Love from, Hell

Julie woke up the next morning and felt heavy. Sleep itched at her eyes and her blankets were weighing down on her. She kicked off the top quilt impatiently and closed her eyes again. Sleep came in dozing forms. After a half hour of fitful napping, Julie sighed and lifted herself to look out the window.

The sun was shining brilliantly in the cloudless sky, highlighting a perfect spring day. It had gotten warmer, that was why the extra blanket had been uncomfortable. Julie was pleased that weather was cooperating. Elated a little by the cheery sunshine, Julie slid out of bed, went to the bathroom to brush her teeth, and then she bounced down the stairs.

Although it was well into the morning, her mother and father were still in their robes and slippers, leisurely reading the newspaper with the TV talking pleasantly to them in the background while they sipped large mugs of coffee: a typical Saturday morning routine.

Ken looked up at her from his Business section. "Morning Jules!" he said cheerfully.

Julie smiled. "Hey dad," she replied.

"Gorgeous weather huh? We could get a lot of work done today…" he prompted happily.

Julie rolled her eyes.

"Ken, she's going to a wedding," Heather stressed then smiled at her daughter before returning to the paper, tutting to herself.

Ken grumbled at his wife but winked at Julie. Julie left her parents to go into the kitchen.

Malcolm was sitting at the table, reading the end of the Catcher in the Rye. The small crease in his forehead that he usually had when he read was gone, so Julie assumed that the book was tying up loose ends now.

Julie flitted around the kitchen, arranging a bowl of cereal for herself. She came and sat quietly in her seat at the table as Malcolm was finishing the last page of the novel. Julie took her first bite of cereal as he put down the book.

Julie swallowed her cereal. "What did you think?" she asked him curiously.

Malcolm looked at her and Julie felt the sudden urge to hug him come back. Although he was looking at her without any conflicting pained expression, she remembered her thoughts last night and the desire to soothe him irrationally flared up.

"Well written and very interesting," Malcolm answered.

Julie waited, but Malcolm didn't continue. "Holden is a bit of a whiner though, I think," she prompted.

Malcolm's eyes flashed into hers. Julie quickly scooped up another spoonful of cereal.

"He's having a serious identity crisis. It's hard to imagine not knowing yourself or how to make decisions if you've never been in that position," Malcolm said.

Although his words should have been excluding Julie in a negative way, Julie could feel the tone behind them implying that she was lucky.

"I agree. His depression is hard to read about, probably because it is written so completely from within his perspective. There's no objectivity," Julie said, trying to be more complimentary.

Malcolm smiled suddenly. "Quite, yes. The perspective is limiting," he said, gently mocking their sophisticated conversation.

Julie smiled back, and continued her cereal. Julie finished her meal in silence while Malcolm occasionally flipped back through the book, re-reading certain passages.

When Julie had finished her breakfast, she went to put her bowl in the dishwasher and, suddenly struck by the mood, decided to wash some of the dishes her mother hadn't gotten to last night. Julie wondered if she felt guilty for Malcolm getting them off the hook so easily.

Malcolm was suddenly beside her, receiving her washed dishes to dry them. When they were finished, Malcolm trailed after Julie as she wandered into the living room. She sat on the couch and Malcolm sat next to her, though leaving a cautious space between them. Julie stole the remote and switched to a talk show that she didn't follow but had heard was amusing. Malcolm, compliant as always, watched the talk show, detached, but not bored.

"Do you need to go anywhere today?" Heather asked Ken.

"No. I don't think so," Ken replied.

Julie tucked her legs underneath her.

"Shoot. I was hoping you could pick up some asparagus for dinner and some food for the cat," Heather said, put out.

Julie was glad she'd be out for dinner tonight.

"Hmm, well I guess I could take the truck in… it's kind of low on gas…" Ken complained a little.

Heather made a face. "That's why I asked you. The sedan's almost out," she said with a mournful chuckle and then sighed. The conversation seemed to be over.

