Love Was Easy When We Didn't Make It So Hard

"Baby, I don't think you can pack and sleep at the same time." Eric called to me from the doorway of Jordan's room. I forced my eyes open, sitting, up quickly in the rocking chair. Eric smiled softly at me, walking into the room. "You've done some nice damage." He leaned down to give me a light kiss. "Where is Jord?"

"He's in our bed taking his nap." I yawned, slipping from the chair to grab at a pile of Jordan's clothes. Eric pulled the box with the rest of his clothing over it me.

"I'm going to go snuggle with him, and then I'll come back to help." He gently pulled at my ponytail before stepping around me. I sighed as I watched him go, rubbing the tips of my fingers into my forehead. My head had been hurting since a week after Eric left. The stress of moving in three weeks was getting to me.

Today was the three week mark since Eric was traded to Denver. Eric had left Jordan and I in Chicago while he flew to Colorado in order to start playing for the Broncos. While he was away, I started to pack up the condo, having no real idea that we had so much stuff. Our family and friends offered to help, but I just preferred to pack up our life in Chicago without any help. Eric had just returned from Colorado for the Broncos' bye week to help me move our belongings. Tomorrow we would pack up our life in a truck and fly to Denver with a few suitcases full of essentials. We were staying in a hotel for a few days until our belongings arrived at our new home.

Packing was extremely stressful with a rambunctious toddler. Jordan always needed to be entertained by something, so I was forced to stay up hours into the early morning to stay on track for moving day. I hadn't had a night of more than three hours of sleep since Eric left because as soon as I went to bed, Jordan would wake up three hours later. I couldn't make him suffer for Eric's trade. On top of the lack of sleep, I hadn't been feeling well for almost two weeks. I was so weak and nauseous from the stress and sleep deprivation. But I forced myself to ignore my problems because it was my responsibility to get everything together.

When I stood up, I pursed my lips and grabbed Jordan's crib to keep from falling over. I was so dizzy and nauseous that I had to close my eyes so the room would stop spinning. I held my head in my hands, pausing for a few seconds. When I was able to open my eyes again, I moved slowly around the boxes to the hallway. I walked to our bedroom, seeing Eric curled up with Jordan. Eric was talking softly to the sleeping baby, running his large hand over Jordan's small head. I felt the overwhelming urge to cry at the sound of Eric apologizing to our son. He shouldn't have to say he was sorry.

A few tears slipped from my eyes as Eric kissed his forehead, and pulled the small boy closer. His eyes traveled to the door, seeing the movement of my hand wiping at my face. His smile beckoned me over until I was plastered to the opposite side of his chest as Jordan was. I tried not to sob as he kissed the top of my head, but I couldn't help it.

"We will be alright, Ry. You'll like Denver more than Chicago." He murmured to me. "Our house has a gorgeous view of the mountains, and huge bay windows. The backyard is pretty big too. There is plenty of space for Jordan and Gabby to run around." I nodded to his reassuring words, knowing all of that was true from the pictures he e-mailed me. While I was packing up our life in Chicago, Eric was preparing our new life in Denver, starting with a house.

"Do you like it?" I asked him through my sniffles.

“I’d love it more if you three were there, but yes I do. Denver will be good for us. I'll finally be able to teach you how to snowboard.” He teased.
 
“Oh, God no. I’ll break an ankle.”
 
“I won’t let you fall.” He laughed, causing Jordan so stir. Eric placed a calming hand on his back. Jordan settled against his chest tighter.
 
“He missed you.” I whispered, rubbing at Jordan’s pudgy cheek.
 
“Is he the only one?”
 
“Yep.” I giggled, yawning as well. “I’m exhausted.”
 
“Sleep then. You look like you need it.” He kissed my head, and held Jordan and I tighter to him.
 
When I woke up four hours later, the condo was dark, and both my husband and son were missing from the bed. I laid motionless in bed, staring up at the shadows on the ceiling. My mind kept drifting to Denver and all that awaited the four of us there. Even with Eric’s confidence in our new home, I couldn’t help but be apprehensive about it. What if Jordan didn’t like it there? What if I didn’t like it there? I had just started to be able to tolerate Chicago after three years of living there. I didn’t want to be unhappy with where I was living. Plus, Colorado was a farther trip from Minnesota than Chicago was. There were so many questions that I didn’t have answers to, and that made stress tug at my head again.
 
I sat up slowly, surveying the empty room. I couldn’t see the closet, but I knew that nothing remained in the large space except the racks that were attached to the walls. The dresser was empty as were the walls. I bit my lip, feeling extremely alone, and pushing the covers off of my legs. I stood slowly, carefully to avoid the dizzy spells that I had been experiencing recently. I walked from the bedroom, arms folded against my chest as I moved down the hallway, looking for my two boys. I found the two of them, plus Gabby, sitting in Jordan’s room. Eric was attempting to pack up Jordan’s toys, but each time Eric would try to put one in, Jordan would cry in protest.
 
