Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

On Thursday morning, I woke up and turned on to my back. I'd gotten very little sleep (because of reasons 1 through 4 from last night), but I wasn't tired. The Pink Floyd prism looked down at me, both encouraging and dissuading me. The crucifix of good music is enigmatic, it means so many things.

Oh my God. Yesterday I kissed Cora. I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record, but, dude. I kissed Cora! Let's see, last Thursday... that was a good day actually. I'd hung out with Cora in the practice room and we'd played a duet (now that I think about it, I was in love with her then and just didn't realize it) and then we'd gone to the mall. Hm, how long have I actually been in love with Cora and was blind and stupid about it? I don't know. It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment in time I fell in love. I just know the day I realized I was in love. Last Friday. Pink Floyd t-shirt day.

I was anxious about today, obviously, because:

1.) I'd kissed Cora, (gah! I'm so fucking awesome) and I was going to have to deal with the possible ramifications of that crazy action.

2.) I had made the plan to be proactive and talk to Cora about our feelings. And once I plan to do something, I feel like I'm sworn to stick to the plan. I don't know why. But it was probably a good thing that I can commit to plans like that. Probably.

3.) I had also planned to believe that what I wanted mattered. And while I can believe that in my little, crazy, in love mind all I want, putting that belief into action is something else. When it came right down to the wire, could I pull through and state my position to sexy, scary, wonderful, beautiful Cora? I don't know, man, I don't know.

But I guess we're gonna find out.

I got out of bed and dressed. I took my time getting dressed, actually, because I wanted to look good for Cora. I won't lie, I wanted to look as attractive as I could (I'm not sure if I actually can be attractive, but I'm gonna try) so that Cora would maybe see me as someone who was attractive to her. I put on some nice jeans and a well fitted white v-neck t-shirt. I've noticed that that is some sort of style that's good. I dunno. I put on a zip up sweater (it's this really soft gray thing my mother gave me for my birthday last spring) and went downstairs.

Glenn was by himself in the kitchen.

"Hey kiddo. How's the eye?" He asked sympathetically. Oh shit, my eye. Well there goes my attempt to look attractive, swirling down the toilet. And now that I think about it, my eye hurts. Damn!

"It's ok," I said, looking at my reflection on the side of the silver toaster oven. Oh yuck! I still looked awful. I was hoping maybe the shiner would start to look sexy. But I don't know if I can pull that off.

"Listen, Robin, can I talk to you for a sec?" Glenn tried to say.

"Dad, I really can't. I have something really important I have to do today, so I gotta get going," I said. I keep blowing him off, but he always wants to freaking talk when my life is balancing on the edge of a sword.

"... ok. What is this important thing? Hey, you look sharp," My dad said. Aw, thanks pop.

"Thanks. I can't talk now, I gotta go," I said, pulling on my jacket and hurrying out the door.

"Well, have a good-" He tried to call after me but I'd closed the front door too quick.

I speed walked to school. I walked through the parking lot, but the Charger wasn't there. My heart imploded and sunk to my gut. I'm so stupid! I looked at my cell phone. Yeah, I'm fucking stupid. It was still early, Cora had lots of time to get to school. Fuck I'm so in love it actually does make me retarded!

I went into the practice room and shrugged off my jacket and backpack all at once. I picked up the guitar and perched on the narrow, wooden desk. I was too nervous to settle in the chair. I started playing the guitar, just for something to do until the centre of my stupid little world showed up.

When the door opened and Cora walked in, my head snapped up immediately. Just as I'd predicted, I had the powerful urge to jump up, grab her, and just start kissing her passionately. Play it cool, Robin! I reprimanded myself and calmed my gaping look.

Cora looked at me and gave me a calm smile. She didn't have her tea with her. And it was Thursday morning. She always had her tea in the mornings. Where was her tea?? Where was it?!

"Hey BW," She said tiredly. She was probably tired because she didn't have her usual freaking tea! Why didn't she have her tea?? The absence of her usual tea suggested things were unsettling and not normal with her. We don't like that. Bring back the tea, quick!

"Hey," I said, oh casual as anything, even though my heart was racing. You would have been proud at how nonchalant I sounded. Cora took off her jacket, put her purse down on top of the piano and then, oh glory, sat next to me on the long, narrow desk. I put my guitar down on the ground. Ok. Here we go.

"So," Cora began. I nodded, nervous as crap. And so in love, oh my god. So in love. She looked at me, she didn't turn her head directly at me, but she looked at me. I reciprocated that kind of almost-look.

"I don't know about you but I was up all night last night," Cora said. Oh my God, me too!

"Me too," I assured her. "What were you thinking about?" I asked. That was pretty obvious and not very subtle. But whatever.

"You. Duh," She said and gave me a quick smile. I smiled back. She's so pretty, it's just...

