Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

At lunch, Cora, Minnie, Harold and I were sitting at our usual table. Minnie was chatting away to Harold, who was listening intently but not looking at her. I knew that his eyesight aversion was a telltale sign of deep crushage. But Minnie either didn’t notice or didn’t care because she went on talking to him anyway.

Meanwhile, Cora and I shared her bag of corn chips. I had had the intention this morning of buying lunch, but when I got to the cafeteria, I suddenly wasn’t hungry. I had a Coke can and had delicately eaten one or two of Cora’s chips. But my stomach felt unsettled because, surprise, surprise, I had a new problem.

Well, actually, it’s not really a totally new problem. It still falls under being in love and magnetically attracted to Cora. See, now, I know that I should just be grateful that Cora kisses me at all, even if it is just in private. And, I mean, I am grateful for that, totally. But it’s the kind of thing where, you have a taste of something and it just makes you want more. Like, Lays potato chips or a really good chunk of chocolate. Oh, food analogies are making my stomach turn. Anyway, you get the idea.

My problem was simple and elegant and perplexing: I wanted to hold Cora’s hand. Yep, that’s all. And you wouldn’t believe how it was torturing me! I mean, it was almost as bad as that Thursday when I was suffocating from the effort it took not to make out with Cora. But think about it. I’m sitting next to Cora, I love her, we kiss pretty regularly now and we had made out in the practice room this morning. In fact, she hadn’t been able to keep her hands off me. That is kind of unfathomable to me but is a real self-esteem booster. So anyway, I’m right next to this girl that I’m in love with… it makes sense that I’d want to hold her hand right?

But I can’t. At least, I don’t think I can. Do friends with benefits do that?? I don’t think so. I knew that they made out when they were alone, that part made sense. Hand holding, though, kind of implied itemhood. And Cora has been putting the kibosh on the notion of itemhood since this whole thing started. So what’s a guy to do, huh? Just sit there, slightly pained I guess.

I looked around the cafeteria, hoping to distract myself from a certain Beatles song that was playing pop-ily in my head. I saw Bonnie, walking with her friends/crusaders over to a table. I watched them carefully, a little weary that they might come over and talk to me, but they ignored me. Not that Bonnie has gone out of her way to be mean or anything, but the LOVE club doesn’t buzz around me anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’m relieved, but I don’t know if they leave me alone because I hang out with Cora and she’s uncontrollably a sexual kind of person (she really is) or because my opinion of sex clashes with their opinion of sex. While I do wonder about it, I’m ok with never getting to the bottom of the issue.

“BW, some girl is staring at you,” Cora said quietly to me. I whipped around my head to look at her, stupidly thinking she meant herself. Cora blinked at me.

“At the evil’s table,” She said, nodding her head slightly in that direction. I looked over. Harold and Minnie kind of discreetly (but not) looked over their shoulders too. When all three of us were looking at her, Amanda looked away at her friends again.

“Amanda,” I reminded Cora of her name.

“Ohh. That’s Amanda,” Cora said, putting the name to the face.

“I wonder why she was looking at you,” Harold mused. Thanks a lot, buddy.

“I dunno. She’s been bugging me lately. I don’t know what her problem is,” I muttered darkly, playing with the tab on my Coke can.

“Maybe she likes you,” Minnie stated bluntly. I laughed uncomfortably, making the sound really weird.

“No. She probably wants to copy off me in Geography tomorrow,” I said. Minnie shrugged, unconvinced. She started talking to Harold again. I sighed quietly and sipped my Coke. I put the can down again, puffing up my cheeks with the soda. I felt Cora looking at me and I looked at her. I swallowed the carbonated drink painfully.

“Maybe she does like you,” Cora enforced, quiet enough so only I could properly hear her. I looked in Cora’s blue eyes, trying unsuccessfully to read her mind.

“She doesn’t,” I said just as quietly, shaking my head slightly. “And… I don’t care anyway,” I said. When I said that, especially in the hushed tone we were using, it pretty much implied I care only about Cora specifically. Cora sighed a smiled and looked away at her corn chips. I looked at my Coke can again, wondering if I was gonna get in trouble for implying that I cared about Cora. I may argue with her if she doesn’t like me implying that. I mean, come on! I can at least say that I care about her; she says she cares about me so-

I felt Cora’s hand touch my hand that was on my leg. She didn’t, like, sexually brush her fingers against my hand or anything: she turned my hand over and then purposefully held my hand with hers. I… well… wow. I twined my fingers through her fingers, my heart pounding slightly with happiness as we held hands privately under the table. I’m such a virgin, wow, even hand holding gets me going. But I love Cora, so… so there. I suddenly didn’t want that lunch hour to ever end.

But end it did, far too soon of course. Cora, I think reluctantly, took her hand away from mine. How do I know she was reluctant? Well, I don’t, really. But, like, the bell rang and she didn’t automatically whip her hand away. She paused before slowly doing it. So… I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what anything means do I?? Goddamn.

I walked unusually close to Cora as the four of us exited the cafeteria. I’m getting a little worn out, tip toeing on pins and needles, trying not to push Cora’s limits. So I just stuck right next to her side because that’s where I wanted to be. Cora and I and Harold and Minnie parted ways at Cora’s locker. To my surprise, Harold walked with me to my locker.

“What’s up?” I asked him curiously. Not that I mind his company, just, you know. He doesn’t usually do this.

“Um. I’m not quite sure. Just some stuff. Are you busy after school? I was wondering if you wanted to hang out, come over or something?” Harold offered out of the blue. I immediately thought I had plans to hang out with Cora but, with a slightly sinking heart, I realized I didn’t have any plans like that.

“Yeah sure,” I tried not to sound retardedly depressed. “Is anything wrong?” I checked quickly.

“Um, no. Not in the traditional sense anyway,” Harold said thoughtfully. Traditional sense?

“Ok. I’ll come find you after school,” I said with a shrug. Harold nodded.

“K. See ya,” He said.

“Yeah, later,” I said and then we went our separate ways.

In Geography I was, of course, thinking about Cora and the hand holding business. Now, ok, Cora has said she is attracted to me, she says she cares about me a lot, she willingly puts her tongue in my mouth (and that’s really great) and she just held my hand during lunch. Is it just me, or is that totally relationship-y behaviour? It isn’t just me, I know. Cora doesn’t have her beautiful head on straight. Because, whether she wants to admit it or not, she seems to actually want to be in a relationship with me.

I think. Well she’s exhibiting the symptoms. Oh! Ok, maybe, Cora wants to do the things one would normally do in a relationship but not actually be in a relationship. That’s freaking retarded, because if you do all the things you would do in a relationship then, duh, you are in a relationship. Perhaps Cora wants to do all the things you would do in a relationship but just not be committed to one guy, as a relationship would entail. Well, that’s just completely crafty and outrageously bitchy. I can’t imagine Cora would ever treat me that way. But maybe she would. Maybe she is. Hmmm.

I frowned, frustrated, while I twirled my pen anxiously in my fingers and listened to the Rolling Stones on my iPod. I sighed heavily and did a quick, distracting sweep of the Geography room. Amanda nonchalantly shifted her eyesight from me to Mr. Jeffrey, almost getting away with it. What the hell is her problem?? Honestly, she’s getting on my last nerve I’m about ready to freaking punch her or something if she doesn’t cut out this staring crap.

I bet if I did punch her, I would just blame my actions on my love for Cora. That seems to be my standby.