Faulty Affection

Sometimes I wish none of this had ever happened. That I’d never met Pierce. Of course I loved him. And we had wonderful times together, but I hated the idea of hurting him. This would happen eventually though, right? Better to have it done with now, than just build up more pain later.

I gently cradled my cell phone in my hands. I had called Pierce and asked him to meet me up at the botanical park. He of course agreed and said he’d be there in ten minutes. I dropped my phone into the light gray glove box, and put my hands on the wheel. Even as I gripped the wheel of my truck, my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. After inhaling deeply, I put the car into drive and headed towards the park. The sky was painted a dull gray. The forecast had said it would rain today, but with all of the thoughts I had running through my head, I didn’t manage to grab an umbrella. Getting wet was the least of my worries.As I parked my truck, I ran my fingers through my hair shakily.

“How am I suppose to do this?” I whispered to myself.

“Josie!” someone yelled.

I quickly pulled my head off of the steering wheel, seeing Pierce with that goofy grin on his face. He was standing in the rain with his purple ducks umbrella. I tried to smile back at him. The muscles in my face just couldn’t form the lie. As I stepped out of my truck, he quickly ran over with his umbrella.

“Hey babe!” He said cheerily.

He lightly kissed my cheek. I could feel his breath warm my icy skin. My dark brown eyes met his light blues. Seeing his smile, I could feel tears beginning to prick my eyes. The heat of a sob in my throat.

“C’mon.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the magnolia trees.

“What is it angel?” he asked.

I bit my lip, feeling the tears began to trickle down my face.

“Don’t call me that.” My voice was a raspy whisper.

“What?” he said, I could hear the concern in his voice.

He lightly touched my arm. '

“Don’t touch me!” I yelled.

I whipped out from under the umbrella and looked at his eyes. He was confused and hurt. It worsened my pain, knowing that I put those emotions on his face.

“Josie what’s wrong?”

I leaned my head back and let the rain fall on my face as I took a ragged breath.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“What do you mean?” He replied.

His face had gone from confusion to panic. I tried to calm myself with another breath, but I could’ve taken a thousand breaths. Nothing was going to calm me. I walked back over to him. I put his hands in mine.

“This! Pierce I love you, more than you’ll ever know! But I can’t do this anymore!”

“I don’t understand, why?”

“Pierce..I just…I” I gently sighed.

It felt like it took all the muscles in my body to look in his eyes.

“Don’t call me. Don’t try to find me. I don’t want to see you ever again.” I said it in the calmest way I could.

His hands went limp, and I let them slip from mine.

“I don’t want you anymore Pierce.”

I stood staring at him for a moment, and then walked back to my car. Don’t turn around. Don’t turn around. I stood at my car door. Trying to see my key through blurry eyes. Don’t look at him. Don’t look at him. As if on cue my head turned and I saw him. The umbrella was on the ground. Rain matted his hair. He had fallen to his knees, and he just looked at me. His mouths formed silent sobs. I touched the heart necklace around my neck. Finish him off. I looked into his eyes, from the couple of yards between us. My gentle touch changed to a grip, and I ripped the necklace from my neck. I allowed it to fall from my hand. I mouthed let me go. And then I got into my vehicle, and drove away. I only got twelve miles from the park before I had to pull over from the wrenching sobs. I screamed and moaned from the ripping sensation in my chest. I could feel the pain but I knew inside that it was my fault. I made this decision. So why did it hurt so badly.