Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

Fridays. The holy grail of all the weekdays. The day every student looks forward to for the following reasons:

1.) You wear your best outfit on Fridays. Why do we all do that? I have no idea, but we do.

2.) I have Music Composition to end things on a good note.

3.) No school the next day. No school the next day. No freaking school the next day!

I do realize that my experience with school lately is probably worse than the typical student's, so my lists might seem exaggerated, but to me they are very, very real.

You would feel the same way if your so called "peers" were snapping condoms at the back of your head.

I got dressed and went downstairs. No one was in the kitchen and the house seemed to have an empty quietness to it.

"Dad??" I called out just in case when I went over to the fridge. Nothing but silence.

"Glenn??" I called out for fun. "Linda? Baby?" I called out and then snickered as I pulled out the juice.

"You two kids better not be screwing around up there! I'll kick your ass, Glenn, I swear to God. Where's my beer?!" I kept on shouting to nobody and giggling. I took a swig of juice from the carton because it felt like a guy thing to do and it was Friday. I swished the juice around in my mouth before I swallowed and put the lid back on the carton and put the juice in the fridge.

I locked the front door on the way out, plugging my ear buds into my ears. Alright it's Friday, school is almost over, let's celebrate with:

Tila Tequila "Stripper Friends", by far the most embarrassing thing I have on my iPod. I maintain that if anyone was going through my iPod and came across that song, I could use the excuse of Tila Tequila's album cover as the reason why I have her song on my iPod.

And yeah she's totally got the Asian hott thing going on and stuff, but secretly: Stripper friends? Pretty undeniable in itself. If you've never heard of Tila Tequila, buddy, you are missing out.

I walked to school, listening to the grossly untalented (god bless her) Tila Tequila, quietly humming Stripper Friends under my breath. By the time I got to school, I was on to her first single, "I Love U", a disastrous but entertaining attempt at rapping.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you," I sang quietly while I walked toward an empty side entrance to the school. "Uh, yeah, gimme what I need," I went on.

"Well Robin I don't know. This is just all so sudden,"

CraaaAAAp! I should know by now that my life is inescapably structured around shitty timing. I closed my eyes and tugged one of my ear buds out of my ear as Cora came up from behind me and slung her arm through mine.

We were linking arms. Well, I mean she had linked her arm through mine without waiting for any action on my part. However, this linking arms situation was over shadowed by the fact that I'd completely humiliated myself in front of sexy Cora.

Shut up. I can think she's sexy without liking her.

"Hey," I mumbled, giving her a weak, sarcastic smile. Please, Cora, do me a solid and just let this one go.

"Boy Wonder, I know you've been having a tough time. It's ok. I just wouldn't have pegged Tila Tequila as your sad music," Cora said, teasing me with a crooked grin and her eyes flashing.

"Ah he he he," I made the laughing sounds, unamused, flopping my tongue out of my mouth as I did it.

We walked into the school and I suddenly became much more aware of the fact that we were still linking arms. And I suppose Cora did to because she detached herself from me. But then she hiked her purse up on her shoulder to make it seem like that was why she'd taken her arm out from being twined in mine. It almost fooled me. Almost. Cora, in following with her other characteristics, is vastly smoother than I am.

We walked together down the halls. Something we hadn't done before. This was nice. This was good progress as friends. I went up to my locker, still relatively happy, and then stopped.

My life is structured not only around shitty timing, but pretty much every shitty thing.

I suppose that if one were to type up a flyer, faking that I, Robin Svetson, had an account on a Christian dating website seeking love and marriage immediately, Friday would be the best day to post that flyer around school, strategically speaking. Let's look at the facts, shall we?

1.) The culprit would boost everyone else's Friday with this kind of deviant and evil action.

2.) They would have the whole weekend to hide from the school authorities and wait for any immediate punishment seeking to blow over.

And

3.) The universe clearly has beef with me and has influenced the criminal parties in question to totally ruin my Friday. This was a Fryday.

I ripped the flyer off my locker, my blood hot with anger and adrenaline as well as exhaustion, oddly enough.

"... Jeez. That is just... retarded and nasty," Cora said quietly next to me. I folded the flyer into fours and started opening my locker, trying to keep my hand steady.

I felt Cora put a hand on my shoulder and she leaned on her hand.

"If it makes you feel a little better, I have some stripper friends I could introduce you to," She said. I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling and groaned.

"Do you see any more flyers anywhere?" I grunted at the fluorescent lights. The slight pressure on my shoulder lifted.

"No. I don't think so," Cora said. I sighed, not feeling that relieved and went back to opening my locker.

"Alright. I've decided I'm too pissed about this. Come on," Cora said suddenly, grabbing my arm and yanking me down the hall.

"Whoa! What are you doing??" I asked as she towed me through the hall into another part of the school. She stopped and pointed across a foyer at Jenni.

"Is that one of them?" She checked with me. I was a little afraid to say yes, weary that I'd have to watch Jenni get bitch slapped. Not that that wouldn't be totally awesome, just... you know.

"Uh, yeah. That's Jenni," I said. Cora yanked my arm again, pulling me along over to Jenni. I let her tow me, since I was kind of in shock.

Cora marched right up to Jenni and looked at me expectantly. What the fuck, dude? She drags me over here so that I can confront a popular bitch?

Jenni just looked at us, condescendingly stunned. I suppose if you have to confront a popular bitch, the dumbest one you can find is your best bet.

I held up the flyer. Jenni blinked and took it from me. She smirked.

"Thanks, but I don't need a puppy," She said and held out the flyer delicately with her thumb and index finger. Oh snap! What a jerk.

Cora snatched the flyer from her.

"Why would you guys do this?" Cora demanded of her. Cora would make one awesome guy and as it was, she made one hell of a girl. Woman. Whatever.

"You think me and my friends did that??" Jenni said and started giggling. Cora blinked and put the hand that wasn't holding my elbow on her hip, while still glaring at Jenni.

"Come on. Like we'd waste all that time doing something so juvenile," Jenni went on, giggling like a possessed Barbie doll.

Shit. She seemed to mean it. Which meant that someone ELSE was taking an interest in this whole freaking, stupid thing. Why? I asked, mentally throwing my hands up toward the heavens. Why, God, why do you let these things happen? What is the point of it all? Is it part of your plan that some people just always get the shit end of the stick?

"Actually it is kind of... can I see that again?" Jenni asked, completely transparent. Cora responded by ripping up the flyer. Jenni and Cora just looked at each other. If I had to put a status to their female relationship I would say "nuclear war".

"Well. I gotta go. It was nice chatting with you," Jenni said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. She started walking away. I watched, with dread, as she took out her cell phone.

"... I realize that I may have just made things worse," Cora finally said, sounding both reflective and apologetic.

"Pft. Don't even. Things would have gotten worse without your intervening," I said truthfully. They would have, without a doubt.

"Thanks for, you know, sticking up for me," I said to her. I've never had a friend with stones like that before, boy or girl.

"Anytime, Boy Wonder," Cora sighed and patted my shoulder.