Robin, Boy Virgin: Original Series

I opened my eyes and the poster of Pink Floyd's prism was looking down at me from the ceiling. I rolled my eyes over to the alarm clock on my bedside table. I was out of time: I couldn't afford to fitfully catnap away another ten minutes. I looked at the ceiling again. I had to take just one more little minute to brace myself for the day ahead.

Four months ago I had nothing. Here’s what life was like for me:

1.) I was a virgin. And while that’s ordinarily not a big deal and it’s ok to be a virgin (it’s true, and I learned to accept it in my shitty days), everyone at school freaking tortured me for it because they found out about my v-card in a stupid-ass health class seminar. Fuck that shit, right? Right.

2.) My dad had a new girlfriend and I felt really uncomfortable about that.

3.) I, personally, had no girlfriend. And I had just one real friend and that was Harold. Not that, you know, I’m a friend whore or anything, and having Harold as my friend is excellent. But, you know how it is. In high school you need friends because they are your armour.

Anyway, four months later, I have everything:

1.) I’d had sex with the girl I was in love with. And I am hopeful that there will be more of it in our immediate future.

2.) Glenn is engaged to Linda and she turned out to be not bad at all.

3.) I have a girlfriend. Her name is Cora. I’m totally crazy about her. And, plus, since I’ve met Cora, I now have her, Harold, and Minnie as good friends. So… that’s awesome.

I got out of bed and quickly dressed. Today was a big day. Today I was going to school sexually more experienced and with Cora as my girlfriend. Now, for any other high school student, that would be totally awesome. I mean, you know, imagine it: you walk in with a gorgeous bad-ass chick on your arm and it’s pretty clear you’re getting laid and you’re in love and she’s a total bad-ass… that’s amazing. But, you see, for me, given that I’m an object of ridicule and it’s a Monday, I’m weary that this day could become a nightmare:

1.) I foresee a great deal of teasing. All geared toward me. Cora (damn her) is too confident and hott to let that kind of thing bother her. (And plus, she totally decked the most popular douche puppy in school and broke his nose, so people are probably scared of her). (Did I mention I’m totally in love with her?).

2.) I also foresee even more condoms being snapped at my head and being shoved in my locker. Although… now that I’ve begun my sexual career with Cora (fuck YEAH! Go Robin, yes), I can now put those condoms to good use.

3.) I foresee, perhaps, more raging, psychotic, popular kid jealousy from douche puppy and Amanda. It’s funny when Cora calls Amanda a skank monkey, but I personally don’t harbor that much resentment towards the girl. I mean, she can’t help it if she totally fell for my witty, debonair charms, suave attitude, and music genius. Er… yeah.

So… we’ll just see. I went downstairs and Glenn and Linda were doing their crossword puzzle together, drinking coffee and giggling. I hope that Cora never lets me get that lame (although, I’ll admit, it’s kind of cute… but only for, like, old parental types).

“Morning kiddo,” Glenn said.

“Morning,” I said to both of them. I quickly slugged back some juice and heard the Charger rumble in to the driveway. My heart raced with stupid, in love happiness, and I put the juice away.

“Gotta run, my girlfriend is giving me a ride,” I said as I breezed out of the kitchen. Both Glenn and Linda looked up at me; I saw it out of the corner of my eye as I walked past the table.

“… really? Is it Cora??” Glenn asked, always far too interested in my life for my taste.

“Bye!” I yelled and ran out the door. I ran down to the Charger, and gracelessly slipped on a small patch of ice. I caught the hood of the car to steady myself and I could hear Cora giggling at me from inside the car.

“Hey,” I chuckled breathlessly as I climbed in the car.

“You ok??” She kept giggling. She was wearing her bitchin’ Wayfarer style sunglasses to cut the glare of the winter sun.

“Of course,” I said, slamming the door excitedly behind me. I turned to Cora and she was already leaning over toward me. We had a crazy-intense, good-morning-I-love-you kiss. I very much like this uninhibited, free-wheeling, love-giving Cora. It’s awesome. Cora drew away eventually and grinned crookedly at me. She put the car in reverse and pealed out of the driveway.

“How’d you sleep?” She asked, picking up her mug of tea from a cup holder and taking a swig.

“Mmmm. I’m kinda nervous about today,” I said honestly.

“Aww! Boy Wonder,” Cora said, reaching over to scratch the back of my head while she drove with the wrist of her other hand. If we get into a car wreck, I will not be surprised if Cora walks away with only a cool scar or two across her cheekbone and I end up completely mauled to death.