"You could take my car, if you wished," Malcolm said quietly and quite suddenly.

Julie looked at him but he was looking at her father. Ken's eyes lit up excited to drive Malcolm's vehicle.

"That's sweet of you Malcolm but-" Heather began but Ken cut her off.

"That'd be great! I've been itching to go for a test drive," Ken confessed with a grin.

Malcolm smiled unassumingly. Heather sighed at her husband's lack of modesty.

Suddenly hurried along by her dad, Julie went upstairs and got dressed in plain jeans and a t-shit, planning on changing into her dress later.

She came back and her old dad was eagerly sliding on his jacket, gleeful as a teenager. Julie, Malcolm and Ken all went outside and walked down to the curb. Julie watched her dad's eyes appreciatively rake over the car.

Malcolm smiled to himself and paused at the passenger door. "Would you like to sit in the front?" he asked Julie quietly.

Julie looked at him, surprised that he'd asked. "No that's ok," she said.

Malcolm opened the back door for her and then closed it after she'd climbed in.

The back seat of Malcolm's car was compact, but not uncomfortable. The fabric was the same as the front seats, but a slightly lighter gray, which was peculiar since cars usually followed only one color pattern. Julie slid into the middle seat and buckled herself in.

Up front, Malcolm was sitting in the passenger seat with Julie's dad bouncing eagerly in the driver's seat. It was almost painful for Julie to see her old dad in the place Malcolm usually occupied. Ken plunged the key into the ignition and sighed appreciatively at the car's leonine purr. Malcolm smiled.

Ken put the car into drive and the car lurched forward, hyper sensitive to touch. But Ken was a car driving vet of 30 years so he quickly adjusted and took off down the road. He asked Malcolm a few interested questions about the car, and Malcolm complied with quiet answers. Mostly though, Ken gleefully raced around the neighborhood. He eventually pulled up neatly in front of the grocery store and hauled himself out of the car.

"I'll be back in a minute," he said to them and went into the store.

Julie leaned forward and rested her head on the driver's seat back. She looked at Malcolm. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes, without moving his head.

"This was really nice of you," Julie commented.

Malcolm paused, as Julie hoped he would, contemplating over the use of the word 'nice'. She smiled at him.

Malcolm looked at her and raised his eyebrows. "I guess I'm capable of being nice," he allowed.

Julie smiled more. Malcolm smiled a little back.

"Do you think you could be capable of more things than being nice?" Julie prompted.

Malcolm smile disappeared as he thought. Julie bit her lip, but hoped Malcolm would see her angle.

"Do you think I am?" Malcolm asked her and turned to look at her more directly.

Julie's heart spluttered. "Of course," she answered.

Malcolm smiled at her. Ken came back to the car and handed Julie a bag of groceries: asparagus and cat food. He sat heavily in the front seat and quickly turned the car back on, grinning when it growled happily. Malcolm smiled at Ken's reaction.

Julie's dad pulled out of the parking lot and waited to merge into the traffic.

"So… anywhere you kids need to go?" Ken asked casually.

Julie grinned and tried to think of a place that her father could drive them to. Malcolm didn't say anything.

"Well, you could drive by the church where the wedding is. Just so we, um, I know," Julie suggested. She gave the address to St. Andrew's and Julie's dad gladly sped across town to the church.

It was a moderate sized, Gothic style church: perfect for a wedding. Julie admired the light gray stones and the stained glass window above the entrance doors. The sign outside the church proclaimed congratulations to Connie and Trevor.

Ken whistled softly as they slowed outside the front of the church. "Nice looking place for a wedding," he commented.

Malcolm said nothing. Julie glanced at him out of habit and did a double take. Malcolm's expression was grim, his jaw tense, and his eyes raging while he stared. Julie panicked, needing with painful irrationality to know what was bothering him.

