Origins

Aunty Emmalee doesn’t talk for the first half of the car trip. Then when we’re into the last 15 minutes she asks the question I know she’s been aching to.

“Frankee, what are you going to do with the baby? Are you going to keep it in Sydney with you or up here with Izack?” She asks quietly.

“I don’t know, honestly I want the baby to be with both of us for it’s first steps, words, smile but I know that’s impossible,” I say grimly.

“Well what ever you choose I’ll help you with what ever I can, hell I’ll even look after the baby for you if you want,” She tells me as we pull into the long driveway up to the house.

“If it comes to giving the baby away I’ll be insisting we put it into your care,” I tell her and close my eyes to concentrate on the looming confrontation with my parents. Aunty Emmalee gives my hand a reassuring squeeze and she parks the car.

*

I walk into the lounge room through the glass carport doors, my composure back in place and my head held high. I scan the room and note that my parents aren’t in here, so I walk out of the pool room and follow the cool brown tiles I take a right and look into the lounge room all I see is my reflection looking back at me from the completely mirrored wall opposite me. I shrug and keep walking down the tiled floor. My parents aren’t in the dining room or kitchen so continuing to follow the tiles I take a left, on my way past I peek into the laundry, they’re not in there wither. I sigh and focus on the doorway opposite me on the end of the hallway that has all of the bedrooms leading off of it. I shake the worry from my shoulders and walk down to the door. The 10 metre walk feels like it took hours and when I walk into the room I see my parents lying on the bed reading in the room we were all sharing. My voice hitches in my throat and the tiny noise that emits catches their attention.

*

“Franny, what’s up?” my dad asks. He stands and tosses his book down. The concern he shows makes me want to cry and crawl into a corner.

“I…” I begin and lose my voice again.

“Frances, what’s going on?” dad asks again his warm, gold-flecked green eyes focused on me. He takes my arm and leads me to the bed. He sits me down and Mum sits on one side, Dad on the other.

“Franny?” my mother, my caring 36 year old mother asks, her muddy brown eyes searching my blue-green ones.

“Mummy I’m so sorry, I tried to but I couldn’t go through with it,” I burst into tears completely abandoning the plan.

“What’d you do baby girl? I’m sure we can help,” she tells me oblivious to what I’m about to uproot them with. I look Mum in the eye and then look back down ashamed of myself.

“Hey Chuckles, come on what’s going on?” Dad asks also oblivious. I look at him and note that even though he’s only a year older than my mum his hair is flecked with grey, giving him a salt and pepper look with his black hair, “Come on darling, we won’t get angry we just want to help,” He tells me coaxing the words out of me like a truth serum.

“I’m going to have a baby,” I whisper looking him in the eyes, the shift in them scares me and I look away.

“”You’re pregnant?” He asks standing up astonished yet angry.

“I’m 14 weeks,” I tell him looking at the tears gathering in the lap of my yellow summer dress.

“Oh Frances,” my mum breathes and wraps her arms around me as she begins crying.

“I’m so sorry, I went to get an abortion but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t,” I cry and begin to hick up from the force of my sobs.

“Oh baby girl, I’m so sorry,” my mum cries and hugs me.

“You’re pregnant?” dad asks from his place standing in front of me.

“I’m so sorry Daddy!” I cry even harder when I realise the anger in his eyes is actually hurt and betrayal.

“But you’re actually pregnant?” He repeats trying to convince himself.

“Yes, I’m so, so, so sorry Daddy!” I pull out of Mum’s hug and embrace my father sobbing, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

*

When I finally stop sobbing 5 or so minutes later dad asks me the question I’d been dreading.

“Who’s the father?” He asks in a low deadly whisper.

“Izack is,” I tell him looking down.

“Stuart? Where are you going?” my mum asks as dad walks out of the room in a sort of daze.

*

We walk out a few seconds later and walk down the hallway that leads directly to the pool room. We find dad in the kitchen cracking open a can of beer and sculling the whole thing in one go. I look with my eyes wide as he grabs another and chugs that as well. When he reaches into the fridge for a third Mum asks, “Stuart, what are you doing?”

“I’m planning on getting so drunk I can’t walk straight, that way I won’t take the car into town and murder my grandchild’s moron father for getting my Frankee pregnant,” dad tells mum with a wicked smile on his face.

“Umm okay,” Mum croaks as we back out of the kitchen, down the hallway and back into the pool room.

*

“What you doing Jemma?” Uncle Alan asks my mum as she takes all the car keys and hides them in a drawer.

