Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

Ok.

1.) I am in love with Cora

2.) Cora is my best friend. But she also likes, likes me.

3.) Now, after points 1 and 2, the logical, rational concluding point 3 would be that Cora and I get together. We try our hand at being boyfriend and girlfriend.

But we have long taken leave of the world of logic and rationality. So long, good-bye, and welcome to Kooks-ville. My name is Robin, Boy Virgin and I am your self-appointed mayor. Fack.

I was walking home, a million things kicking around in my head. The more I thought about logic and rationality, the more I noticed that it really doesn't coincide with reality. And what really frustrated me was that humans are always freaking trying to make every single thing rational and understandable. And the world just isn't like that! There are sooo many parts about life that just do not make any sense. Like, there are poor bastards who go crazy because they try to make sense of everything, because that's what they think they are supposed to do, and end up fucking committing suicide and shit when they can't make any sense of stuff!

From now on, I decided in the heat of the moment as I scuffed my sneaker against the pavement, I am not going to try and make sense of everything. I'm embracing the crazy. Because, otherwise, I am going to be one of those poor bastards who commits suicide when they can't make sense of stuff.

I jogged up the front steps of my house and pushed through the front door. I was grateful that I'd gotten home before it started to rain. Thursday had been gray, Friday had been grayer so far. I could smell the rain in the air. I went upstairs to my room, kinda feeling lighter and happy, since it was the weekend and all. I dumped my backpack and jacket on the ground in my bedroom and turned on my computer.

"... Robin?" Glenn said, appearing in my doorway and knocking on the door frame. I looked over at him. He was still in his suit from work. His tie was loosened though. My father hates ties.

"Hey," I said, giving him a nod and then looked back at the computer. He surprised me by coming in my bedroom and sitting on my bed.

"Where are your bed sheets?" Glenn asked. I paused, puckering my lips at the computer and feeling awkward.

"... they got dirty," I said simply to the computer screen. Glenn didn't say anything, I could picture him pausing and then shrugging.

"Listen. I'm glad you're home. I want to talk to you, kiddo," Glenn said.

"Kp. I'm listening, dad," I said, bringing up my music downloading application.

"I'd kind of like all of your attention. This is important," Glenn said obviously. I rolled my eyes to the ceiling and spun around in my swivel chair to look at him and give him all of my attention. I raised my eyebrows.

"Come sit next to me," Glenn said, wanting the situation to be exactly as he'd pictured in his head. I huffed slightly, but then did as I was told. I planted my ass down next to him.

"K, go," I said impatiently.

"Robin... you know that I only do what's best for you, right?" Glenn said. Yeah, I know. I mean, yeah you broke up with my mom, but you guys were pretty depressing to be around when you were together and mad all the time. So yeah, I guess the divorce, in its crazy, nonsensical way, was what was best for me too because things are a little better when my parents are good moods.

"Eyeah," I replied in a grunt quickly, nodding a little.

"And, kiddo, I know that me and your mom splitting up was hard on you," Glenn went on kindly. I looked down at my knees. Still, it sucks to hear about it. But, like I said, they are happier now and in consequence don't depress me nearly as much.

"At first, yeah," I said. I didn't want him to think I was still suffering.

"And I wouldn't do anything if I thought it would really upset you or hurt you," Glenn said, emotional and warm. I looked at him.

"Dad? Can you get to the point please?" I requested. Glenn nodded and took a breath.

"... kiddo. I'm in love. I want to marry Linda," Glenn said. I blinked. Well, that... that... um.

"Oh," I managed to say. Um...

"But... Robin, this is your home too. And I won't ask her to marry me if it's going to be at all uncomfortable for you. You're number one to me, kid," Glenn said. Wait, he hadn't asked her to marry him yet? Wait, wait. Was my dad asking me if he could marry his girlfriend? Well, no, he was just checking to make sure I was ok with it.

In all honesty, I wasn't one hundred percent on this. I mean, it's not like Linda and I are super tight and we hug and I go to her for problems stuff. Not that I do that with my actual parents, but, you know, Linda and I aren't even really kid-adult friends. I mean... well...

You know what? I have learned three things.

1.) You can't always fix the big awful problems. But you can fix the small ones, and that helps.

2.) Life makes no damn sense, what-so-freaking-ever.

3.) Love is the most nonsensical aspect of all. And I know how tough it is to love someone and have all these damn obstacles of life in the way. So who was I to deny my dad that happiness and be a big, stupid obstacle in the way of his and Linda's middle-aged adult love?

"Dad?" I spoke up, after that long moment of contemplation. Glenn was looking at my floor, lost in thought too.

"Hm?" He said and looked at me.

"You should go for it. I like Linda a lot. She's really nice to me and I can tell she loves you. And, you know, she laughs at my jokes, so," I said with a shrug and gave him a melancholy thumbs up. Glenn paused and broke out into a big, ol' dad grin. I smiled tiredly at him.

"... thanks, kiddo," Glenn said. And, oh, then he caught me in a big, ol' dad bear hug. My natural reflex was to cringe from the over-dose of dad love. But, you know what, life makes no sense, I love Cora, and my dad loves Linda and is going to ask her to marry him. So I hugged him back. And it actually felt really nice.

After a too long minute of dad hugging, Glenn drew away and put a hand on the side of my head. Oh man, the mushy bastard was crying.

"I love you, Robin," He said sentimentally. I scoffed a laugh at him. But,

"I love you, too, dad," I sighed darkly. He grinned at me. Man, the weirdo loves me even though I'm sarcastic and retarded. Well, I still love him even though he's a disgusting mush of emotions. He sniffed and grinned through his tears, the crying subsiding.