“You can’t bring all of these on the plane bud.” Eric insisted, watching as tears fell from Jordan’s eyes. “I don’t care how much you cry, there is not enough room. Pick three that you want.” He tried to reason, but Jordan just screamed and stamped his feet. Seeing me in the doorway, he looked to me for help.
 
“Jordan, listen to daddy.” I spoke calmly and non-patronizing. Jordan’s pudgy cheeks were red with frustration as he looked at me. His eyebrows were pulled down with the corners of his mouth.
 
“No, mom.” He whined as he ran to me. His pudgy feet slapped against the wood floor of his room while his small fingers latched onto my sweatpants.
 
“How about this one?” I asked Jordan, reaching down to the mound of toys that were still out of the box. “You love this one.” I insisted, handing him the stuffed puppy that he slept with. “And how about his friend Joe?” I wondered, picking up the stuffed penguin that he liked to bring with him on the plane. Jordan stopped fussing, grabbing the animals and bashing his face into the soft plush. He then rested his head against my shoulder with his thumb firmly in his mouth. “Problem solved.” I mouthed to Eric who rolled his eyes and began to put the rest of the toys within the box.
 
I played with Jordan while Eric took his turn packing up the room. I rested my back against the door. Despite my nap, I was still feeling extremely tired. I could feel Eric’s watchful eye on me as Jordan played. I tried to ignore the feel of Eric’s eyes, knowing he would yell at me if he knew how little I had been sleeping. An hour and a half passed before Jordan was passed out in my arms. Eric was tapping up the last box just as I was starting to doze, but the harsh sound of the tape woke me up.
 
“You scared me.” I whispered, rubbing under my eyes as he smiled softly.
 
“Why are you so tired?” Eric wondered, his head tilted as he crouched beside me, brushing a few strands away from my face. I yawned, shaking my head at him.
 
“Just tired from so much packing.” I shrugged.
 
“You look like you haven’t slept well in days, and you just took a four hour nap which is so unlike you. I’d say you haven’t been sleeping at all.”
 
“I’ve been sleeping.” I defended, glaring at him. “But I’ve been trying to get everything ready in time, and take care of Jordan, so excuse me if I’m a little tired.”
 
“Riley, there is a difference between being tired and being exhausted.” He insisted.

“Whatever.” I dismissed, scooping Jordan up and placing him into his crib. We decided to leave it up for our last night. Eric would take it down tomorrow morning right before we left.
 
Eric didn’t say any more of the matter as he tapped up the rest of the boxes. In another hour, he had all of the boxes moved out to the living room. The ceiling to wall window was completely hidden from view when looking from the kitchen which made the condo dark without the light from the Chicago skyline. I sighed and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, glad that we were practically done packing. Maybe now the stress would start to release its grip on me.
 
“Riley,” Eric called down the stairs to me. I walked to the base of them, looking up to him where he stood. “Come to bed, babe. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.” I nodded to him, realizing nothing sounded better than snuggling up to Eric in bed.
***
 
“Baby, you do not look good.” Eric murmured to me half way to Denver.
 
“I’m going to puke out the entire contents of my stomach.” I complained, holding a hand over my mouth. Jordan was sleeping in between us in his seat, oblivious to the bumping of the plane and the smell of something disgusting in the air. “And what is that smell?” I asked, gagging just by opening my mouth. I could taste whatever that foul odor was.
 
“Peanuts?” Eric asked, pointing to the pack that he was holding. I shook my head that the peanuts weren’t the problem. “Babe, I don’t know what you’re smelling. I don’t smell anything.”
 
“There is something in the air.” I paused, closing my eyes and trying to do everything in my power to not throw up. The plane lurched at the same time my stomach did. I reached for the emergency bag just in time to puke into it. Eric reached for me, rubbing my back as I continued to heave. When I was finished, Eric handed me a glass of water, pushing his fingers into the back of my neck. I sat back, my muscles aching from the convulsions. “I don’t feel any better.” I whined to him, wiping at my mouth with the back of my hand. “We need to land.”
 
“Honey, we have two more hours.” He told me quietly. I looked over at him, tears shining in my eyes. “Don’t cry, baby. Don’t cry. It’s alright.” He immediately started to soothe me, reaching over to grab my head. He kissed my forehead, holding my head against his lips. “It will pass.”
 
“No it won’t. I’m getting sick or something. I’ve never gotten sick on a plane before.” I complained, closing my eyes as the plane jostled around a little bit more.
 
