Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

"Are you jealous, Cora?" I asked, slowly and clearly.

Cora blinked at me, her arms still folded across her chest. Those blue eyes stared into mine, making me crazy and mix up all my thoughts. But I held on to my question, my purpose.

"... of course, Boy Wonder," She finally said quietly, exasperated. I raised my eyebrows.

"Of Amanda?" I double-checked. Cora bit her lip thoughtfully (damn, looking sexy even now).

"Yeah. Well... partly," Cora sort of answered.

"Ok well, why were you jealous of Amanda?" I asked, trying to keep any condescension out of my voice. Cora blinked a few times, just sort of looking at me. She sighed suddenly and dropped her arms from her chest. She went and sat down agilely on the stairs, stretching one of her legs out and bending the other one close to her chest so she could rest her arm on it.

It's not fair. I should be business-like and focused, not turned on by everything she does. I swallowed, keeping my hormones in check, and sat down next to her, leaning forward on my knees.

"It's just... I know what you want. You want a girlfriend to fall in love with and give your virginity to," She began.

"I-" I began to interrupt her, to qualify what she'd said. I wanted her, only her, specifically, but Cora held up her hand to stop me so she could finish.

"You want that principle. You know? Like forget the actual girl for a second," She went on. Can't. Won't ever leave you out of the equation. But I'll keep quiet for a minute.

"Just, tell the truth. That is what you want, right? You want romance and commitment?" Cora checked. I had to nod. Because it's the truth. Cora nodded her head tiredly at that.

"I know. And Amanda came waltzing on in and was ready to give you all of that. It made me jealous and... upset I guess, because she's... perfect for you," Cora said. Not true. You are perfect for me.

"No she isn't," I muttered quietly, shaking my head. Cora looked at me.

"Yes. She is. She's perfect for what you want. And I know that and it just... makes me really upset because, you know, I love you, Robin, despite the fact that I can't... I just..." Cora tried to say, her voice catching over emotions. "Ugh," She sighed, frustrated. Her eyes fluttered shut and she held her forehead against her palm.

"Amanda is right for you and I am not. And it just made me really upset. So... there," Cora summed up. I stared at her, trying to figure out what to say. I mean, something helpful to say. I had a lot of stupid, emotional rebuttals to what she'd said, but I ruled those out for now.

"I don't like Amanda-" I started to say.

"Well why not??" Cora demanded tearfully, looking at me sharply.

"Because..." I started to say and then realized my response was going to sound so corny. But it was true. "Because she's... not you!" I blurted out honestly. Cora blinked at me and then narrowed her eyes, her brow furrowing in confusion.

"What is so great about me?? I don't give you any of the things you want," Cora demanded, thoroughly confused. "Amanda," She went on, gesturing out across the foyer at an invisible Amanda. "Would be more than willing to spill her heart out faithfully to you and then spread her legs in a heartbeat," Cora said.

"I don't care," I shook my head stubbornly. "Besides, what kind of guy do you think I am?" I asked with sad sarcasm. "The primary goal isn't to give up my virginity, that's just the, like, excellent bonus of falling in love," I said. Cora looked away from me, rubbing her hand gently against her pretty mouth while she was lost in her thoughts.

A thought of my own suddenly struck me.

"And what are you talking about with the 'I don't give you anything you want'. You give me tons of things I didn't even know I wanted," I said. I didn't know I wanted you, and I now know that I freaking need you. "And, what? If we're going to assume that I'm out for love just because I want sex, what was all that 'friends with benefits, benefits' talk then?" I asked. I don't know how I was doing it, but somehow my demands were coming out in that kindly honest way. It must be Harold and Minnie and April finally rubbing off on me.

Cora suddenly looked at me, her eyes flashing strangely and the blue making me absolutely insane.

"Oh... well, that was... that was me being kind of selfish. Being around you makes me really miss sex so I was going to, you know, sort of lead you in that kind of direction," Cora said, being very brave and honest in her regular Cora fashion. "But I wasn't going to actually... take your virginity. I wouldn't do that to you," She finished, suddenly sounding concerned and reassuring. Her blue eyes stared kindly into mine, promising me things I didn't want promised.

I could feel my heart, like, beating inwardly. I can't really describe it, but, like, with every beat it took, it imploded a little more. I guess in a way it's good that I'm finding this out now, before we actually launched into my sexual education and then got to the part where Cora doesn't actually have full out sex with me. That would have been impossible to handle.

But still. This hurts, man. And she doesn't even realize it. It's like, she's trying to be all considerate and is like... assuming that I'm not totally in love with her and want to sleep with her and instead am just... in lust with her. Or something. And her showing that kind of restraint and consideration and, like, caring is actually showing... kind of... a great deal of love for me.

I... whoa. Whoa. Too much. There's too much going on in my head right now. I took a deep, shaky breath. Cora was still staring at me.

"I think you have the wrong idea about me, Cor," I said all breathless. I looked away from her face out at the foyer, trying to get air into my lungs. "I'm... in love with you. I... want to be with you, I want my first time to be with you," I said, still unable to breath properly. And I'm going to want to be with you for many times after the first time, I'm sure. "And I can't even... conceive of being with anyone else," I finally finished, shaking my head.

There. Now you know, Cora. You know the whole truth and nothing but the honest, pain-staking, crazy in love truth. I kept breathing unevenly, stunned that I'd finally let loose the whole scope of my feelings, terrified of Cora's reaction (since the odds are stacked against me), and finally relieved of keeping all that damned love to myself. It hurt and felt amazing at the same time.

I only realized when about five minutes had passed that Cora hadn't said anything. I blinked and finally looked at her again. She was still staring at me, her eyes roaming around as she looked at my face. She seemed frozen. She was breathing (so I hadn't, you know, put her in a coma with my confession), but she wasn't doing much else.

Her not saying anything suddenly felt like rejection. Even though it wasn't, of course; she hadn't reacted at all and was probably trying to process this big freaking confession I'd just given her. But still, being in love means that along with it come other powerful feelings that you can't control with rationality. I stood up slowly, my muscles wanting to stay frozen on the stairs with Cora. But my heart couldn't take it.

"I'll... I'll go. I'll, um... talk to you later," I said lamely, walking over to the door. Behind me, Cora blinked, coming out of her frozen state slightly.

"Robin," She tried to protest, since we obviously weren't finished clearing things up, but her voice was too quiet to stop me. I swallowed and looked back at her.

"It's ok," I lied quickly in a rush. "I'll... see you later," I said and gave her the most unconvincing small smile ever and walked out the door.