The Runaways

"One week one week! everyone ready to do your shopping! Many kids waiting not much time."

"Ugh" I moaned. My bed was so comfortable, I didn't want to get up and go shopping. I rolled out of bed and got dressed in my little green suit that jingled every time I moved. I never did like shopping, nor did I like the fat guy always being mean to us...Always.

He tells everyone "be good and obey" but he does the exact opposite. In his office it is full of TVs and computers. You know how he got those? Stealing. We go out every night a month before the holiday we start "shopping" all the stores are in on it. they load up bags and bays of things for us to take credit for and say "we built it." We have often gotten sued so many times so now all we do is keep it all a secret. Parents still tell their kids the old old old stories about how we make everything and spend all year doing that. They have gone so far as to make movies about us. They do it so wrong but who cares, right, we are just little things that make all the little kids dreams come true? Must be some smart little fucks eh, not. The smartest one here just learned what two plus two is.....five...or not wait....three?....no that's not right...sigh..see what i mean?

"Ray quit talking to your imaginary friend, dude come on we got to go "shopping." Jordan said sarcastically. Jordan was one of my best friends.

"I don't have and imaginary friend okay? Gosh, way to be a good friend," I said.

We headed to the dreaded sleigh, meaning we were going out to go "shopping". Last week we almost got caught and thrown into Fairy Land Hole, basically, jail.

The fat guy gave us each a list with things on it we had to go and get. for every one we didn't get we got a burning. Basically when we get back he counts up all the toys and for everyone not there that isn't our list he lights up a brand new cigar and burns the holy living fuck out of your back. I have only been there once but I will have the scars for life.

"Whats wrong?" Jordan asked me.

"Nothing, just not in the holiday mood." I replied.

He just looked at me in the concerned way he usually does.

"I'm scared," I said "I don't want to end up back in his office again, not after what happened last time."

"What happened last time?" he asked

"I never told you? I thought I did."

"Nope."

"Promise you won't say anything?"

"Promise."

I looked at him and slowly turned around and lifted up my shirt. "Look at my back" I mumbled. I could tell he was a little confused but he looked anyway, when he saw my back he froze.

He shuttered, "Ugh," he said "didn't that hurt?"

"Well no shit." I replied, my back has a big three letter word engraved that us "little people" don't like to say nor even hear....Elf. Ugh, it sends chills down my back just thinking about it.

"Hey snap out of it you two come one, focus. do you wanna end up in bosses office?"

I jumped out of the sleigh, almost tripped, and be lined it for the door. SMACK! Ouch.

"Why didn't you open?!?! Are you against me like everything else is ?!" I shouted at the stupid doors as I sat on the ground rubbing my head. Jordan came up behind me crying, laughing and walked right up to the door and pushed it open.

"You in that big of a hurry Ray? Slow down a little and you might get a little farther than just the store doors." He offered to help me up and I took it. The minute I stood up I was off running through the store like a high flying maniac, I probably looked like one but I mean when do I not? It's me and I might not change.

"Dolls, stuffed animals, barbies, cars, puzzles, clothes, games, balls, jewelery....wait, who asked for clothes? That never happens, toys are always on the list. Dress up clothes. Ah gotta look at the whole word, that might help a little."

"Hey you! Kid! Get back here!" Came a voice a little ways back.

"Uh oh," I said, "the police run!"

The two things I fear most are police and the boss.

I started to run as fast as my little legs would carry me. Jumping over cars, dolls, and oh look Jordan.

"Run!" I yelled. "Forget shopping listen to my uncle, 'get your shit and get out!'" He jumped up from the toys and started to run with me. We went all over the store. Food, clothes, hard wear, home appliances, jewelery, and toys. We went down the isle that had all the battery toys in it.

"Jordan, there!" I yelled.

A big monster truck sat there on display. Mmmmm disaster waiting to happen made us both happy. He jumped on the car and I grabbed the remote.

Around the store he flew, the cop couldn't catch him even if he wanted to. He finally gave up, or so we thought. I brought Jordan back and we grabbed some more things then headed towards the door. The sleigh was gone, it was like a blizzard and it was freezing.

"Gotcha!" I herd. It was the cop. Shit, I thought, we were dead.

"Gotcha bitches, now you can't run anywhere." He said.

He threw us in the back of his car. I felt so bad, but hey at least we went to jail with a bang.

We got to the big scary building and went inside. When they did their search they found out we were elf's. They freaked and sent us to fairy hole or our jail.

