I Missed Your Skin When You Were East

Everything seems better.

Everything seems like it should be.

I have been pretty much living with Brendon since that night I let him cry on my shoulder.

But I have been sleeping in his guest room, not in his bed.

I had a boyfriend, for goodness sake, I’m not some slut.

But sometimes, I had to remind myself of that.

Jon had no idea I was sleeping at Brendon’s every night.

No one really knew besides the two of us, Aiden, and Spencer.

It’s not that we were ashamed or anything; we didn’t have anything to be ashamed of.

It’s just I didn’t want to deal with Jon right now.

And if it meant lying to my best friend, then I did it.

But today I was going to stop being a horrible friend and go out to lunch with Alli. We both felt we needed to talk about stuff. I was going to pick her up at her and Ryan’s place.

When I arrived, there was huge hugs and then small talk.

We walked down to the car, hand in hand, just like we always do.

We drove to some cheesy diner we’ve been to a thousand times before, but still love regardless.

The ride was filled with more small talk, mainly about Aiden and then singing along to crap on the radio.

The hostess, whose name tag read “Mag,” sat us in the back corner booth, my personal favorite place.

We both sat down with a sigh. We ordered drinks and knew we both had to talk for real this time.

“So you want to go first, or should I?” Alli said looking down at her drinking, playing with her straw.

“I’ll go.” I took a deep breath “I’ve been staying at Brendon’s for the past two weeks. Aiden’s been there with us, and he loves it. He loves Brendon and us being together, but not like that. I swear, we’re not together, I’m still with Jon. And I don’t want to leave Jon, but Brendon makes me feel like I used to and he explained the whole thing to me and what happened and it broke my heart in the best way. And NOTHING, I mean nothing, has happened been the two of us. I love Jon and I’m sorry I haven’t told you yet, but you are just so close to Ryan and you tell him everything and I don’t want him telling Jon and shit starting and you know how I am.” I took a deep breath out.

She just stared at me. “Are you done?”

“I think so…” I whispered.

“Well first of all, I’m glad Aiden’s family is finally living under one roof. But I think Aiden’s mommy has to remember that she has a boyfriend. And that her best friend will never judge and that if there is a secret between the two of them, she would never tell anyone. Because she knows that she would do the same.”

“Thank you. And you have to know that I still love Jon, I just like how I feel when I’m with Brendon and I guess a part of me misses us.”

“I know that, and I understand because I know you love Jon more than anything, but I don’t Brendon or Jon knows that.”

I knew this, but I was afraid of telling Brendon that. I wanted to change the subject.

Just as I was about to speak “Mag” came and asked for our order, and we realized we hadn’t looked at the menu. It didn’t matter though.

“I’ll have the Greek salad, extra grapes leaves please.” Alli answered

“An order of chicken fingers and cheese sticks and small order of fries.” I replied.

She walked off and I looked at Alli, “So you have something to tell me as well.”

“Oh yeah, well umm… You know how I haven’t been feeling well lately?”

“Yeah, you’re pregnant.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’ve been, don’t be offended, moody as hell, eating weird crap, ‘extra grape leaves,’ and
you had a ‘stomach bug’ last week.” I said with a smirk.

“Oh well then, yes I am.” She said blushing.

“How far along are you?”

“Four weeks, yesterday”

“The exact day they left, good one Alli.”

“Shut up!”

Then our food arrived, rather quickly, I might add. I guess its cause we’re regulars and there were only about three other people in the restaurant.

We started picking at our food.

I looked up when I noticed almost half of chicken was gone as well as the fries and drink. I noticed Alli had eaten most of the chicken out of the salad and was eyeing my fries. I pushed the plate towards and she smiled and began picking at them.

“So does Ryan know?”

“Well…..no. But he’s recording and I don’t want him to stop and come home. Or tell him and doesn’t come home and I feel abandoned and leave him and then our relationship falls apart. And even if I do tell him, I’m going to be pregnant at my wedding and everyone is going to think that I’m a whore.”

“Alli, he loves you. He’ll do whatever you want him to do. And you need to tell him because I remember when I loved this guy and I got pregnant and I didn’t tell him for years and had my heart broken and lead to a great big mess, including a band breaking up.” I chuckled at myself and heard Alli do the same under her breath.

Then I continued, “And who the fuck cares what other people think, you need to do what’s right for you. And if people think you’re a whore, then let them think that, as long as you know the truth.”

Alli got up and came into my side of the booth and just hugged the hell out of me.

I hugged back and then we proceeded to leave the bill and tip on the table.

I drove Alli back and made her promise to call and tell Ryan by the end of the night and have her call me right after.

I then rushed home to Aiden and Brendon. Aiden would be getting out of school just as I was getting home. And Aiden hated getting home and me not being there.

I couldn’t believe my baby was in third grade already. I mean was eight years old, I felt old. I was barely 29, but I still felt like I was 17, in high school, still in love with my best friend…
I walked into the house; Brendon was asleep on the couch, in his boxers, which are his pajamas. He looked heavenly, so at peace. I just wanted to go over there and kiss him and cuddle with him and pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist.

I dropped my coat and a purse in my room and came back to the living room and sat on the other couch and grabbed the remote to the change the channel, but I felt a pull back on it from Brendon.

“You change the channel woman, and I will lick your face.”

I giggled “I highly doubt you will do that. And besides, do you even know what’s on the television right now?”

“You I would do it in a second without thinking. And I was watching Ed, Ed, and Eddy before you so rudely interrupted.” He said with his eyes still closed in a calm even voice.

I sat down next to him, I saw him smile out of the corner of his eye.

I leaned my head on his shoulder, tried. I let out a yawn.

I heard his breathing fall back into a pattern, I put my head on his and quickly grabbed the remote and jumped to the other couch and changed the station to Gilmore Girls, one of my favorite, but Brendon always hated it.

He, quicker than I’ve ever seen him move, leapt from the couch he was on and on top of me. I had the remote snugged in between the cushions; there was no chance he was getting this remote.

But Brendon was on top of me, he had my hands held above my head, was straddling my hips and I could feel him breathing on me.

He looked into my eyes and said “I warned you.”

And with that, he licked his tongue down the side of face, with the biggest smile on his face.

I couldn’t help but giggle. This reminded me of the old Brendon, the Brendon I knew back in high school, the Brendon I fell in love with, the Brendon I was engaged to, and the Brendon I still want.

After the face licking was down, he didn’t release me. He just stayed where he was, locking his eyes with mine. I took a deep breath, and took in his smell. It was intoxicating, even after all this time, it still makes me giddy just to be this close to him and smell it.

I went to try and pull myself up, but only my head came up. Brendon, being the person he was, took this as a sign.

He left his head fall just enough for our lips to touch. I pressed them back with no resistance, missing this rush, this joy.

I began to push even harder and he pushed back. He released my hands, and the second he did, I let them go straight to his hair, entangling them in every strand. He let his fall to my hips, pushing them down.

As we continued, I would lead a path of kisses and bites down his neck and heard him hitch his breath and moan into my ear. It was a sound I had gone too long without hearing.

Suddenly I felt something up against my leg and I reminded that Brendon was wearing nothing but boxers. I giggle to myself, but continued to let him run his hands up my shirt and kiss down my neck onto my chest.

Just when I thought we were going to need to take things to the bedroom, I heard the door open. And Brendon jumped off of me just as quickly as he had gotten on and ran into the bathroom, giggled to myself.

I stood up to straighten my clothes and saw no other than our son standing at the door…