Although he had said nothing during the first leg of the trip, Malcolm's silence now was different as they drove back home. The atmosphere in the car was tense and everyone could feel it, although Ken probably couldn't detect the source. Julie knew it was coming from Malcolm, but was lost and felt utterly stupid because she had no idea why he was suddenly so upset.

They arrived at home and Ken went to the kitchen and Julie set up the cat's food, Bert sniffing around it eagerly. Julie straightened up when the task was complete and then realized that Malcolm wasn't nearby watching. She frowned, feeling off balance.

To kill time before getting ready for the wedding, Julie wandered around the house, following her mom and performing small chores.

She would have liked to have asked Malcolm if he wanted to watch a movie or go for a bike ride: something to distract them and make Malcolm happy, but he never seemed to be around. Julie felt very unsettled when she happened to spot Malcolm in another room and then he would disappear. She'd gotten used to, and even come to expect, Malcolm quietly beside or behind her. A constant strong presence, Julie was surprised at how anxious and unhappy she felt when he was away from her. And as the afternoon continued, she saw Malcolm less and less.

Finally it was an acceptable time to get dressed. Julie put on her dress quickly and scrutinized her reflection, trying to see what she looked like from all angles. She'd been slim her whole life: a product of odd eating habits and an overly active imagination. Julie had always eaten like a bird when she was young, too distracted and wanting to go off and play. Up until she was 18 did she have squirrel like eating habits, nibbling here and there.

Shaking her head a little, Julie re-focused and put on dressy gold high heeled sandals. She'd taken her sexier black stilettos with her to school. When she was dressed, she took her time with her hair, working slowly and deliberately, pulling some of it back and picking out light, wispy tendrils to frame her face and then curling her usually relaxed dark blonde hair.

Once she'd finished her hair, Julie picked through her mother's make up. Julie didn't wear much make up, and the tools she did have were with her luggage at Leah's. But she made do with a new pencil of dark brown eyeliner and mascara. She looked at the finished product and smiled, pleased that the look had come together,

Julie walked slowly down the stairs and then strutted regally up to her mother in the family room.

Heather grinned. "Hey. You look beautiful," she commented easily.

Julie smiled.

Ken looked up from the TV and whistled. "Snazzy! You're gonna look better than the bride, Jules," he grinned generously.

Julie rolled her eyes but smiled anyway. "Um, has anyone seen Malcolm?" she brought up.

Heather looked at her, startled. Bert was rubbing up against Julie's legs, stepping on her shoes.

"Oh. You know, I haven't seen him all afternoon," her mother realized.

Julie bent down to pet her cat. "Dad?" she asked.

Her father hummed.

"Have you seen Malcolm?" she asked.

Ken frowned and looked up, thinking. "No… can't say I have… that's strange," he observed.

Julie bit her lip and straightened up. She left the room and went back upstairs. She peaked inside Kyle's room. Malcolm was not there, but his leather jacket was, hanging innocently on the bed post. Julie frowned and checked everywhere, the den, the kitchen, the backyard, even the basement. But he was gone.

Julie returned to the family room and crossed her arms lightly. She looked out the bay window. Malcolm's car was gone. Julie felt a sinking drop in her stomach and took a moment to recognize the feeling. She felt stood up, rejected. Julie blinked, but the strong feeling ached at her, insisting she was right. Julie's logic tried to push it aside, reminding her that this hadn't been anything like a date, but her reasoning was weak in its motivation. Partially because her logic was also siding with the rejected feeling, telling Julie that it was rational to feel hurt by Malcolm's actions.

Julie stubbornly shook her head, and swallowed the hurt.

"Mom?" she said and was pleased when her voice didn't tremble.

Her mother looked up at her.

"Could I take the car to the wedding?" Julie asked her parents.

Heather and Ken were silent for a moment, debating between getting into Malcolm's despicable lack of manners or being kind and obliging to Julie.

"I'll go with you sweetheart," Ken mumbled, gentile. He stood up and went to the door, putting on his nice overcoat.

