The Only Things That Kept Her Alive
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Sarah was dead.
Not her body, but Sarah herself, the girl everyone used to love. The girl she had turned her back on.
She didn’t even want to live her life anymore. There were only two things that kept her away from the blade, which would end it all.
Her guitar. The guitar she loved playing on. The guitar she wrote her lyrics for. The lyrics she put her heart in.
It was Sarah’s biggest dream to play in a band, to take her music out into the world. To show people that she made it and kept on believing in herself. If it wasn’t for the music, she wouldn’t be here anymore. We wouldn’t be able to talk about her, because it would tear us apart to just think about the story of this girl.
Her other reason to live was her best friend, Jason. She wasn’t even sure what they were. Were they together? Or were they just friends again?
Sarah loved this guy. She wouldn’t trade him for the world, not for her life. Sarah would die for him.
However, that’s all she would ever be able to get. He didn’t love her in the same way as she did. He sure loved her, but as a friend. He loved her as his best friend.
Sometimes he would act like he was attracted to her, but only to have her for one night.
Sarah wouldn’t end her life, knowing that Jason cared about her. She wouldn’t only end hers, if she did that, but his too. He wouldn’t be Jason anymore. He wouldn’t be the always happy, always joking guy she loved.
It would be just like her life. She ended up like this, because one of her best friends, she even called this girl her sister, died. Sarah’s life didn’t make sense anymore. Everything was useless, no one ever saw her smile again.
That was until she met Jason. He managed to make her happy, to make her appreciate what she had got.
She was never sure what her and Jason’s relationship was. If they were friends, or if they were together, she didn’t know for sure. Sometimes he would act like the best, most caring boyfriend in the whole world. Those were the nights they spent together.
Sometimes Jason would just dump her. He would hang out with her and their friends at school, but he’d never show any signs of a relationship. He would act as if he was her brother.
Those were the days and nights Sarah was lying on her bed, crying her heart out and writing songs.
Her best songs always occurred in those nights. Sadly that wasn’t the only thing she got then. The scars she tried to hide so badly, she only had, because she couldn’t stand the pain of Jason’s actions.
They were young. Jason just wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship. He wanted to have fun during the years he was a teenager. That’s what Sarah always told herself. She always told herself that Jason was going to tell her he loves her, more than a friend. That they would be happy then.
Apparently this day came, not too long after. Jason found the courage to admit that he loved Sarah. First to himself, and finally to Sarah.
She couldn’t believe her luck. She thought her life had sense again. That she could be happy once more.
However, when she started thinking about the situation, she wasn’t so happy anymore.
Knowing Jason, she also knew he was a player. He would find himself another girl in a heartbeat. Sarah trusted her boyfriend, but she had to talk to him.
She confronted Jason with it, who told her to stop worrying. He had changed, he made her believe. Sarah, the girl she was, believed him.
Some month later, they were still together. Everything was fine. At least that’s what Sarah thought. She didn’t know about the girls, her boyfriend spent his nights with, when he was at a ‘friends’. She still believed he had changed.
When she found out, that Jason cheated on her, she was shocked. She couldn’t move for a good five minutes, when all the information finally settled in, she slapped her boyfriend and left.
After this night, she didn’t answer his calls, she didn’t react to any texts he sent. Sarah didn’t want to talk to the guy, who broke her once again. She didn’t want to go through everything a second time.
All the walls she built around her fragile heart broke down, once again. She couldn’t take the pain. Crying didn’t help at all, just like her songs. The only thing, that was able to save her, didn’t help anymore.
What do you think, will a girl do, if every purpose she has breaks down into tiny pieces?
That’s when Sarah cut herself again. The cold, silver blade in her hand, she set it onto her arm. First she drew it across her wrist, believing the physical pain would drown everything else out. When it didn’t help she cut in deeper, which made her lose a lot of blood, but couldn’t overwhelm the mental pain. So, Sarah arranged the blade on her wrist again, this time, however, to cut open her whole arm, not just her wrist.
She drew the blade down her arm, not bothering to look at the blood she already lost, and the blood that comes from the new wound. Soon everything went blurry and Sarah couldn’t make out anything anymore.
