Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

At lunch, Minnie bravely came and sat next to Harold. Cora and I watched while she plowed past the awkwardness of yesterday and engaged a bewildered Harold in creation of the universe talk again. I think both me and Cora were hoping to witness some kind of crush confession. But, of course, Minnie and Harold were all business. They are so weird.

Cora drank a lot of my Coke so I had to go and buy another one. I have a serious Coke addiction, now that I reflect on it. And all this Coke was going to make me have to pee later. Aw, well, we all suffer for our addictions. For instance, I suffer greatly for my addiction to Cora, not even on a daily basis, we're talking moment to freaking moment.

Being around Cora is both torture and awesome at the same time. I know, right? Love makes no damn sense whatsoever, which is very frustrating for us humans who base our lives around making sense of every little thing. Anyway, every second I'm with Cora, every time she smiles that freaking smile of hers, or says something quirky and Cora-y, I'm reminded of how I love her.

It's not really like I fall deeper in love each time she does something. I mean, that's a little unrealistic. If that were the case, I'd be drowning by now, and nearly dead. I'm just already in crazy deep and every time her blue eyes shine, or she punches my arm, or even when she calls me the hated BW, the love drowning pool just kinda swirls around in happy circles.

Fuck, I'm so screwed. Because the torture part comes in where I can't do anything about the love drowning business. I mean, if I said something to Cora about how I felt, I'd mess up our friendship (see the aftermath of Halloween) and that was something I definitely didn't want to do. Some relationship with Cora was better than no relationship at all, even if it was near hell being just friends with her.

But imagine for a second how whiny and suicidal I would be if Cora and I stopped being friends altogether because of something I did. Yeah, no one wants to suffer through that.

In Music Comp, Cora and I were getting kind of hyper with all the sugary pop in our systems. We were playing these World Music loops on Garage Band and that kind of music actually makes you want to get up and dance. Even though the practice room is small and I can't dance worth crap. When Cora started dancing around, embodying a Bollywood dancer, I watched her until she yanked me to my feet.

I can't dance, really. Like, jiving is one thing: you can learn those moves. But just dancing freely: I'm a white boy virgin, ok? I can't dance and I know it.

"I gotta use the restroom," I bailed, thankful for the excuse. All that Coke I'd had a lunch was allowing me to tell the truth. Cora stopped dancing and turned off the music.

"I gotta pee too. That works out," She said, since she had drunk a lot of my Coke at lunch too. I actually cheered up a little, because I wouldn't be missing out on the small time away from Cora that the walking to and from the washroom would have taken were she not coming with me. Do you see how obsessed I am with her?? I hate being away from her just to go take a piss!

We walked down the hallway, spreading out on either side of the hall, since the hallway wasn't full of students, and talking loudly at each other. We came to the washrooms and separated to walk into our respective bathrooms.

I'd debated challenging Cora to a peeing race, but she's a girl and I know better than to ask a girl to a peeing race. I mean, I'd win, but girls take their time in the bathroom. Probably being more hygienic and prettier than boys. We're gross, I know it.

I took a quick leak, rinsed my hands, ran them uselessly through my short hair, and then went outside to wait for Cora. I stood there against the lockers for a moment, studying the opposing wall and not staring at the girls' washroom like a creep. Then, after that moment, someone distracted me.

"Robin,"

I turned and looked to my right, away from girls' washroom. My heart pounded, not out of love for once, but out of instinctual panic. I mean, Brandon was walking towards me and he didn't look very happy to see me. I stepped away from the lockers to face him.

"Um, hi-" I started to say, trying to keep calm and thereby keep the situation calm. But, no, the douche had other plans in mind. He shoved me, catching me off guard.

"Who the fuck do you think you are??" He growled at me.

"What the hell man??" I growled right back. Going toe to toe with Brandon wasn't something I wanted to do (since he'd probably kill me) but I couldn't just back away. I'm a wimp but not that big of a wimp.

"You tell me what the hell's going on!" He snapped. "All I know is one minute I'm going with Cora, and the next minute she breaks up with me," He said. Ohhh dear.

"That doesn't have anything to do with me, asshole," I snapped back. I know the asshole thing wasn't helping de-escalate the situation. But he is an asshole, so.

"And, you know, I always see you and her together! So, I'm left thinking, the virgin is actually cock-blocking me!" He growled angrily, shoving me again. Ok. Ok, ok. From his perspective, that's kind of a little bit true. But I wasn't thinking about that and was pissed he was getting all up in my face and assuming he'd be fucking Cora if I weren't her friend. So I shoved him right back, squarely in the chest.

Then, KA-BAM! Boy Wonder was down for the count when Brandon socked me in the eye. Like OwwWWW! The punch was strong enough to push me back into the lockers. OW! My eye was exploding. I looked up and watched as Cora, like, appeared out of nowhere next to us.

"What the fuck, douche puppy?!" She yelled at Brandon. And then, oh my God, she grabbed the front of his shirt and punched Brandon in the nose. She had a good stance. She punched from her core and retracted her fist immediately.

"OW! Jesus!" Brandon yelped, stumbling backward and clutching his hands over his nose.

"... ooWWuch!" Cora realized after a moment, cradling the hand that she'd punched Brandon with against her stomach. I just stared at her, one hand covering the eye that was dying, and she looked back at me.

"What is going on here??" Mrs. Hicks was all over the scene. All three of us just looked at Mrs. Hicks pathetically, holding our fresh battle wounds. She glared a fantastically well-perfected vice principal glare.

"Nurse's office. All of you. Now," She barked simply.