Origins

The next morning I wake to the sound of the baby monitor going haywire, I climb out of bed and walk into Bronte’s room, I pick her up out of her bed and change her, then I sit on the rocking chair and feed her, after she has drunk her fill of my milk I burp her and dress her for the day. I pick out a light green shirt and a pair of blue denim overalls. I wrap her in a blanket and walk downstairs stopping in my room to grab my dressing gown. I pull it on while still holding Bronte then wrap it across my chest with her pressed to my chest and the dressing gown wrapped against her for extra warmth against the unusual late summer early autumn morning cold. I walk downstairs and get out the loaf of bread, I look at the microwave clock and see that it’s a quarter to seven and I get out the jam. I hear the doorbell ring and I walk up to the door, I see Ash standing there and smile. I open the door for him and kiss his cheek then let him inside. As he follows me down to the kitchen I realise that I’m the only one awake and that it must seem strange for me to be up so early in the morning with a baby that’s supposedly not mine. I get Bronte’s bouncer out and place her in it in the middle of the lounge room where I can see her as I make my breakfast. I hand her a rattle and then spread some butter on my toast.

“Do you want some hunny?” I ask Ash as I smear strawberry jam on top of the butter.

“Umm sure, I haven’t really eaten yet,” Ash admits and turns to look at Bronte, “Shouldn’t your Aunty Emmalee be down here and not you?”

“Actually I sort of need to tell you something Ash, I’m not really sure how you’re going to react and I didn’t tell you earlier 'cause I wasn’t actually going to tell anyone at the school…” I begin to tell him.

“Bronte is yours?” Ash asks with a smile.

“Yeah she is... how did you know?” I ask him with a puzzled look as I make Ash 4 weetbix and milk, his favourite breakfast.

“Well I figured it out a while ago, if you pay attention its not too hard to figure out and I know that Izack isn’t your cousin so you don’t have to keep that one up either, I’m not angry or anything Frankee I understand why you didn’t want to tell anyone at the school, and don’t worry I haven’t told anyone, I’m not like that, I’ll keep it a secret,” Ash tells me and hugs me close when he sees the look of worry on my face.

“Oh Ash I was so worried that you would hate me for it or something,” I exclaim and kiss him.

“Nope, I don’t see the point in hating you for your past, it’s your past, a very beautiful past if I might add,” Ash tells me and sits down to play with Bronte and she sits in her bouncer. For some reason I suddenly find it easier to breathe and I smile and place my toast and Ash’s weetbix onto the table and then our milos. Ash comes and sits at the table with me and we eat our breakfast together. Soon I hear footsteps on the stairs and I look up to see who it is coming down. A pair of black tracksuit pants is the first thing I see then the rest of the body is revealed and I can tell that it’s Izack. He isn’t wearing a top and seems not to notice Ash sitting at the table with me.

“Morning Curvy,” Izack grins and kisses my cheek still closer to sleep than consciousness, “Where’s Bronte?”

“She’s in her bouncer over there,” I tell him looking at where Bronte is sitting watching us and kicking her little legs.

“She’s going to freeze you moron where’s her blanket?” Izack asks becoming fully conscious in one little realisation.

“It was on her, it must have fallen off,” I tell him and stand up and pick Bronte up out of her bouncer wrapping her into my dressing gown like I had before. I look for the blanket and see it on the floor of the kitchen, I pick it up and lay it on the floor, I lay Bronte on it then wrap her in it, and Izack takes her from me and gives me a mean look.

“You really need to be more careful Francesca,” Izack says as he rubs Bronte’s back to get her warm again.

“I’m sorry Zacky, I thought it was still on her,” I tell him and begin to cry as I stand next to him.

“You worried me Frances,” Izack’s voice softens and he hugs me to his chest.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” I repeat into his chest as I cry.

“Frankee, baby it’s okay, I promise,” Izack hugs me close and I slowly stop crying, “I was just worried and it’s the first time you’ve done it,” He adds as I pull out of the hug and wipe my face clear of tears with the sleeve of my dressing gown. He kisses my forehead and only then does he notice Ash sitting at the dining table his spoon frozen halfway to his mouth, “Why hello there, you must be Ash, I’m so sorry you saw that,” Izack says to Ash and extends a hand to him.

“Yes and you must be Izack, no worries I see that you’re quite attached to your daughter, I don’t blame you though, she’s gorgeous,” Ash smiles shaking Izack’s hand.

“Well I do love her and wait a second…did you feed her?” Izack turns to me.

“Yes, about 5 minutes before Ash got here,” I tell him placing a finger into the strawberry jam covering my toast and place it in Bronte’s mouth, she sucks on my finger and slobber runs down my finger, “Gross Bronte you made a mess,” I laugh at her and wash my hand off, “Zack have you seen her dummy?”

“Nope, did you leave it in her cot?” Izack asks looking around.

“Umm is this it?” Ash asks holding a dummy up that he had found in the drainer while he was putting his dishes in the sink.

“Is it blue?” I ask walking over to him.

“Yeah, it’s blue,” Ash holds it out to me.

“Then yeah that’s it I must have washed it up this morning,” I take the dummy from Ash and kiss his cheek in thanks. I walk over to my toast and run the dummy through the jam on my toast and then place it in Bronte’s mouth, “There you go bubba, now go play with Daddy.”

Izack shakes his head at me and the walks away with Bronte in his arms, sucking on the dummy, her little 6 month old hands trying to pull at it. I sit back down and eat my last slice of toast then put my plate in the sink. I drain the rest of my drink then look at Ash who returns my look sleepily.

“Wanna go back to bed?” I ask him.

“Umm I’m tired but I don’t know really if you wanna share a bed with me Frances,” Ash tells me shyly.

“Nar it’ll be alright, we’ll only be sleeping, plus you’ve seen what the baby will look like if we have one,” I joke as the two of us walk upstairs to my room.

“Who slept on that side of the bed?” Ash asks when he sees Mark’s side of the bed all rumpled.

“Eh Mark, my nightmares have been particularly nasty lately, I wonder where about he is at the moment,” I muse tracing the crease in the centre of the bed from where the sheets had once been folded, when Ash nods I continue, “We have this silent agreement that neither of us will cross it onto the other’s side of the bed, and neither of us have, except I did once but that was cause he stole my pillow,” I ramble.

“Oh umm fair enough then,” Ash says uneasily.

“Tell you what, I’ll sleep in the middle of the bed and you can sleep on my side of the bed. Does that sound okay to you?” I ask him crawling into the centre of the bed and taking with me a pillow from the floor.

“Yeah, I guess, are you sure this isn’t weird?” Ash asks again and pulls off his shoes.

“Yep, I’m tired, you’re tired, the logical thing to do is sleep,” I tell him and pile my dressing gown onto Izack’s side of the bed, then lye my head on the pillow briefly closing my eyes and in that moment feel as Ash lies down next to me. I open my eyes and look at him with a smile, I take his hand in mine and he pulls me closer. I snuggle into his chest and soon we’re both asleep.