Trashed and Scattered

The wind blew violently through the old playground, ushering in the dark, ominous ceiling of clouds that was forming overhead. I hugged my chest a little tighter, attempting to hide in the warm depths of my hoodie, not liking my chances of making it home dry. Casting my eyes towards the sky it was like gazing in to a mirror. I hadn’t been able to corner Macy alone all day, and what had began simple as worry had turned to panic and now fear. Welcoming, yet equally dreading getting home, I sat down upon the weathered stone steps of the main building waiting for Macy to arrive. As I tapped my foot to the beat playing in my head, I surveyed the school grounds but most importantly its occupants. Despite my parents best intentions, that this school would be different, a fresh start, their ignorance was becoming obvious. Teenagers were the same everywhere, in every high school in every small town and major city. Just as cruel, just as misunderstood and just as stupid.

Sighing, the sight of Macy walking with Ray towards the bus stop caught my eye. I watched as he dutifully wrapped his jacket around her leaving him in only a t shirt, and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. I felt that all familiar tug on my heart and swallowed the lump in my throat. I had only ever had one boyfriend, but I missed that closeness, that intimacy with another person. The way their touch could send fire racing through your veins, fill that empty space in your heart; comfort you after a bad day. I sighed and averted my eyes not out of shame but out of envy as they shared tender kiss, hands intertwined, lost in each other. As the bus pulled away, I looked up and spotted Macy walking towards me, a small smile playing on her lips.

“ Hey, Hey, Hey! Long time no see, friend! How long’s it been? An hour and a half?” She giggled, before looking up at the menacing clouds.
“We better going...” Grabbing my hand and beginning to skip she pulled me through the now empty playground towards the front gates. I stopped her as we emerged on to the pavement, the look on my face causing her to sober immediately.
“Look, it’s only 10 minutes to walk home, and I really, really need to talk to you”
“This is about Gerard isn’t it?” She caught me off guard, her intuitiveness surprising. I let her go of her arm.
“Yeah...” I replied awkwardly. It almost didn’t seem appropriate for me to be worrying so much about someone I had just met.
We walked in silence for the first few minutes. I’d either leave the silence or bring it up now, asking Macy what is up. I decided with the latter.
“So... Gerard...”I said slowly. Macy let out a sigh.
“Gerard is a great guy, but he’s had some troubles before. A lot of things you’d know about.”Macy paused and I frowned. “Anyway, he went through a lot late last year, and it seems like it’s happening again.”
I looked at Macy and cocked an eyebrow. I got what she meant. Obviously Gerard cut. But the second part? I didn’t get that...
Macy sighed again. “Gerard doesn’t get along very well with his parents, and they don’t get along very well with each other. I can’t really say too much. As I said before, it’s not really my place to... But can you please just, I dunno, keep an eye on him? Please? I just want to make sure he’s ok.”

I nodded. “Of course. I’ll definitely keep an eye on him. I said that before, remember?”
Macy smirked. “Oh yeah! You like him eh?!”Macy started giggling and I rolled my eyes.
“Oh, you’re so mature!”Macy continued giggling. Trust me to break a serious moment...
We soon got to Parkway Dr, the name of the new street that I lived on. I had grown accustomed to it, the name sounding pretty cool. Macy walked me to my house and we shared a quick hug goodbye. With a lingering glance at Gerard’s house and a sad sigh, she then cast her eyes downwards and continued walking down the street. I watched her form shrink in to the distance as she left. I stood in silence for a second, begging for some sound to come from the house adjacent, for Gerard to walk out the front door all smiles, and tell me everything was fine. It didn’t happen.

The afternoon had gone by slowly, the only activity in the house 5 metres away being Mikey’s arrival home. As hard as I tried to concentrate on the mountain of homework before me, it was impossible. Despite being home all afternoon I was yet to see Gerard, the dread living inside me had also grown significantly. The curtains in his bedroom where ominously shut. When I heard the front door open ( I had my window open and my music off so that I could hear anything that went on next door) i ran to the window my heart rate picking up speed. I watched as his mother then his father and finally Mikey exited. No Gerard. I waited, holding the window sill so hard my knuckles turned white, but he didn’t appear. When Mikey locked the door I knew he wasn’t coming out. As he walked away from the house, hood up, head down, I slowly released my death grip on the windowsill. They drove away with a screech of tires, and I wondered where they were going. Goosebumps rose on my pale skin as a cool night breeze flowed lazily amongst the houses, the sky still threatening to unleash its fury. After staring long enough at the space which had once been occupied by the Ways speeding car, I turned away from the window trying to calm my heart down to a steady while swallowing the tears that threatened to fall. I barely knew him, but I worried for him like I had known him all my life. Sighing I made my way downstairs for dinner, though I had no appetite at all.

Later, I was sitting in bed listening to the sound of raindrops on my roof, attempting to read but failing when he came home. My window was still open and I heard him anxiously knocking on his front door. It saddened me to know he would get no answer sliding quietly out of bed and climbing quietly down the stairs, I pulled back the curtain in the front window and watched as he continued to knock, growing less and less frantic when no answered. He soon gave up, his anxiety replaced by anger and with a final kick to the door, he stormed away and to pace across his front yard, his hands balled in to fists. I watched in silence, in pain. Grabbing a stray hoodie from the banister, I stepped out in to the cool night breeze, zipping it as high as I could.

Standing hidden in the shadows of my front veranda, I continued to observe as he paced. For the first time I caught a glimpse of his face. His pale skin was etched with angst, with anger, but behind it sadness, that he was desperately trying to hold inside. He clenched and unclenched his fists, his breathing laboured and staggered as he held back the tears that threatened to fall. I opened my mouth to call his name when I spotted a familiar figure quickly approaching. Macy slowed as she reached the edge of Gerard’s yard and as he turned to continue pacing their eyes met. He froze and she closed the gap of cold air between them, pulling him to a hug like a mother would a child. Then something broke inside him and he finally let the tears fall, his shoulders shaking in her embrace. Macy eyes were vacant as if she had done this many times before. I watched as he wilted, holding on to Macy’s jacket for dear life as she lowered him to the ground. She held him to her chest, stroking his hair and whispering soothing words in his ear as he sobbed, trying her hardest to rebuild his shattered heart enough so that he could make it through another night. Pain tore through my chest as Macy’s voice broke through Gerard’s sobs, a soft tune, almost a lullaby and barely audible but beautiful all the same. He slowly began to relax until he was silent in her arms, his breathing slow and controlled, the only sound floating through the night being Macys soft melodic voice. She finished the phrase before falling silent, just holding him, holding him so tight no one in the world would have been able to tear him from her grasp. Lifting his chin so that he was looking at her, she wiped a stray tear from his cheek with her thumb. Her eyes searched his anxiously. He broke the contact before and stared at his hands.
“I’m sorry” he whispered.
“No”
She stood up quickly and extended her hand to him. I exhaled, realising I had been holding my breath. A sudden wave of dizziness passed over me and I gripped the window ledge beside me, breathing deeply, not just to live but to control the emotions that threatened to over flow. He ignored he hand and pulled himself to his feet, wiping a quick hand across his eyes. Wrapping an arm around his shoulders she lead him towards the sidewalk. I watched them until they disappeared from my sight. I let out a shaky sigh. I had seen a lot in my short lifetime. But never something so intense. I felt like I had seen something I shouldn’t have, and even though the worry had subsided guilt was starting to creep in. Returning to the warmth of my home I realised how cold and exhausted I was. I crept quickly up the stairs to the comfort of my bed.
My phone was blinking when I slipped back in to my room. It was from Macy.
‘I know you were watching. Our little secret okay? ‘