“Stuart’s drinking himself silly so he won’t kill Izack,” Mum whispers.

“What’d that kid do?” He’s so nice,” Uncle Alan looks at his little sister.

“He got Francesca pregnant,” Mum tells him. It seems that Mum decided to do the same thing Davis did, be really good about it because she knows that my Dad will give me hell for a few days or even, god forbid, weeks.

“He what?” Uncle Alan asks.

“Frances is pregnant,” Mum tells him and everyone else in the room’s eyes snap to my stomach, which is a lot because all three of mum’s older brothers are here with their families. So there is in here my Aunty Chloe who is Uncle Craig’s wife, her two daughters Rayne and Sarah, the my Uncle Liam’s two kids Grace who is the only cousin older than me, but only by 3 months and her little brother Anderson. Thankfully Nanna, Grandpa, Anna, Archer, Uncle Liam and Uncle Craig next door with Aunty Emmalee and her two girls Haylee and Ryvah. As it is it is bad enough to have everyone in the room’s eyes snap to my stomach.

“You’re what?” Grace asks shock playing over her 14 year old face.

“You remember Izack right?” I ask, Aunty Chloe, Grace, Uncle Alan and Anderson not their heads, Rayne and Sarah hadn’t been here last time Izack was over, “Well he was down in Sydney in September and umm well I’m pregnant with his baby,” I tell them rubbing my head trying to ignore the awkwardness of the situation.

“Wow,” Aunty Chloe breathes and looks at her 8 and 7 year olds.

“Yeah, so I recommend not doing anything that may annoy Stuart, but please if I didn’t just hide your keys hide them,” Mum begs.

“Well, this is an eventful Christmas isn’t it,” Uncle Alan smiles as he makes the same decision Mum and Davis had, just to be polite and generous, to act as if it isn’t the big deal that it is.

“Yeah it sure is,” I comment and think of how I’m going to tell Nanna and Grandpa. I get stirred from my thoughts as Anna, Archer, Aunty Emmalee, Haylee and Ryvah come into the room.

“What’s going on?” Aunty Emmalee asks.

“They know I’m pregnant,” I tell her biting my lip. She just nods silently but the look on Anna and Archer’s faces are of pure shock.

“You’re what?” Anna asks.

“I’m pregnant,” I tell my almost 13 year old sister.

“Are you kidding?” My 11 year old brother asks, “I’m going to be an Uncle before I leave primary school?” He states the obvious.

“Yeah, you are,” I whisper.

“Wow, koolies,” Anna breaks out in a grin and rushes forward placing a hand on my stomach, “How far along are you?” She asks rubbing my belly.

“I’m 14 weeks,” I tell her looking at her bewildered as my brother remains to look like he just got slapped in the face.

“Cool, so who’s the dad?” Anna asks continuing to rub.

“Izack,” I tell her.

“Sweet, I’ve always liked him.” She grins and Uncle Liam, Uncle Craig and Dad walk into the room.

*

“Umm is Frances the new budda?” Uncle Liam cracks a joke.

“That child is pregnant,” Dad slurs, “Now where are some car keys? I have a 14 year old to murder,” He stumbles around the room checking tabletops and ledges.

“Who?” Uncle Liam asks, obviously aunty Emmalee had told them I was pregnant but hadn’t told them anything else. I wonder if she had told my grandparents as I watch my father continue to search for keys. I almost laugh when he pushes Anderson off a couch to look under the cushion.

“Stuart? What are you doing?” Uncle Craig asks attempting not to laugh.

“Keys! I need keys!” Dad mutters under his breath as he continues to search.

“They’re in here Stuie!” Mum calls and leads him into the closet. He walks in and she shuts and locks the door behind him.

“Hey who turned out the lights?” Dad asks confused.

“I’ll go find a torch, you stay there and don’t move or the giant lion will eat you. It won’t hurt you if you go to sleep so go to sleep while I get a torch,” Mum tells Dad through the door.

“Okay I’ll sleep,” Dad tells her falling for her lies. Mum smiles and walks back into the pool room.

*

“What the hell?” I ask completely shocked.

“It works every time,” Mum grins, “I think you should go tell your grandparents while your father is locked in the closet.”

“Okay, umm do I go now or do I wait til after lunch…what do I do?” I ask suddenly out of answers.

“I’ll come with you,” Mum takes my hand in hers and we walk together through the old gate separating my Uncle Alan’s yard and house from my grandparents’. We walk to the side door and let ourselves in. Fear and dread engulf me as the door swings shut.