"I gotta get going. I have an engagement to sew up!" Glenn said happily, clapping me on the shoulder. I chuckled at him, my body swaying like a limp noodle under his boisterous slap of love.

"Get outta here, you damn crazy kid," I said, swiping my arm half-heartedly at him as he stood up.

"... I probably won't be home tonight," Glenn confessed. I nodded and rolled my eyes, kind of smiling.

"Of course not," I said melodiously, looking at the ceiling.

"So, lock the doors before you go to bed. I'll leave some money for pizza," Glenn went on. Wow, he was really happy sounding now. It was kind of infectious and kind of gross.

"Got it," I said, giving him another sarcastic thumbs up. "Hey, though, if Linda says no, pick me up and we'll go drown our sorrows at a bar," I promised him my companionship. Glenn rolled his eyes. Hey! Only, only teenagers are, um, allowed to do that.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Glenn said, chuckling. Sarcasm, too, the bastard! He grinned and grabbed my head and planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Dad!" I exclaimed in extreme protest. Glenn released me and practically skipped out of my room.

"I'll see you later, kiddo! Have a good night," He said.

"Yeah, you too!" I shouted angrily after him. I yanked down my sleeve and childishly wiped my forehead.

A few minutes later, Glenn sang out another good-bye to me before leaving out the front door. I screamed a good luck after him. And then he was gone. I felt strange. My life was changing right now, like, I was in the middle of it turning around, you know? My dad was (probably) about to get engaged and I was in love with Cora and things were moving slowly and all askew with her.

I sighed and went downstairs. I went on the main home computer and brought up the Internet. One thing every teenager does (or should do) when they are left home alone is listen to their music so loud it shakes the windows. So that's what I did. I got Second Sex going really loud and really French and sang along without understanding what I was singing while I roamed around the kitchen, eating crackers and cookies and whatever else I could find. There was a twenty on the kitchen table for pizza, but I was saving that for later. I've always wanted to order pizza at, like, eleven at night.

Around six o'clock I heard the door bell ring. I went to the computer and paused the music and approached the front door carefully. It was completely dark out and, regardless that I'm a tall seventeen-year-old male, I was a little cautious about opening the door. I mean, it was dark and I was alone... I'm a wimp ok? I don't want another black eye and then have the DVD player or some shit stolen. I opened the door carefully.

Cora. I flung the door open.

"Hi," I said surprised. It was raining out. I opened the screen door for her. "Come in," I invited. Cora came into the front hall, holding her black jacket shut and shivering slightly. Her hair was just sprinkled with rain drops.

"Where's your car?" I asked, peering out at the driveway before closing the door.

"I walked," Cora said, slightly breathless. "It just started raining, so, it's ok," She said, sounding strange. She smoothed her hair, making the raindrops streak into her dark hair. Wow. What was she doing here?

"Where's your dad?" She demanded, making me blink. "I've never met him and now, like, no one's here. Except you, of course," She said, grinning suddenly at me. Something was up.

"Are you alright, Cora?" I asked, frowning slightly at her. She stared at me in the eye, holding her breath for a second. I was suddenly hyper aware that she had blue eyes, I was in love with her, and we were alone at night in my house.

"No," Cora admitted, letting out her breath and sounding closer to normal again. But, like, normal and sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked, immediately concerned. Like, you know, too concerned.

"Um... well I went over to Minnie's after school," Cora said. Um... oh no? I didn't see how anything really bad could have happened there.

"And when I went home, my mother... had someone over," She said. Um... oh no? Oh. Oh wait.

"Like... over, over?" I asked carefully, making no sense.

"Yeah. Fucking him in her room, over, yeah," Cora said, nodding and sounding breathless again. Oh... no. Ok, yeah, that's a legit oh no.

"Oh... Cor," I said. I didn't know where to start. Well, ok, let's start at the beginning. "Did you know she was seeing someone?" I asked.

"No. She didn't say anything to me when we had dinner yesterday," Cora said, shaking her head. "I mean, like, when I was home just now, I didn't see anything or hear much... but, you know," She said, shrugging. Yeah, yeah I know. I pulled her into a hug. She didn't hug me and leaned away from me. My heart broke.

"What-" I tried to ask, but she opened her jacket and held up a brown bag. She pulled out a bottle of tequila from the brown bag.

"You wanna get drunk with me? Because I really don't wanna go back to the townhouse," Cora said, chuckling at how repulsed the thought of going home was. Oh, she hadn't even called it her home. That broke my heart, like, it really did. I took the tequila bottle from her.

"My dad is getting engaged to his girlfriend as we speak," I said simply. Cora paused and then grinned and wrapped her arms around my neck in a wonderfully firm hug.

"Aw Boy Wonder. I can always count on you," She said. I hugged her back, the liquor swishing around in the bottle humorously.

"Yep," I promised. I am in love with her and am bound by the laws of nice-guy-dom to always be there for her.

Cora kissed my cheek when we drew apart.

"So your dad is asking whatshername to marry him? Really? Does that hurt like hell?" She asked, concerned about me. Who cares about me?? You have a problem and you matter, you crazy girl.

"No. Not like hell. It's just weird," I said honestly. Cora nodded and then shook her head contradictorily. She looked up at me.

"You are so well adjusted, wow," She said, gazing at me. Whoo boy. I am not, but if you keep looking at me like that I don't care if you think I'm completely maladjusted.

"I'm not adjusted at all," I shook my head at her.

"Well, let's get drunk and forget all about everything," Cora said, flicking her finger against the tequila bottle.

"Deal," I said, chuckling.