“Well, this has been a pretty bumpy ride. I’m sure you’re alright.” Eric insisted, threading his fingers through my hair.
 
“How does he sleep through this?” I complained, feeling my stomach swirling again. I cursed the seat belt sign, wanting so badly to get up and head to the bathroom. If I was going to throw up again, I wanted to do it privately.
 
“Jord sleeps like me.” Eric chuckled. I tried to smile, but the bile was on the back of my tongue so I turned and grabbed the bag again. This time, the smell and taste kept me dry heaving long after anything came out. Eric grabbed his bag for me, standing up and helping me the short way to the bathroom. I stepped in, pushing him to go back with Jordan.
 
When I was in the bathroom, I slid down to the floor, leaning my head against the door and trying not to cry. This was just the icing on the shit cake of a day. It was hard enough saying goodbye to the friends we made in Chicago, including Jamie. I was going to miss him a lot more than I thought I would. I didn’t want to go through the same process of making friends and presenting myself to Eric’s new Bronco family. What if nobody liked me? I hated to feel like I was on stage in front of people, like everyone was staring at me, judging me. I just wanted to be accepted without having to prove myself. But in a league like this, appearance was everything. A new city meant new people and new expectations. Why couldn’t we have just stayed in the comfort of Chicago? I shook my head, finding it ironic that Chicago was more comforting to me than Denver was.

When I was confident I could stand without puking, I went to the sink and splashed water on my face and the back of my neck. I fanned at the wet skin to create a cooling sensation. It didn't help. I fell to the ground right in front of the toilet, throwing up again. Tears rained down as I cried openly. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt this sick for this long.

A half hour later, I was walking shakily down the aisle, sliding past Eric and Jordan to my window seat. Jordan was awake in his seat, smiling sweetly at me. He gurgled and tried to hand me a mushy animal cracker.

"Yum." He grinned at me. I smiled back as best I could with pursed lips.

"Yum." I pushed back to him, kissing the top of his head. I glanced at Eric, seeing him studying me with quizitive eyes. "What?" I asked when I sat back down, buckling my seat belt.

"Nothing." He murmured to me. I watched him bite his lip before turning back to his book. I narrowed my eyes at him, but didn't say anything more.

Our plane touched down about an hour later, the wheels hitting the pavement, jostling the whole plane. Jordan startled in his seat, scrunching his face like he was going to cry. Eric patted his head, and assured him everything was alright. While Eric was soothing Jordan, I was holding my hand against my mouth. I was able to breath enough to control the urge to barf for a few moments. However, after we reached the gate, I bolted from my seat, sprinting down the runway and to the bathroom. Eric and Jordan were waiting for me when I emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later, my hair tied back and my throat raw. Eric handed me toothpaste and a toothbrush which I took graciously.

"Are you alright?" Eric asked when I returned from brushing my teeth. I nodded that I was as he wrapped an arm around my waist. "We can head to the hotel for now, and if you feel better tomorrow we can go see the house."

"Okay." I whispered.

We made our way to the baggage claim where I took Jordan so Eric could grab our luggage. Jordan started to play with my necklace and the ends of my hair.

"Isn't mommy pretty?" Eric asked Jordan, kissing his head.

"Pretty." Jordan articulated with his adorable smile. I couldn't help but smile back at him. My stomach growled loudly, earning the attention of Eric.

"Hungry?" He asked with a quirked eyebrow as we walked from the airport, and to the car the Broncos had waiting for us.

"Starving." I murmured with a confused look. "Well, I did throw everything up." I laughed awkwardly.

Eric didn’t say anything. His dark, brown eyes roamed over my whole body, eyes unblinking as Jordan reached for his dad’s chin that was lined with dark, rough stubble. His gaze made me feel uneasy and I shoved at his chest while giving him a look.
 
“Stop that.” I hissed at him.
 
“Babe.” He spoke with a condescending tone.
 
“What?” I asked him with a snap as our car pulled to a stop. Eric shook his head and began to load our bags into the trunk.
 
We decided to go to a sports bar not far from our hotel. It felt nice to sit down and not have to do anything for the first time in weeks. I could actually relax into the booth and enjoy a meal rather than rushing through it in order to pack up the next room. With the stress gone and solid ground underneath me, I should finally be able to get back on my normal schedule. My stomach growled uncomfortably as I flipped through the menu, deciding that a buffalo chicken wrap sounded extremely good at the moment. My mouth watered just thinking of it. Eric ordered a burger while Jordan decided he wanted some corn dogs with ketch’emup as he liked to call it. I laughed every time he said it.
 
“I’m excited to see the house.” I told Eric after the waitress had left with our orders in hand.
 
