Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

On Thursday morning, I woke up before my alarm went off. I looked up at the Pink Floyd prism and tucked my hands under my head, like I'd just gotten laid, you know? Which is a little stupid, since that's obviously not true. But I felt pretty good, because right now at this particular point in time Cora and I are facing no immediate issues. Ok, well, like, yes there are the big deep looming problems of being in love and relationship, er, ism, but, you know, the little problems are fixed. I have a meth-addict's need to kiss Cora and now I kiss Cora. So there you go, where's the bad? I see no immediate bad.

Yesterday in Jazz band, I'd had a little fun with Minnie. She, of course, seemed totally oblivious to all my suggestive little hints that Harold was going to ask her out. But she let me go on, grinning and saying stupid things about Harold. Like I said, it was hard to get a read on if she knew Harold was going to ask her out, but every time I said something about Harold, she would light up like a Christmas tree for about a second. So anyway, I think Minnie wants Harold to ask her. She just couldn't freaking hear my goofy voice more or less spell it out for her that Harold was going to ask her out tomorrow.

Or today, I guess.

I suddenly realized what Harold had been talking about. I mean, about being too involved to see the obvious clues. Like, Minnie couldn’t hear what I was saying because she's too involved, right? So she can’t see (or hear) the obvious clues. And I guess, then, that was what was happening to me- to an exponential level. Maybe I was so involved with Cora in my head that I would never see any of her clues.

Fuck. I should really turn my brain off. Because I'm also realizing more clearly that I'm involved with Cora in my head, not on paper. I mean, ok, let's say by some amazing chance, this peachy kissing-Cora-all-the-time situation goes on for awhile, but then Marlon Brando rides up to our school on his motorcycle and sweeps Cora off her unsuspecting feet. Then they ride off into the sunset to have beautiful, rebel babies together and live as the resident rock stars on some hippie commune in the desert, leaving behind the poor, pathetic boy virgin heartbroken to suffer through the rest of high school without his beautiful, confident Cora to get him through it with her fantastic kisses and her rock of support that he loves more than anything.

I'm also open to some watered down version of that story. Either way, all it would take is one cool guy (and he doesn't have to be Brando, he just has to be cooler than me, which, let's face it, is not that hard to accomplish) and Cora is gone forever. Ow. Ouch, ouch. I'm having difficulty breathing now. I don't think I can live with myself if Cora just dances off with her hott, cool boyfriend while they wear matching Wayfarer sunglasses and leather jackets. As (grrr) fitting as that image is, I can't let her go. I need to, like, bond her to me with Elmer's Glue. Or, since that's not realistic, get her to realize she wants to be committed to me in a relationship. Oh, my stupid heart pounds with happiness thinking about that.

But, as a wise man once said, that girl is like nailing Jell-O to the wall.

My alarm went off and I scrambled out of bed. Man, now I wasn't happy anymore, now I was panicking about the figurative Marlon Brando that was going to steal Cora away from me. Ok, ok, ok. I need a plan. Because as ridiculous as it is to think a guy is just going to show up on a motorcycle and take Cora away, the principle behind the whole thing is a solid foundation for worry. A hott guy could come brooding into Cora's life and she has every right to go fall in love with him (OUCH) if she's not committed to me. At least in the boyfriend/girlfriend sense.

So anyway, plan: I gotta pay really close attention to Cora's clues today. It's gonna be hard (because I'm too in love to see the obvious) but I absolutely have to try. I gotta start getting the damn girl to fall in love and commit herself to me. So, I really, really, really need to pay attention today. No making out. Oh, I want to make out with her so badly (I love her so damn much, damn!) but I have to do this. This is critical.

I blew past the kitchen (Glenn and Linda might have been in there, I don't know) and ran out the door. I speed walked to school, feeling the burn of the fire that had been lit under my ass. I was filled with this pressing urgency. I had to get Cora to love me and want to be with me forever ASAP, before Brando came in and ruined everything. Brando, the cool douche puppy. Grrr. Fuck Brandon AND Brando.

I kept my heart afloat (instead of letting it sink) as I walked through the school parking lot and saw that Cora's charger wasn't there. It was still early. She had plenty of time to get here. I went to my locker (fuck, three condoms fell out) then ran to Music Comp. I dropped my backpack and my jacket on the ground and sat down in the chair. I tapped my heels against the floor and my fingers against my knees. Calm down, Robin. Focus, Robin.

A million years later, after the second bell had rung and my heart was racing like a freaked out hummingbird, Cora came into the practice room. The tension in my muscles relaxed and then tensed up a little again. Curse my hormones and love, I just wanted to kiss her. Focus.

"Morning Boy Wonder," She said to me.

"Morning, Cora," I said, bracing my palms on my knees. I watched her as she sat down on the ground, criss-crossing her legs and sipping her tea. Oh no... had she already met Brando?? Calm down. I sat down on the floor, copying her position across from her. I reached for my guitar, just to try and distract myself, but she took my guitar from me and settled it on her lap. I let her do it and just watched her. She's totally met Brando. It's all over. Fuck. K, calm down.

