all?" He looked up and I could see excitement in his eyes.
"Yeah, sure, is now OK?"
I nodded and he jumped up. I left Ray with Robbie and Cassie, he could teach them guitar stuff that I knew nothing about.
JOSH'S POV.
"Just relax, it's easier to play if you're not all tense and nervous," Bob assured me as I messed up my beat again.
"Will you show me again?" I asked, we had been at this for over an hour and I still couldn't even get the beat he was trying to teach me.
"Sure," I got up from the drums and stood where he had been standing to watch as he took the drum kit.
"Like this, 1, 2, 3, 4, right I'll do it slower." He broke it down into simpler steps and I smiled.
"Let me try it again," we switched places again and I picked up his sticks.
I counted up to four in my head repeatedly and then counted myself in.
"That's it! You got it!" he beamed. I sped up, playing it a little faster, I played it until I was comfortable and then put in a little fill, almost dropping the beat but just keeping it in time.
"I'll teach you how to do those fills too if you like," he offered and I nodded eagerly.
Almost three hours later we climbed the stairs up from the basement together, laughing and joking like we had known each other all our lives. I felt like we were starting to bond and something that had been missing all my life, a male role model or father figure, had appeared and could help show me the way.
"You're a damn good drummer," he said as we sat down at the dinner table with the others, all except for Ray and Cassie.
"Thanks and no I'm not really, I can just count to four now that you taught me," I smiled and Robbie caught my eye.
"You seen Cass?" he asked.
"Nope, is she with Ray?"
"Last time I saw her she was," said Frankie, through a mouthful of bread.
"I'll go and tell them food is done," dad rose from the table and left the room to fetch Cassie and Ray.
"What were you doing for so long?" asked Robbie, somewhat suspiciously.
"Playing drums, just trying out some stuff, what did you do?"
"Played a real electric guitar, it was awesome!" he grinned and I grinned too.
Mikey dropped his fork.
"You two look so scary when you do that!" he gasped, choking on a mouthful of food.
"I know," we said in unison.
"Don't!"
"Don't what?" we said, at the same time again.
"Do that! Talk at the same time, its freaky, is it true you can read each others minds?"
"Yes," we said at the same time again, causing Gerard to burst out laughing at the horrified look on his brothers face.
"Mikey, don't be afraid of us, it's totally normal," we said, totally in time. This was our usual 'freak out' routine for anyone new we met and it seemed to be affecting Mikey a lot.
"Stop it, both of you, stop it right now!" We both just burst out laughing and Mikey got up and walked over to the sink, the window behind him.
I got up and walked over to the cupboard to get a can of coke, just glancing at the window as I pulled out a can. My heart skipped a beat and all my insides froze.
It was him, outside the window, smiling his twisted smile and waving slowly. Darren. He found me.
A kind of cold swept through my body when I saw Josh's arm.
"Josh? something you want to tell me?" I asked and he looked away and withdrew his arm.
"Whats wrong? Why did you do it, it doesn't achieve anything." He shook his head and looked up again, eyes filling with tears which surprised me.
"You did it too, look at your hands, some of those even look new, you can't lecture me about it!" he said quickly, aggressively.
"Is this Robbie or Josh?" I asked, confused now by his behaviour.
"Josh and answer the question."
"I didn't do that, I never did, even when I was younger. Those marks are from hitting my hands on the drum set all the time." I held out my hands so he could see the tiny white lines that covered my skin.
He nodded and went to leave the room. I put my hand on his shoulder and stopped him, turning him back around so he had to look at me.
"What's this about?"
A single tear rolled down his cheek and he shook his head and broke away, running upstairs where I heard a door slam a few moments after he had disappeared from my sight.
I sighed and walked back into the other room where I got Robbie's attention and took him from the room.
"Do you know whats going on with your brother?"
He shook his head.
"What's going on with him? What did he do? He hasn't told me anything." I could tell he wasn't lying by the look of concern on his face.
"He's been..... hurting himself. I was wondering if you knew anything about it."
"He did what? Let me talk to him, I'll get it out of him, I can read his mind." He grinned and ran off, leaving me very confused.
I just thought about it for the next hour or so but when Robbie didn't re-appear, I went upstairs to look for the two of them.
I heard music playing from my room and opened the door as quietly as I could.
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life, I hope you had the time of your life." They just came to the end of the song. I couldn't tell who was singing but they were good, they sounded quite a lot like Billie Joe even though their voices weren't as deep as an adults yet.
"Sounds good guys," they both turned around quickly to face me. I smiled but neither of them smiled back.
"Whats wrong?" I walked over and sat opposite where they were sat on the floor, guitars clutched tightly from where they had just been playing.
"It's just about Mom really," said Robbie quietly. Josh didn't look up at me, he kept his eyes on the floor the whole time.
"Her funeral is in four days, do you want to go?" I wasn't planning on telling them, I didn't want to upset them but they have a right to be there.
"I'll go," said Robbie, looking expectantly at Josh.
"I dunno if I'm strong enough," he said quietly.
"What do you mean?" I asked, moving closer to him.
"I just think I'll break down is all. I don't want anybody to see that." He shifted awkwardly and Robbie moved closer. They were both getting upset about this, I felt so so bad for them.
"Guys, I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do?" There wasn't much else I could say other then that.
Josh looked up at me, his eyes full of tears and tears streaming down his face.
"You could stop apologizing, we understand you're doing the best you can right now."
"I meant about... OK I'll stop saying I'm sorry all the time. Anything else I can do for you guys?"
"Could you get Cassie from downstairs and tell her we want to play our song?" asked Robbie and Josh nodded. I noticed Robbie now had tears in his eyes and on his face and I felt myself tear up thinking what they were going through.
