Still Frames In My Mind
"Before the Lobotomy" by Green Day
I’ve always been able to draw parallels between Tyler and I and the characters Billie Joe comes up with for their concept albums.
On one hand there’s Tyler, a set the world on fire just to watch it burn kind of guy. It become a joke how many of his long speeches started out, “Look, you just do [insert any action here] because society fucking corrupts you to,” and ended with “So, I just say fuck it.” His lesson was what he had been sold.
Then there’s me, the incurable optimist that believes even if you make things one iota better in this world you’ve won a battle. Tyler always told me one day society would “butt fuck” me and I’d see the truth. I doubt it.
We both felt lost and alone in this town.
I feel like this song really embodies all of that. Two people aching for something more, but at least with each other around their worlds made a bit more sense.
During the last summer of our friendship two key events happened that lead to this relationship being the most valued one I’ve ever had outside of family.
August 2009 was an interesting month. I was reawakened from this fall in line drone I was becoming. To seal the deal on the fact that a new Julie had been born I decided to go out and get as fucked up as possible -- even though it was a mere five months ago I feel I’ve grown up enough to realize how dumb that was. Anyway, Tyler had called me earlier that day wanting me to go out with his new “friend” -- this chick from the School of the Arts -- and him to this really cool indie bar called Elliot’s Revue. I declined stating I had already been invited to a party.
I regretted my decision almost instantly as I arrived at the party when I noticed that pretty much everyone there were avatars for the reasons I had hated high school. They were blasting Toby Keith, the joke of the night was about how the smell of fried chicken in the registration line at GTCC was too powerful, and I was probably the only one there that didn’t consider “yonder” to be a cardinal direction.
The solution to my dilemma of hating everyone there seemed clear: drink everything offered. Three hours later I was laid out on a couch with a boy who’s name I can’t remember and I can’t even recall why I thought stroking this stranger’s head was a good idea. Weird shit seems logical when you’re shit faced.
As I laid there, I remembered Tyler always wanting to see me drunk off my ass. Careful not to wake passed out beauty I dug in my pocket for my phone and clumsily dialed Tyler’s number.
“Mm…hello,” came a groggy voice on the other end of the line.
“Duuuuuude, guess what? I am so fucked up right now!”
“Julie?”
“Fuck yeah, muthah fuckah,” my wit sent me into fits of laughter.
“Where are you? I’m coming to get you,” he sounded wide awake all of a sudden.
“I… I’m at… the Ash chick’s house. I dunno. Out in hickville some wheres.”
“Give the phone to someone at the party who seems sober.”
“Um, okay,” I grabbed my friend Jo, who just happened to stagger by.
Ten minutes later I was holding onto the banister leading up stairs for dear life. It was only a step down into the living room, but at that moment I felt like I was on the edge of a cliff. I heard my name called and looked up to witness Tyler walking thru the front door, still in his flannel pants and black wife beater pajamas.
“Hey there, Hoss,” I greeted from my perch.
“Let’s get out of here,” he tried to put a hand under my elbow, but I swatted it away.
“One second… I gotta say something. You know man,” I said dropping my voice to what I thought was a whisper, “I hated all of these racist redneck fuckers in high school and I sure as hell hate them now.”
“That’s cool, Julie,” he said looking around nervously, “but, could you stop shouting because all of them are staring at us now.”
“No, no, fuck you, no,” I straightened myself up on the banister, “ I don’t give a shit what they think of me! I’m PUNK ROCK!” With that I thrust my fist in the air and toppled over off the step and into the living room. Tyler gently picked me up and cursed everyone laughing at me as he dragged me to his car.
On the way home I remember crying a lot and going on about no one getting me and not fitting in. I also told Tyler I couldn’t believed he cared about me over and over. I told him I wasn’t worth it. I’m pretty sure I threw in a few I Love Yous in there as well. Once we go to my house Tyler helped me up stairs and into bed.
“Just go to sleep, alright,” he commanded as he gently took off my shoes and dragged the covers over my body.
“Alright. Hey, Tyler? You want to know the irony in it all?”
“Sure.”
