Origins

It’s now Christmas Eve and I’m sitting on my bed playing with my phone. I’m in Bargara, Queensland at my Uncle’s house, I sigh and walk out to my Aunty Emmalee.

“Can you drive me into town?” I ask her.

“Sure kiddo, why?” She asks.

“I want to go see Tyson,” I whisper.

“We’ll leave now if you want,” She tells me.

“Thanks,” I pull on my shoes and she tells my parents what I’m doing. Then we get in the car and drive into Bundaberg. She drops me off at the cemetery and tells me to give her a ring with I’m ready. I thank her and she drives off. I walk into the flower shop and buy 4 white roses, 4 red roses and two yellow one. The white represents the years we knew each other before he passed away, the red the years since he was taken and the yellow represents the two of us. I buy a piece of paper and a pen and leave the shop. I walk into the cemetery and to the old willow tree. I lean against it and write a letter to my best friend. It reads:

TJAY,

I’m pregnant. I’m so sorry that you’re not here to slap me for it. I didn’t mean for it to happen, it was an accident. Izack’s the father, I still have to tell him about it. I found out a fortnight ago but I didn’t believe it. Now I can see my stomach has grown. I’m about 14 weeks now. I’m going to make you that godfather if I keep the child. I’m so sorry Sonny. I love you so much and I miss you terribly. I really wish you were here now.

Love forever,
Your FNM

*

I finish the letter and a single tear drops onto the paper. I place the flowers under the headstone and I kiss the top of it before I set fire to the letter and draw our symbol on the top of the headstone with the ashes. “I love you Ty,” I whisper then wipe my hands off and walk down the hill and out of the cemetery. I wipe my eyes and head off to Izack’s.

*

I arrive at his house after a very slow half hour walk. I breathe in deeply, pull my shirt down a little and press the doorbell. When the door opens I breathe out.

“Frances? Are you okay?” Brent asks me and lets me into the house.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I smile, “I was with Tyson.”

“Oh okay, well Izack is in his room, don’t know what he’s doing,” Brent tells me and I thank him then walk off to Izack’s room. I take another deep breath and let it out then knock on the door.

“Come in,” I hear Izack call from behind the door. I open it and see him playing PlayStation with Hamish and Sam, “Hey Frances, what you doing here?” He asks happily.

“I have to talk to you,” I tell him.

“Yeah what’s up?” Izack ask not looking away from the TV.

“I’m not sure you want them to hear this,” I whisper my voice cracking under the strain of my trying not to cry.

“Nar, they’re fine,” Izack tells me pausing the game, “Jesus, have you been crying?”

“Yeah, I went to see Tyson, I had to clear my head before I came to see you,” I whisper not moving from the doorway, “I still don’t think you’d want them to hear this.”

“Frances come in, sit here, seriously the boys are fine,” Izack pats the space on the bed next to him. I walk in enough to shut the bedroom door.

“If you say so, but don’t say I didn’t say so,” I tell him then take another deep breath and slowly let it all out, “Izack, I’m 14 weeks pregnant with your child,” I tell him in a rush of words.

“What did you say?” He asks.

“I’m pregnant,” I tell him on the verge of tears.

“This is a joke right?” He asks shocked.

“I wish it was,” I say and no longer can stop myself from crying.

“Dude, this is trippy,” Sam says dumbly.

“You two get the fuck out,” Izack snaps at Sam and Hamish and they leave shutting the door behind them. Then his voice softens, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m 14 weeks, my boobs are getting bigger and you can’t deny this,” I pull up my t-shirt and show him my not so flat stomach.

“Umm, wow. This is pretty serious, what are we going to do?” Izack asks.

“I don’t know, do we keep it or not?” I ask crying.

“Not sure,” Izack stands up and pulls me into a tight hug, “Either way we gotta tell someone who’s over 18,” He decides.

“Brent, we can ask Brent,” I tell him and we walk out of Izack’s room to find his 25 year old brother. We find him in the kitchen talking to Sam and Hamish.

“Umm Brent we need some advice,” Izack stutters with his arm around my waist.

“Oh, umm okay,” Brent follows us back to Izack’s room and we shut the door, “What’s up kids?”

“Frances is pregnant,” Izack tells him.

“You’re getting rid of it?” Brent asks.

“Well there’s our answer,” I look at Izack.

“I guess so,” Izack nods.

“Your decision?” Brent asks.

“Take me to the clinic,” I look at Izack.

“Now?” He asks.

“Yup, Brent can drive us,” I look at Brent and he rolls his eyes.