“It’ll be alright. I’m here,” She promised, shooting me a grin as she turned into the school lot. I took a deep breath and turned my head to kiss her palm. Yes that was true: it will be alright, as long as Cora is with me.

She pulled into her usual parking spot and parked the Charger.

“… you ready?” She asked and I could see her eyebrows rise from behind her sunglasses. I blinked and leaned over to take off the glasses. She let me do it, but raised her eyebrows even more, looking at me. There. Those blue eyes give me confidence to do freaking anything.

“Ready,” I smiled at her. She grinned at me. We climbed out of the car and walked up to the sidewalk. Since it was freezing cold out, we both had our hands in our pockets as we walked up to the school. We got to the front door and I stopped. Cora looked at me.

“What’s up??” She asked, worried. I swallowed and reached for her hand. I couldn’t help it! I just know that there is evil about to be unleashed upon me. Cora smiled and took my hand. My silly heart pounded excitedly. Ok, here we go, holding hands and showing our relationship to the students of our high school...

Please don’t murder me.

We walked into the school. Cora casually unzipped her jacket and took her tea thermos out from her purse. I looked around, panicking. I was sure… I was sure the atmosphere was already tense and gossipy.

“Is it just me or are people already freaking out?” I whispered nervously to Cora. She looked at me and shrugged.

“I dunno what’s going on…” She whispered back honestly, feeling the atmosphere too.

Abruptly, this tall, gangly blonde girl named Julie Pfeifer came scuttling over to us.

“Hey! Robin, did you hear??” She asked me in a juicy whisper. I stared at her. Julia is one of those people that used to sort of kind of talk to me once and awhile and then pretended I didn’t exist when the virgin thing came out.

I shook my head, dumb founded.

“Mrs. Hicks… walked in on Mr. Jeffrey and Erica making out in his Geography room this morning!!” She told me in an excited squeal.

“The Geography teacher and Erica??” Cora clarified, her husky voice dropped low too.

“Yeah! Can you fucking believe it?? The cops are here and everything! They’re in his classroom!! I mean, the door is locked and all the shades are drawn on the windows, but you can totally almost hear them talking!” Julia said with a grin.

“Oh my God,” Cora chuckled excitedly as Julia hurried away. “Do you think Erica and Mr. Jeffrey were having sex?” She asked me. I blinked.

“… that’s how she got an A on the Geography exam! It all makes sense now!” I exclaimed, having an epiphany. Cora laughed at me and we kept walking to my locker. Around us, people were whispering and giggling and gossiping…

And it wasn’t about me!

As Cora and I walked, more little miracles kept occurring. Sarah Munn, Rebecca Entwhistle, Victor Yuen, Ashley Freisen, Matthew Foo, all said a casual ‘hi’ to me as I walked through the school, and they also smiled nicely at Cora. Even Harold Stetinsky, one of the popular douche bags who I used to sort of play hockey with once upon a blue moon, nodded at me in kind greeting as he walked past.

“… what’s going on now?” Cora asked me quietly, bewildered by this kindly behaviour. I wanted to laugh or, or cry or something…

“You’re not going to believe it, but this is how it was before I was the school’s virginal target for abuse! Like, people were actually decent to me,” I said, aghast, and looked at her. Cora blinked and stared at me.

“… you mean it’s over??” She asked, a bewildered grin growing on her face. I marched quickly over to my locker, kind of accidentally dragging a startled Cora behind me. I didn’t let go of her hand and opened my locker.

No condoms. None. And this time, I knew it was for good.

“Holy fuck,” I said loudly.

“I guess nothing beats a student/teacher scandal,” Cora giggled excitedly next to me. I turned and abruptly scooped Cora up in my arms, planting firm kisses on her mouth. She hummed in surprise, but held my face with one hand anyway while I kissed her.

Michael Grobowsky and Ryan Jeffrey cat-called obnoxiously at me, but I didn’t care. Because they kept walking, and went back talking about whatever they had been talking about (probably freaking Erica and Mr. Jeffrey) and continued on with their lives, leaving me to mine. I put Cora back down on the ground and kept kissing her, inappropriately heavy and passionate in the school hallway.

