Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

“Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your girlfriend. No way, no way, I think you need a new one. Hey, hey, you, you. I could be your girlfriend!” Cora lip synced/sang along to Avril Lavigne. She danced about in this tiny black and red cheerleader uniform, mocking cheer-leading moves. But was oh so hott none the less.

“Hey, hey, you, you, I know that you like me,” She sang, in her jeans and black lacy bra (that I’ve imagined and never seen), and writhing on my lap. Yeah, I do like you. Holy shit do I ever.

“No way, no way, you know it’s not a secret,” She sang, close up of her gorgeous face and putting her finger to her lips.

“Hey, hey, you, you, I want to be your girlfriend!” She sang, dancing around in the slutty cheerleader uniform.

Then there was some pop guitar and a mushy mumble of lyrics. My brain doesn’t know all the words to Avril Lavigne thank God. Cora danced around, writhed up against me, lap-dancing like there was no tomorrow, and there was whiskey involved. And cooked carrots were in there too for some reason.

“She’s like, so whatever,” Cora sang, straddling my lap and lowering her eyelids so sexually at me.

“And you could do, so much better,” She went on, running her hands through my short hair.

“I think we should get together now,” She sang, pressing her lace-encased chest against my chest. Was I wearing a shirt? I dunno. But yes, we should definitely get together now.

“And that’s what everyone’s talking about!” Cora sang, whipping her hair back and showing me her throat. Wow, that’s a sexy, Cora throat. She flattened out against me again and I could practically feel every girl line of hers pressing against every boy line of mine.

“Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your girlfriend,” She said right in my ear, her voice really husky and low.

Then I woke up. I was drooling on a little on my pillow (ew), flat on my stomach (not ew) and AW fuck! I’d had a wet dream, really?? EeEwwWw!

I looked over at my alarm clock as I rolled out of the gross sheets. Oh, super. Five in the morning to boot. I groaned loudly and frustrated. I ripped up my bed sheets from their tucked in corners, whipped my pillowcase off my pillow, and hauled the soiled load downstairs to the laundry room. Do I need to make a list about wet dreams or will that be too gross? Well, I’m pissed and tired so I’m gonna do it anyway:

1.) They are so inconvenient! Like, soo inconvenient. Making and unmaking and washing your bed sheets is all such a pain in the ass as it is. So when a wet dream throws a wrench in the laundry schedule, that’s inconvenient and very, very, VERY annoying.

2.) Like, you know, it’s one thing if I want to masturbate in the shower or something. I try to be as clean as I can, right? So, like, wet dreams leave you feeling kind of gross and dirty and sub-human in a way, because you couldn’t really control your body or your sexual impulses while you were sleeping.

3.) … but they do leave you feeling better in other certain respects. I wasn’t tense, I wasn’t worried, I wasn’t all boner-rific, I was finally calm and not all sexed up to make out with Cora. So… you know… I guess I was grateful for that.

I started the washer and then trudged back up to my bedroom. I blinked at the bare mattress from my doorway. Oh right, I’d just… right. I walked back down stairs and flopped down on the couch. I searched around for the remote, found it, and turned on the TV. The channel was tuned to a local programming, public broadcast kind of channel. And at five in the morning, they were running a kid’s show. Like, a little kid’s show, not Fairly Odd Parents or Spongebob or something almost stimulating. I think this was Dora the Explorer.

“Go Diego go,” I muttered without thinking, half-dead from the work my body had done to jack off without my consent so early in the morning. I tugged a blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over my torso and legs. Oh, Linda had made fantastic roasted carrots for dinner. That’s… that’s where that was from.

“Amigo is Spanish for a friend that is a boy…” I mumbled and fell asleep.

…

“… Robin?? Kiddo, what are you doing?”

I woke up, inhaling sharply.

“Kid, you better hustle. You’re going to be late for school. Why are you sleeping on the couch?” Glenn went on. I threw the throw blanket off of my body and ran out of the room.

“Trouble in bed last night,” I grunted as I raced up the stairs.

“What?” Glenn called after me. I ignored him and yanked on jeans, a T-shirt, and a hoodie. Deodorant! Ok. Shoes! Ok. Um… oh brush my teeth! I went into the bathroom and quickly ran my toothbrush over my teeth.

“I’ll give you a ride. Come on,” Glenn said, appearing the bathroom door.

“Thanks!” I said.

We left the house and Glenn drove pretty quickly over to the school. I craned my neck past him to scan the parking lot… my heart pounded to see that the Charger was sitting in its spot.

“Listen, are you going to be busy after school, kiddo?” Glen asked as I unbuckled my seat belt.

“What? Oh maybe,” I said opening the door and climbing out.

“Well, could you not be? Because I’d like to talk to you,” Glenn said, leaning over the passenger chair and looking at me. Dad! My life is so freaking complicated right now, I can’t sit still for, like, a drug talk or whatever you have planned in your weird dad brain! And PS, I’m still a virgin so the advanced sex talk won’t help me either.

“Ok sure, bye,” I pie-crust promised and then closed the door. I gave him a wave and ran into the school as the final bell rang. Crap! I booked it down the hall to Mr. Jeffrey’s class. Even though he won’t mind if I come in late (yeah, he’s that chill), I’ve never been late for his class before and didn’t want to start now.

When class was over, I went to my locker, trying to get into sync with the other students. My being late had thrown me off something terrible.

“Where were you this morning?”

My head snapped to my left. I was shocked my premonition hadn’t sparked up the second Cora had entered my immediate vicinity. Being late, tired, and sexually calmer was really throwing me off. Cora leaned against the lockers and raised an eyebrow at me. I wanted to reach out and straighten her eyebrow, because she was looking too sexy. Whoa, that’s one of the weirdest urges I’ve had so far.

Oh and I still wanted to grab her face and kiss her passionately, but being late, tired, and sexually calmer was keeping me a little more chill.

“I waited for you at your locker, BW. Where were you?” She asked.

“Um… I had some pretty vivid dreams. They kept me up and so I was late getting up this morning,” I said, being as truthful as I could be. Cora chuckled.

“Vivid dreams, huh?” She said. Oh no, I panicked for a second, could she see through that line?? But she didn’t say anything more about it and looked down at her feet and then back at me. She is so sexy, even when she does something ordinary.

“… so. We’ll… talk in Music Comp?” She checked. I nodded, staring at her. Cora smiled at me.

“K. Wellp in the mean time, hitch up your britches. Let’s go to class,” She said, tugging on the crook of my arm. My skin tingled under touch. I closed my locker and let her lead me wherever she wanted me to go.