Tell Me, What's Real?

It remained completely silent as we walked, but for once, I didn’t feel awkward. I almost expected it to rain as it had the day we had met, almost as if it had become a pattern for us, although we had only met once. But the dark grey clouds didn’t release a drop, instead just remaining there, as if threatening us with their gloomy presence.

The rain had never bothered me. In fact, it almost made me feel safe. Sometimes I would long for the rain, because with it came my comfort, although sometimes, that wasn’t the case. But the cool droplets that fell on my head always seemed to send me into a feeling of numbness which I usually embraced, as sad as that sounded.

It felt as if I had known Jimmy for years. I felt comfortable around him in a way that was unexplainable to me but I didn’t question it, instead just enjoying the feeling it brought me.

The walk was short. The silence hung over our heads, but if it was there we never once acknowledged it, instead just feeling comfortable in each other’s presence. I didn’t know what it was about Jimmy that made me feel safe, that made my insecurities drift aside and give me a break, but whatever it was I embraced the feeling of security and belonging, something that was rare for me to feel.

His shoulder brushed mine and a deep blush painted my pale cheeks, and I immediately became embarrassed by how close we were walking. I hadn’t noticed it before but I could feel the warmth radiating off his tall body, and once I was aware of it I realized how relaxed it made me. I guess in a way warmth was a security blanket for everyone, from the time they were babies to the time they were older than they would ever admit to relishing it. But it was a different warmth, one I had never felt before. And though I would never admit it, I liked it.

But that did not stop me from lengthening the distance between us, the rosy red hue filling my cheeks only darkening when Jimmy let out a deep chuckle. He turned to look at me, amusement lacing his vibrant blue orbs, and he sent me a goofy grin that made my stomach do flips. "I don’t bite," he teased, causing me to look away and nibble on my lip nervously. "Actually I do, but only if you’re into that sort of stuff."

I let out a gasp and couldn’t stop myself from curling my fingers into a fist and punching him on the shoulder, which caused him to yelp in surprise. My blush deepened as my eyes widened considerably, fear flashing through my orbs. "I-I’m s-sorry, I d-didn’t m-"

Jimmy laughed, cutting me off, shaking his head softly so that his long strands of black hair fell across his face. "I kind of deserved that. I just wanted to see the look on your face. And I hate to say this, but it was definitely worth it."

I narrowed my eyes at him before turning away, trying to disguise the blush that adorned my cheeks by covering my face with a blanket of my blonde hair. A rush of icy cold air brushed against my cheeks, making me shiver slightly, my eyes trained on the ground. The warmth no longer filled me and I wanted nothing more than for it to return, to bring with it my security and the safe feeling I craved. My eyes snapped upwards and I peered out at the entrance of the park through long strands of hair, and I smiled softly as the memories came flooding back.

I walked in through the entrance, unaware of the fact that Jimmy’s eyes were following me curiously, and I walked down towards the garden, stopping in front of the bed of roses. I reached my hand up and trailed it over the blood red petals, my fingers tingling slightly at the soft touch that met my skin. I couldn’t stop it as a tear began to run down my cheek, and my mind began to wonder.

The woman laughed as the two identical girls ran ahead, their hands clasped tightly together, a melody of giggles escaping their rosy lips. Their long blonde hair blew back with the wind, dancing with the air that swept across the park, tangling together with their close proximity.

"Leslie? Where are you taking me?" the smaller one giggled, struggling to get her little legs to keep up with that of her sister. Her sister turned to look at her, her eyes widened with a deep sense of excitement.

"To the fairy garden!" she whispered, her blue eyes twinkling with joy and ecstasy. The other girl’s mouth widened, showing a small row of baby teeth, and she couldn’t help the way her legs ran faster, desperate to see what was there.

They came to a stop, their laughter ringing out across the night, causing people to look down and smile at the sight of the small identical girls sharing such happiness. The bigger one stepped forward, her hand clasped tightly around her sister’s, her large blue eyes looking out through the garden with exhilaration. The smaller one followed her, a small frown covering her child-like features as she glanced around the garden. "Where are the fairies?" she asked in disappointment, looking back at her sister expectantly.

Leslie smiled, bringing a finger to her lips and gently quieting her. "You can’t see them ‘cause they’re so small, but sometimes, if you’re quiet enough, they come out and you can feel them touch you, like this," she stopped to trail her fingers down her sister’s arm, before meeting her interested gaze. "And that means that they’re there and that they like you, but you can’t scare them 'cause then they go away!" she explained, her large blue eyes twinkling with excitement.

