Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

Stupid. Stupid, Robin. I should have listened to Cora and just… never left.

So, I was downstairs, going along my merry way, making toast and coffee. My mind was upstairs, with that beautiful, naked girl in my bed. I wanted to be back there with her so bad, but I also didn’t really mind making breakfast for us. I’m such a freaking domestic, fack. I can totally imagine Cora and me living together- she’d go out drinking with her totally rad musician girl pals and I’d stay at home and pick her up in the Charger when she’s corked. We’d make sweet, drunken love and in the morning I’d bring her aspirin and coffee. Right? That’s totally how it would be.

I was waiting for the bread to toast (our freaking toaster is busted, so I have to watch the bread to make sure it doesn’t burn) when a noise on the stairs made me turn around, surprised. I blinked, further still surprised as Cora came down the stairs, fully dressed with her jacket in her arms.

“What’s up?” I asked, concerned. And, yeah, displeased that she wasn’t gloriously naked.
Cora opened her mouth a little, to try and say something, but no words came out. No sound, no nothing.

And I knew exactly what she was trying to convey.

“You’re not leaving??” I demanded, feeling my heart start to panic. Cora blinked, like she was about to cry.

“I gotta go,” She started to choke out, very un-Cora like, and turned toward the door. What?!

Oh no. Oh hell no. I ran after her, and got in her path in the hallway before she could reach the front door.

“Cora stop,” I begged. “Why are you leaving??” I demanded, my voice breaking and getting all upset. Cora was breathing all funny and wouldn’t look at my face. I wanted her to be naked. I wanted myself to be naked. I wanted us upstairs, naked, in my bed, and in love like we were barely five minutes ago.

“What’s up?? What’s wrong??” I asked insistently.

“You just… you couldn’t understand, Robin. Please let me go,” Cora said, trying half heartedly to side step around me. I just mirrored her action.

“Yes I can too understand,” I said stubbornly. “What’s wrong, Cora?” I asked. Cora dropped her arms, her jacket slapping against her thighs, frustrated.

“Robin, you won’t understand! I can’t, I can’t stay here, please let me go!” She said, starting to cry angrily. Ohhh no. Oh no, don’t cry. No, no, no…

Aw damn! No! I wanted to sweep her up in my arms and kiss her tears away. But I could tell she didn’t want me to… to touch her.

“Yes I will understand. Cora, you can’t do this to me, you can’t leave me now,” I insisted, shaking my head and trying to clear the sound of her crying out of my, my, my heart.

“Robin, please,” Cora begged angrily and tried to get past me properly this time. My arm snapped out on its own accord, slamming against the hall and blocking her from leaving. Whoa, I’d never done anything like that before in my life.

“Why do you keep running away from me?!” I demanded. My brain had totally switched off. All sensitivity and consideration had blown out the window. I was mad, I was confused, I was hurt.

“Because!” Cora said, slapping her jacket against her leg and raking her free hand angrily though her hair. “I told you, why, Robin!! Over and over I told you, I warned you! I don’t want to hurt you, Robin, and if I don’t leave now it’s only going to get worse!” She said, angry tears streaming out of those blue eyes.

“How could this get any worse??” I asked, mostly of God, coldly sarcastic. “Why do you think you’re going to hurt me?? Where’s the block in the beautiful, insane head of yours??” I demanded of Cora. Whoa! My neurotic ability to filter my thoughts was completely gone. It felt kind of good to let what I needed to say just… just come out.

But mostly it felt terrible.

“I don’t know, ok?! I just, I just, I just,” She was getting kind of hysterical. Fuck, how can a person be sexy and hysterical? This was, this was… This was what people talk about when they say “you’re beautiful when you’re angry”. Let me tell you, right now Cora was heartbreakingly gorgeous.

“I just, I feel like any second I’m going to be torn into a million pieces! I can’t stay here another minute, I want to go home! I want my dad! I want my old life back!” Cora started shouting, tears streaming down her face.