It was the end. Now she really was dead, not just her soul, but also her body.
Not her body, but Sarah herself, the girl everyone used to love. The girl she had turned her back on.
She didn’t even want to live her life anymore. There were only two things that kept her away from the blade, which would end it all.
Her guitar. The guitar she loved playing on. The guitar she wrote her lyrics for. The lyrics she put her heart in.
It was Sarah’s biggest dream to play in a band, to take her music out into the world. To show people that she made it and kept on believing in herself. If it wasn’t for the music, she wouldn’t be here anymore. We wouldn’t be able to talk about her, because it would tear us apart to just think about the story of this girl.
Her other reason to live was her best friend, Jason. She wasn’t even sure what they were. Were they together? Or were they just friends again?
Sarah loved this guy. She wouldn’t trade him for the world, not for her life. Sarah would die for him.
However, that’s all she would ever be able to get. He didn’t love her in the same way as she did. He sure loved her, but as a friend. He loved her as his best friend.
Sometimes he would act like he was attracted to her, but only to have her for one night.
Sarah wouldn’t end her life, knowing that Jason cared about her. She wouldn’t only end hers, if she did that, but his too. He wouldn’t be Jason anymore. He wouldn’t be the always happy, always joking guy she loved.
It would be just like her life. She ended up like this, because one of her best friends, she even called this girl her sister, died. Sarah’s life didn’t make sense anymore. Everything was useless, no one ever saw her smile again.
That was until she met Jason. He managed to make her happy, to make her appreciate what she had got.
She was never sure what her and Jason’s relationship was. If they were friends, or if they were together, she didn’t know for sure. Sometimes he would act like the best, most caring boyfriend in the whole world. Those were the nights they spent together.
Sometimes Jason would just dump her. He would hang out with her and their friends at school, but he’d never show any signs of a relationship. He would act as if he was her brother.
Those were the days and nights Sarah was lying on her bed, crying her heart out and writing songs.
Her best songs always occurred in those nights. Sadly that wasn’t the only thing she got then. The scars she tried to hide so badly, she only had, because she couldn’t stand the pain of Jason’s actions.
They were young. Jason just wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship. He wanted to have fun during the years he was a teenager. That’s what Sarah always told herself. She always told herself that Jason was going to tell her he loves her, more than a friend. That they would be happy then.
Apparently this day came, not too long after. Jason found the courage to admit that he loved Sarah. First to himself, and finally to Sarah.
She couldn’t believe her luck. She thought her life had sense again. That she could be happy once more.
However, when she started thinking about the situation, she wasn’t so happy anymore.
Knowing Jason, she also knew he was a player. He would find himself another girl in a heartbeat. Sarah trusted her boyfriend, but she had to talk to him.
She confronted Jason with it, who told her to stop worrying. He had changed, he made her believe. Sarah, the girl she was, believed him.
Some month later, they were still together. Everything was fine. At least that’s what Sarah thought. She didn’t know about the girls, her boyfriend spent his nights with, when he was at a ‘friends’. She still believed he had changed.
When she found out, that Jason cheated on her, she was shocked. She couldn’t move for a good five minutes, when all the information finally settled in, she slapped her boyfriend and left.
After this night, she didn’t answer his calls, she didn’t react to any texts he sent. Sarah didn’t want to talk to the guy, who broke her once again. She didn’t want to go through everything a second time.
All the walls she built around her fragile heart broke down, once again. She couldn’t take the pain. Crying didn’t help at all, just like her songs. The only thing, that was able to save her, didn’t help anymore.
What do you think, will a girl do, if every purpose she has breaks down into tiny pieces?
That’s when Sarah cut herself again. The cold, silver blade in her hand, she set it onto her arm. First she drew it across her wrist, believing the physical pain would drown everything else out. When it didn’t help she cut in deeper, which made her lose a lot of blood, but couldn’t overwhelm the mental pain. So, Sarah arranged the blade on her wrist again, this time, however, to cut open her whole arm, not just her wrist.
She drew the blade down her arm, not bothering to look at the blood she already lost, and the blood that comes from the new wound. Soon everything went blurry and Sarah couldn’t make out anything anymore.
It was the end. Now she really was dead, not just her soul, but also her body.