Julie pressed her lips together, but then said good bye to her mother and walked out the door and down to the sedan with her dad.

The drive to the wedding was silent. Ken opened his mouth, beginning to say something, but then would stop and remain quiet. Julie just stared out the side window. The sun was trying to cheer her up, but it wasn't working. Ken pulled up to the curb, noticing the church parking lot was completely full. He unbuckled his seat belt but then Julie touched his arm.

"It's ok dad. Thank you for driving me, but I'll be alright. You don't have to stay," Julie said kindly to him.

Ken sighed. "Are you sure Jules? Because-" he went on gruffly.

Julie smiled in spite of herself and shook her head. "It's alright. Go home to mum," she dismissed.

Ken smiled a little and patted her hand, awkward and affectionate. "Ok kiddo. Call me whenever you want to come home," he commanded her.

Julie nodded and stepped out of the car. Her dad stayed idly in the car, watching Julie walk up to the church and then he drove off. Julie breathed and tried to compose her face into a calm, relaxed expression. She smiled at everyone, and signed the register. She went up to the entrance of the congregation hall and a beaming, young cousin-type usher looked up at her.

"Bride or groom?" he asked her.

"Um, bride," Julie said, since Connie had invited her.

The usher offered her his arm and she took it lightly. He walked her down the aisle and showed her to a pew. Julie slid along and sat down. She crossed her legs and leaned back against the cushioned seat.

"Julie?"

Julie looked to her right. Matt, dressed up and looking pretty handsome, smiled at her.

"Hey Matt," she said kindly to him.

"Hi. So you figured you’re the bride's guest too huh?" he asked her.

Julie smiled. "Yeah. I know Connie just that much better," she joked.

Matt chuckled anyway. "Yeah. Connie hung around, but I fell out of touch with Trevor. He works for his dad's telecommunications company. He's a VP or something," he said, raising his eyebrows.

Julie nodded with polite interest, thinking it was a little foolish to put someone so young and inexperienced into such an important position.

"You didn't hear it from me that Connie's marrying him for his money," Matt muttered to her out of the corner of his mouth. J

ulie giggled a little.

"Well, I mean she loves him, sure," Matt went on. "But, you know, if Trev wasn't making a VP's salary…" Matt trailed off suggestively and grinned.

Julie chuckled again. In the moment of silence that followed, Julie looked to her right at the rest of the open pew space. She had another pang of sadness, although it was a different than before. Instead of feeling rejected, Julie missed Malcolm. Missed him quite badly, judging by the ache in her chest. She frowned and looked forward trying to distract herself.

The bright flowers were at odds with the crucifix at the back of the church. For a moment, Julie thought that the church was a dark, sad place and it was strange that weddings were held in churches. But the moment passed when Julie decided that actually the church's natural decoration and atmosphere left the ceremony bittersweet, which was kind of… lovely and romantic. Julie sighed quietly. She wondered what Malcolm would have said if he'd been there.

The wedding march started up, playing a soft, legato intro as some cute flower girls came walking ungracefully down the aisle, using up their petal ammo too early and then had nothing to scatter at the end of the aisle. Some bridesmaids came up behind them, grinning and glad to have the attention on them for just a moment. And then Connie came in.

Julie had to admit, Connie looked beautiful, glowing and blissful in satiny whites. Julie wouldn't have picked that particular big princess-y dress herself, but Connie carried herself well, fitting the picture of a beautiful, blushing bride. Julie took a moment, glancing away from Connie to look at Trevor. The look on his face was proud and undeniably happy and by the way he stared at Connie, nothing was going to tear his gaze away.

The ceremony was a nice length. Julie's attention didn't wander too much, and it only did to look at the sunlight beaming in through the windows and at the expressions of the bridesmaids and Connie's parents. Trevor started to cry a little during his vows, blubbering a little and grinning. Connie's voice stayed strong until the end, when it warbled a little and her smile was teary too.

