She's Got You High.

By the time I made my way out of the crowd of prepubescent girls, out of the venue, and into the dark streets of Baltimore, the next band on the tour had already begun to play. I could hear the bass and drums (although significantly dulled...) from where I was walking, and I could see my breath on the air - shallow white puffs.

I had found who I was looking for - John was standing against a brick wall, beside the alley of the venue. He looked nervous, unsure of himself, a cigarette in between his fingers. His head snapped up when he saw heard someone coming, but his face didn't relax like usual. He still looked scared. Upon closer look, I could see his hand was shaking. Gone was the frontman that I was so used to seeing. He was almost like a lost boy - alone and afraid.

I took my spot next to him, neither of us saying a word. I think John had communicated everything that he had wanted to earlier, on stage. I watched as his hand moved, and steadied itself, as he took a drag of his cigarette. He was willing to take the chance - but was I? I reached my hand over to his mouth, grabbed the cigarette from his lips, and put it in between my own. We were both so stressed out, both so terrified of what could happen between us...Neither of us wanted to make the first move. To start something new.

It was silent, for quite some time. Between respected drag of his cigarette, and then another one that we started up a few minutes later, there was no time for words. Surprisingly, nobody from the tour had come out from the alley. This was still our little secret. But for how long was anybody's guess.

I shut my eyes - just relaxing, letting the smoke flow through my system. I heard John shuffle, his feet and body both moving, but when I opened my eyes, his new location surprised me. One arm was placed above my head, laying gently against the brick. His other hand was at his side. He towered over me, but for the first time all night, we made eye contact. He looked cautious, just like that night in the dressing room. But this time, I didn't feel fear, I didn't feel nervous or anything of discomfort. I just knew that I wanted him. This.

The moments it took for him to lean in, for his lips to make contact with my own felt like ages. I'm sure it was only seconds in reality. They were soft, slightly chapped, but warm - like they were ready for this task for quite some time. He moved against me, slowly, taking his time - The slightly ashy taste of cigarettes hung on both of our lips. My arms found their way around his neck, pulling him closer. This feeling, like fireworks, was exploding through my veins. I had never been victim to "butterflies in the stomach" till that moment. I wanted to live in it for forever.

The kiss deepened. His tongue was introduced into the game. I felt amateur - two minutes ago, I had never kissed anyone except for my parents and my dog, and the occasional cheek or forehead of Garrett's. I was sure John would laugh and tell Jared and Tim later how "terrible" I was. But he continued, his hand moving down from the wall to place itself gently on the small of my back, his other hand now placed gently on my cheek.

All good things have to come to an end, however. Eventually John pulled away, his forehead now resting on top of my own. I could see a smile form on his face, and a moment later, he spoke:

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that, do you?"

I laughed, slightly, my grip around his neck tightening slightly. There were no words to describe what had just happened. How fast my heart was beating, how much I wanted to continue what we had just finished. I felt John's head lift off from against my forehead, and he looked from side to side, surveying the scene around us.

I realized then what we had just done. The euphoric feeling from moments ago quickly wearing off. I had kissed, more so made out with John O'Callaghan, beside an alley in the streets of Baltimore. Where fans could've seen us, where Garrett could've stumbled upon us. I felt red creep onto my cheeks, and embarrassment hit my stomach. I probably looked just like one of those whores that tried to hook up with the other bands every night. Desperate. Pathetic.

"Junie, you alright?" I heard John say, as I nodded. He offered a small smile towards me, but I couldn't return it. I felt sick. Before I knew it, I was running into the venue, near the closest bathroom I could find. My hands grasped the closest object I could find, and not a moment later were the contents of my stomach were emptied out into the toilet.

Quite obviously, I was not alright.

I heard the door to the bathroom open as quickly as it had closed, and someone was suddenly behind me, pulling back my hair.

"...It's understandable, I mean, if you don't want to date me." That voice. Chills ran down my spine, and I could feel the vomit make its way up my throat again. After bracing myself for it, another round quickly made it's way into the bowl. John continued to hold my hair back, stroking my cheek gently.

"I just..." he continued, not really caring if I said anything or understood him or not. "From the moment I saw you, out on Garrett's porch at 4 in the morning, I knew there was something about you. I didn't know anything about you. But I wanted to learn everything about you. And the past 2 weeks have been some of the best of my life - I like to think it's because I got to spend them with you."

I was speechless. Here was this guy, 2 years older then me, spilling his heart out, holding my hair back as I puked...I felt my stomach turn again, and I was surprised there was anything left for my stomach to expel.

"And I understand, Garrett's probably told you some thing about me that you didn't want to hear. And I know you're doubting yourself right now, and you probably feel like the ugliest, most un-attractive girl alive, because you're sitting here puking your guts out in front of me. But you're so beautiful to me right now. And you're scared - I know you're scared June. But I just think, if you really gave it consideration, that you and I could be great together. And I want you to be brave enough to take that risk. I want us to take the risk. Together."

I could feel the tears well in my eyes as soon as he started to talk again. This couldn't be happening to me. Good things never happened to me. I was always the girl who was one step away from happiness - from love. But here it was, staring me dead on in the face. And it was now or never.

My stomach felt like it was calming down, slowly, but surely - as did the tears. Tonight didn't feel real. The amount of emotions I had just experienced were crazy. First came the rush, and the excitement. Then reality set in, hard and fast. And now it was just.....there. Out in the open. That I liked John and he liked me.

I sat up from where I was hunched over on the floor, and John's hand found it's way to my back, supporting me. I laid down against the hard of the wall, John now sitting beside me, his fingers entwined in my own. A comfortable silence hung between us. I could hear John attempt to say something a few times, but the words never made their way past his lips. Till a few minutes later, and I guess he mustered up the balls.

"So..." he started, and I looked over at him, my grip on his hand tightening slightly.

"So?" My voice felt hoarse, raw. After the amount of puking I did, I wasn't surprised however.

"How would you feel if I-"

"I'd like it. A lot." I cut him off, already knowing what he was going to ask. And I felt sure of myself, sure of my decision. It was mine and my own. The smile that broke out on John's face later was enough to tell me that it was the right one.

He leaned in close to me again, and despite the fact that my face had been in a toilet bowl minutes before, he pressed his lips softly to my own. I didn't even care about the red on my cheeks, or the fact that we would have to keep this hidden from Garrett, or that Garrett even existed right now. All I knew at the moment was that I had John, and John had me. And that life was about to get even more interesting then it was. And all coherent thoughts were wiped from my head, as John's lips were still attached to mine, and were pressing harder, and harder.

I wanted to live in the moment for forever. I wanted to feel that good for forever.