Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

Hump day. One Wednesday I will bone someone and I will feel some sort of happiness or satisfaction when I think about Wednesday being referred to as the Hump Day.

On that Wednesday morning, I woke up and felt strange. I frowned and rolled out of bed. I took a shower and got dressed and made sure I paid attention to everything I did. When you feel off, you have to make sure that you do the normal, mindless things like picking out socks that match and putting on deodorant. Otherwise you'll forget something and feel even more out of it.

I went downstairs and ate some cereal. I really don't like eating breakfast but I was taking extra precautions to make sure this weird-feeling day didn't turn on me. I felt my cell phone vibrating in my pocket and I frowned and pulled it out. Perhaps this was the weird thing that the universe had been hinting at to my premonition.

My mother was calling me, easing my anxiety. This was probably the weird thing about today. A few things about my mother:

1.) Her name is Katrina and she works in market advertising. Don't ask me what she does specifically, because I couldn't tell you.

2.) She lives an hour away, in the metropolis city that the suburbs Glenn and I live in outskirt.

3.) She's a workaholic, one of the reasons, I think, why she and my carefree at heart father broke up.

And

4.) She does love me, but just isn't very good at showing it. My dad was always the hugger, the crier, and the understanding parent. My mother was the disciplinary, rule-maker, and self appointed matriarch.

I don't want you to go away thinking that my mother is a super bitch or anything. She's not. She didn't beat me or ignore me in favour of her career or check my fingernails for dirt every time I can inside the house from playing outside. Katrina is a perfectly nice woman. She's just not the puddle of happiness and emotions that Glenn is.

I answered my phone.

"Hello mom," I said, melodically tired.

"Hello Robin. How are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm doing ok. You know, just still going to high school," I said, pushing the cornflakes around in my bowl.

"Ah yes. High school. Hang in there," She said. I raised my eyebrows and nodded.

"Listen, honey, I wanted to invite you to come to a company luncheon with me this weekend," She said. Ew. That sounded so boring that I think if I went I'd end up suffocating myself and turning purple just for something to do. And, yeah, Katrina does say things like luncheon.

"Uhm," I stalled. I mean, I didn't want to say no out right. I don't see my mother very often. I spend a few weekends with her every month and sometimes we go out to dinner or things like that during the week. It's a very loose schedule. I live with my dad and pretty much see my mother when she and I can make the time.

"I know it sounds dull, but there is this local band that they have hired to play. Life Line I think they're called? They are a young, blues band. I thought you might be interested," My mother explained. That... sounded ok. Discovering a new band is always good.

"Yeah, sure, that sounds cool, mom," I said. I exaggerated a bit for her. She is my mom, after all.

"Great," She said and I could tell I'd made her happy. I slurped up the rest of my cornflakes.

"Well I'll let you go, honey. I'll talk to you on Saturday, alright?" Katrina said.

"Ok, mom," I said.

"Alright, you take care," She said. That's pretty much her way of saying "I love you".

"You too, mom. Bye," I said.

"Bye," And we hung up.

I put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher. Then I heard two short honks from outside and I scrambled to get my backpack. I felt pretty relieved of my weird feeling, now that I'd spoken to my mother.

I went outside and Cora was waiting for me in her car. I locked the front door and went down the driveway. I climbed into the passenger seat of the charger.

"Morning, how's my favourite Boy Wonder?" Cora asked. I grumbled as I put on my seat belt.

"You know others?" I asked.

"You still a virgin this morning?" Cora asked with a grin, ignoring my question, and putting her car in reverse and backing out of the driveway.

"You're the stalker. You tell me," I said grouchily. Cora put her car in drive.

"Even if I wasn't, I can tell, just from the way you said that, that you are still as pure as a new born lamb," She said.

"Oh that's a good one. You should write slogans for the LOVE club," I mocked with heavy sarcasm to hide my discomfort. Cora just laughed and took off down the street.

The day went by fairly smooth. I knew that I had Jazz Band practice after school, which was bringing me down a little, but on the other hand it was saving me from being imprisoned in abstinence boot camp, and that cheered me up.

We avoided Bonnie and her crusaders by eating lunch outside. It was a pretty nice, early autumn day. There were big patches of clouds in the sky, but the sun was still shining through. Cora, Harold, and I sat around a picnic table and listened to The Vines on Harold's mp3 player. Max and Clarissa had disappeared to kiss and touch each other. Oh and another bonus of eating outside is we didn't have to look at, listen to, or even be in the immediate vicinity of the popular evils.

After lunch, Cora and I went to Music Composition. I think we were both in good moods because of the whole eating outside thing. I decided to make a list of why eating outside was a good activity.

"For one, fresh air is, like, really good for you," I began listing to Cora. She crossed her legs on her chair and fiddled with her sneaker's shoelace. She dropped some corn chips in her mouth and nodded.

"Mhm," She agreed, encouraging me to go on.

"Two, we don't have to be around the popular people that make my life hell," I went on.

"The bitches," Cora agreed.

"And bastards," I added, my mind immediately jumping to Brandon. I don't really know why it did. Cora barked a laugh and shook her corn chip bag, wondering if there was any left.

"And then, for a third thing, it's special. Because, I mean, you can eat inside any time of the year," I said. Cora nodded in total agreement and started digging around in her purse.

"So, you only have a limited window of time to eat your lunch outside in good weather," I went on.

"Totally, BW," She said, still digging around in her bag. BW? Like DW from the kids' show Arthur? Wow, that an embarrassing reference, thank God I didn't say that out loud- Oh, BW, Boy Wonder. Hilarious. Frickin’ biotch.

"What are you looking for?" I asked, a little snappy because she'd made me think of Arthur and feel un-cool.

"My camera. I think I left it in my locker," She said.

"Why do you need it?" I demanded.

"My dad wants me to take pictures of my life and send them to him," Cora said. "I want to take a picture of you, cuz you're like my homeboy," She said. Wow. That's really... um, nice.

"Come on. Let's go," Cora grinned, waving me to follow her. I paused. I don't have a problem being a little deviant and ducking out of class for fifteen minutes to loiter in the halls and do nothing, but I don't like missing any time in Music Composition.

But I stood up and followed Cora anyway. I still had the good feelings from eating lunch outside fuelling my energy.

Cora and I told Mr. Giraldi we were both going to the bathroom and he excused us without question. We walked across the foyer and then we started tucking peoples' locks up into the overhang hook of the indent of their lockers, just to make it a little more difficult to unlock their lockers. We were being assholes, but it was fun.

We were walking down the hall to Cora's locker, snickering about how douche-baggy we'd been. We stopped in front of Cora's locker.

And suddenly, our douche-baggerary was nothing. Literally nothing: clean, blank, gone.