My Kind of Perfect

I sighed with relief and sat back in my chair. The thing Caleb left out when he asked me to go on tour was that I’d be working on tour, as their new official merch bitch with K-Dirty. The guys had just donned the stage and business was dead slow finally. I leaned my head back against the chair and took a deep inhale.

I’ve completely turned my life around. No more panic attacks, no more constant supervision. I’m happy and exhilarated. And it’s funny to think that it’s all because of a silly little boy and a silly little promise we made to each other. I conquered fear and he’s glued to my side.

It’s even weirder to think it’s been almost two years since we made that promise. We never talked about that promise again either. Not the day he got back from touring or even the day after that. He’s just always there, like he promised.

I open my eyes and glance over at K-Dirty. I giggle a little as I see he’s in the same position I was in, just relaxing while there’s no work. “I gotta go pee, I’ll be back in a little, Dirty.” I tell him and he shrugs in response.

We’re at a club like venue tonight. It’s small and I can see the boys as I push through the crowd to get to the bathroom. I stare in the mirror a little as I was my hands. My hair’s grown out again and there’s life in my eyes. I smile before shaking my head and leaving the room. It’s crazy to think about how the way things used to be now. I used to always look like I was on the verge of tears and panic.

I stop in my tracks and turn toward the stage as I hear my favorite part of one of their songs start to play through the speakers. I smile at my brother’s back and his weird slow dancing moves. And then my eyes find the ginger head, the boy who’s squinting toward the merch booths.

“It’s a terrible thing, to know what you want and to know you can’t have it at all! I wanted was to let you know, how I. It’s a terrible thing, it’s a terrible, it’s a terrible thing. A terrible, terrible thing!” He sings the words and pours his passion into them. I get shivers down my spine and then shake my head as I continue to the merch booth.

A few hours later I’m packing the merch up into the back of the trailer with K-Dirty and I can hear the boys talking outside. I ignore them for the most part, but it’s hard when they all laugh so loud.

“Thanks for coming to the show!” It’s my brother that yells and I roll my eyes. I should have known they were talking to fans instead of packing up their instruments. Kyle was the only one who had his drums in the trailer.

“Where’s Emily?” I freeze with a box in my hands. It’s Caleb.

“She’s situating merch in the trailer.” K-Dirty answers and then the talking fades. I guess they went into the venue to pack their equipment finally and then I hear the footsteps and the squeaking as someone enters the small trailer with me.

“What—,“ I start but them stop. Caleb’s only a foot away from and both of us are ducking a little since the trailer is so small. I clear my throat and smile. “Good show.” It’s the only thing I can really think of to say. Lately there’s been a sort of tension between Caleb and I, a sensual kind of tension. It makes me nervous, but he just seems to ignore it.

“You disappeared for your favorite song.” That’s what he had been squinting at. He was trying to see me.

“I had to pee.” I turned around and went back to organizing the boxes so there’d be more room for everything else.

It was quiet and I would have thought he’d left, but I didn’t hear footsteps leaving. Just a bit of heavy breathing. “Emmy, do you remember the promise I made to you?” My heart stops.

I set the box in my hands down. “Y-yeah,” I slowly turn around and Caleb’s hands grip my sides, pulling me closer.

“I told you I’d never leave you alone.” My heart rate starts to pick up. “And I also said I had some feelings for you.” I let out the breath I’d been holding. “And since then, my feelings have only grown and now I can’t see myself ever loving someone as much as I love you, Em.” My poor little heart stops again and then starts to trip over itself. “I love you, Emily.”

Shock runs through my veins. This I was not expecting, ever. “Caleb,” I can’t even say anything other than his name.

“It’s alright if you don’t feel the same. I just thought, maybe if you did, we could, um, we could be together like I promised.”

“Oh, shit.” The thought bubbles from my mouth and I wish I had some control on my mouth the second I see his eyes dim. Caleb’s whole body seems to deflate as he nods and his hands drop from my sides. Then he turns to leave. Horror and fear make my throat swell and I’m worried I won’t be able to speak before he makes it out of the trailer. “Caleb!” It’s a strangled yell but it makes him stop. “Caleb, I think I love you too.” It rushed out and he turns around. He looks just as confused as I feel.

“You think?”

“You’re constantly on my mind and I’ve just always told myself it’s because you saved me, but honestly it’s more than that.” I stop and bit my bottom lip. Caleb takes one step toward me and then freezes. “You’re easy to talk to and you’re so gentle and sweet to me. I wanted us to be more than friends after tour, that first time. But I thought you deserved more than me, that’s why I was going to let you go on your promise. You could go and find someone and leave me.” Tears were prickling my eyes and I had to sniffle to try and keep them back.

Caleb closed the space between us before I could blink and his arms were around tightly, clutching me to him. “I want you, Em, forever.” It was only a whisper and I could no longer hold back the tears. A few fell and soaked his shirt as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “You’re perfect.” I laughed a little through my tears and pulled back from him just enough so I could see his face.

“I am far from,” I was cut off as Caleb pressed his lips against mine. In all the day dreams I’d had of this moment, I’d never thought it’d feel this good.

“You are my kind of perfect.” He chuckled as he rested his forehead against mine.

“And you’re cheesy.” I scoffed and tilted my head up so we were kissing again. We were both laughing lightly as we pulled away this time. My stomach was filled with a giddy feeling as Caleb squeezed my sides.

“I guess the thing left to do now is break the news to Jonathan.” Caleb chuckled as I groaned and rested my head on his chest.

“He’s going to hate this.”

“He can’t hate us forever.” Caleb argued and I picked my head up to stare at him.

“You really mean that?” He furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion. “I mean, us, forever?”

Caleb smiles and kisses me again, making my knees give and my body melt into his. “Forever.”

Getting close to Caleb was the best idea.