Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

At lunch, Cora and I were sharing the sushi package that I'd bought. Harold and Minnie were sitting on the other side of the table, still heatedly debating the existence of God.

I was immaturely sword fighting with Cora over a roll of sushi.

"C'mon BW, don't be a butt! It's the last cucumber roll," She complained because I was kicking her ass with my small wooden weaponry.

"Sorry, Cor. If you can't hang with the big dogs, then get off the porch," I said, making my voice go high in pretend confrontation and frowning playfully at her. Cora lowered her eyelids slightly and she pouted her lips just a little. Oooh the biotch. She was purposefully looking sexy to break me down. And goddamn it I have no will power and am crazy in love with her.

"Fine, here," I grumped, giving in. I'm such a hard ass, sigh. Cora grinned beautifully in triumph and pinched the cucumber roll.

"You're too easy, my darling," Cora said, popping the sushi in her mouth. On the one hand, I was displeased that I appeared too easy and soft in her eyes. Cuz, you know, that's not manly and attractive. But on the other hand, she had called me her darling. And even though it was all in friendly fun, my brain still put more weight into it anyway.

I took a swig of my Coke so I could get some ammo in my stomach to burp at Cora and both bug and disgust her.

"... alright, Minnie. I'd like to lay another proposition on the table," Harold was saying, tapping his index finger lightly on her hand that was resting on the table.

"Please," Minnie invited.

"Ok. So you mentioned the Big Bang theory and I concede your brilliant win on that one. But, if we're talking about proven scientific explanations for creation, than I have one," Harold said.

"Alright," Minnie said.

"Darwin's Theory of Evolution," Harold said simply, letting his words have an effect. Minnie nodded slowly, dramatically.

"Ohhhh. Interesting," She said, thinking and looking away from Harold.

"It's been accepted by the world over that evolution began as small, nonsensical germs and evolved from the supposed tree of life from the micro cellular level onward and upward. And the process of evolution is hit and miss, a completely blind, unguided process," Harold laid out so there was no confusion, looking at Minnie.

"Right, rightright," Minnie said, nodding and still looking away from Harold. "Well, Harold, I'll have to give you that one. I have no rebuttal," Minnie said, tilting her head and looking at Harold. Harold shrugged modestly.

"Take your time, do some research. You can get back to me," He said, smiling. Minnie chuckled.

"Alright. I will," She said, nodding.

"Good. I look forward to your reply. You're a very worthy debate opponent, Minnie. Clear, organized, and refreshingly intelligent," Harold said, sipping his juice box.

"Hey!" I interjected without thinking, offended. Cora elbowed me to keep quiet. Minnie was looking at Harold kind of funny.

"... do you want to see my condom container?" Minnie asked out of the blue, still looking at Harold funny. He blinked and looked at her, his eyebrows raised.

"Um," He began. Minnie turned in her spot and dug around in her messenger bag. Oh my God! Ha! She pulled out a clear, plastic container; something that looked like it would be used for storing spools of thread, out of her bag. She opened the lid and showed Harold.

"Whoa!" Cora exclaimed involuntarily. I elbowed her to keep her quiet. She slapped my arm in retaliation. But the condoms... whoa. It looked like she had every condom I had ever given her, packed neatly into rows. They were even sorted by the colour of the wrappers. It was quite a sight.

"Oh my," Was all Harold could say. Minnie paused and then awkwardly put the lid back on the plastic container and put her condom collection away.

"... I'd better get going," She said suddenly, standing up and putting her messenger bag over her shoulder. Aww no! She was embarrassed!

"Um, well-" Harold began to say but Minnie was already walking away. Cora put her chopsticks down.

"I'll go after her," She said, standing up. "I'll see you guys later," She said to both of us, scratching my head gently as she walked behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and watched her walk after Minnie. Cora glows, she stands out, she really does. I looked over at the popular table on my way back to looking at Harold. I caught Brandon glaring at me before he looked down at his lunch. I smirked a little to myself and looked at Harold. He was bewildered and spinning his juice box straw between his thumb and index finger.

