Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

Thursday. I looked up at Pink Floyd and stared at the colours in the prism. I took a great deep breath and tugged my warm comforter up to my shoulders. I'm going to get philosophical here, so brace yourselves:

In life, you will find that you will be given lemons and told to make lemonade. And you will look at those lemons and think about that phrase and inevitably come to this conclusion: well, I don't have any sugar. How am I supposed to make passable lemonade without sugar? I mean, sure, life gave me the lemons but where's my damn sugar?? People say when life gives you lemons, make (disgusting and bitter) lemonade. Do you know what I say?? When life gives you lemons, squirt the acidic juice right back in life's fuckin' eye!

1.) I, myself, am my lemons. And Cora's problems are lemons too.

2.) But overall Cora is my sugar.

3.) Our sex would be the lemonade.

But, of course, I haven't got any sugar to make the lemonade have I? Noo. Nuh uh. Instead, I have a heaping pile of freaking lemons. Now, to be fair, I used to have even more lemons than I do now. That was the Amanda problem. To my surprise, I have actually relieved myself of the little problem (turning her down for the concert date) as well as the bigger problem (stopping future advancements from her altogether).

I'm pretty proud of myself for that actually. I mean, I always preach about solving life's little problems cuz the big ones are too big. And you see? My strategy held up: solve the little problems and you might solve the big problem. Since I now have some personal, solo experience dealing with a big problem, I know how to handle it now:

Honesty is the best policy? Fuck that. Lie your ass off...until you get to the big problems. Then be honest. But you also have to be kind. Being kind about your honesty will solve the big problems. So that's the plan of attack for today: I'm out to relieve myself of the excessive lemons and get me some sugar by being kind and honest.

I have my doubts about my ability to do this, but we'll see how this plays out.

I got up, dressed, and headed downstairs. Glenn and Linda were sitting at the breakfast table, giggling excitedly, drinking coffee, and eating slices of fruit from a platter.

"Morning kids," I said like I was a hundred years old. I kinda feel a hundred years old, fack.

"Morning, kiddo. What's up with you?" Glenn asked of my tone. I plunked down at the kitchen table and stole a slice of apple.

"Eh," I grunted and pushed the apple slice in my mouth.

"Did everything go ok at school yesterday?" Linda asked me pointedly. I looked at her and nodded. Glenn was totally out to lunch as he took a big slurp of his coffee. Linda smiled at me, pleased.

"Hey dad," I spoke up. He swallowed his coffee and looked at me.

"Yeah?"He asked curiously.

"When life gives you lemons, what do you do?" I asked. Glenn frowned at me and tilted his head.

"Uhm...make lemonade, right? Or, are you trying to tell me a joke??" He asked, confused. I snorted and shook my head, looking down at the counter top.

"No... no. I was just wondering," I muttered to myself. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Glenn and Linda exchange a look that said "this kid is being weird". Yes I am.

"Wellp, I'm gonna get going. Off to the salt mines," I said, standing up.

"Nose to the grind stone and all that. Have a good day," Glenn chuckled. Linda laughed at us. I put my backpack on my back.

"Oh hey be home after school, k? I want to make sure you have everything before I leave you alone for the weekend," Glenn said. Aww, jeez, don't be such a dad.

"Yeah, yeah," I grunted, heading out the front door."Bye!" I called before closing the door.

The day was clear, but absolutely freezing out. Like, if there were clouds in the sky, it'd be snowing for sure. I huddled in my winter jacket, watching my breath cloud coldly in front of me. I blew it out in a stream, pretending I was smoking for the hell of it. I took my time wandering to school, mostly trying to steel myself for the day and listening to music. While I enjoy my iPod, I enjoy riding with Cora in her car even more.

I walked through the parking lot, but the Charger wasn't in its spot yet. Even after all the practice I've had, my stupid heart still sinks to my gut a bit at the sight. It's so irrational: she has plenty of time to get here. Just... keep your head, man.

I went to my locker and two condoms fell out. I stared at them while they waited glaringly for me on the school's linoleum floor; and I was suddenly struck with this stubborn inspiration. Some douche puppy had stuck them in my locker, I had nothing to do with it, so why should I waste my energy bending over and picking them up? Like, honestly? Why do I take it upon myself to 'ooh scoop up the condoms and hide them away before some poor virginal eighth grader sees them'?? It's not my problem anymore.

I closed my locker smartly and kicked the condoms out across the hallway floor. The kids walking by skirted around the travel ling condoms, giving me funny looks. I ignored them and walked with my head held high to the band room. I'll admit only in my mind that I had to fight my rule-abiding worry-wart side to keep from turning around and shamefully picking up the condoms. But I managed, somehow, to make it to class.

I went to the practice room and shed my back pack and jacket. I picked up the guitar from the corner and strummed the open strings. Oh God, it was badly out of tune- all this time I've been too preoccupied with Cora to actually bother listening to the instrument I absent-mindedly play on while gaping at her. I started tightening the strings and tuning the guitar.

The bell rang and I looked up in shock. No Cora? I suddenly felt a jolt of panic go through me. I've managed to play it cool this whole time only to realize the act was very fragile. I hastily pushed the guitar out of the way to march over to the door. I was going to freaking scour the halls and send her a million text messages until I found her-