I Crush on You

‘I used to work at the City Library. It was a gorgeous library, with mountain high bookcases, stacked with all kinds of books, forgotten books, underrated books, overrated books, colourful books, sad books, old books, broken books, and unread books. The smell of all these books put into one place was like a haven. You could smell the different ages of ink and the old leather mixed in with the new wood.

I worked at that library for 5 years. I intended to stay longer. The library was almost a second home to me. I’d always arrive early for work and leave late, and for 3 years I loved working at the library, until I met her.

Speaking to people wasn’t a hobby of mine, I was a shy person, and I still am. I’ve never spoken this long to anyone before. When she came in for the first time, I thought nothing of her, until I noticed she wore no shoes.

“Excuse me, but where are your shoes?”

Her small shoulders gave a small jolt. She slowly looked down towards her feet and shrugged. “They must have walked off.” With that, I was taken. Her gorgeous blue eyes took me in like a tide would with sand. Her short messy blonde hair made her even more appealing. Her heart shaped lips, striking cheekbones, the small freckles that were sprinkled onto her nose. She glowed.

Ever since that day I thought about her all the time. The books she’d take and bring back. They way she avoided most people, but always took her time when it came to me. We’d never really speak, but I’d always ask where her shoes were, she’d smile, and walk off.

After a year and a half, one day, when I was closing up on my own, she walked through the doors.

“I’m really sorry but the library is closed.” I placed my bag back on the front desk and walked up to her. She nodded and looked around. “I know. I just felt like some company. It’s empty outside.” She walked up to the front desk and hoisted herself up and swung her legs.

If it was anybody else, I would have made them leave, but in all honesty, I was happy to have some company.

“What’s your name?”

“Emily.” She gave me a smile, and then I knew we weren’t going to be leaving the library. “I’m Simon.” She took my hand and pulled me closer to her.

That’s when everything goes a bit blank, but then again all so clear. Her skin was softer than anything I’d ever felt. Her breath was so warm and her touch so gentle. We fell and stumbled but we were gentle. It was as if we were already in love. Clothes were torn away and kisses were stolen. Words were whispered but echoed.

She moaned my name and it was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. Her arms locked around my neck as sweat dripped off of our bodies.

Then it was over and we were left a heap on the floor.

“Do you realise we’re lying between crime and romance?” I let out a small laugh and stroked her neck down to her shoulder. “Is that what you call this?” A tear fell from her eye and she did nothing to hide it.

“People are full of secrets. We’re all mysteries. Nothing is for certain. You know nothing about me.” I sat up and pulled her onto my lap. I picked my jacket up from the floor and wrapped it around her shoulders. “Tell me everything.”

She had been living on the streets for 10 years. She was 24 when she told me this. Her mother died giving birth to her and her father had run off before she was born. She’d moved from family to family for years, and one day her house was on fire and she ran. She caught buses, grabbed lifts, and caught trains until she ended up here. Her horror stories? She didn’t tell me any, but there was something in her eyes, her tone of voice. She had lives her own life and she wanted to forget.

“Come live with me.” Tears were flowing down my face. The girl I had been fantasising about, dreaming about and loving was abandoned and alone. She didn’t deserve it.

That night we played. We ran about the library as if it was our own playground and we were back to being 4 year olds once more. Emily danced about the place as if she’d never seen horror. She looked at me with such adoration; it was as if I’d never lived. I had never felt anything so strong.

You all probably think I’m mad, falling in love with a girl I barley knew and asking her to move in. But you’re not me, and people have done crazier things. I could see something about her that nobody else could or would let themselves see. On the street, she was most probably invisible.

But I knew her more than she knew.

By her books I could tell she wanted an escape of some sort. Fairy tales. She would take out books about princesses being saved by princes. Sisters being saved by giants. Lovers being reunited. All these books showed her true desires. I could relate. Who didn’t want to escape from reality for a while?

She was a girl that wanted to be saved, and maybe I could have saved her.

After that night, she disappeared. I worked later and later waiting for her to walk in. She never did. Days passed into weeks and weeks slowly crept into months. Her bare feet never stepped foot into the library again.

It was a Tuesday morning when I was walking towards the library. The morning air was quite sharp and it made my cheeks sting. Nothing unusual but something made me turn into the newsagents. I looked down at the newspaper and found a small photo on the bottom right of the front page.

A photo of Emily.

She had been found dead under a bridge 7 miles away from the library. Raped and murdered. She had been dead for months.

I didn’t know there were security cameras in the library. I suppose it’s kind of embarrassing to think you’ve seen us together but that’s the only thing anyone has to show that Emily was a young girl with needs and feelings just like every other girl.

It’s the only thing I have to remind me of her, and the photo from the newspaper.

So I’m sorry to inform you officers that I know nothing of her murder. All I know is that I did love her, even though it was short lived, and she will now disappear to the world.’

The officer turned the tape recorder off and slowly closed his notebook.

“Thank you, Simon.”

Simon nodded his head, picked up his bag and quickly made his way out of the station.

On his way out there was an old man asking for change, holding out a small plastic cup. Simon ignored the man and walked towards the train station. Nothing had changed. Simon hadn’t changed, but a small part of him had shrunk away deep inside of him.

Simon bought a pair of shoes the day she was buried and placed them on her grave.

That was the end of Simon and his Emily.