“And it’s breaking my heart, Robin! Ok? Is that what you want to hear?! It’s killing me to want to go home because just, just, just, the thought of leaving you makes me, makes me…” She was getting incoherent. I stared at her, angry tears flowing freely out of her face as she crushed her palm against her forehead. Words starting pouring out of me:

“When my parents first split up, I thought I was going to be miserable about it forever. I wanted them back together, because it was what I had known my whole life, right??” My mouth started babbling in angry rush. “I though ‘hm, well if my parents can’t love each other, what fucking hope do I have of loving someone??’” I went, staring at Cora. She didn’t move, and kept her hand pressed against her forehead. Pressing down whatever thoughts were in there.

“…But you have to accept that things aren’t going to be that way anymore!” I continued. “They aren’t going to be together! BUT it doesn’t mean that you have to let it ruin your life!! Like, like, what your parents did, they didn’t just break up because they didn’t love each other anymore! That’s not, that’s not what it’s about! And I know that your mom and dad would not want you living half a life because you want to be living an old life that doesn’t exist anymore!” I kept insisting. “So… like… why are you so scared, Cora?! Why are you scared of just, just, just moving on and, and…” Being with me. “Being with me??” I demanded.

My accusation of Cora being scared came out of nowhere. I’d never thought of that before, it just came from, like, the very back corners of my brain. But when I said it, it felt true. Cora was scared, and it was ruining our lives. I wondered if she had heard anything I’d said, if she would just react-

“Shut up! Shut up! I’m not scared of fucking anything!” Cora suddenly yelled at the floor. I tried to keep breathing, and keep myself from grabbing her, shaking her, and then wrapping her tightly in my arms. She is terrified, it’s as clear as anything. Of what?? Of, of a million things.

“… I shouldn’t have done this,” Cora said very quietly, horrified, to herself. “I shouldn’t have slept with you, this was wrong and, and cruel of me,” She said angrily to herself, shaking her head strangely at the floor.

My lips parted. I needed to breathe through my mouth. My heart was imploding ten hundred times worse than it had before. I couldn’t believe… like… why…

“I’m sorry, ok??” She said, her husky Cora voice barely making it out of her throat. She finally looked up at me, her eyes freaking shining with, with, with, heartbreaking tears.

“This…” She was trying to say.

“Say it,” I commanded, staring at her. Fine, if you’re going to totally break my heart, don’t half ass it. Do it all the way. “Say it, Cora, if it’s how you feel, say it,” I demanded angrily. Shit, my eyes were starting to sting with tears too! FUCK!

“Mistake,” Cora mouthed. Her voice didn’t work. My eyes closed and my forehead just furrowed. My face had completely tensed up and I felt… I felt…

You know how it felt? My heart wasn’t broken, it was fucking gone. Like someone had just… hollowed me right out. I felt like if I looked at myself in the mirror, I’d expect to see my chest concave. Like my heart and lungs had been… carved out of me.

My knees buckled. Whoa, fuck- but I’d lost control of them and I fell stiffly on the floor. I don’t think it happened like how it happens in the movies, like where the person falls gently to the floor and lands in a wimpy heap, like their will to stand had just blown away. I crashed, hard and stiff-legged, to the floor. It probably hurt… I don’t know.

“Don’t do this, Cora,” Came out on what little breath I had left. “Don’t do this to meeEE,” I started to growl through my teeth. Fuck I could feel angry, hot tears start to cut down my face.

Suddenly, Cora’s hands were in my hair, clutching my head tightly, her fingertips pressing in desperately to my skull. I had no idea what this was about, but my forehead leaned against Cora’s lower stomach. I took a breath, smelling her clothes…

Then she pried her fingers away from me and was gone. I heard the door close behind me, I heard one of the Charger’s doors creak open. I heard it slam. I heard it roar to a start. And I heard the tires screech as Cora pealed out of my driveway.

I think… I think…

Nothing. The toast is completely burnt. I can smell it.