"Boy Wonderrrr," She sang (badly, how I love her), and smiled while she strummed the open strings. Alright, maybe she hasn't met the motorcycling dream crusher yet. So, focus on clues. She took my guitar and the first thing she did was sing my nickname. Ok, so that means... I have no clue what that means. It could mean nothing, it could mean something.

"Are you busy after school?" Cora asked me, tilting her head and looking up at me crookedly. Even crooked, her eyes are still incredible. I stared into them for a moment and then pulled myself back out. Focus!

"Um, oh. Yeah I am,” I remembered. Damn it! Stupid Amanda. Cora grinned, her head still tilted.

“Jazz band get moved?” She teased.

“No.” I said melodically. Cora looked down at the guitar and played around on the open strings, waiting for me to explain. I didn’t want to explain.

“I have to go to the dollar store,” I said. … with Amanda. Why did I leave her out? I don’t know. I guess because that popular brat bugs me.

“I’ll take you,” Cora offered easily. She’s so nice and generous (at least to me… hm. Maybe that’s a clue. Although… she’s kind of nice and generous to pretty much everyone. And that’s one of the reasons why I love her. Damnit).

“Um, well, ordinarily, that would be super, but I’m kind of being dragged there by Amanda,” I admitted. Cora looked up at me and frowned.

“Amanda? Why are you going to the dollar store with her?” Cora asked. Did I detect jealousy?? I don’t know! Damn it, Cora, be clearer.

“Mr. Jeffrey partnered us together for this poster project… thing,” I explained. Cora stared at me for a second and then looked away from me. Oh… no, look at me again with your crazy blue eyes.

“Hm. Well have fun with that,” Cora teased, shooting me a quick grin and then looking down at the guitar.

I watched her play the guitar (or pretend to) and picked apart that last bit of dialogue between us in my head. Was Cora jealous of Amanda? I mean, of course, it was absolutely ridiculous of her to be (since duh, I’m in love with Cora and Amanda just bugs me), but Cora might be jealous anyway. I mean, I was crazy jealous of Brandon before (and the imaginary Brando) and I had no right to be, really. So was she jealous? I don’t know.

Why does Cora always leave me with more questions than answers?

At lunch, Minnie and Harold were sitting next to each other again. Minnie babbled away while Harold listened to her. Cora said, like, virtually nothing. We were kind of listening to Minnie and watching Harold. At least… that’s what I was doing. Ok, let’s see if we can find a clue here: is Cora not saying anything because she’s thinking about me with Amanda? Or am I being totally full of myself? Ugh, everything is so muddy and mysterious. What I need, is I need that Blue’s Clues dog to help me figure this out. Blue is the dog’s name, I think. Actually, I think that dog is a girl. Even though it’s a blue colour and blue is usually indicative of a boy. But little kid’s shows should be free from gender norms, I guess.

Anyway. Harold was being adorable. Yeah, I can say that and mean it without being sarcastic. Because he really was. He was sitting there, being pretty quiet since that’s how he usually is, but he was twitchy. I could feel the vibrations of his knee knocking lightly against one of the legs of the table. He would stare at his plate for a long time, and then blink super quick and then stare some more. I wanted to tell him to take a chill pill. But he wouldn’t appreciate my drawing attention to his nervous ticks. He was highly aware right now that he’d made a promise to himself to ask out Minnie today. Harold and I are similar in that when we make promises to ourselves, we feel like we’ve signed a death pact to fulfill the promise or else. And time was running out for Harold. And he was nervous as crap. Poor bastard.

I smiled to myself and looked past him idly. I caught Amanda looking at me (what is her deal? I’m not good looking enough at all for to gape at me all the goddamn time, I know it, so why is she fucking staring at me?!). When I looked at her, she gave me a quick micro smile and then looked at her friends. I exhaled, confused with my life. Next to me, Cora crossed her arms against her chest. I looked at her shiftily out of the corner of my eyes. Had she seen Amanda looking at me? Cora didn’t look back at me, though, and wasn’t looking at the popular table. She was looking at Minnie. Now anyway. Had she been looking at Amanda though?

Here’s the thing about jealousy:

1.) You can be totally obvious about how jealous you are (me)

2.) You can be a total pro at hiding possible raging jealousy (… Cora? Maybe?)

3.) Or, you can just be so self assured and calm that you never get jealous (that was April. And possibly Cora is that way too. I don’t KNOW though).