"Sure." I got up and fetched Cassie from downstairs and took her back up to the room.
She spoke briefly with the twins while I hovered awkwardly in the doorway.
"Do you want to listen or something?" asked Robbie, noticing I was still there.
"I wouldn't mind, then we're even aren't we?"
"No, we still haven't hard you play yet," said Josh and Cassie nodded.
"One second." I ran to the spare room and opened the cupboard in there, we had at least two copies of each album in there. I grabbed one copy of each and a 'Life on the murder scene' and took them back the kids.
"Now we're even, come on, I really want to hear you guys, I bet you're really good."
Cassie flushed and shook he head, whispering something in one of the buys ears.
"She said she wont play in front of you just yet, sorry," I could tell it was Josh.
"It's cool, I understand but I do want to hear you sometime OK?"
They nodded but Cassie buried her face in her hands. I left the room and shut the door behind me.
"Can we play it Cass, Hallelujah? I really want to hear you do that high note again," said one twin excitedly.
"Alright, this song is for Mommy, I hope she can hear me, maybe if I sing really loud" said Cassie hopefully.
"I'm sure she will," comforted one of the boys. The sound was muffled through the door but I could still hear enough. I felt myself tear up as they talked about their Mom, I loved her I really did and she must have loved me, she gave our first born son my name. I heard they start to play so I shut out my thoughts and focused on the muffled sound coming through the door.
"Somehow, everything's gonna fall,
Right in, to place,
If we only had a way to make it all
Fall faster everyday,
If only time flew like
a dove
we gotta make it fly
faster then I'm falling in love...
This time we're not giving up,
Let's make it last forever
Screaming
Hallelujah.
We'll make it last forever.
Holding on to patience wearing thin,
I can't force these eyes to see the end,
If only time flew like,
a dove,
we could watch it fly,
And just keep looking on
This time we're not giving up,
Let's make it last forever
Screaming
Hallelujah
We'll make it last forever.
And we've got time, on our hands,
Got nothing but time on our hands,
Got nothing but, got nothing but,
Got nothing but time on our hands.
This time we're not giving up, oh,
Let's make it last forever,
screaming,
HALLELUJAH!
(hallelujah)
Hallelujah."
My mouth was hanging open in shock, I had to pinch my leg to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
"Holy shit," I breathed and sprinted to get Ray.
"What is it?!" he demanded as I practically dragged him into the basement where I could speak to him without anyone overhearing.
"Cassie can sing."
"Well goody for her, why are you telling me?"
"No, she has it, she really does, I just heard her, even through a door its just wow..."
He raised his eyebrows.
"Really? She's tiny, little kids can't sing."
"She can, go and listen at my door, and the boys, harmonies just wow."
He nodded and we went back upstairs quietly so they wouldn't hear us approaching the room. They weren't playing, all I could hear from within the room was silence. I shrugged and knocked the door.
"Yeah?" called a twin. I opened the door and Ray and I walked into the room.
"Josh you want a drum lesson or something if you're bored at all?" He looked up and I could see excitement in his eyes.
"Yeah, sure, is now OK?"
I nodded and he jumped up. I left Ray with Robbie and Cassie, he could teach them guitar stuff that I knew nothing about.
JOSH'S POV.
"Just relax, it's easier to play if you're not all tense and nervous," Bob assured me as I messed up my beat again.
"Will you show me again?" I asked, we had been at this for over an hour and I still couldn't even get the beat he was trying to teach me.
"Sure," I got up from the drums and stood where he had been standing to watch as he took the drum kit.
"Like this, 1, 2, 3, 4, right I'll do it slower." He broke it down into simpler steps and I smiled.
"Let me try it again," we switched places again and I picked up his sticks.
I counted up to four in my head repeatedly and then counted myself in.
"That's it! You got it!" he beamed. I sped up, playing it a little faster, I played it until I was comfortable and then put in a little fill, almost dropping the beat but just keeping it in time.
"I'll teach you how to do those fills too if you like," he offered and I nodded eagerly.
Almost three hours later we climbed the stairs up from the basement together, laughing and joking like we had known each other all our lives. I felt like we were starting to bond and something that had been missing all my life, a male role model or father figure, had appeared and could help show me the way.
"You're a damn good drummer," he said as we sat down at the dinner table with the others, all except for Ray and Cassie.
"Thanks and no I'm not really, I can just count to four now that you taught me," I smiled and Robbie caught my eye.
"You seen Cass?" he asked.
"Nope, is she with Ray?"
"Last time I saw her she was," said Frankie, through a mouthful of bread.
"I'll go and tell them food is done," dad rose from the table and left the room to fetch Cassie and Ray.
"What were you doing for so long?" asked Robbie, somewhat suspiciously.
"Playing drums, just trying out some stuff, what did you do?"
"Played a real electric guitar, it was awesome!" he grinned and I grinned too.
Mikey dropped his fork.
"You two look so scary when you do that!" he gasped, choking on a mouthful of food.
"I know," we said in unison.
"Don't!"
"Don't what?" we said, at the same time again.
"Do that! Talk at the same time, its freaky, is it true you can read each others minds?"
"Yes," we said at the same time again, causing Gerard to burst out laughing at the horrified look on his brothers face.
"Mikey, don't be afraid of us, it's totally normal," we said, totally in time. This was our usual 'freak out' routine for anyone new we met and it seemed to be affecting Mikey a lot.
"Stop it, both of you, stop it right now!" We both just burst out laughing and Mikey got up and walked over to the sink, the window behind him.
I got up and walked over to the cupboard to get a can of coke, just glancing at the window as I pulled out a can. My heart skipped a beat and all my insides froze.
It was him, outside the window, smiling his twisted smile and waving slowly. Darren. He found me.