There wasn't very many fairy tale animals in here. We were walking down the isle and noticed that the big bad wolf was there in stall three. Gosh what were they trying to do kill him? I mean he wasn't smart enough to out smart three little pigs so they put I'm in stall three. Evil evil people.

"Here you boys go." The cop said he threw us into a very small stall with three small mice in it. The three blind mice, if I remember correctly.

"Why you in here mice? You didn't do anything wrong." I asked.

"We lied." They said in unison.

"What about?"

"The fact that we are blind."

"You guys really aren't blind?" We asked.

"Nope."

Wow we busted up laughing. What kind of place is this, you get thrown in jail for lying! wow.

a few days passed, me and Jordan are still in jail awaiting for our release date.

"You there, yes you, come here, hurry, I'm not supposed to tell this but you are expected to disappear tonight." Said the security guard, Then he just walked on, not another word said. He left me totally confused. I had absolutely no idea.

I was lying in bed later on that night still thinking about what the guard said. Soon a voice came from outside.

"Ray, Jordan, get up, I am here to take you home. Be quiet though." I glanced up form my cot. It was Shay, or in other words known as Rudolf. Gosh humans tell so many lies. I woke up Jordan and we went to the window.

"How we supposed to get out?"

"The window come on we don't have much time boss is all drugged up so he don't even know you two are even gone."

"But how?"

"I'll tell you later lets go."

So we skipped out on jail and went back home. How good it felt to be back in my own bed and not on some stupid cot in a cold concrete room.

Nothing was said the next day, nothing at all. Few know what went down that night. Some thought that we had got killed or made into little stuffed elf's that they sell during the holidays. They are now starting to do that with all of the other things that they capture, poor poor poor animals.

We told some the story and gossiped about it, but surprisingly it didn't go around like I was afraid it would.

Two days to go, just two more days. I cant sleep not at all. It was like two in the mornings and I decided to go for a walk. So I walked through the factory, the mail loading room, everywhere. I came down the hall that the bosses office was. the door was open but the light was off, I was confused for a while till I got to the door.

I looked in and no one was there I had never really been in the bosses office, but always wanted to.

There were computers everywhere. To screens, every thing, lights buttons, levers, anything really. There was this door over the corner of the room. I slowly walked over that way. I reached for the door and then stopped, looked around and made sure no one was there, then open the door. There were two meters one labeled "naughty" and one labeled "nice". The one labeled naughty was almost empty it had about three fingers length of naughty less in there, the nice meter was almost full.

on the door there was a piece of paper said: The nicer the kids are the more naughtiness for me.

I was in his hand writing the fat guys hand writing. I figured that the reason he is always "naughty" is a because the kids aren't. It all clicked, the one way we can make the fat guy nice is if the kids are naughty, but how? It would never work, how would we get them to be bad?

The next day I called a meeting with all the little ones. I told them what I saw last night and told them my plan. they all agreed so we proceeded with it.

We started writing letters one right after another. so many freaking kids in this world holy crap, I had no clue.

Dear kid,

I have some bad news. You are not getting anything for the holidays from your friend Santa clause. He will not be going our that night either. Sad to say but Santa has passed away because of way to much eating and blow jobs from his wife. He is so so sorry for the sadness.

Thank you

Elf.

It was between laughing and crying because this was so hilarious but yet so mean. I wanted the fat guy to suffer being nice for once. His wife, Holly, made him have his meanness and left him after just a day. He has been so depressed ever since. that is when he started "Santa Clause". This was one way he got away with his reindeer being able to fly because well they are his favorite animal. He got them to fly by taking them out for a walk and ran into a whole family of tinker bell, they had a collision and, bam, flying reindeer. That is how it all got started.

We sent out all the letters the same day. Word spread like a virus, it worked. the kids were going bad and the fat guy was going...nice.

Christmas eve came and he was lying in bed, sick as a dog. I...well....kinda....sorta...made him sick. He asked the elf's to make him some brownies so I kinda put some drain-o in with extra vanilla, the last step to my plan.

I was realizing in my bed when I hear someone aboard the sleigh. I jumped up from my bed and ran to the loading room. Fat guy was out of his bed and fat fat woman was along side him. What the hell I thought, he really was crazy. He left with a flash, I ran over to the phone and called the local police stations and told them there was an impostor as Santa flying around and they might want to get on it. They said they had a wanna be Santa breakout so they thought it was him. The wanna be Santa was another little extra part, Oh, little elf's are so evil, oh so evil.

We watched the whole thing go down. The reindeer in the back cut the reins so the sleigh would fall right when they started shooting. The reindeer's came back home and the two fat ones went to jail for life. From now on the holidays are ran by the little people!