Love Was Easy When We Didn't Make It So Hard

I scanned the living room in my immediate area, green eyes looking around the place for any of the necessary items that we rounded up for the wedding. I didn't see anything, but I walked around the living room and kitchen, picking up items just to make sure something didn't fall out. Confident that everything was there, I headed out to the driveway to get into Katie's car, Kara sitting in the front, slightly frazzled.

"I'm getting married today." She whispered quietly, her eyes filling with tears. "And in a couple months, I'm going to be a mom." She sat there in the front, all of us silent, pondering the next year of her life and how many huge milestones she will have. I smiled, leaning forward and wrapping my arms around her shoulders the best I could.

"You're about to embark on the best two journeys of life, the road to forever, and the road to motherhood. You're lucky to have someone as incredible as Blake in your life as is he to have someone like you." She smiled, turning to me with tears in her eyes and nodding her head.

"You're right. I just want you to feel like this too Riley. On April 24th, just like you and Eric had planned." I sighed at her, shaking my head.

"Kara, today is about you. Stop worrying about Eric and I. What's meant to be will always find it's way. Eric and I are firm believers in that. If we're supposed to be together, we will find our way back to one another." I told her, ignoring the part of myself that wondered why I hadn't been listening to that advice.

Only Eric would know that I canceled a large amount of our wedding, almost everything besides the church and the event center for the reception. The rest of it would be easy to replace if need be, but the two places we had picked to get married in and then celebrate in, would be impossible to re-rent on such a short notice. But Eric wouldn't know because I called or texted him, he would know if he was looking at his credit card and bank statements, the money put down being placed back into his accounts. The two girls sitting next to me along with their boyfriends and mine and Eric's families, had no idea that I was finally setting our break-up into action, canceling the things that seemed futile in the grand scheme of a wedding, but still important none the less.

Katie pulled out of the driveway and headed downtown Minneapolis to a hair salon that would be working our hair into elegant up-dos with diamond studs woven into the strands. Kara would be having her hair in soft curls, cascading down along the side of her face with a blue pin to hold her hair back from her eyes, giving Blake the perfect view of his favorite feature. An hour later, Katie and I sat next to each other, flipping through magazines while Kara's hair was getting done. I held Kara's phone, looking down and rolling my eyes at Blake's text.

"Kara, a text from your knight." I giggled, my eyes shining with happiness that my best friend was marrying such a sweet man. "Sweetheart, I couldn't sleep at all last night, thinking about you and how the rest of our life was starting tomorrow. I couldn't stop thinking of how beautiful you will look and how happy it will make me when you say I do. I love you with every single part of my body and soul. I'll see you in a little bit. I can't wait to make you my wife. I love you, Kara!"

Katie and I awed loudly as Kara blushed with happiness, her eyes twinkling as her hair lady curled the strands of her brunette hair. I gave her the phone and watched with a smile on my face as she gave him her reply before I looked over at Katie. She was watching me curiously, her eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"What?" I asked her, shaking my head at her expression before dipping my eyes back to the magazine I was skimming.

"I just find it weird how you're completely okay right now." Katie shrugged her shoulders at me.

"It's not fair for me to be a negative Nelly on such an amazing day. They deserve happiness and to be surrounded by it." I told her.

"What are you going to do when you see Eric? You haven't seen him for three weeks." She pointed out, "and he's going to want to talk to you."

"He can try to talk to me, but he won't get anywhere." I informed her, flipping a page and ignoring her look.

"Riley, don't you think it's time to talk to him. You've had three weeks to think about it, and to cool off. Three weeks, only 21 days without him, and you're obviously miserable. You need him in your life just as much as he needs you; stop acting otherwise." Katie scolded me. I sighed, leaning back in my chair and pondering what to say next. There really wasn't anything to say; she was right. Instead, I just nodded my head, acting as if I would try to talk to Eric, when in reality, I would do everything I could to stay away from him.
***

I was hyperventilating even before the large oak doors to the church opened. The ceremony was about to begin and as Blake's best man, Eric was already in the church while I waited behind the bridesmaids and in front of Kara and her dad. My lungs seemed to grow smaller by the second, the walls of the large church closing in on me as well as I looked down at my lavender dress, trying to take deep breaths. I was close to having my breathing regulated once again, but the doors creaked open and the wedding march began.