“I didn’t go out with you tonight because I didn’t feel like driving your drunk ass around,” before I passed out I heard his unique chuckle.
On one hand there’s Tyler, a set the world on fire just to watch it burn kind of guy. It become a joke how many of his long speeches started out, “Look, you just do [insert any action here] because society fucking corrupts you to,” and ended with “So, I just say fuck it.” His lesson was what he had been sold.
Then there’s me, the incurable optimist that believes even if you make things one iota better in this world you’ve won a battle. Tyler always told me one day society would “butt fuck” me and I’d see the truth. I doubt it.
We both felt lost and alone in this town.
I feel like this song really embodies all of that. Two people aching for something more, but at least with each other around their worlds made a bit more sense.
During the last summer of our friendship two key events happened that lead to this relationship being the most valued one I’ve ever had outside of family.
August 2009 was an interesting month. I was reawakened from this fall in line drone I was becoming. To seal the deal on the fact that a new Julie had been born I decided to go out and get as fucked up as possible -- even though it was a mere five months ago I feel I’ve grown up enough to realize how dumb that was. Anyway, Tyler had called me earlier that day wanting me to go out with his new “friend” -- this chick from the School of the Arts -- and him to this really cool indie bar called Elliot’s Revue. I declined stating I had already been invited to a party.
I regretted my decision almost instantly as I arrived at the party when I noticed that pretty much everyone there were avatars for the reasons I had hated high school. They were blasting Toby Keith, the joke of the night was about how the smell of fried chicken in the registration line at GTCC was too powerful, and I was probably the only one there that didn’t consider “yonder” to be a cardinal direction.
The solution to my dilemma of hating everyone there seemed clear: drink everything offered. Three hours later I was laid out on a couch with a boy who’s name I can’t remember and I can’t even recall why I thought stroking this stranger’s head was a good idea. Weird shit seems logical when you’re shit faced.
As I laid there, I remembered Tyler always wanting to see me drunk off my ass. Careful not to wake passed out beauty I dug in my pocket for my phone and clumsily dialed Tyler’s number.
“Mm…hello,” came a groggy voice on the other end of the line.
“Duuuuuude, guess what? I am so fucked up right now!”
“Julie?”
“Fuck yeah, muthah fuckah,” my wit sent me into fits of laughter.
“Where are you? I’m coming to get you,” he sounded wide awake all of a sudden.
“I… I’m at… the Ash chick’s house. I dunno. Out in hickville some wheres.”
“Give the phone to someone at the party who seems sober.”
“Um, okay,” I grabbed my friend Jo, who just happened to stagger by.
Ten minutes later I was holding onto the banister leading up stairs for dear life. It was only a step down into the living room, but at that moment I felt like I was on the edge of a cliff. I heard my name called and looked up to witness Tyler walking thru the front door, still in his flannel pants and black wife beater pajamas.
“Hey there, Hoss,” I greeted from my perch.
“Let’s get out of here,” he tried to put a hand under my elbow, but I swatted it away.
“One second… I gotta say something. You know man,” I said dropping my voice to what I thought was a whisper, “I hated all of these racist redneck fuckers in high school and I sure as hell hate them now.”
“That’s cool, Julie,” he said looking around nervously, “but, could you stop shouting because all of them are staring at us now.”
“No, no, fuck you, no,” I straightened myself up on the banister, “ I don’t give a shit what they think of me! I’m PUNK ROCK!” With that I thrust my fist in the air and toppled over off the step and into the living room. Tyler gently picked me up and cursed everyone laughing at me as he dragged me to his car.
On the way home I remember crying a lot and going on about no one getting me and not fitting in. I also told Tyler I couldn’t believed he cared about me over and over. I told him I wasn’t worth it. I’m pretty sure I threw in a few I Love Yous in there as well. Once we go to my house Tyler helped me up stairs and into bed.
“Just go to sleep, alright,” he commanded as he gently took off my shoes and dragged the covers over my body.
“Alright. Hey, Tyler? You want to know the irony in it all?”
“Sure.”
“I didn’t go out with you tonight because I didn’t feel like driving your drunk ass around,” before I passed out I heard his unique chuckle.