Fingerprints

Do you remember the first time my grandma read that story to us? We couldn't stop talking about it. And when people passed by, they looked at us funny, almost asking themselves 'what's two eleven year old's doing sitting on old furniture?' But, you know? It didn't matter to us. The stares and murmurs didn't bother us. You want to know why? Because we were too busy reading that book.

I still have the book, it's up in my closet somewhere. I once brought it out and began reading it. I couldn't finish it. It reminded me too much of what used to be.

My mom used to say that we were 'two pees in a pod,' that we were like sisters. We were inseparable. Sure, we fought sometimes, we even slapped and kicked each other in the face. I still remember you, even though it hurts to remember. I still smile when I think of you, even though I probably shouldn't.

Remember when we ran around trying to kiss those boys? I don't like they really liked us when we did that, but it sure was one hell of a time. They would try to escape by pulling our hair and twisting our wrists, it was fun - painful but fun.

And remember when we played spin-the-bottle? Except we didn't have a bottle, we used our friends. We didn't end up kissing anyone, they ran away before we could.

I miss that about us, you know? The fun times.

You know what our mom's said? Well, if you don't, they said that we were inseparable. They said that we would always be the best of friends. We would be each others bridesmaids. We would have sleepovers forever and ever.

I didn't care much for sleepovers. I always asked you if it was alright if I went home. You said sure many of those times, but I could tell you were disappointed. You just wanted to have fun with your best friend, but I was afraid. I wanted my mom.

Remember that one game, bloody mary? The one where we would go to Mikey's house, someone would count to ten, and we would all hide? The one we played in the dark? Yeah, I loved that game. All the neighborhood kids would come over and we would have a blast. I had been playing before you moved here. I had other friends before you.

I also remember when we first met. You were having a rummage sale and I wanted to look at the stuffed animals. Our mom's began talking and that was it, we were tied by the hair.

And remember the pool parties at my cousin's house? That one party where you jumped off the diving board and your shirt went up. My boy cousin laughed at you because he saw. You always mentioned it every summer. You wouldn't even dive into the pool after that. I thought it was funny. I still do.

What I remember most is the fact that when we got mad at each other, we would slap and kick, draw pictures of each other going to the bathroom, and throw food at each other. My mom actually had to separate us once. I think we had issues back then, maybe even now.

I remember when your mom got a divorce from your dad. I didn't know he did that stuff to your mom. I was only a kid when you called, locked up in your bathroom because you were afraid of what he might do to you. You had my dad call the police. He went to jail after that. I didn't know what battery and abuse meant back then, but I do now. I'm sorry you had to go through that, no little kid ever should.

I remember when your dad started talking that way to me, I didn't understand why he was yelling at us. I never had someone yell at me before. He looked so angry and out of control. Your mom told us that he had been drinking and he drank too much.

When your mom found a boyfriend in Chicago, I remember when you became angry and hateful. You hated that guy for steeling your mom from you. I would have been angry too.

I remember when him and his son moved in. His son was such an annoyance. He acted out and didn't listen to anyone at all. I hated those years. Then they got married. You grew even angrier.

Remember when you went to that birthday party? And remember when you told me you had sex with a stranger in a hotel bed? I didn't like hearing that and I was afraid for you. What if you were pregnant or what if you got some kind of disease? You didn't even use protection. You were only thirteen playing a sixteen year old.

My heart broke for you that day you told me. I had to leave for something for school after you called. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't even think that day. My dad asked me what was wrong. I just told him you did something you shouldn't have. You were stupid, and that's what I thought constantly.

I remember when you started to drink a few months later. You took videos of yourself drinking while your parents were asleep. You started partying and sleeping around with people you had never met. They were strangers and you didn't care.

You became nobody to me then.

Maybe you were young and naive, or maybe you knew what you were doing and just didn't care, but I remember when you called me up, telling me that you had a twenty year old boyfriend. That's a large age gap between you two and I didn't like it at all. I didn't say anything of course, I wanted to be a best friend. I cried after thatl, I cried for you and you didn't even know.

You were only fourteen when your parents found out you were sleeping with some twenty year old. They reported him and he went to court, then jail. This went on for three years, three long years you ranted and raved about how your parents don't understand. You told me that they treated you like crap because they wouldn't let their fourteen year old daughter date a twenty year old. You asked for my advice and I told you maybe you were in the wrong. You ignored me and did what you thought would work out anyway. It didn't.

Remember when we were at Kate's and you brought the subject up? I gave you my opinion and you totally got in my face and yelled at me. I didn't go home after that though I wanted to. I wanted to cry for you again, I needed to cry for you, who else would?

The hole neighborhood didn't like you. They gossiped about you and griped at you. They said you were a dirty slut, some leech that didn't need to be around. And in a way, I think they were right. Remember when we hung around with the boys again? They were older than us, but you still dragged me along. I didn't want to go, though. I remember when they told you that I was boring, like some accessory you just carry along with you. I cried after you told me.

I'm still boring, but you wouldn't know.

You still do drugs and you still party and you still sleep around even though you have that twenty something year old boy toy. He's just there for security. I can see right through you. You're using him for comfort because your dad was never there to comfort you. You're just using him and I sometimes wish he'd just dump you. After all, you've cheated on him plenty of times.

You say you want to marry him and it almost sounds like he's forcing you to marry him. You have no backbone, and I tell you that you're only sixteen, but you won't listen like always. You never listen to me. You say you do, but I know you don't.

We still read that book. Remember you came over last month? We took the book out and started reading it again. I believed you were bored with the book. I wish you weren't, but you were. It makes me want to cry, but I won't. I won't cry for you anymore.

We were in my grandma's old shop, sitting in those same old chairs next to the statue of a black leopard. People looked and pointed, but we didn't care. People didn't matter when we were reading the book. I remember what we did that day.

We said, “I'll be your princess and you will be my prince.” It never worked out that way.