I glanced over my shoulder at Kara, faking a smile as she grinned at me, so happy that she couldn't be my crutch for the hell I was about to walk into. This was going to be hard, so difficult that I feared I might pass out when I stepped down the aisle. I sucked in a deep breath as Katie and Adam started down the aisle, followed by two more couples that I didn't know, and finally me. I glanced up at the altar, staring at the cross instead of the people that looked at me, or Eric. But I could feel his brown eyes smoldering me to the spot. I forced a smile onto my lips, trying to relax as I passed by the pew where my family sat, most of them whom I haven't talked to since I walked out of the house two weeks ago.

My first five steps, I was able to avoid his gaze, keep my eyes trained on anyone and anything but the man who still held my heart in his hands. But finally, I couldn't hold back and I glanced at him. His eyes and face took my breath away, his clean shaven jaw looking so defined as he clenched it, his brown eyes shining from here. I almost stumbled when our eyes met, the connection almost too much for me to handle.

Eric’s brown eyes told me everything I needed to know about him. The brown had soften on contact, turning into liquid goo as I attempted to keep the gate to my heart locked up, but that was virtually impossible when I looked at him and realized his hands were clutching it tightly. It took all the strength I had inside of me to pull my gaze away from him and to Katie who was biting her lip. My smile was still fixated onto my face and I breathed a sigh of relief as I climbed the stairs to take my place in front of her.
 
“You okay?” She asked, leaning forward and touching my shoulder carefully.
 
“Yeah.” I breathed out, blinking my eyes and turning to where the doors had shut to await Kara’s arrival.
 
“How’s the bride?” Katie whispered to me, trying to get my mind off of Eric who’s eyes hadn’t left my body. Between Eric and my family, I felt like everyone in the church was looking at me.
 
The doors to the church open before I could respond, everyone stood, and I turned my face to look at Kara. A large grin pulled onto my lips, one I didn’t have to force as I watched my best friend begin to walk down the aisle. She looked absolutely stunning from her hair to the shoes, along with everything in between. Her eyes were sparkling when they locked with Blake's, the eagerness between the two tangible to all. I took a peak at Blake, my smile pulling wider as his eyes twinkled with joy, stepping down the stairs and getting ready to take Kara’s hand from her father. My eyes lingered on Blake’s spot for a moment, Eric and I staring at one another before I blinked, and focused my attention back on the two people who were about to be married.
 
My whole body seemed to rise up as I watched two of my friends walk up the stairs, Kara handing me her flowers. I sucked in a breath, giving her a smile and trying not to cry as the priest began. The ceremony was so beautiful, tears stung my eyes too many times to count as Blake spoke his vows with the confidence of a man so in love, he couldn’t see anything but her. Although I was happy for Kara, my heart seemed to die in my chest as I thought about how I was supposed to be standing like this in two months, but instead, my relationship was over, and I was no longer engaged. I closed my eyes and looked down as Kara and Blake were finally pronounced husband and wife. The lump in my throat pressed against the opening of my air space, practically suffocating me as I plastered the smile back on, handing the new Mrs. Hauden her bouquet. Her smile was so large that I couldn’t bare to let her see the tears of sadness pooling in my eyes

I paused for a moment before cautiously walking across the step and down the stairs. Eric copied my actions, stepping down with me as he held his arm for me. I hesitated for one moment and then slid our arms together, the contact making my skin tingle and my cheeks flush. We walked down the aisle together, putting on smiles as if there was nothing wrong with us, but in reality everything was. Both of us were so rigid that if you pushed us, we would both topple over. Any sudden movement, like his fingers brushing against my arm, made me jump slightly, goose bumps lighting up my skin.
 
“Riley…” Eric tried to talk, his voice wrapping around my body and lodging in my chest where my heart used to be.
 
“No, Eric. This is about them.” I told him, pursing my lips as tears burned my eyes, wondering how we had turned out like this. We were the golden couple, the one everyone wanted to be, and now we were the example, the proven point of what happens when you graduate and life starts to throw you obstacles. No, you really can’t make it if you try.
 
