Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

The rest of the day passed in a slow, pointless blur. Cora, of course, was A-WOL after that tearful, angry scene she'd made. I can't imagine her showing up at lunch, sitting next to me, and just ignoring me. She wouldn't do that to me. Wherever she is, I hope she's...feeling better.

Oh fuck it, wherever she is I hope she's thinking of me and starting to realize where I'm coming from in this whole thing. I hope she realizes how much I love her. I hope she realizes how I can't just settle for someone else, how there isn't going to be anyone else if I lose her for whatever stupid reason. At least, there won't be anyone else for... for a long time.

After school, I was walking home and shivering in the darkening winter air. Finally alone, I felt the unhappiness in my chest finally come out to its full degree. Ah depression, welcome back old friend. Can't say I have missed you, I was kind of hoping you'd never show up again. But since you're here...

Cora called me stupid:

1.) That stings because I love her and ordinarily, you know, she's the nicest person to me. So, ouch, yeah.

2.) But besides her taking a quick swipe at my feelings, I already know that I'm one of the most retarded people you will ever meet. I know that, full well. And I know that I've been stupid about a ton of things. So her saying I'm stupid is like saying: "You are Robin, you asshole!" And I'm left going: "Yes! I am! Now what specifically did I do??"

3.) And while I'm ready to accept full responsibility for my stupidity, I can't shake this feeling that... maybe... Cora's being stupid too. I can still love her to death and think that. Really, I can, it's happening right now. Anyway, I just have this feeling that this whole misunderstanding and upset isn't entirely my fault. Mostly? Probably, yes. Completely? ...eh...

I walked up to my house and hip checked open the door. I blinked when I heard loud adult conversation over my music. I hastily yanked out my ear buds; had I walked in on a fight between Glenn and Linda?? Oh God please no... the epic awkwardness... I just can't –

They weren't fighting. Just playfully bickering loudly over some final packing for New Hampshire. I breathed again, relieved, and headed upstairs. I slipped past Glenn's bedroom successfully. He was busy pretending to argue with a giggling Linda.

I went into my bedroom and silently shut the door behind me. I shrugged off my jacket and backpack; just letting them flop on the floor. I took a cue from my backpack and sat down on the floor, letting my ass thump against the carpet, and then leaned back against my bed. I stretched my legs out in front of me and folded my hands over my stomach. I looked up at my Pink Floyd poster.

I wished this wasn't happening. I wished I wasn't so entrenched in the situation. I knew that I was far too emotionally involved to think clearly about this. All I could think about was Cora and the way I feel when she's near me. I tried to think about the fight/one-sided freak out, but it was kinda really painful, so my brain kept replacing those thoughts with the cornucopia of good memories that have happened between Cora and I. What I really need is some professional help.

I blinked and reached into my jeans pocket for my cell phone. I looked away from ceiling, down at my contacts list. I only had to scroll for a moment to get to the number I wanted. I pressed the green 'dial' button and held the phone to my ear. After three rings, the line picked up.

"Hello?" Aw, man, that's the stuff. I smiled automatically.

"Hi April," I said, tucking my arm across my chest.

"... Robin?? Hey!" She said, her voice growing more excited. April has one of the best phone voices ever- she doesn't sound quite like herself, but it has this really kind quality to it that makes you feel like she's sitting right next to you.

"How are you?" I asked.

"Oh hang one sec..." She said. I heard some background talking and then silence. She must have moved to a quieter spot.

"Hey," She breathed into the phone. "I'm good thanks, how are you?? Holy crow, I haven't talked to you in so long!" She said.

"I know! Not for a good, like, three months. Where the hell have you been?" I teased sleepily. She giggled.

"Just around. Where have you been?" She asked back.

"Right here. Sitting on my bedroom floor," I said. She giggled.

"So how's it going?" I asked her.

"Oh pretty good, you know. School's almost out for Winter Break. I can't wait," She said.

"Totally... you been hanging out with some guy named Marc?" I asked, grinning and rubbing my eye.

"Oh, well... yeah," She admitted. I could hear her smiling over the phone. "I feel kind of funny hearing you talk about it," She said honestly. I smiled. I remembered why I'd been hooked on April: she is a pro at being kindly honest.

"It's ok," I said. Because it really was.

"You'd really like him. He went to a music school in Montreal," She said.

"Aw, man, you're dating a French man?? Goddamn it," I joked, smiling.

"French Canadien. And, yes, ok I am. Honestly, though, he's really cool," She said. I'm sure he was.

"That's good, April," I said softly. It really was, I was glad that things were going well with her and Marc.

"What's going on with you? Are you dating an Italian supermodel?" She teased, throwing back the foreigner joke I'd made.

"Um... well she's not Italian. And I'm not really dating her. Actually," I said. Yuck, I didn't like saying this.

"Oh no? And why not? I bet she's not good enough for you," April said, her smile audible over the phone. Now, see, this how much I am in love with Cora: April is just about the sweetest, most kind-hearted girl on the planet, but after she said that one little thing about Cora not being good enough for me, I wanted to snap bitchily at her. I didn't, of course, I suppressed the stupid urge and it went away. But still. Jesus.

"Ummm... well I'm not sure what's going on," I understated. I took the mouth piece away from my face so I could let out an unhappy groan and April wouldn't hear it.

"Well what happened?" April asked, curious and business-like.

"Mmm... she kind of went total psycho on me today. And, honestly, she's ordinarily pretty level headed and nice. And I really don't know what I did. Like, I wasn't an asshole or anything," I said.

"Hm. Well I don't know her at all, right? So I can't give you any insight as to why she specifically went psycho," April said thoughtfully. I made a face and looked down at my legs, even though I knew she'd say that.

"But, you know, girls and guys aren't that different. Have you ever freaked out on her?" April asked knowingly. Er, I may have freaked out on April once or twice.

"Uh... yeah," I admitted.

"Well maybe your reason for freaking out on her is her reason for freaking out on you," April suggested. I frowned and looked up from my lap.

"Huh," I grunted thoughtfully, my mind starting to work again.

"I dunno. But it could be," April said modestly.

"Hm... I think you may have given me the answer, bud," I said. The nickname just slipped out of my mouth. I used to call her 'bud' after, like, a flower bud in the spring time... cuz her name is April you know? Fack, I was fourteen and she was my first girlfriend ok?

"I did?" April giggled, surprised.

"Yeah, I think so. Thanks April," I said, still frowning in thought, but I grinned.

"No problem, Robin," She kept chuckling.

"Look, I gotta go do something... I'll talk to you later?" I went on. April kept giggling.

"Sure. Glad I could help. Bye Robin," She chuckled and we hung up the phone.

Bingo.