Her sister nodded vigorously, keeping her lips closed tightly to demonstrate her point. Leslie smiled and nodded, before grabbing back onto her hand and pulling her through the garden, a stream of giggles escaping her lips, the previous decision to remain quiet long forgotten with the enjoyment she was feeling. The smaller one followed along until her eyes caught on a beautiful colour, and she let go of her sister’s hand, walking as if transfixed over to the bed of the most wondrous flowers she had ever seen, all of a deep, blood-red. She slowly walked over to the flowers, her mouth opened slightly, and she gently ran her small fingers over the petals. Her sister, seeing that she had stopped, walked over to her, frowning slightly.

"These ones are so pretty, Leslie," she whispered, her finger still trailing over the soft petals. "What are these ones?"

Leslie frowned slightly in thought before she turned to her sister, a large smile on her face. "That’s where the fairy princess lives," she said softly, and the girl turned to her, her blue eyes large and shocked.

"Really?" she asked, her eyes sparkling with excitement. The other girl nodded, looking back towards the flowers.

The smaller one gasped, her eyes filled with excitement. "Leslie! Leslie, I can feel one! It’s on my arm!’ she said excitedly, her grin wide and full of joy. ‘Do you think it’s the princess?"

Leslie frowned and looked at her arm, her eyes widening slightly, making her sister’s grin widen. "I see it! It must like you, Izzy! But you gotta be real quiet, or you’ll scare it away!"

Her sister nodded vigorously, keeping her arm tense in the air. All she could feel at that moment was the rush of butterflies that swam through her stomach, and the absolute feeling of joy the excitement they were sharing. "Can you still feel it?" Leslie asked, glancing up at her sister. Her sister frowned and shook her head, her eyes becoming suddenly sad.

"I must have been too loud," she whispered brokenly, her lower lip trembling slightly. Seeing this a matching frown lit up Leslie’s face, and she brought her hands to cup her sister’s cheeks, pulling them up to meet hers.

"It doesn’t matter, Izzy. It might be bed time for the fairies. We’ll see them again."

Izzy nodded slightly, smiling at her sister. "Race you to the slides?" she asked, before taking off in a run.

"Hey! Not fair! You cheated!" he sister yelled, her small legs chasing off after her.

A stream of tears were now running down my face, falling onto the petals beneath me. "There’s no such thing as fairies, is there Leslie?" I said quietly, the tears beginning to fall faster down my face.

I felt a pair of arms curl around my waist, pulling me backwards, and at first I was worried, but as soon as I felt the warmth rush back through me I was once more overcome with the feelings of security and I allowed myself to melt into the embrace. I allowed my sobs to overcome me as I buried myself into the warmth, the arms around me squeezing me tightly to help calm me down. Jimmy rested his chin on top of my head and rubbed soothing circles on my stomach with his thumb, murmuring soft words of comfort in my ears. "She’s not gone yet, Izzy," he whispered, his warm breath tickling my ear.

I turned around and buried my head in his neck and he wrapped his arms tighter around me, hugging me to his chest. My tears fell onto him, wetting his shirt, but he never once pulled away, allowing me to have my moment of weakness that I knew I would hate myself for later. "Why did she have to go, though?" I said quietly, looking up at him through teary eyes. "Why was it her?"

Jimmy smiled softly, pushing the now wet strands of hair away from my face. "Maybe it was her ti-"

"Don’t give me shit like that," I growled quietly, shaking my head. "Don’t fucking say that. It wasn’t her time. She was 17; if it was her time, it was my time too. I should have gone with her."

Jimmy frowned, an almost pained expression in his eyes. "No, you shouldn’t have. You’re right, she didn’t deserve to go, but sometimes these things happen. Yeah, it sucks, and yeah, it isn’t right, but it has to happen. But just because she’s gone, doesn’t mean you have to let her spirit go. Because that will be with you forever."

Another tear fell down my cheek and onto his chest, before I rested my head back onto his body once more, allowing the warmth to overcome me and fulfill my sudden fatigue. "Do you think fairies are real?" I whispered, feeling like a child again.

I felt him smile against me, rubbing his hands up and down my back soothingly. "I think anything’s possible," he replied quietly, and a small smile fluttered onto my face.

And suddenly in that moment, I could close my eyes and become the small child again, holding my sister’s hand in mine as if it was the most treasured thing in the world. And suddenly I could feel the fairies on my skin, and I could see the sparkle in her eyes as she told me what it was. But then it disappeared, and all that was left was the warmth and Jimmy’s arms wrapped around me.