“Baby, please.” He whispered to me as we passed my family, all of them eagerly watching each step. I gripped his arm, my smile becoming even more forced until my muscles could barely stand to keep twitching so forcefully.
 
“No.” I hissed through gritted teeth, my fingernails digging into his arm through the jacket of the tux. His hand tightened into a fist and his fingers stopped brushing against my arm, just our elbows touching now. He let out a shaky sigh as we reached the hallway where Kara and Blake were, off to the side, sharing a moment. I smiled at them, dropping my hold on Eric’s arm and stepping to the side just as Katie came out.
 
“Well, Blake, it’s official, you’re fucked for life.” Adam murmured, walking to the groom who laughed loudly, releasing his grip on Kara and slapping his friend on the back.
 
“No, I’m set for life.” Blake insisted, looking over at Eric who was standing by himself, hands shoved in his pockets and eyes fixated on the floor. “Decker, thanks for being my support system.” Blake chuckled before turning to Kara. “I was freaking out minutes before the wedding, but Decks calmed me down. He told me I was a lucky son of a bitch and that if I didn’t want to lose you, I would march out to the altar and wait for you to be ready.” We all laughed lightly and I smiled, shaking my head and avoiding Eric’s gaze.
 
The guests of the wedding started to filter out as the photographer rounded the wedding party up to get ready for the pictures. I sighed, walking to Kara and pulling her to the side.
 
“Is it alright if I wait for my family? I want to talk to them for a moment.”
 
“Yeah, take your time. Blake and I are going to do family pictures first and then the wedding party.” She wrapped her arms around my body and gave me a squeeze that made tears poke in my eyes. I knew what she was saying; she understood how hard this was for me. “I know this isn’t easy, but thank you for being here for me like this, Ry. I love you, babe.” She pulled away with a smile before following the rest of the party, minus Eric, who walked over to me. I sighed, looking into his eyes and glaring slightly.
 
“No.” I shook my head at him just before he walked past me, going to Jake and grabbing him by the shoulder.
 
“Jake, my man.” Eric grinned, probably just to rub it in as Jake smiled, clapping him on the back in a man hug. My mouth fell open slightly before I pulled it back up, grounding my teeth together as I glared at Jake. His blue eyes fell on me and he gave me a slight twitch of the mouth, almost like he was amused by my anger. I scoffed and stalked passed them to my mom, tears burning in my eyes like the night I ran out of my house.
 
“Mommy.” I whimpered as she wrapped her arms around me. She hugged me close to her like when I was younger and I needed her reassurance. “I’m sorry.” I apologized for being so rude to her the night I walked out. I felt bad for the things I said and the way I acted, but I was so upset that I hadn’t been thinking of how my mom and the rest of my family felt by my actions.
 
“It’s alright, honey. You were upset and we weren’t being supportive enough for you. It’s just, Riley, as your mother, I want you to be happy. And baby,” she lowered her voice and turned us so our backs were to Jake and Eric, “I just don’t see how that can happen without Eric. He has been the light of your life for so many years, I don’t know if you could feel that much with someone else. I want you to be in love, and I’m afraid that only Eric will get that from you. The last thing I want is for you to settle for someone because you think he treats you better than Eric. He may have lost his sense of priorities, but that doesn’t mean he loves you any less. Remember that, Ry. You’re so intuitive and have such a large amount of self-respect, but you also are stubborn and have too much pride.” She looked me in the eye, an amused glint to the same orbs as mine.
 
“I love him, mama. I do, but I can’t be like this anymore. I can’t suffocate and walk on eggshells. Maybe, I was just too spoiled in college that being in the real world is just knocking me onto my butt.” I sighed, glancing at Eric and Jake who were obviously talking about football.
 
“Why don’t you talk to him honey? Try to hear him out and see what he’s going to do to make it better.” She suggested, rubbing my back before she steered me back to the group, my brothers listening to Eric’s journey through the playoffs.
 