"Yeah. What about me?" I asked. This was actually going well. I was getting to ask all the questions.

"Well, um. First I was thinking about the, you know, the kiss," She said. And she really hit it home that the kiss had happened, for real.

"And you're a good kisser, so I was thinking about that," She said, looking away and widening her eyes a little. Wow, my ego felt great, let me tell you. I mean, I was happy when Minnie said I was a good kisser, but this is a little different.

"... and, um, I was also worrying," Cora said. Really?? Me too! Oh, wait a minute.

"About what?" I asked casually. But I wasn't fooling anyone now. I wasn't casual.

"What do you want from me?" Cora asked, sounding so confused.

Ok. Ok, ok. Here's the thing, ok. That question is impossible to answer. Because the obvious thing, to tell her what I actually want, isn't actually how I should answer that question. How you actually want to answer a question like that is to give an answer that the asker wants. And what I suspect Cora wants is... well actually I have no damn clue what Cora wants anymore.

"I don't know," I half lied. I didn't know what to say, but I knew damn well what I wanted.

"Because, I, I know what I want," Cora admitted. Oh my God. Ok, ok, ok, ok. Breathe, Robin. Cora looked at me and oh my god her blue eyes! Fack!

"Boy Wonder, I just... I could not handle it if you and I weren't friends anymore. Like, I'm not gonna lie, ok, obviously I feel more than just totally platonic friendship toward you," She began, her words flowing out now. "But, like, relationships end and I can't do them and if we weren't friends anymore... I don't know about you, but I would be lonely and miserable as fuck without you," She said.

... ohhh. Yes. It hurts. Heart through the shredder. It hurts. It's confusing and it hurts. I mean, if you can think about it objectively, Cora is kind of all messed up: she's pretty much saying that if we got into a relationship it would definitely end and she'd be miserable without me. But if she'd be miserable and lonely without me, wouldn't that be incentive to stay in the relationship and make it work?

But I couldn't think about any of that. I couldn't hear her rationality and I inconveniently forgot that she'd called me a good kisser and had admitted to having more than friendly feelings for me. All I could hear was the rejection. Stupid, I know, but when you're in love... man, when you're in love you just become stupid. I felt lonely and miserable as fuck already.

My brain wasn't really working. I was just feeling really shitty emotions. I stood up, wanting to leave the room. I mean, I loved this girl and all I could obsess about what how she didn't want to be with me! Even, though, that's not totally true. It was more or less the result... ah fuck, I couldn't think!

I started to walk to the door.

"Wait! Hang on, hang on," Cora said, standing up after me and grabbing my arm to keep me from leaving.

"Don't you have anything to say?? How do you feel??" She demanded. I know I was supposed to operate under the belief that what I wanted mattered, and Cora seemed to genuinely believe that what I wanted mattered too. But I knew that what I wanted really didn't now.

"Doesn't matter, Cor. Don't worry about it," I said, being such a masochist.

"What??" Cora demanded. I just shrugged, not looking at her.

"Just friends is cool," I lied miserably through my teeth, staring at the floor. And she saw right through me.

Cora suddenly grabbed the front of my white v-neck shirt and pushed me painfully into the wall, shocking me out of my misery. But I didn't notice the pain, I didn't notice anything except the Cora was pinning me against the wall and I was getting turned on despite everything! I stared at Cora, worried I was going to get slapped (I mean, she'd decked Brandon in the nose without a second thought) but I was also trying to fight down the powerful, insane urge to shove my tongue down her sexy Cora throat.

"Now, you listen to me, Robin," She began firmly. Robin: she's not playing around.

Cora blinked and suddenly looked worried and a little upset. She looked away from my face at the hand that was gripping the front of my v-neck t-shirt. I could see the cool, fading scars on her knuckles.

"You're... you're, like, my best friend," She told me. I was?? Oh my God! She was like my best friend. That's incredible.

Easy, Robin, I tried to directly tell my brain. You know, you're starting to sound like you have a vagina. Cora's the one with the vagina, here. Dude, stop thinking about her vagina! She's gonna know that you are, you're body is going to give away that you're thinking about her naked like that... shit! Fuck! Whoa! Ok. Ok, ok, uh, dead kittens. Dead grandmother. Sarah Jessica Parker. Hitting someone with the car. Ok. Reply to what she said about being best friends, quick!

"And you're mine too," I told her quietly, staring at her. What the hell was going on?? I wished she would look at me. I didn't feel like I was in danger of being hit anymore. I wanted to see those fantastic, hard blue eyes.

"So, then," Cora stumbled impatiently over her words. She looked at me and I immediately started staring into her eyes. I was drowning in the treacherous blue and it was awesome and terrible.

"This, this," Cora went on, her eyes darting around as she glared into mine.

