Love from, Hell

Julie's POV

They checked out of the motel almost as soon as Julie was finished her breakfast. Malcolm said nothing to her during this time. He said nothing when they got in the car and he said nothing while he continued driving. And the longer the silence went on, the antsier Julie became.

Why was Malcolm not talking again? Wrong question, Julie decided. The problem wasn’t that he didn’t talk. It was something else. Something Julie could not quite put her finger on. And it frustrated her. What was different, what had changed?

After frustrated contemplation, Julie figured out what had changed. The atmosphere- Malcolm’s attitude toward her that was what was different. He was as stand off-ish and silent as the first time they’d met. Well, met properly. And although she had this answer, Julie was more frustrated than before.

Because the real burning question was why? She ran through the possibilities in her head. He had assured yesterday that his problems were not her fault. But now she was beginning to doubt that again. Julie glanced at Malcolm’s faced. It was calm, composed, but so distant and far away and ferociously intimidating again. She tried to convince herself that she wasn’t the problem, and although she could pretend that she didn’t believe that, the other option was just as bothersome to think about it.

Because if it wasn’t her, what was it? She had no clue and it bugged her that she was so concerned. And she was irritated that she had no idea what it could be. A million things could have happened that morning when she’d been asleep. Narrowing down any specific possibilities was virtually impossible- since she was sure that where Malcolm was concerned it could be anything.

And another problem, Julie noticed, was that she wanted to help. Whatever it was she couldn’t make the want for him to feel better to go away. To… comfort him. Julie shook her head minutely. For Malcolm to need her comforting was stupid. She wasn’t even sure that he liked her at all, so she couldn’t begin to think that he would want her comforting. But still the plague of concern went on, picking at Julie’s skin as she continued to glance at Malcolm, searching for a sign that he would come back.

The minutes slowly added up to 10, 15 and then 30. Malcolm didn’t look at Julie, giving the very good impression that he believed he was alone in the car. When Julie saw him take a deep, silent breath and his perfect act to keep calm slipped into a slightly less then perfect act- it was all it took for Julie to start blurting things out again.

“Is everything alright?” she asked, the words hurrying of her mouth in a rush. She inwardly cursed herself being so damn concerned.

Malcolm looked at her quickly then back at the road. “Yes,” he answered in a final tone. Julie pursed her lips and looked away for a moment.

She glanced at Malcolm again and at the sight of face the words came out of her mouth against her will. “Are you sure?” she asked, looking carefully at his face. She could hear her concern for him in her voice.

Malcolm glanced at Julie again. She supposed she looked as concerned as she sounded because Malcolm was caught off guard by her look.

“Yes Julie,” he said immediately, his tone a little different now, reassuring. Malcolm looked away quickly, back at the road. His face turned very calm and composed too fast.

“You’re ok?” Julie checked, searching his face.

Malcolm looked at her again. She could see that surprise was written all over his expression. Julie didn’t drop her gaze, determined to stare the truth out of him.

It was incredibly hard. Malcolm had the upper hand- being the intimidating and fantastic looking one- and with hard blue eyes that pierced through her. But Julie had to know, had to understand. She could see the conflict in his eyes- wondering how many million thoughts were fighting in his head.

Then, for a flash of a moment, his eyes weren’t so piercing and terrifying- they were… softer, giving in to one side of the war in his mind. But as quickly as the look was there it was gone. Malcolm shut off her access into his mind and
turned away to look out at the road.

Julie looked away and drew in a shaky breath. She’d been forgetting to breathe again.

“I can’t be your friend Julie,” Malcolm said at last.

After all that time, it didn’t matter that he hadn’t actually answered her question. Julie looked over at him quickly and then out her side window and bit her lip. The way he said it- his voice made it clear that it was he who couldn’t be the friend and it wasn’t her fault. And although his tone made it perfectly plain that it had to do with him, Julie still felt hurt stinging at her eyes.

Good lord, the last thing she could do was cry. She swallowed her tears successfully. It was completely stupid. She shouldn’t care at all if he didn’t want to be her friend. She’d known this person for a day. Those were the hard persuasive facts. But… quietly, on the inside, Julie was hurt that she couldn’t be Malcolm’s friend.