"What's up with you?" I asked bluntly. Harold blinked and just sipped on his juice box. Oh. Oh ho ho ho. Hehe.

1.) Harold liked Minnie.

2.) Minnie liked Harold.

3.) Harold didn't know how to handle the situation. He clearly wasn't used to feeling out of sorts about someone. His zen keeps him so balanced that when a cute girl starts wiggling into his brain, it really throws the poor guy off.

"Ah. I get it," I said wisely. It was payback time. "You like Minnie," I stated.

"Excuse me?" Harold said, blinking.

"You like Minnie," I said again.

"Um, of course I do? She's our friend," Harold said.

"No. I mean you like, like her," I said, grinning slyly.

"What?" Harold said, frowning.

"Dude, you so like Minnie. You want to date her and have weird, smarty pants babies with her," I teased.

"I never thought about Minnie in that way before," Harold said, blinking and looking away. Damnit, he wasn't being any fun.

"You like her. You liiiike her," I sang, very immaturely. "But you're good, man. I think Minnie likes you, too," I said.

"Really?" Harold said. Oh, he sounded hopeful! He's such a cute, screwy kid.

"Really, really," I promised. Harold sighed, confused and thoughtful.

"What about you and Cora?" Harold asked suddenly. Whoa. Hey now, let's not bring that mess up into this cute conversation.

"Nothing me and Cora," I muttered at the sushi container, flicking my finger against my Coke can.

"But," Harold began. I shot him a look. He nodded, sure I'd come to him when I was ready, and fell silent.

Before I went to Geography, I walked down Cora and Minnie's hallway, hoping to find Cora and walk her to class. She was in the hallway, just down with Minnie at Minnie's locker. Oh, this looked like girl talk. I'm not familiar with what is actually said during girl talk, but I know that I'm not wanted around when it's going on. So I approached very slowly, very carefully.

Cora gave Minnie a quick hug and then started to walk down the hall. I was going to call and catch up with her and then I saw Minnie's face. Aww, my God. She looked sad. Maybe she needed a little Robin geek sarcasm to cheer her up. Probably not, but I wanted to give it a shot.

"Hey Minnie," I said. She was rummaging around in her locker and looked up at me when I spoke.

"Hi Robin," She said, giving me a quick smile before falling back into looking sad.

"How's it going?" I asked stupidly. Well, what else was I supposed to say??

"Not too good," Minnie admitted into her locker.

"Cuz of the condom thing?" I asked, trying to sound sensitive. Minnie shot me a look that told me I wasn't being sensitive.

"Sorry. It's just, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. I thought the condom collection was cool," I said.

"I completely freaked out Harold. I can be incredibly socially impaired sometimes," Minnie said simply, shaking her head at herself. I wasn't sure what to say, really. I mean, yes, Minnie was a little too straight forward and blunt sometimes. But, Harold can get freaked out a little easily. He's kind of like deer in the headlights in that respect. You remember his reaction when he thought Cora was a drug addict.

"... It’s not really your fault Minnie," I only lied a little bit. "Harold lets himself get freaked out easy. But he calms down quick, too," I promised. Minnie made a slight face and looked down at her messenger bag.

"Do you like Harold?" I asked straightforwardly. Minnie looked up at me from under her eyebrows.

"That's a little personal don't you think?" She said. I'll take that as a yes. I shrugged.

"I dunno... but I do know that Harold maybe likes you," I said mysteriously. Minnie blinked rapidly.

"No he doesn't. Why on Earth would he?" Minnie said.

"Don't sell yourself short, Minnie," I said and then interrupted myself with a snort of laughter. Because she's really short, you see. Minnie gave me a condescending look.

"Ok, sorry, sorry. Look, you're cute and really smart and quirky. Harold is totally into you," I promised. Minnie looked away, her face thoughtful.