When lunch was over, us four walked out of the cafeteria. I crammed my hands in my pockets and Cora put her hand on my elbow. Ok, clues, clues. Blue, help me out, If Cora puts her hand on my elbow in front of the entire school, is that a display of affection and possession? When someone else looks at me and Cora and sees Cora’s hand on my arm, what does that say?? Now, ok, ordinarily yes, everyone would get the impression that Cora and I are together. But this is Cora we’re talking about. She’s fucking crazy and cool and everyone knows that too! So, so… I don’t know. I can imagine Blue the dog shaking her head at me and shrugging her dog shoulders (… do dogs have shoulders? Like, does the part where their leg meets their back count as a shoulder?). Anyway. Damn dog is useless at abstract concepts like relationships. If I need to find out how to make a pancakes, I’ll let her know.

Cora, Minnie, Harold and I walked to Cora’s locker and then to Minnie’s locker. This was it. Harold had to ask Minnie out, time was up.

“Come on, Cor,” I muttered secretively to her, escorting/dragging the bewildered Cora away and giving Harold and Minnie the chance to be alone. I shot him an encouraging, crazy man grin behind Minnie’s back. He just looked panicked. That poor guy allows himself to get freaked out way too easily.

“What’s going on?” Cora demanded when we were out of earshot.

“Harold’s going to ask out Minnie,” I revealed the juicy detail. I can be a pretty shitty secret keeper.

“Really?? Oh my god! She’s going to be so happy!” Cora exclaimed, grinning. I grinned because she was grinning. Cora suddenly smacked my arm quite hard.

“Ow! What the hell-” I started to complain.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have prepped her,” Cora scolded. Prepped her? For what?

“I’m sorry,” I said, surprised and disgruntled. We reached my locker and Cora leaned against the other lockers. Damn she’s cool. Why did I have to love a cool person? Why couldn’t I love a dork like me who was desperate like me and therefore wanted me to love them like the crazy desperate dork I am.

“I hope Minnie and Harold get together. That would be sweet,” Cora sighed, her voice kind of far away. She’s cool and I love her and she’s so confusing. Clearly, the girl likes the idea of people being together. And she likes me (maybe even loves me) so what the hell?? What the hell. Maybe she’s waiting for a Brando, not a Boy Wonder.

Well, sorry, but this Boy Wonder loves her, so. Brando’s is going to have to work a little harder if he wants Cora. (I’m crazy. There is no Brando. … but there could be one…).

“Cor?” I spoke up while I was digging around in my locker for my Geography binder.

“Mhm?” She hummed melodically.

“Do you want see a movie with me on Friday?” I asked, pretending to be fascinated by something on my textbook. I could feel Cora’s hard blue eyes on me. The hair on my neck and arms stood, feeling her look at me.

“… you askin’ me out on a date, Boy Wonder?” Cora asked. I licked my bottom lip. I knew Cora was grinning crookedly, I could hear the teasing in her fantastic voice.

“Can best friends with benefits do that?” I checked, glancing at her out of the corner of my eyes. Cora’s eyes made my heart pound. She shrugged suddenly.

“I don’t know,” She chuckled. What do you mean you don’t know?? Look, if you’re going to make up the rules, you should be ready with rules for every situation.

“Well I’m asking you… if you’re saying yes,” I said, yanking my binder out of my locker. If she’s going to say no, then I never asked anything. I don’t want to get in trouble for crossing the line.

“Hm,” Cora hummed thoughtfully. I looked at her while I closed my locker. Her face was thoughtful and mysterious. I wished I could crawl inside her head and hear all of her thoughts. I bet it’s nice in her head. Pretty and intelligent and serves top shelf booze.

“Course I’ll go see a movie with you,” She accepted like I was stupid for even asking in the first place. “Can you give me a screamer afterward?” Cora went on and grinned slyly. I blinked and smiled automatically, my heart racing blood all over my body (if you know what I mean). Damn her! Damn her and her hottness. Damn her and my love for her. And damn her for sending me to Geography with a boner!

“You bet,” I managed to reply to her comment. Cora chuckled and walked me to Geography.

Outside the Geography classroom, I glanced inside the window to see if Amanda was there yet. She was. She was sitting there with her back to me, talking to her popular douche guy friends. Cora peered in the classroom too.

“… Um, text me later,” Cora said casually with a shrug, bringing my attention promptly back to her.

“Ok,” I said. Cora smiled and reached up to scratch the top of my head before walking away. I ran my hand on my head as I watched Cora walk away. She didn’t look back this time though.

I went into the Geography classroom and sat down in my spot. I crammed my iPod ear buds into my ears. I was suddenly depressed that I wasn’t going to see Cora after school and would instead be hanging out with Amanda. I fed into my violent teenage mood swing and listened to this song called “The Mission” Puscifer (a side project of Tool) just to feel brooding and depressed and emo. I glanced over at Amanda, wondering if she had any idea of how much she pissed me off. Amanda, for once, wasn’t looking at me. She was smiling and talking with her friends in the real world. I glowered, and imagined Cora (if she could sing and be an actually perfect human being), singing the female vocal in the song.

Whadda you know, Amanda? Whadda you know?