“I just have to know.” David murmured, a laugh escaping from his mouth. “Did Cutler cry because of how hardcore he sucked in the Packers game?” All of the men in my family started to snicker, thinking of how the camera showed Jay on the sidelines, wiping at his eyes like the snow was bothering him, more so than the tears that rained down. I rolled my eyes as my mom did the same, the two of us not understanding what was with the fascination the boys had with Cutler.

“Let’s just say, what happens in the locker room stays in the locker room.” Eric smiled, looking up as me and licking his lips, brown eyes pleading with me. My green ones stayed cold and distant, flicking away from him to Jake who was giving me a look I gladly ignored.

"Ry, we should probably head to pictures." Eric suggested, reaching his hand out for me to grab. I looked down at it, cocking an amused eyebrow at him before shaking my head.

"Yeah." I told him, hugging my family goodbye and telling them I'd see them later. I walked past Eric, not even bothering to take his hand as I wrapped my arms around myself when I reached the cold, February chill. Eric followed behind me, eyes and body eager to be next to me as he quickened his pace.

"Riley, I really need to talk to you about something." Eric pleaded with me, hand wrapping around my wrist. I tugged it from his grip with a relative ease as he sighed loudly. "Come on, please." He tried again, but I shook my head.

"Eric, you just don't get it. We're done, over, as in I don't take orders from you anymore." I pointed out, licking my lips as he frowned down at me, a look of hurt flashing over his face. "that's what the ring meant." I told him, reaching into my flowers and extracting the ring I had put in there to give back to him. "Keep it so you can get your money back." I turned and started to walk away as Eric called out to me.

"I don't want the money; I want you." He insisted, his voice rough yet tired at the same time, like he had thought about this moment before, just like I had.

"It's not going to happen." I whispered to him, the backs of my eyes beginning to sting as I looked at him, feeling my heart break all over again.
***

I sipped the champagne gingerly as I looked around at the various couples dancing, sitting off to the side of a table that I wasn't assigned to. I smiled at Blake and Kara as Blake twirled his new wife around, grinning as he pulled her close again, careful of the child growing in between their two bodies. I sighed, thinking about how lucky Kara was. She was married to the love of her life and expecting his child, had a job she was in love with, and lived in the place she had lived her whole life.

I pondered why I wasn't that lucky, quickly thinking better of it because most of the reason was my fault. I chose the way my life had gone, despite how badly I wanted to blame it on Eric. He was right; I chose to leave here, I chose to love him, I agreed to marry him, so maybe that meant I was the one to blame for my unhappiness. But at the same time, I tried to make it work. I tried to make the change easy for the two of us. I tried to keep us together while Eric went off and did things I told him not to do, time and time again. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to analyze all the ways my relationship and life had fallen apart.

When my eyes opened, the crowd on the dance floor seemed to be parting in front of me until Eric stood there, a slight glaze to his eyes telling me he was likely, feeling buzzed. I rolled my eyes at him, setting my glass on the table. "Did you get hit one too many times in the playoffs? I don't want to talk to you, Eric."

"No, I'm just fucking miserable without you."

"Who's fault is that?" I snapped at him, watching as he dropped his gaze to the floor before his hands began to rummage around in the pockets of his dress pants.

"Do me a favor?" He asked, pulling the ring out of his pocket, the one I had given back to him twice now. I wondered how much it hurt each time the silver made contract with his palm knowing that when it was returned, it was because I didn't want to marry him. That thought couldn't be good for the self esteem. "Wear this." He practically demanded, slipping the ring on my left finger where it used to rest unscathed.

"No." I told him, already tugging at the jewelry as he grabbed my hands.

"For Kara and Blake, so that I can be happy. I know it would mean a lot to them." I narrowed my eyes at Eric, scoffing and shaking my head at him.

"Whatever." I mumbled, but crossed my arms over my chest, keeping the ring in place for now.

"Now dance with me." Eric leaned down, bracing his large hands on my knees lightly as he came level with my face. I looked into his brown eyes, resisting the urge to grab him and smash our lips together. I had to remind myself of his wrong doings, repeating his words through my head so that the anger and pain would prevent me from giving in to his look.

"That won't be a good idea." I shook my head, setting my hands on his chests and pushing him so he was no longer touching me.

"Why?"

"Because when you drink, you get grabby. And you're not allowed to touch me anymore." I pointed out, licking my lips and taking another sip of my champagne.