"... thanks, Robin," Minnie said quietly, glancing at me. I smiled and she surprised me by suddenly hugging me. Aw, she's so small. I hugged her back, in a friendly way if that makes sense.

Erica, Katie-Ann, Amanda, and Jenni walked by us on their way to Geography. Erica catcalled at the sight of me and Minnie hugging.

"Fuck you, bitches," I whisper-yelled when they were out of earshot and flipped the bird aggressively at their backs. Minnie giggled at me and pushed my arm down again.

Geography went by slowly. I mostly sat at the desk and looked up at the ceiling while I listened to my iPod. We were still studying for the exam that would be coming up. I was totally ready for that shit, so I was getting tired of studying. But the stupid, popular people still needed help, so Mr. Jeffrey was being all nice and adaptive. Amanda kept giving me funny looks, but I ignored her. Cora and I texted each other pointless messages: "what are you doing?" "what are you listening to?" "what are you looking at?" I did that until the final bell rang, freeing me from school.

I got to my feet and practically skipped down the hall to my locker. I got my stuff and ducked out of a side exit of the school to start heading over to the parking lot. I was excited that:

1.) School was over for the day.

2.) It was sunny out.

3.) I was going to be hanging out with Cora. I love her, you see, so.

"Robin? Wait up,"

I turned around out of instinct. Amanda was walking over to me. What the hell?? Come ON, bitch, don't bring down my day! But I took a deep breath and braced myself for this conversation.

"What's going on?" She asked me casually. Get to the point.

"Nothing. What's up?" I demanded. Amanda shrugged, looking away from me.

"You know, not much. Um, I saw you being nice to that, that Chinese chick," Amanda said.

"Minnie," I said acidly. I freaking hate that. She thinks she's so cool she doesn't have to know Minnie's name. It would be one thing if Minnie was a loser and a bitch or something. But Minnie is neither of those things, so Amanda was the loser bitch.

"Right. You gave her a hug and stuff. That was nice," Amanda complimented me. Thanks, Amanda, do I get a gold star for being nice? Fuck.

"Yeah, well, you know. She's my friend," I said. Amanda nodded.

"Is, um, is that Cora girl your friend, too?" Amanda asked. Is she blind and deaf AND stupid? Anyone who was paying any goddamn attention would know at the very least Cora and I are friends. Unless... Amanda was checking if Cora and I were more than friends. But why the hell would she be doing that?

"Yeah. Cora's my buddy," I said cryptically. Amanda nodded, puckering her lips.

"How come you and I aren't, like, friends?" Amanda asked me. "Like, you really don't seem to like me. And I, like, wanna know why," She said.

At first, I felt a little bad. Because, you know, in all fairness, I don't really know Amanda and had judged her prematurely. But then on second thought, she laughs at me right along with her friends, and was now only talking to me because we were completely alone on a deserted side of the school.

"Because you hate me," I reminded her. Amanda blinked and chuckled condescendingly at me.

"Rob. Come on. No I don't hate you," She said.

"Well alright. You can sit with me and Harold and Cora and Minnie at lunch tomorrow if you want," I called her bluff. No way would little miss popular biotch be seen with me in such a public way. In front of her friends and all.

"Um... well..." She stalled. "Why don't we just like... hang out. Like now. At my house," Amanda said, thinking of a place where no one would see us together. No way. Not in a million years way.

"... Robin?"

I turned. Cora was a ways away, calling to me. I looked at Amanda.

"I'm gonna go hang out with my actual friend. See ya," I said. Amanda's mouth dropped open and she crossed her arms. To be completely fair, if she was talking to me because her friends weren’t around, I was being brave and balls-y with her because her friends weren't around, too.

"Excuse me?" Amanda said, offended that I was leaving her presence before she was done with me.

"You're excused. But my name is Robin, not Rob. Rob is short for Robert, so," I said as I walked backwards towards Cora.