World War Against Two Men

I cry out in pain as I feel his arms warp around my body and it felt as if I was about to break. The bruises on my scaly body burns every time he touches me and he’s whispering words of comfort but it doesn’t help. I didn’t think that stepping out of hell would make me feel so much pain. Hell is on my back and it won’t go away.

The blood, tears, the smell of death and fear. It’s following me. It’s hung over my head like smoke circles a burning house. It’ll never go away, not even the man I love can help me.

After finding him. After everything I’ve gone through for us to be together at last, it’s ruined me. Hitler won in more than one way.

Does it make me evil to say I am glad he killed him self? Because I would have killed him with my own hands if I had the chance.

“Frankie please let me help you.”

“It hurts! It hurts!”

“Frankie please.”

“It hurts!”

Soon I feel his arms escape my body and I fall to the ground not realising he was the one keeping me up. He sits next to me and I look into his hazel eyes and I see comfort. I reach my hand out and he takes it and it doesn’t hurt so much anymore.

I had been walking through Germany to find Gerard for almost a year. With each day that passed I felt my breath always being two steps in front of me. I felt my memories of Gerard slip away and the haunting faces of the concentration camp grip me tighter.

I gave up. I admit I gave up everything. Hope, love, freedom. It never crossed my mind that Gerard might have been looking for me.

“Frankie when I found you I thought you were dead.”

Tears fell down his beautiful pale skin and fell onto his trousers. I crawled forwards and sat in his lap. I was just skin and bones. I couldn’t hurt anyone. I probably weighed nothing on top of Gerard now.

“Oh Frankie!”

His arms slowly made their way around my fragile form. I winced a couple of times and I felt like a small child. Soon I was pressed into his body and he was rocking me backwards and forwards. I felt his tears fall onto my head frequently and I felt so badly for not finding him sooner.

David gave me the chance to see Gerard again and I am so thankful.

“Gerard you wont leave me will you?”

Panic reaches my chest and I start to shake as the guard’s guns and fists flash in front of me telling me to work calling me scum calling me everything under God’s blind eyes on the camp.

“No, Frankie of course not I l…”

“Gerard you can’t leave! Gerard I love you, you can’t leave I love you please don’t leave!”

Gerard held me tighter and shushed me. The flashes of dead faces appeared in front of my eyes and to think I did nothing because I couldn’t. I couldn’t because then I couldn’t see Gerard.

I’m so selfish.

I gripped onto Gerard as much as possible not wanting to be taken away ever again.

I wish Gerard were here. I want Gerard to be here. I was crazy thinking I could save anyone by coming here. I am no God, God doesn’t exist here. I hope Hitler dies a painful death for doing this to everyone.

I’ve got what I wanted. So why aren’t I happy? Why am I not showering him with kisses? Why? What’s happened to me?!

”Frankie calm down. You’ll never be taken away again. I promise you.”

I looked up at you once more and with my old frail hands I wiped his tears away. Then all the dead faces went away, the hatred seeped out and the love I felt for Gerard grew.

Gerard smiled down at me. His warm smile that told me that I was home.

I grabbed Gerard’s head and pressed my lips onto his. One last kiss before I go. I know what I have to do I just hope it works. I really hopes this works.

There will never be a last kiss. Not now. Not ever.

In a way it did work. The idea that popped into my head so fast I didn’t even realise that the guards had shoved me onto that train in planning to kill me. To kill me for what?

For loving another human being. For loving another man. For loving God’s nest gift to this Earth.

“I thought I would die there Gerard”

Gerard held me tighter and kissed the top of my head. I felt so much warmth and love right now that the bruises that burnt and the memories and mourned escaped to the back of my mind. They weren’t important. Not right now. I know I will never be the same after all of this. After the beatings, the loss, the guilt, the pleasure, everything. I can’t bear to think of it ever again but I can’t escape nightmares and I can’t throw away my past. The past will have to come with me.

Right now it feel like my future feels like the past. Will it ever go away?

Gerard then slowly picked me up bridal style and slowly made his way up the stairs. With each step he took my eyes grew heavier and everything went a little bit more quiet and then the screaming of the children and women and the desperate cried of non existent strong men came flooding into my mind.

It was like a nasty disease. It just won’t go away.

“It’s okay Frankie, everything is going to be fine”

We reached the top of the stairs and I didn’t know where I was anymore but I felt Gerard sit me down a on a soft surface.

The screaming…. it’s haunting me.

It felt as if my chest was tighter and my breathing was getting slower. Swallowing the oxygen was getting a difficult task but I had to forget my worries and problems.

I need to hold onto this moment. I’m with Gerard.

Slowly Gerard took off my old piece of material off of me and I felt a little but colder but nothing new. I was exposed to Gerard and I heard him gasp. Every bone in my body poking out gasping for breath. Every fragment of skin dirtied with the blood of innocent men. The hairs on my body lay flat to weak to stand up in fright or in cold.

I was a wreck.

I felt s warm sponge circle my back and I slowly opened my eyes to see Gerard in the mirror in front of me cleaning my back. His white sleeves were rolled up and his braces were hung down by his hips. I refused to look at my self. I’d only break down and cry. Break to see the state I am I now.

The slow circular motions he did on my back were soothing and I could slowly feel the guilt, blood and tears drain away with every time Gerard scrubbed my back.

“Is that good Frank?”

I nodded my head and I brought my legs up to my chin and cradled my sled not wanting Gerard to see me like this any longer.

Screaming….

Gerard put the sponge back in the bowl next to the bed and he moved to sit in front of me blocking the mirror away from me. A demon lives in that mirror. It’s called reflection.

“Your gorgeous.”

I slowly let my legs dangle over the side of the bed and slid from the bed to the floor. I poked my head forward slightly and Gerard lunged forward a little and our lips met. My hands went into Gerard’s hair and gosh I missed this feeling! His hands wrapped around my back keeping me safe. His arms towering over me. Nothing can get us now. Nothing will stop us.

He pulled away and a huge smile was planted on his face.
I couldn’t help but smile back my self.

“You must be tired.”

Gerard stood up and came back with a pair of trousers and a plain white t-shirt.

“Your old night clothes. They’re clean.

I stood up and took the clothes from Gerard. I put them to my nose and he was right. They smelt so clean. There wasn’t a specific smell but they smelt clean. I slowly put them on and I grunted a few times as my bruises and bones burnt and ached.

Gerard put me into the bed and my head sunk into the pillow and my whole body relaxed into the soft cloud of a bed.

I felt at home.

Gerard was about to leave and I felt everything flood back. The guards coming in. Gerard and I in that small claustrophobic tunnel hiding. Gerard’s whimpers. David. Oh David I wish I could know. Know if you’re alive. Safe. With a family.

“Gerard please don’t leave!”

My sudden outburst shocked Gerard as he stopped and turned around and he must have thought I was in pain as my voice sounded scared and loud. He slowly made his way back into the room and just left his clothed in a pile on the floor and dove in next to me with only his underwear on.

Strong arms wrapped around my waist and his head nuzzled into my neck. His hair tickling me.

“I love you.

With those three simple words I slept. I slept and never dreamt of a screaming child.

I died that night with a smile on my face.

Who knew that I was ill? Ill from the camp.
I saw David. He was all in white and smiling with no trace of the camp on his face.

“My wife and kids.” And there was his family standing all in white.

I died in love and happy. Gerard, I love you to.