"Riley, I seriously need to talk to you about something." Eric stressed, reaching for my hand as I stood up. I looked over my shoulder at him, shaking my head and making sure my hand was out of his grasp.

"Eric, listen to me. Today is not about the two of us. If Kara and Blake weren't getting married today, we wouldn't even be in the same state or the same building. You need to back off and give me my space. I left Chicago to get away from you and your bullshit. Don't bring our problems back here to Minnesota." I snapped at him, my voice seething as I turned and walked away from him, but I didn't miss the flash of pain that went across is face and the slight dampness of his eyes. He called out to me, but I shook my head and disappeared into the crowd before he could attempt to come after me.
***

I laid in bed the next morning with a slight headache, the alcohol I had downed during the several toasts the previous night, beginning to catch up with me. I listened to the silent house, wondering where Gabby was since she wasn't laying beside the bed like normal. Blake and Kara left early this morning for their trip to Trinidad, in the Caribbean, where they would spend their honeymoon celebrating their marriage. I was looking after their house while they were done, cleaning and keeping up with shoveling so they didn't come back to a mess. After all, it was the least I could do considering they were letting me stay with them rent free.

I sighed and rolled onto my left side, grabbing my glasses and looking at the 9:15 time. My hands came up to my face and scrubbed roughly at the skin beneath my eyes. I counted to three and slowly sat up, my feet touching the cool wood floor. I stood up and went to the closet, pulling a sweatshirt out and throwing it on, ignoring the fact that it was one of Eric's. I glanced out my window, eyebrows furrowing when I saw Gabby prancing around in the snow. A shiver of unease ran down my spine, realizing I was the only one here, yet Gabby has somehow made it outside.

I reached for my phone and began to walk down the hall. I poked my head into the office to check the driveway for any cars. My green eyes fell onto a truck that brought me back and forth to school my senior year in high school; the truck that brought me to college and home too many times to count, and the truck where countless activities were expressed when we just hadn't been able to wait.

I took a moment to ponder my next step, wondering if I should stay up here and wait for him to leave, or go down and attempt to talk to him. In the end, my heart won out. I was so tired of fighting and crying that I just couldn't take this anymore. Last night, Eric had proved to me that he was trying, that he loved me, and he had enough regrets to fill this house with. But also, I just missed him, and the time apart told me that I couldn't do this for much longer. I love him too much to not be with him for the rest of my life. Everyone was right; we couldn't live without each other.

My feet padded softly down the stairs and I went to the sliding glass door that lead to the backyard. I stood there for a moment and watched as Eric threw a ball up in the air for Gabby to catch. She leaped into the air, catching it firmly in her mouth before dripping it at Eric's feet. He laughed, but obliged to her request, chucking the green ball as I stepped out of the house. Eric turned towards me, the smile on his face falling slightly as I walked across the yard to him.

"Are you trying to steal my dog?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Gabby barked and trotted back to us, looking between her two owners with a dog smile on her cute face.

"No, she was yelping when I got here, and she looked bored, so I though we could have fun." He told me defensively, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. I studied him for a moment, seeing his favorite jeans on his body along with a Rocori sweatshirt, reminding me of the days we would play outside in the snow, throwing snowballs at each other and tackling one another in the snow. A brief laugh sounded from me as I focused back on him.

"I was kidding, Eric." I gave him a small smile, the tension practically stuffing my mouth with cotton.

"Right." Eric tried for a laugh but he couldn't quite force it out. "So Kara and Blake are gone?"

"Yeah. How did you get in?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Blake gave me a key awhile back, when they first move in." Eric shrugged. I nodded my understanding before falling quiet, not sure what to say next. Gabby was oblivious to the tension and anxiously nudged Eric's hand, picking up the ball and rubbing it over his hand. I wrinkled my nose at the thought of the slimy ball on my skin.

"Okay. I get the hint." He chuckled reaching into her mouth to retrieve the ball. He threw it again, both of us watching as she ran full tilt to it, practically shoving her nose into the ground as she did so. She snorted it up, flicking up a large amount of snow as she did so. She looked at the two of us when she had the ball again, her blue eyes sparkling and her tail wagging happily. I knew she missed Eric which made me feel guilty for taking her away from her favorite playmate.