When the preacher finally pronounced man and wife, they kissed while they cried and smiled, making the kiss short and light. The preacher tsked at them and insisted playfully that Trevor could do better than that. And he hammed it up and gave Connie a movie kiss and Connie enjoyed that, happily lapping up the attention. All throughout that time, though, Julie didn't stop missing Malcolm.

The crowd stood, cooing loudly to each other about the ceremony and about the reception to come. Julie stood and picked up her purse.

"You need a ride Julie?" Matt offered behind her.

Julie paused, blinking, when she realized she did. "Yes, actually. Thanks," she smiled a little at Matt.

He smiled warmly back at her.

They left the church and blinked in the warm sunlight. Matt stood around for a moment, talking animatedly with people he knew. Julie waited awkwardly nearby. Fortunately, Matt didn't take too long and led Julie to his car. It was a modest sized, older SUV. It was comfortable to sit in, smelled like mints and tobacco and Matt had some football player bauble head on his dashboard.

Matt drove them to the reception, humming along quietly to the radio. Julie looked out the side window, wondering now where Malcolm was.

"So… how come your friend didn't come?" Matt finally asked, trying and failing to sound casual.

Julie glanced at him and then looked out the windshield. "Oh um," she began her lie easily, but then couldn't draw up a fake reason. She grasped, but thinking of Malcolm and his absence distracted her from effective lie creation. "Actually, I don't really know," Julie said honestly, her voice implying she didn't want to talk about it.

Matt cleared his throat anyway. "Hmm. If I'd had the opportunity to take you, I wouldn't have turned it down," Matt said and gave Julie a quick smile.

Julie's heart sunk a little while it pained for Malcolm. "Thanks Matt," she mumbled, flattered but embarrassed, and looked out the side window, making her body language and her voice say she didn't want to discuss it further.

Matt stayed quiet. He pulled into the parking lot of the reception- a high end resort type place. Matt led her through the building out to the back gardens.

Under an enormous tent, at the huge entrance to the back gardens, a dance floor and all the various tables had been set up. A long buffet table was being filled and people were milling around their tables.

Matt went and asked the maître d for their seats. Julie had gotten a seat with a few other girls who were friends with Connie and their dates. The seat that had been left open for Julie to bring a guest was quietly depressing her. Julie ignored it and sat down. Matt sat in the chair nearest her at his table, which was next to hers.

Eventually, the reception filled up with people and everyone took their seats, waiting for the bride and groom to arrive. They took forever. Julie memorized every detail of the table and ignored the girls gushing and the boys joking around her.

"Presenting for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Walters!" Trevor's dad announced into a microphone.

Connie and Trevor came gliding in the room, grinning while everyone clapped and whistled. There were toasts and again that took forever. Julie's boredom was so immense it slightly overrode her Malcolm pains. But nothing erased them completely. There was a blip of happiness when it was time to get food. Matt graciously interceded for Julie when they went up in the buffet, making sure she got food in the mad dash of their two hungry tables.

After the people were fed, the atmosphere was calm and happy again. People went up for seconds and thirds and then dessert. Connie and Trevor did the cake mashing in the face thing, and then after some down time in which coffee was served, it was time to dance. Connie and Trevor swayed about to a passionate RnB song. And then Connie danced with her dad and then the floor opened up.

Julie stayed rooted firmly to her seat, wistfully watching everyone else spin around on the floor. Matt laughed with some comrades and danced with the other girls. Julie crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair. The night crept by as Julie waited for the appropriate time to leave, trying not to think about how far off that was. Everyone got gaily drunk off champagne and other assorted expensive booze.

Two of the girls at her table came and sat next to Julie.

"Hey Julie! How's it going?" said one, Lana.

"Oh you know. Swell," Julie said to the grinning girl.

"You should get up and dance, hon! Come on it’s a wedding! Have some fun you know? We noticed that you're just…" the girls went on but Julie wasn't paying attention.

Something else was absorbing her attention...