She's Got You High.

To say that things between John and I were awkward would be an understatement - from the moment I was woken up from my nap in the back of the van, to the quick rest stop along the highway, to sitting in the 2nd row of the van with Garrett's hand holding my own tightly, all I could think about was the dressing room incident. How badly I wanted John's lips upon my own. To hold his hand again, share a cigarette. To heart his heartbeat pounding in my ear.

I felt out of it - I knew I was. Anytime Garrett attempted to start a conversation with me, it would die out quickly, my focus completely and utterly gone. All I could do was look out the window, at the scenery that kept passing by. Eventually Garrett gave up, his grip on my hand getting looser by the minute. I looked over at him at some point, only to see he was sound asleep.

I watched as the night sky slowly faded from black, to dark blue, till the sun started to rise. I looked around the van - all the boys were passed out, except for the one who was driving us to our next destination. The one boy who kept haunting my brain, my thoughts.

I took a quick glance at John through the rear view mirror - his eyes were focused steadily on the road in front of him, even though for the most part, it was deserted, completely void of cars, spare the occasional 16-wheeler. I could faintly hear Tom Petty playing through the speakers of the van - how typical of him. I forgot that he didn't like to sleep in the van. Taking the overnight shift would be his choice.

The sky had just breached the sky, and I could feel Garrett shift around next to me. I had let go of his hand a couple of miles ago, drumming the seat lightly with my fingers to the beat of Tom Petty instead. I could only hope that someone would wake up soon - I could feel the tension in the car, could cut it with a knife if I really wanted to.

I could hear the song begin to end, fading out into silence, before the next one started. I could hear the beginning notes from the guitar, and instantly, my heart stopped. Of all the songs that had to come up, this would be it. I could hear Ryan Adam's familiar, and usually soothing voice break in now, and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball. Disappear.

"Porcelain doll, your mother runs an antique shop..."

I could feel John's eyes on me through the rearview mirror. I almost didn't want to acknowledge them, their presence. But curiosity got the best of me, and I took a quick glance up. He didn't look sad, or mad. Just...there. Just two blank eyes staring straight through me. I looked away, down at Garrett, who was sleeping, and before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed his hand, squeezing it as tightly as I could.

I felt him move around suddenly, shooting up from his sprawled out position. He looked at me, a slight bit of anger portrayed on his face. But he had no idea.

"What the fuck, June..." he calmed down once he saw my face. My eyes. He was all too familiar with frightened ol' me, from all of those nights I had woken up covered in sweat, terrified from my nightmare. "Are you alright? What happened?"

I didn't say anything. Just kept a steady grip on his hand. John's eyes were now on Garrett, before making their way back to me, then back to the road. I shot a glance at the GPS on the dashboard - we were still a good 3-4 hours away from the venue. I lay my head down on Garrett's shoulder, closing my eyes. Wishing that this awkward tension would just be over with. Wishing that things would resolve themselves soon.

----

The rest of the day went by slowly. We had made our way up the east coast, and were now in Maryland - Baltimore to be specific. The highway was directly next to the venue, and downtown was only a few blocks away. I went out by myself - no Garrett, no John, no anybody - and walked down to the harbor. The temperature had definitely dropped since we were in North Carolina - I could see my breath, and the cold air went sharply up my nose every time I took a breath. The weather was not on my side - I don't think any of us were used to this.

I took my time walking along the water, as murky and green as it was in color. It helped me relax, to get away from the van and the boys every once in a while. Days like this were what I needed. It was almost like a mental vacation. But eventually, I made my way into the shopping mall located right next to the harbor - an Urban Outfitters was waiting for me to devour its insides. I spent most of my afternoon just browsing the different stores, window shopping to my hearts content. But eventually, it was time to get back to the venue - back to as normal as life on the road could be.

All was quite as I entered the dressing room for the night - Garrett and Kennedy were only in there, plugged into their laptops, headphones playing music for only their ears. They both looked up, and a small smile appeared on Garrett's face.

"Have a good afternoon?" He asked, patting the empty spot beside him on the couch, motioning for me to sit there. I nodded, and made my way over, leaning my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. Garrett was comfort when I needed him the most.

"John's been really out of it..." Garrett mumbled, to nobody in particular. "Hasn't said a word to anyone since we got here. I think he's out in the van taking a na-"

"Can we not talk about John, please." I cut him off. I think Garrett understood, and was probably happy that I wasn't on the John topic for once. He stopped talking, and allowed me to just...relax. I didn't fall asleep, but I wasn't fully awake, either. I simply sat there and listened to Garrett breathe - in, out, in, out...

I left when the other boys started to shuffle in for their pre-show warm-up and ritual. John passed me in the hallway - no eye contact, no words, nothing. I made my way into the back of the crowd at the small venue, and waited for the boys to come out next.

Pat took to the stage first, then Kennedy and Jared. Garrett came out next, looking determined as ever. And then finally, John emerged, stumbling over the steps that led up to the stage. I felt exposed, even though I was hiding in the crowd - almost like John could see me, no matter when I stood.

I looked at him - a vacant expression in his eyes. I could tell he wasn't focused. His voice was wavering, and he wasn't sporting his usual grin. This John looked like he was just going through the motions for the night. The guys noticed, and were visibly upset with how the show was going that night. I couldn't blame them.

I tuned out of the usual in-between song banter. But as the drums started up for "Count 'Em", John took a different direction then usual. He held his hand back, almost to signal for the guys to not start yet, and he took hold of the microphone stand with two hands, gripping it tightly.

"Now, this next song...is going out to someone very special. Someone, who in such a short amount of time, has managed to get under my skin, without even trying."

My heart froze. He couldn't be talking about...

"She's shy, she's awkward, innocent as one could be. She's a mystery to me, and I can't figure her out in the slightest bit. And I mean, truth be told - she's got me feeling jealous, man. I mean...this girl is perfect. But she doesn't want to take the risk. And If she's out here tonight, I can only hope she is - take the leap. I'll be waiting to catch you. This one's for you, bug."

Coherent thoughts had stopped forming a long time ago, as the beginning guitar chords of "Count 'Em" began. I couldn't believe the words that had just come out of his mouth. Of all the places for him to make sense of what the fuck had happened the night before, it had to be on stage. In front of tons of teenage girls, who would then go home and blog about it on the internet. Just what I needed.

But still, regardless of how brash it was, it was slightly romantic. I knew they only had one more song after Count 'Em, so I stuck around in the crowd till they began to strip the stage. And then I knew where I had to go next.