"I fired Tom." Eric murmured suddenly, making me snap my head in his direction to look at him, my mouth dropped open in genuine surprise. I thought me leaving would give Eric a reality check, but I never actually thought he would fire the agent he praised so animatedly. "He was a great agent, but I can't let him come between us anymore. I love you too damn much to let something controllable break us apart."

I didn't know what to say or do as I looked at him, blinking and trying to process what he was telling me. The look in his eyes told me that he wasn't lying to me, but I wasn't sure if I could believe him. How did I know he wasn't just saying this to get me to come back?

"How do I know you aren't lying to me?" I asked him, my voice a soft murmur almost getting lost in the sound of Gabby barking. Eric didn't even flinch or look hurt, instead he began to rummage through his pocket before he pulled out his cellphone.

"Call Jamie. He won't lie to you, and he knows I did." Eric spoke softly, holding no bite to his tone or any jealousy like the previous times he had talked about him. I studied his face, seeing his brown eyes clear of any emotion besides maybe a little hope and pleading. "Tom is gone, baby. Jamie is going to help me get a different agent, and this time you can help pick." He gave me a small smile as his eyes rapidly searched mine, wondering what I was thinking. "You were right about Jamie, he's a great guy. I know now what I didn't know then, he's not trying to take you from me, he just sees what I've always seen in you. You're such a great person, Riley and he needs a friend like you in his life, someone to hold down the balance, just like how I need you."

"I tried to tell you that." I pointed out, watching as he looked down at his black and white Nikes.

"I know, and it's my fault that I didn't believe you. I should have never doubted you." He concluded, keeping his gaze down as Gabby came back, dropping the ball and licking at Eric's hand. Eric came down to her level and the puppy began to lick at his face with reckless abandon. I chuckled quietly as Eric cooed to her. "Pup, I'm trying to talk to mom. We can play later." He ruffled her fur around her ears for a second before standing back up and looking at me. "I don't deserve you or your forgiveness, but Riley, I am so sorry for the things I did and said. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I never wanted to hurt you. I was just being selfish and I got caught up in the season and being a rookie." He shrugged his large shoulders, looking at me with a nervous expression.

Outside I was all put together, acting as if his words were just bouncing off of my armor, but on the inside I had already forgiven him. His words were the reassurance that he was finally listening to what I was say. I felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders, seeing the Eric I had fallen in love with coming back in pieces. I could see it in the way he wore a hat on his bed head hair, his old sweatshirt hugging his thick body along with his jeans, and just a simple pair of Nikes on his feet. This was the Eric I remember from high school and college; this was the Eric who had been missing since he got drafted.

I dropped my eyes to the ground, sighing as if I just couldn't take listening to him anymore. I started to shake my head before a huge grin tugged at my lips. I threw myself at him. He was so taken aback by my reaction that we both fell back into the snow, landing wit a soft thud as Gabby barked loudly, understanding enough that things were happy. I pressed my lips to Eric, my insides bursting as his lips immediately moved against mine, arms holding me uncomfortably tight to his body. We squeezed each other as our tongues tangled together, making up for all the lost time when we should have been together.

"I'm so so so so sorry. Riley, I never, ever wanted you to leave." Eric mumbled against my lips as I kissed him with a fevor. I put an end to his talking as our lips were fused together once again, barely any time to take in a breath. Gabby leaned down close to our faces, licking our cheeks desperate for some action of her own.

"Eric, I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I gave you the ring back twice, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I was so hurt, so upset, that I had to leave. But when I left, all I realized was that I can't be without you. You're everything to me, baby." I kissed his lips softly, a tear slipping from my eye as he leaned up to kiss it away.

"No more tears. We're done crying." He insisted as I nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly.

"As long as you stay just like this, I'll never have a reason to cry." I whispered to him, laying my head against his chest as his fingers trailed along my spine. I smiled softly, knowing that nothing in the world had ever felt this good before, laying in Eric's arms, protected from everything. Even though I didn't know where our relationship officially stood, there was still hope and happiness in the extremely near future.