“Well. It looks like things did worked out nicely,” Harold said, walking up to me. He and Minnie were holding hands in that peaceful, married couple way. I stopped kissing Cora to look at him and grinned, trying to keep any embarrassment from flushing up my neck. Cora linked her free arm all the way through mine and took a drink of tea.

“I came to see if you were ok, and it seems like you definitely are,” He grinned at me and Cora. Cora smiled.

“Hey, did you hear about Erica and Mr. Jeffrey??” She asked them both excitedly.

“Right??” Minnie exclaimed. “We couldn’t believe it!” She said and her and Harold looking at each other. Oh they are so weird and cute.

“Well I mean, we could comprehend it,” Harold clarified, making a funny face.

“Well yeah. But it’s just… such an unlikely thing to happen,” Minnie said logically, giggling.

“Very unlikely. Like, I’m not even sure of any probability of it happening-” Harold said.

“I’m sure there’s at least a small margin,” Minnie disagreed. Cora looked at and I looked at her. She smiled thoughtfully at me, her eyes looking into mine. I grinned back and sighed. I suddenly blinked and looked over my shoulder as Max and Clarissa came walking over to us, her arms around his waist and his arm around her shoulders.

“Hey! Where the hell have you been for like a month??” I realized. Max blinked.

“… in the drama room! Clarissa’s in the school play of Macbeth… didn’t I tell you??” Max realized back.

“Umm no,” I said, because I’m pretty sure the ass hadn’t said anything. Cora chuckled and leaned her forehead against my arm. I grinned and wanted to bend my head and start kissing her like a damn fool in the school hallway again.

“Careful, Robin, I can see your boner,” Brandon said as he and Amanda walked past. My eyes snapped up at him as he grinned at me like the douche puppy he is. (But… aww!! Holy shit, he was wearing a ‘Simple Plan’ concert t-shirt and he and Amanda were holding hands in that calm, cool way popular kids hold hands).

Even still, I abruptly leaned away from Cora and reached forward to grab Minnie’s backpack.

“Hey!” She protested slightly as I unzipped it. I whipped out her condom container, and quickly selected a condom. I handed the container hastily back to her and then unwrapped the condom clumsily but quickly, staring at the back of Brandon’s head as he and Amanda slowly strolled away.

“What are you doing??” Cora asked me, confused and slightly condescending. I ignored her, took aim, and snapped the condom at the back of Brandon’s douche puppy head. He spun around, his hand flying to the back of his head, and he glared at me.

I just grinned. Take that motha fucka, douche puppy. Now we’re even. Amanda tried not to giggle and just tugged him along. A small smile started to creep back on his face and he turned away from me. Awww! Shit, in their popular-kid way, they were cute, I had to admit as Brandon grinned at Amanda. Dude. That’s… that’s…

That’s nice. I’m not going to be a prick. That’s nice.

The warning bell rang, making the six of us standing there, actually look up at the sound. Hehe, I don’t know why we did that-

“Ok we’d better go,” Harold said, starting to walk away, but then waited patiently for Minnie to walk with him.

“See you at lunch,” Minnie said to Cora and I before walking with Harold. Max and Clarissa scuttled off too.

“Yeah see ya!” Max called back to me. Cora took a breath and looked at me. I looked at her and for the millionth time got caught up looking in her eyes.

“You ready to make some beautiful music together, BW?” Cora asked me, teasing. I grinned at her. Cuz I love her, so.

“You bet,” I replied.

We kinda wandered to Music Comp, in no hurry because Mr. Giraldi wouldn’t mind if we were late. Besides, even if he did mind, I would blindside him with mine and Cora’s fantastic song recording and all would be forgiven.

You know, it’s funny, after everything that’s freakin’ happened, I don’t think that it was actually giving up my virginity or even falling in love that restored any sort of happiness and order in my life. It was having Cora fall in love with me, too, that pretty much saved me. Which is even funnier, when you think about it, cuz it meant that I didn’t really have control over the outcome of my own life. Well, I had some, but mostly it was up to Cora. It’s funny the way love works, hey? Ah well, I don’t mind having Cora save me and be in control of my life. Cuz, let’s face it, I need all the help I can get-

“Hey did you want to come to Hayley’s art show with me?” Cora asked suddenly, as though she’d just remembered. I grabbed her face and kissed her. She hummed in surprise (I imagine she will do that a lot, because I will probably just kiss abruptly a lot without giving her any freaking warning) but she kissed me right back.

1.) I’m in love with Cora. And that’s what it’s always been about, hasn’t it? Fack. =]