Faulty Affection

I quickly sat up in bed. I had had the same nightmare for years. It would start off with Josie saying she never wanted to see me again, and then I would feel a dense fog begin to surround me and swallow me. Then the ground would collapse and I would start to fall. But when I reached out for Josie to help me, she would just stand there and smile. My therapist had said the dreams would end. But they never did.

I rubbed my hand over my face as I tried to stand up. My legs were still a little rubbery from sleeping so long. I checked my clock for the time. But I noticed the date. October 15th. 5:47am.

I laughed a little. “ Six years since you ripped me apart. Happy anniversary Josie.” A sick joke, but I found it funny. She had just left. She never told me why she wanted to leave. And I tried to find her, but when I went to her house, it was for sale. Her mother wouldn’t answer my calls. When she said she never wanted to see me again, she had made sure she never would.

I walked into the kitchen. I felt something rub against my leg, when I looked down I saw it was my cat Hercules. He always came running to the kitchen, he knew that when I went in there to make coffee, I’d give him a piece of pre-sliced turkey. Hercules was a fat orange cat. I found him at the recording station where I worked. I had gone to college for a couple of years, then I moved to a big city where I could get a job. It was hard getting into the music industry. But I did it.

I head the familiar jangle of my cell phone, I tripped over Hercules as I ran back to my room to get it. I needed a haircut. It was starting to get in my eyes, and I could barely see where I was running.

“Ugh. Hello?” I said in a hurried tone.

“Well good evening to you too sunshine.”

I recognized the voice. It was my best friend Donovan. When I’d started working at the recording station he’d gotten some clientele for me. When had spent so much time working together, we eventually became best friends.

“ Sorry Donovan. It’s just today isn’t exactly my favorite day and I just fell over Hercules.”

“What is it Pierce?” Donovan said.

“It’s the fifteenth. Six years today.” I said feeling the same ache in my chest arise.

“ Pierce, let me tell you something. Josephine is gone. You’ve got to get over her. She left you in the rain! She was a complete jerk about the whole thing!” Donovan said, half yelling.

“I know, and I am over her! It’s just. I don’t know, it’s left a big scar. You know?”

“ Yea I know man. Well, tell ya what. Come down to the café tonight. I’ll buy you something to drink. We’ve got somebody working the mic tonight. Plus you could use the company.”

“Sure why not. Just don’t lace anything with alcohol. I know how you are!” I said jokingly.

“Hey, you’re the one that can’t handle the poison! But I gotta get ready for work. See you later.”

“ Bye Donovan.”

I pressed end and sighed lightly. Everybody knew I was over Josephine. I don’t even remember her middle name. Sharon. Okay maybe I do. But it’s not like she matters anymore. I’ve had other girls too. They were more like one nighters, but they were still girls. That woman had ruined my life. Suicidal thoughts were even worse after she left. And now every single night I dream of that rainy day. I pushed my dark brunette hair out of my face.

“ She doesn’t matter anymore. She’s gone and she’s never coming back. I don’t love her.”

When I went to a therapist he said reassuring myself would help. My family told me I was being a baby. But I was with Josie for seven years. And she was my first love. I wanted to marry her. But obviously something I did made her think otherwise.

I sifted through my clothes trying to find something to wear. I pulled out a pair of dark jeans, a gray and black pin striped shirt, and my white vans. I hurriedly blow dried my hair. I stepped into my car, checking myself in the mirror. I pulled out my comb and ran it through my hair. Feeling slight tangles as I yanked it through.

“Don’t plague my mind tonight Josephine. Just let me have fun.”

The car rumbled to a start, and I made my way to the Silver Pot.