Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

1.) I am in love with Cora.

2.) Cora is in love with me.

3.) I gave Cora my virginity and my heart and it was painful at first.

4.) But now it’s better than I ever thought it could be.

5.) Cora Melaincamp is my girlfriend. She wants to be my girlfriend because she wants me. I have no idea why, but if I have found someone who loves me for the music geek mega loser dork I am than I am holding on to her and never letting go, man. It’s a freaking miracle.

It was Sunday night. I was lying in bed, looking up at my freshly taped poster. Fack, you should have heard me, apologizing out loud over and over again as I taped it back up. I felt like I’d desecrated the remains of the cross or taken a piss on holy ground. I felt so terrible for lashing out at it in anger, even if I had to get the anger out somehow… but no, still. I felt bad, it didn’t deserve that.

I believe Pink Floyd’s prism forgave me, in its infinite, God of Punk love and wisdom. I stared at it now and took a deep, full breath. It felt good to breathe and have it feel great instead of painful. It felt good to think back on making love to Cora and not want to push away the memory.

Now, the memory wouldn’t get out of my head. It was like the first time I kissed Cora, only ten times more obsessive, all over again. My brain played it over and over, memorizing every detail, so I wouldn’t ever forget. I didn’t mind, in fact, I loved it. Even if it’s totally creepy, whatever. Thinking about it left me partially horny, partially in awe, and mostly in love.

When dad and Linda came home, I was all disgusting mushy smiles. I actually hugged them willingly and started babbling happy questions about their trip. And my dad got all suspicious that I’d disobeyed him and was totally shit-faced. He insisted on smelling my breath. But I wasn’t drunk. What do I need alcohol for?? Cora is all the happy drink I need. She’s all the sun I need, she’s all the cool I need, she’s all the beautiful I need-

Whoa, k. Anyway, I was lying in bed, thanking Pink Floyd for balancing out my life once more. Taking away the shittiness and in return giving me awesomeness plus interest. You know, I’m not even being that hyperbolic. I really do feel that good.

My cell phone buzzed on my bed side table. I quickly scooped it up. I’d texted Harold earlier, telling him simply (like the jerk-off I am) that “Everything is great now. I’ll tell you about it later :)”. But when I looked at the screen, I saw it was a message from Cora.

“I cant sleep worth a damn lol. What r u doing??” She asked.

“Lying in bed. I cant sleep either bc I’m thinking about having sex with u,” I said honestly.

“Shut up! … r u really?”

“Totally. My brain keeps playing it over and over,” I said.

“… aww, BW. You are such a virgin even when you’re not a virgin <3,” She said. That made me grin.

“Shut up! I am not. I am a total sex machine,” I said.

“lol! Yes, u r, that’s true,” She said. I grinned, I’d had enough of this texting business. I scrolled through my contacts quickly and dialed her cell number. She picked up after two rings (I guess because she had her cell phone right with her).

“Hello?” She said quietly. Her voice flooded my ear and I immediately had had enough of this phone business. I wanted her lying next to me.

“Hey. What are you doing?” I asked stupidly. She chuckled.

“I’m in bed, totally naked, drinking red wine,” She said. I grinned.

“… you’re lying,” I accused.

“I am not! You don’t know,” She laughed, her voice getting a little louder and I knew she had to consciously try to keep quiet.

“Hey guess what??” I suddenly remembered.

“What?” Cora said softly.

“Guess!” I insisted. I heard her groan slightly.

“Ummmm, you’re lying in bed naked, drinking red wine,” She guessed.

“Actually yes,” I lied and she laughed.

“But that’s not what I was talking about,” I went on.

“Ok what is it?” Cora asked.

“No, make another guess,”

“No, just tell me, Robin!” She demanded and I shushed her automatically, grinning.

“I punched Trevor the other day,” I said quietly.

“… ok now you’re lying,” Cora said, convinced.

“No I did!” I said and then closed my mouth, hoping I hadn’t awoken Glenn.

“... really?? Wait, who’s Trevor?” Cora asked. I love her.

“He’s one of the popular douches,” I said. I heard her chuckle.

“No way! Nicely done! Wait, why’d you hit him??” She asked, trying to drop her voice again. Ohhh, right.

“Uhm he threw snowball at me,” I said. Cora burst out laughing and quickly muffled it. I wondered if she’d put her hand over her mouth or what-

“Shut up! You punched some kid because he threw a snowball at you???” She giggled at me.

“I was having a bad day ok??” I said and then glanced at my wall, in the direction of Glenn’s room. I made myself quieter: “I didn’t get any sexual education and had to go over to Amanda’s house instead,” I explained.

“Cock blocking skank monkey,” Cora muttered immediately, partly joking. I grinned.

“Wait, that was, like, awhile ago… why didn’t you tell me?” Cora asked.

“Well I wanted to, but, you know, you went craz-ay with jealous-ay,” I said, sighing over the words like I wasn’t totally ecstatic that Cora had been jealous because she loves me.

“Oh… right. Right. Sorry,” Cora chuckled apologetically. I shrugged, even though she couldn’t see me and looked up at my Pink Floyd poster.

“S’all good. I did it once to you and we hadn’t even kissed or anything yet,” I said. Cora giggled.

“That’s true. You do kind of get swept away with your emotions,” Cora giggled. I made a face. Well, that’s not a very masculine trait at all, now is it?

“Fack I do. Freakin’ hell. I should try and be more stoic. Like the Indian,” I said. You can see how happy and in love I am: I was babbling and being a racist dick weed. Ah well.

“No!” Cora protested then cut herself off shortly. “I mean… no don’t. Don’t be stoic. I like you as an overflow of emotion-” She went on.

“Aw, Cora,” I whined, interrupting her. An overflow of emotion? Jesus Christ. Although… yeah ok it’s true that that is a part of who I am. Barf.

“No it’s true! I like you the way you are!” She insisted impatiently. “Ohp,” She said. “Fuck I woke my mother,” Cora whispered. We were silent for a moment, I couldn’t hear Cora breathe, but I pretended I could.

“… ok I think its ok,” She said quietly. I took a deep breath, staring at Pink Floyd’s prism.

“So are you ready for school tomorrow?” Cora asked me. I blinked again. Oh yeah that’s right. School. Tomorrow would be the debut of mine and Cora’s relationship. Hmmm… that sounds both awful and wonderful. Since, if I have a girlfriend, people are going to automatically assume I’m boning her. Especially if she’s a fantastically sexual person like Cora. So I imagine I’ll only get through the teasing and whispers if I have Cora right by my side.

“… Boy Wonder?” Cora prompted me. I blinked.

“I’m ready to parade around with you as my girlfriend,” I qualified. Cora chuckled.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning, ok? We’ll get through this together,” She promised. Ahh, that sounds perfect.

“Ok,” I smiled.

“Ok. I think you should go to sleep now,” Cora said.

“I think you should go to sleep now,” I retorted. She'd started it. Cora giggled.

“Ok ok. Good night,” She said.

“Good night,” I said. “I love you, Cora,” I said quickly, because I was dying to say it and I didn’t have any reason to hold it back anymore.

“I love you too, BW,” Cora said. Even though the nickname was in there, Cora said ‘I love you’ the same crazy way I did. Life is good.

“Ok. Have a good sleep,” I whispered.

“You too,” She said.

“Ok bye,” I said. Can you tell that I’m totally one of those people who gets into the whole “no, you hang up first!” arguments?

“Bye,” Cora giggled softly and then hung up. I hung up the phone too. But Cora isn’t annoying like that, she isn’t like me. And I love her for it.