Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

On Friday evening, Linda and Glenn were downstairs carving pumpkins. I could hear the giggling and shrieking from my room. It was incredibly distracting and I needed to focus on prepping myself for this party. I was lying on my bed, resting up, and trying to think about all possible outcomes of the night so I wouldn't get caught off guard:

1.) I could get totally drunk, barf my brains out, embarrass the crap out of myself, and crash in a spare bedroom at Harold's. And that's not the worst scenario.

2.) I could get totally drunk, black out, and then the girls would do things to me. And I'm not lucky enough for those things to be sexual. No, I'm sure Cora would happily draw a penis directed at my mouth on my cheek with a permanent marker.

3.) I could get totally drunk, try to bone one of the girls, and get either slapped (Clarissa), lectured (Minnie), or get my balls cut off (Cora).

4.) Now I could get just a little drunk and then be the total loser and buzz kill of the party. But, you know that's not really a great option either.

5.) I could get just a little drunk, fake I was drunker than I was, and then watch everyone else act drunk and tally up the embarrassing secrets they revealed so that I could black mail them with it later. But that's a kind of a majorly douche-y thing to do.

It never occurred to me that I might get happy drunk and just have a good time with my friends. It sounds impossible in my head.

I heard three short honks from the driveway. I scrambled to my feet and looked out my bedroom window. Cora's charger was sitting in the driveway, waiting for me. I grabbed my jacket and darted down the stairs and rolled my eyes at the sight in the kitchen. Jesus, Glenn and Linda were wearing matching vampire and vampiress outfits and they were elbow deep in pumpkin guts.

"I'm going to Harold's," I told my dad in passing.

"Well, wait, hang on," Glenn called. I stopped at the front door and turned around.

"What?" I whined a little. Glenn was standing in the kitchen entrance way, trying to look parental when he actually looked like a vampire clown. Don't you dare give me a curfew, you sad excuse for a bloodsucker.

"When are you gonna be home?" Glenn asked me curiously.

"I dunno," I shrugged. Don't give me a curfew.

"Well what are you going to do at Harold's? Watch a movie?"

"I dunno," I said. Don't give me a curfew.

"Well, be home by one ok?" Damnit.

"Oh dad. Come on, it's Halloween. Do you really want me coming home at one in the morning?" I asked. I was hoping that my question would get him thinking about him and Linda and the inevitable unholy and nasty Halloween coitus that would occur between them.

"Well... alright, ok. Have a good time. Behave," Glenn said. He's soft like a freaking marshmallow.

"Thanks have a good night!" I wished them both as I ran out the door. I went down to the Charger and climbed in the passenger seat.

"Oh. I'm... sorry. Were you aware that tonight is Halloween night and you're going to a party?" Cora asked me innocently. I looked at Cora and blinked. She was wearing this pair of leopard skin cat ears.

"What?" I asked.

"Where's your costume?" She demanded, her voice cracking huskily.

"I... I'm going as a virgin," I said. Oh jeez I just made Cora's joke for her. She smiled beautifully.

"No, no. Halloween is a time for pretending to be something you're not," She explained. I rolled my eyes.

"So what are you supposed to be?" I asked her darkly.

"A kitty. Isn't it purrrfect?" She said, putting the car in reverse. My heart rate skyrocketed when she purred softly like that. Too sexy. That's, that's too sexy. And I'm pretty sure sex kitten is something that Cora actually is. Apparently she doesn't understand the Halloween rules either.

We drove to Minnie's house. Cora didn't need to honk: Minnie came out of the front door the second Cora pulled into the driveway. Minnie walked through the headlights toward the car. She was wearing some kind of animal ears too. She climbed in the backseat.

"Hello," She said cheerfully to both of us.

"Hey!" Cora smiled in the rear view mirror as she pulled out of the driveway again. I turned around in my seat.

"What are you supposed to be?" I asked Minnie. She blinked at me.

"Uh, duh. Minnie Mouse?" She said and pointed at the black ears on her head. Cora burst out laughing and then looked at me and kept cackling. She is an evil sex kitten.

I gave Cora the directions to Harold's house. She pulled up alongside the curb in front of his house. She turned off the car and tossed me the keys.

"Grab the booze from the trunk, Boy Wonder," She requested. I went around to the trunk of her car while Cora and Minnie started to walk up toward Harold's large house together. I got out the two cases of beer and coolers and a brown paper bag that held another bottle. It was probably the rest of the whiskey from when Cora had danced around drunk in her black lace bra. Oh yeah, that's right, I don't know that she actually did that.

We rang Harold's doorbell. A minute later, Harold opened the door. Crap! He was wearing a pirate hat and had a plastic sword hanging from his belt.

"Happy Halloween!" Cora said. I held up the booze.

"Trick or Treat?" I offered. Harold grinned and let us in.

Max and Clarissa were already there. Aw fuck! Max was wearing a vest with a sheriff's badge and a cowboy hat and Clarissa was wearing a small pair of white wings and a pipe cleaner halo. I was the only person who wasn't wearing some kind of costume. And that made me the loser. Still. Crap!