"What?" I asked softly. Wow, I actually think I pulled off sounding husky! Cora suddenly leaned away from me and I watched her every action. She slapped her palm against the light switch making the room dark.

"This isn't happening. Do you understand?" Cora demanded. My heart sank to my gut again. Rejection in the dark now. That's awesome, fuck, why do I even -

And then Cora pulled the front of my shirt and made me lean forward so that she could kiss me. Oh. Oh, I get it! This isn’t actually happening because we're friends and this can't happen because it would ruin our friendship. But it was happening. Holy shit was it ever happening!

I parted my lips and slid my tongue in Cora's mouth. I've wanted to do that sooo bad, holy cow. I wrapped one arm around her waist and held the back of her head with my other hand. Cora kept one hand in a vice grip on the front of my shirt and the other hand gripped the back of my neck. Her tongue touched my tongue and our mouths moved against each other in unfamiliar and exciting ways. I've only ever made out with April. I know April's kisses. I don't know Cora's kisses.

But finding out about Cora's kisses was unlike anything else.

The kissing stayed at a feverishly fast and sexy pace, making my heart pump faster and all the blood circulating everywhere making me feel wide awake. Cora pulled me away from the wall. I followed her willingly, still kissing her. I'd follow her anywhere if she'd let me keep kissing her like this in the dark.

She lay down on the narrow desk and pulled me on top of her. I suppose if I stopped to think about it, the position was uncomfortable, since we couldn't stretch out on the small desk or anything. But not a lot of thinking was going on right then.

The hand that used to be on the back of Cora's head moved to hold her face now that we were lying on the table. Cora propped one leg up on the table, bending her knee and pressing her thigh against me because the limited space of the desk wouldn't let her do anything else. But I can't honestly complain that I didn't like that situation.

Cora's hand moved from the back of my neck to grip my shoulders tightly. She's all about the forceful clutching. It's hott. If I was observing this situation from a sane mind, I'd say it was tooo sexy. But it was just plain very sexy since I was in the situation. Holy shit I was in this situation!

My blood was running hot and my hormones were going crazy for Cora. I couldn't help it! It was Cora. I'm in love with her! And the way everything felt with Cora then and there just fell into deep, sensible, love places. My body pressed against Cora and she moaned shortly, reflexively. It was so freaking sexy! I should have been more cautious about just pressing myself against Cora, since, you know, she could probably use it against me later if she wanted to. But I'd lost the ability to think logically and biology was taking over. And plus, she was asking for it with the knee bent up, legs partially open thing.

Shit, fuck, whoa! Cora's legs wore kind of open and she was underneath me. I didn't care that we both had jeans in the way of everything. That didn't matter, really; I wasn't going for a home run type of scenario.

Like I'd screw Cora in the practice room.

Well... I mean... I guess I'm not actually against that. In fact, that would be kind of amazing...

Something must have changed in the way I was kissing Cora. I think she might have picked up somehow on the fact that I was thinking about having sex with her in the practice room. Because she abruptly stopped clenching the front of my shirt and braced her palm on my chest and pushed me. I'm heavier and on top of her, so she could only pretty much push me far enough so that I wasn't kissing her anymore.

And not kissing her was hell. We stayed there, panting at each other. Wow, her breath still smelled like peppermint. Either she's a total alien super species or she did have tea this morning before school. Please, I prayed, let me keep kissing you, Cora. I could force you, like, physically, but I don't want to do that. I want you to want it too. And I think you do, so...

Cora slid out from under me. I wanted to stop her but I wouldn't. Anything she wanted to do, I would play along with despite what I wanted now.

Cora went over to the light switch and turned on the lights, flooding the room with unnatural light. I blinked a few times and squinted. She turned and looked at me. I was still in the position that I'd been when she'd slid out from under me. In the light, I must have looked strange: poised in a position that suggested I used to have someone under me. And plus I was still breathing kind of hard, so I must have looked like a sexual predator.

That's kind of awesome.

Cora looked away from me and brushed her bangs off of her forehead. She went and sat at the computer. I sat up properly and exhaled heavily, staring at her.

"Will you teach me how to use Garage Band, Boy Wonder," She asked, almost pulling off sounding normal. But not even sexy, scary Cora can do that after she'd been making out with her best friend.

"There's nothing to teach. You just do it," I said and rubbed my eyes. Ughhh I didn't know what to make of this massive complication! And ow my black eye.

"Hm. Sounds like you have a handle on everything," Cora commented. I could hear her grinning mercilessly.

“Oh, how’s your eye, anyway?” She remembered suddenly, still looking at the computer. I stopped rubbing my eyes and looked at the back of her brown, curly-wavy haired head.

What is the deal with you, Cora?? Where does that confident, sexy brain of yours go a little haywire?