“You’ll love it.” Eric insisted to me, taking a sip of his water.
 
We fell quiet, just enjoying the company of one another as Jordan scribbled with a crayon on the coloring sheet they had. He was awfully proud of the blue dinosaur he colored, which had more blue outside of the lines than it did inside. Eric was unusually quiet as we waited for our meals, observing Jordan and I while looking lost in thought. His demeanor changed even more when our meals were placed in front of us and he barely touched his.
 
“Are you not hungry?” I asked him as I stuffed a few fries into my mouth.
 
“Don’t you think you should slow down in consideration of your stomach?” Eric asked me with his head tilted slightly.
 
“I’m too hungry. I haven’t had a real meal in awhile.” I huffed at him, realizing that I had already devoured half of my wrap and fries in the five minutes the food had been in front of me. I frowned down at my plate.
 
“Baby… Don’t… take this the wrong way, but you’re acting… off.” Eric struggled to word his thoughts.
 
“What do you mean?” I asked with lowered eyes.
 
“Don’t get upset.” Eric warned hands up in a backing off motion. “But you just threw up multiple times, and now you’re eating like it’s not a big deal. You’ve been extremely tired the past couple of weeks, and I don’t think it is because of the stress. I’ve never seen you react so negatively to pressure. That is just not like you.”
 
“What are you saying?” I asked, throwing my napkin on the table. “That you think something is wrong with me?” My lips were sealed up tight and pursed as I looked across the table at my husband. Jordan was gnawing on his corn dog while flicking his eyes back and forth between the two of us.
 
“I’m saying…” He paused for a moment, looking back at me as if he expected me to already know. “Ry, I think you’re pregnant.”
***

I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom of our hotel room the next morning, a cup of hot tea in my hand as Eric and Jordan slept soundly in the room behind me. I blew on the cup of steaming tea before taking a sip. Up on the marble counter sat the test that would dictate our future. It would tell us if Eric was right, that I was pregnant, or that I had a bad case of the flu. I wanted there to be a plus on the test more than anything I had wanted in a long time, but the decision felt so out of my control that it made me want to puke.

The five minutes were quickly coming to a close. I couldn't remember the time traveling so quickly when I had been waiting for this on our honeymoon. But maybe that was because Katie and Kara kept asking every ten seconds if the test had given me a result yet. Or maybe it was because I was sitting below it so that my eyes wouldn't drift to the unchanging surface every few moments. Either way, I was down to my final minute.

When Eric had spoken his opinion the night before, I hadn't known how to respond. I immediately began to calculate the weeks and the periods, realizing they didn't add up as nicely as the should. But I told myself getting excited was pointless. I had been under a great amount of stress, and such high stress was able to completely screw up the human body. I wasn't sure if I was pregnant, but there was one way to find out. I choose to take the test without Eric as a way of saving him from the immense disappointment if it came out negative.

My phone began to buzz next to me on the floor. My heart leaped into my throat and fear gripped at my stomach. I chomped down on my lip, feeling a dizzy, anxious spell crashing over me. I closed my eyes, setting the tea on the counter and grabbing the edge to hoist myself up. I kept my eyes focused on the mirror at my reflection, seeing how pasty I looked. I cringed and looked down, my stomach dropping to the ground when I saw the news.

I grabbed the test and my tea, opening the door softly and stepping into the soft light of the hotel room. The curtains were open just a bit to let in light while the TV was on with a low murmur of sound coming from it. Eric had an arm behind his head, chest bare, while Jordan curled tightly into his dad's side. It was a beautiful picture. I took a moment to smile before I padded softly across the plush carpet. I sat down beside Eric, gently pushing my hand through his hair. I watched his eyelids flutter slightly before he came too.

"Morning.' He mumbled before he let out a large yawn. "How are you feeling?"

"Physically? Shitty. Emotionally? Happy." I smiled at him, not being able to stop the spread of my lips. Eric smiled back in response. I looked down at my hands, holding up the test for him to see.

"Pregnant." He read off the stick with a laugh. He sat up, holding Jordan close and pulling me in for a tight hug and a kiss. "This is great." Eric murmured to me. Jordan began to whine in protest of Eric's tight grip. "Do you want to be a big brother, Jordan?"

"No." He replied, making both of us laugh, knowing he was too cranky to cooperate with any questions.

"That's too bad." Eric kissed his head but keeping his eyes on me. "Everything we've ever wanted." He whispered with soft, dewy eyes.

"In a new, big city." I smiled back to him, leaning forward and pressing a hard kiss to his lips.

"See, I told you we would be alright."

"Yes you did." I sighed happily, curling against him as he laid back against the bed.

What more could we ask for?