Marrying a Total Tool

Waking up the next day, I felt like I was in a blur. A mind filled with swirling images and my heart ached. Maybe it's because I woke up to an empty bed. I stared around the room and almost immediatly remembered the room to be Ryan's.

I had come here last night, and he had slept next to me. He held me so close, as if he thought I was going to leave him. Which is ridiculous. I love him.

Whoa...

I remember loving him?

Do I?

I don't know. I think I do. But there's only one way to figure this out. Without even taking a glance in the mirror I jumped out of the bed and rushed down the old, creaky stairs. I passed Gwen and I ran straight out into the ice cold rain. I saw Ryan sitting on the wooden swing where he first confessed a lot of things to me.

His mohawk was falling down and his eyes looked droopy. But above all of that:

He looked absolutely stunning in the rain. Almost as if he was taken straight out of a magazine. I felt my breath hitch and I ran up to him. My mind in streams of strange thoughts and things I couldn't remember. But I remembered now. I remembered everything, everything from when I first met him to now. My heart beat erratically in my chest as I walked up to him.

Ryan looked up at me in surprise.

"Why didn't you come after me. I was trying to swim and you let me fall. Why did you let me drown the way I did?" My voice was barely above a whisper, but it sounded so much louder.

Ryan's mouth opened and closed like a fish.

"Why? You let me sink into the deepness. You let me, not even a second thought." My eyes were watering over, but you'd never be able to notice since it was pouring.

"Riley, you... you remember?" Ryan stood up and cupped my face with his hands, but I slapped them away.

"I want answers. I want them right now."

"Answers? Ask me the questions and I will answer thee." Ryan smiled. I groaned and pushed him.

"Enough. Just answer me. Why did you leave me? Why did you want me gone? Why did you leave me with Liam, of all people?" My voice barely broke and I felt a small pang of pride for myself. I wasn't backing down.

"I left you because I was scared. Is that what you wanted to hear? I am a selfish, inconsiderate, pain in the ass and I know that. I am extremely unhappy about myself. Everything. I hated myself for letting you go, and to Liam. I know you love him, Riley. I saw it in your eyes when you walked down the aisle, when you first met him. Every bit of you loves him and I thought it was more than me. And you know what? I lied. Of course Liam loves you. He's just as much in love with you as I am. And I wanted your mind to be changed. I used Liam's doubt in the moment against him, for myself. Go ahead, call me an ass. Call me a dick. I deserve it, and I want you to know that. I want you to know that I love you more than anything and the very thought of you being anywhere but with me drove me insane." Ryan's eyes were bloodshot, his voice was cracking and I'm pretty sure he was crying. But then again, I wouldn't be able to tell.

"But why did you leave me with Liam? YOU DON'T WANT ME WITH HIM." My voice was angrier than I thought it would be.

Ryan turned away from me and muttered something, "I was putting you where you belonged. Liam would have taken care of you. He would have loved you till the end if hadn't been for me."

My heart dropped. Lies, deciet, what else could there ever so possibly be? Could there be anything else that Ryan has lied about.

Before my brain could answer all that, I felt something in the pit of my stomach. Dread.

I was in deep, irrevociable love with them.

And I could only do one thing. I only had one option without them killing each other. This would kill me. This would break me apart.

Everything would be over. Everything.

I had to choose.