Dead Lover's Lane

I was sweating bullets. Just to talk to the man. Just to hear his voice. I was shaking...
Jimmy handed me the phone. "Just chill." he said quietly.
I flinched when he patted me on the back.

I took the phone into me hand. Air filled my lungs and I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Hello?"

"Hello." Ville's deep Finnish accent filled my ear. I love his voice. But, I was still shaken and nervous. The last words I;d heard Ville say were "Yeah right, fuck off Bam." Then a dial tone.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked casually.
Ville was silent for a second. "I'm alright. Been working on the new album you know."
"Oh yeah! I can't wait to hear. How's that going?"
"Pretty nice." I could hear the smile i his voice. "Starting to record next week sometime."
"That's awesome." I tried to smile.
"Want me to read you a lyric?"
"Yeah." I said smiling this time. I love his poetry.
"This is called 'Song or Suicide'." he said. "Sorrow rebuild me as I step out of the light. Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes. I heal my wounds with grief, dreams of you, and weep myself to sleep."

There was an awkward silence. I felt kind of teary eyed. "That's amazing." I said.
"Thank you..." Ville said.

I was silent.
"So, you didn't go through with the wedding..."
I bit my lip. "No."
"Well, why not?" Ville asked.
"I just didn't..."
"Mhm...Tell me why not." Ville said, he could tell when I was lying better then anyone.
"It wasn't for me."

Ville was silent for a moment. "So when are you coming to see me. I haven't seen you in months."
I smiled slightly. "I dunno...when do you want me too?"
"Soon." Ville said.
"Can I arrange for a visit as soon as possible?"
"Of course. Maybe you'll get to come to the studio."
I smiled. "I'd love it..."
"Good. Well then, I'm going to go and catch some sort of nap or rest..."
"I need to sleep now anyway."
"Night Bam."
"Night Ville." he hung up. "I love you." I knew he couldn't hear me. But, I said it anyway.

I smiled at the though of Ville lying in his bed.

Jimmy's snore interrupted.
I shook my head. Then, took off my shoe and threw it at him. It hit him in the gut. He jolted up quickly. "Fuck me in the asshole sideways!"
"If that's what you really want..."
Jimmy laughed. "How'd it go?"
"I'm going to Finland."
"Great...now go to bed!" Jimmy said curling upon my couch.

I turned off the lamp. I followed the light from the hall up to my room. I entered the dungeon only lit by candles. My poster of Ville above my bed looking sexier then I remembered.
I sat on my bed and stared at the poster for a while. Dirty thoughts, memories entered my mind.

I tried and tried to make myself come. But, I couldn't. So I gave up.

I grabbed the sleeping pills from my side table. I swallowed one along with the last of my bottle of wine.